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Is 'friends first' not a bad thing in Asia?

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Is 'friends first' not a bad thing in Asia?

Postby Winston » Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:47 am

I have a question. Some of you here have said that if a girl likes you, she will date you right away. But if you get into the friend zone first, then you will remain there permanently usually. That may apply in America. But what about Asia? In Asian culture, it is normal for a guy and a girl to be "friends first" I hear, at least they call it that. It's standard practice in Asia.

So if an Asian girl calls you her friend, it doesn't necessarily mean she's not attracted to you, right? When is being "friends" with a girl in Asia a bad thing and when is it a normal thing that might lead somewhere? How can you tell? Any idea?

It seems, for some reason, that guys are always the one who say that "friends first" is a bad thing. Women never say it's a bad thing. I wonder why. lol

Another question. What if an Asian girl you like asks you for advice about another guy she likes? PUA gurus say to never become a girl's counselor, or else she will never feel attraction to you. But you can't be a dick and refuse to help her either. So what do you guys usually do in that situation?

Thanks in advance for any insights.
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Postby The_Adventurer » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:06 am

I've had the counselor thing happen, even in the US, and was able to turn the girl to me eventually, but consider that if you do this, you are getting a girl who is constantly banging someone else, probably someone you know well, until you turn her. That doesn't sit too well with me. In general, though, I think it doesn't work, and probably only does if the guy she wants advice about is really an ahole and she spends more time with you than with him.

As for friends first, I get that it is an American concept that it is bad. The real key, though, is whether or not she is friends with you, but will go home with some other guy on a first meeting or on a night out partying.

Keep in mind that PUA gurus also say that most beautiful girls are sleeping with someone. That may be so in America, but I find that to be very untrue in Asia, as I know some gorgeous girls who are virgins or go long stretches with nothing between finding a real relationship.
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Postby Winston » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:15 am

So you mean if she is "friends first" with you but sleeps with other guys fast, then that is a bad sign. But if she doesn't sleep with other guys quickly, then that isn't necessarily a bad sign? I guess that makes sense.

When you played counselor before, Terrence, did you usually give her good advice, or advice calculated to get her to forget him?
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Postby The_Adventurer » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:34 am

I always try to give good advice to help the girl get the guy, or get what she wants, but sometimes the guy treating her like shite is a friend, or even has been a roommate before. I already know what he thinks of the girl, and know that he is banging other girls. What can you do then?

In a recent case, the girl just visited me, crying, about how the guy blocked her number and removed her from chat etc. I gave her advice I thought would help her, and it apparently worked since he unblocked her and at least talked to her. On the other hand, I know the guy, much better and longer than I've known her, and I know he has another girl (or two) and I know exactly why he got with her, and that she outlived her usefulness to him. What can a guy do? I certainly don't want to really get in the middle of it.

In the past cases where the girl turned to me, it wasn't something I tried to make happen. I think it came down to the fact that I was always there for her and the other guy wasn't. Ya know, like one consoling session too many and it turns into making out and beyond...
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