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13 posts • Page 1 of 1
I've been using the Happier Abroad Personals dating site for a little while, and have been corresponding with a woman from Russia. So far, the back and forth correspondence has been going well. She's quite pretty - a bombshell, actually.
So just for the hell of it, I told a colleague at work what I've been up to and showed him a picture of the chick I've been corresponding with. I was expecting a negative response anyway, but what he had to say surprised me. He told me that someone as good looking as her could easily get an attractive boyfriend - a real stud, as he put it.
He also said, "Someone like her would just chew you up and spit you out. She's probably a scammer looking for money, or to use you to immigrate to Canada. It's even possible that she's hooked up with the Russian Mafia, and if you go visit her, you might not come back, and if you do, you might find yourself missing a kidney and your wallet!" He went on to suggest that if I was going to insist on going this route, I might be better off going after someone close to my age and of similar appearance - i.e. fat and dumpy looking, the idea being that someone who is not attractive has few options and would be less likely to be a scammer.
Now the colleague in question is a few years older than me, and he's been married a long time, and probably doesn't have a clue how difficult dating has become for men in Canada.
So how should I take what he said? So far, the lady I've been corresponding with hasn't asked for money, and hasn't even asked me for my personal e-mail address. The Happier Abroad Personals site seems to be ethically operated, and the operators actually vet the women who join by looking at their ID. The operators even go to the extent of actively asking men to complain if they run into anyone who offers up their e-mail address too soon, asks for money, or otherwise seems shady. And they promise to check out any woman who triggers complaints or concerns.
Just how safe (or dangerous) is it visiting and romancing Russian women? The idea of eventually meeting this woman does seem enticing, I just don't want to be the fly that gets drawn into the spider's web!
I don't have experience dating Russian women, using the agencies/sites, etc. but I have thorougly looked into it in the past.
Here is a site with a lot of good info: http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm
Cease talking with co-workers about anything 'outside of the box'.
They will only spit out cliches and stereotypes like it appears your co-worker has.
What do you fear most, all that crazy stuff he scared you with, or staying in Canada bored & lonely?
Hahaha the Russian mafia. That evolved into the Russian government. Part of your extortion is the fee for a visa.
Seem's like he's mixing the worst case scenarios of traveling to Tijuana and 1990s Romania.
I don't buy that theory that beautiful girls only want some 'stud' whatever that looks like (metrosexual male model?). People that get obsessed with their looks don't want to compete with their partner, that's why they often settle for slobs. The important thing is her character/personality but that's not easy to gauge on the internet!
A good way to see if she's sharp is to figure out if she does want to move to Canada. Who in their right minds would do that now? With the US & thus Canada ready to sink like the Titanic. What stupid advice from your co-worker. If anything you should use her to get citizenship in a free territory outside the jurisdiction of the Lisbon Treaty and whatever governs North America now.
Check the archives of this site. Go to the Russia Forum. There is plenty of information there. As a general rule for men looking for foreign women, I would recommend not discussing their situation with anyone, including women, co-workers, friends, or even you family. They will only repeat for you the general ignorance they have heard in the surrounding culture. It's a really useless activity and will affect your moral. The reality is a mixed bag - the women will date you (unlike the US), but you will still have to work hard to find someone who is sincerely interested in you as a person, and not some hidden agenda.
Thanks for posting the link. I just finished reviewing the advice given there, and it sets my mind at ease about quite a few things.
Both actually, but now that I have some pointers on where to look for good info on what the situation is really like in Russia, I feel a lot less
wigged out. Sometimes it's hard to avoid getting swept away in alarmist talk until you get a clearer, more rational perspective.
Well, if the 'extortion' at most involves paying a fee for a visa, I think most of us, myself included, can live with that, LOL.
Another good point. Despite the recent recession that has gripped economies worldwide, Canada is actually prospering. Or at least not doing too badly. Our banking system is one of the strongest and most stable anywhere in the G20, or the G7/G8. And just recently, Prime Minister Stephen Harper agreed to more closely integrate Canada's military and immigration control systems with those of the US in an attempt to form a 'common security perimeter'. What this means is Canada is basically agreeing to hitch its wagon to America's falling star. That suggests to me that the US wants to lock down our natural resources before the shit truly hits the fan. The total integration with the US (and loss of sovereignty) that Canadians have feared for decades looks like it's right around the corner now. The question that has me scratching my head is, "What, exactly, will Canada get out of an arrangement like this with a declining superpower?"
Thanks again for the tips. Much appreciated.
No experience with Russian women, but the worst case scenario does happen -- I know from the experience of a friend back in the '90s. He married a Russian woman, brought her over here, she went missing, he set out looking, and was given to understand by Russian Mafia types that he needed to stop looking. He's a very good guy, with whom I'd think most women could coexist quite easily. So it does happen, and you probably should have a certain amount of wariness, but as Rock mentioned to you before, if you've got any kind of decent detecting apparatus at all you should be able to weed out the ones with an agenda pretty quickly once you get into face-to-face mode. Just keep the detector on.
