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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to North America. For those looking to relocate within the US or Canada, discuss your experiences and pros/cons of each domestic region.
9 posts • Page 1 of 1
Just yesterday I watched Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri at the local mall cinema. Beautiful story, masterfully acted.
Not wanting to spill out any spoilers but there's something that struck me, among the many others: two of the male characters, Chief Police Willoughby and female protagonist's abusive ex-husband, were men in their early to late 50's and yet they have relationships with two beautiful young women, a loving, wholesome wife and - no less - a 19-yo girl.
Since the movie is set in 2017 Missouri, somebody's remarks made here came to mind: so, apparently, it is still possible to find demure, wholesome and loving girls to hook up with and marry in the more rural areas of the US? Or, for those who watched the movie, the presence of these endearing female characters are just a plot gimmick?
I am kind of curious, as this wouldn't be that different from those of us who look for the better Filipinas or Thais or Chinese in the smaller towns, off the beaten track.
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First, if we define "Rural" as something more than just outlying areas near urban shitholes, it is a good start. If it is somewhere a young woman might call her mother "Mama" or "Ma", that is also a good indication. I have been in such places this year. That said, even such girls will have their preferences...
I can comment on this, having spent extensive time in rural/small town America.
In short it's possible to find them, but the situation isn't really better than in an urban setting. To get any sway in rural America you need to have social standing and a good social network. It's more important to be "in good" with the rest of the locals, and not just the girl, than in the city.
Nowhere I've lived has the acceptable age gap been noticeably better than in the cities. The sole exception would be in a few extremely poor places with awful job markets. If all your other ducks are in a row there (finances, looks, social status, etc), you might be able to pull of up to a 10 year gap.
Rural America isn't what it used to be. Lots of binge drinking, it's the norm. Obesity is noticeably worse than in the cities. Tattoos everywhere, smartphone addiction is ubiquitous. Lots of meth, level of that varies by region. Locals tend to be incurious. If your interests run deeper than beer, football, ATV's, tattoos, dogs, trucks and country music, you're likely to be lonely there. People can be very nosey - if they see you doing anything interesting, they'll want to know everything about it, why you're doing it, etc.
Rural America is whiter than the cities and burbs, politically redder/more populist as well, so if those things appeal to you, you'd feel more at home there. Depending on your location the good-old-boy system may be pervasive - the job market, the justice system, local politics, etc. You can't necessarily expect justice if you're up against the wrong person.
More about the girls. . . they all want a manly man. Be tall, muscular, gritty-looking, act very alpha, wear lots of camo. Have an expensive truck and lots of other toys - snowmobiles, ATV's, horses, a boat. You're going need all that and maybe more because single guys typically outnumber available girls out in the sticks, by a worse ratio than in the cities. Girls who want kids get pregnant young, so if you're older than 28 there's going to be a baby daddy to deal with. Should you be reduced to looking for women on the internet. . . God help you.
Divorce is extremely common. If you offend your wife or GF, or if your relationship hits a rough/boring patch, there are lots of other guys willing to pick up the slack, they're like vultures.
For what it's worth, the girls (the guys too, for that matter) don't grow up bucking hay, feeding livestock, running a tractor, not most of them. The farms have gotten much larger and almost all the work has become mechanized in the last three decades. So the farm work ethic that some developed up through the late 80's or maybe even early 90's is a fading memory.
Thanks Wanderlust, your insight is very valuable, especially for a non-American who can only observe the "deep South" (as portrayed in Three Billboards) or the "deep North" (as portrayed in Fargo) from a cinematic lens which, inevitably, emphasizes stereotypes and hides away important details.
So that means girls in more rural areas are unlikely to be more wholesome than those found in large urban centres. They're just less ambitious, more boring and with less stuff to talk about.
What still worries me is this imbalance between single men and single women. I can imagine that, being those communities smaller and more closely-knit, being an outsider will only carry its charm if they are a first-class specimen of outsider: confident, interesting personality, well-off, handsome, ready to make a splash. If those boxes are not ticked, the community will ignore them or worse, make them feel uninvited and unwelcome.
I also heard about the rampant drug epidemic in rural America but somehow hoped this would be confined to men and specific social/ethnical groups. You are telling me that drug use and abuse also affects women, as does food abuse which leads to obesity.
Well, it does look like the only rural areas worth patrolling remain those of some Asian countries like the Philippines, Cambodia, Vietnam and, to a lesser extent, Thailand.
A truly sad state of affairs, since - at least by my experience - rural Philippines are not exactly packed with gems: the good ones will have moved to the city or even abroad and what's left are "the less sharp tools in the box".
My mother grew up in a little town of 600 in southeast Missouri. Back in the '50s and early '60s, come Saturday night half the town would be in the one-block "downtown" socializing -- a scene straight out of Norman Rockwell. Now, though the population is about the same, the "downtown" is boarded up, all the houses have satellite dishes, and, anecdotally, about half of them have meth kitchens.
Much of rural America is the canary in the coal mine -- utterly destroyed by the drugs, legal and illegal, the tainted food supply, the trash pop culture, all the anti-human weapons of post-civilizational America. My guess is you're much more likely to find a heroin addict in rural America now than a wholesome girl.
In a nutshell, you're reading me right, publicduende.
The operational sex ratio is quite unfavorable in rural America, probably worse than the cities. In the grain belt, men stay local and run grain elevators, drive truck, work in factories. Elsewhere they are in mines, oil fields, logging or lumber mills, work for the railroad, etc. Lots of women leave for college and don't return. Those same cities are a magnet for migration, legal an illegal, vast majority being men. So the ratio there isn't great either. Forgot to mention, rural America is much older than urban America - the sex ratios on paper appear more even due to married women, elderly women who outlive men, and those who haven't graduated high school yet, where the ratio is about 50-50.
From everything I can see, drinking habits are similar between men and women in the rural US. If anything, meth use is more common among women than men. Typical story is a single mother who thinks it will help her slim down and/or get more energy to work another dead-end job, party more, etc. For other drugs, I am not sure. Those problems are definitely not confined to minority groups.
There are still functional rural communities where there is an intact economy - the grain belt, a refinery, factories, basically something that would provide a decent income. But here, yes, you'll need everything I've described, and probably even more.
The deep North is probably less affected by hard drug use, has a more functional economy/better wages than the Deep South. Safer, crime rate is not as high. Also older, whiter, grayer.
The deep South, I have less experience with that, but expect something like gsjackson described. If you ever saw the movie Homefront, it's not unrealistic.
A generation ago rural US got the same trashy TV as the cities but there was family and community pressure to act decent, and not really an embedded core group of deviants to join. That kept the problems in check for some time. Today there are more broken families, and trashy content available anytime via smartphone.
It doesn't matter where she is from. Unless she was born on a cloud, every woman must be evaluated based upon her own individual behavior and the words she speaks. Is she a gossiper? Backstabber? Does she overly praise herself or her beauty? Does she think everyone else is beneath her? Does she dress worse than the average prostitute? Is she dating tons of men? Etc.
A good man is above pettiness. He is better than that.
That sounds like a dark pit of death and destruction.
A good man is above pettiness. He is better than that.