But all in all, I'd think you'll find far more general human decency among Russian women than in the US/Canada. And if you want to be inspired about the possibilities with Russian women, find a post by Moscow summer nights, in which he mentions his encounter on Moscow public transit with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Intellect will get you a hell of a lot further over there. Did I just say "further?" It's an out-and-out handicap in the US. MSN does insist on the necessity of a buzz haircut over there, though.
...this is how it works, before you get the Russian girl, your friends and coworkers tell you all the horror stories about men getting ripped off.
then when you return with a Russian girl that looks like this, all your guy friends suddenly change their tune to "OMG you the man!"
...and then (if) when she turns out to be a spy, works for the mafia, gold-digger, or rips you off and bails, all your guy friends change their tunes again to "OMG I told you so!"
;p If you want a Russian girl, go to Russia!
I would tell the co-worker that you "came to your senses" and changed your mind about the whole thing. Then try not to speak on this subject with anyone at work again. They may seem to be decent people on the surface, but with most [Canadians] life is a competition, and if they see you thinking outside the box or becoming more successful at something than they are, they may attempt to bring you down by ruining your work situation or just a general level of disrespect.
Just remember that most people in the Anglo world are feminists, even if they reject some of the feminist ideas.
I would be inclined to agree with Adema's statements but I must admit I have little experience with Canadians. And no, I don't fall into the "blame Canada" diatribe. Now, as far as Russian/Ukrainian ladies, I have emailed literally over 100 and gotten at least a 90% response rate. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep up, but even if they vote for me in a photo competition (I use HA personals) I always thank them because I know how much it sucked to get no emails in my inbox that were not from a bot.
Secondly, I like the forum topic! Not to steer any from your question ExpedtionSailor, especially if it has yet to be answered in full, yet, I do have a little something on topic with "What to do?"
I'm not too proud to admit I had a "honeymooner's phase" that; 1) started with the breakup of me and my AW bitch of a fiance; 2) led to blogs about why women do such insolent snide shit; 3) Saw "The-niceguy.com" and said "hey! maybe I can see if I could possibly meet a foreign lady too? At least to see what it's like; 4) Came to happier abroad after buying Wu's books. Since then, I have been super motivated and perhaps blindly enthusiastic.
Now that I am thinking more clearly, I intend to just visit a country for a bit. Jackal tells me you can usually figure out if you hate a place within 3 weeks, but it may take much longer to find the niche. Granted, I do have long term goals and would cringe to raise a family in the US even if said-named-possible-future-wife agreed to move here. So since I have had a minor shift in focus, my main fear is staying committed. I'm sure some of you have been there. I may very well be the youngest and least experienced in this forum, so I don't think it would be difficult for most to picture themselves in my shoes. Worried about how they will psychologically approach the awkward to hopefully gain great experiences.
Any advice on what some of you did when feeling this way if at all? If it helps, I keep up with the exchange rates for USD, weather, general population break down, population of cities, stance (political or moral) of the populace and shallow or not the looks of the women and a general knowledge of approachability.
I used to be more concerned with every little detail wanting to jump the gun with an unrealistic goal in mind. If it is of any further help I am thinking of starting either in Ukraine, Russia, or the Philippines. The only problem with the Philippines is I have a very close friend who is from there and visits for sometimes 2-3 months at a time as he grew up there. However he will be there while I am deployed overseas. Needless to say I can't meet him out there since I will return stateside well after he does.
To me, it would be rather foolhardy to not get the most out of the opportunity to accompany him there. After all, even if I go to Russia or Ukraine first, I doubt the Islands will outswim an airplane. LOL Oh and also, as of right now finances will not be a problem. I am also thinking of getting into real estate to make a residual income. Any thoughts? I always learn something coming to this site anyway and hope everyone is doing great. -Jon
"So that's the only game we have? When they're drunk?"
One thing you might want to think about is that standards of beauty can vary from one country to another. For example, the girl in the picture in my avatar I consider very good looking. But others have said she isn't good looking by Ukrainian standards. So it may be the case that the hot chick you are corresponding with doesn't consider herself to be hot because the standards are different. See this thread:
Beauty really is relative. It's not just about standards from one country to another. The girl in your avatar is not that attractive to me. Her face that is. Everyone has different standards.
My personal standard? Strip all that makeup off and let me see you without it. I judge based on the morning face. When i want to muss a girl up, i don't want to have
her complaining to me about messing up her makeup ok? Been there, done that.
Most of the photoshopped/glamour shots online? I always try to imagine what they look like without makeup when i evaluate them.
Takes the fun out of it maybe but for those of you looking for prospective mates online.....it's gotta suck bad when you realize that you've been had.