Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls

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Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls
By Dugan Romero, an experienced marriage counselor


http://books.google.com/books?id=ZyPi_nE1ZfgC


Highly recommeded for everywhere. Hope it will help a lot.

Once you go abroad and find yourself in the right place, finding a girl isn't that much of an issue anymore. At a certain stage, we'll be done complaining about American women and going through the courtship phase. Then making the relationship work is what matters - just like staying in a good school once you get into one.

That is why personality is so important. Looks will fade over time, but it's the heart that matters. Most of what makes up a person is his/her mind.


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OUTLINE



Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls (3rd edition, 2008)

Dugan Romano



Preface to the New Edition

1. There is an ever-increasing frequency of intercultural marriages.
2. Dual-career couples are more common.
3. More couples are living together before marrying.
4. There is more religious or spiritual introspection.
5. There is more cross-cultural awareness.
6. Many of the couples are themselves the children of intercultural couples, and their marriage to someone from another country, culture, or ethnic group is the most natural thing in the world for them.
7. Same-country couples are beginning to recognize the many intercultural dimensions of their own marriages.
8. The emergence of cross-cultural marriage counselors.



Introduction: What It’s All About





Part I: Daring to be Different



The Whos and the Whys

1. Nontraditionals
2. Romantics
3. Compensators
4. Rebels
5. Internationals
6. Others

True Love



Phases of Adjustment

1. Honeymoon Phase
2. Settling-in Phase
3. Life-pattern Phase (Resolution)





Part II: Food, Friends, and other Frustrations



1. Values

2. Food and Drink

1. What is eaten (and drunk) and how it is prepared
2. When the main meal is served
3. Where the meal is eaten
4. How the meal is eaten

3. Sex

4. Male-Female Roles

5. Time

6. Place of Residence

7. Politics

8. Friends

9. Finances

1. Earning and controlling money
2. Spending and saving money
3. Deciding on what to spend money on

10. In-Laws

11. Social Class

12. Religion

1. One partner converts to the religion of the other.
2. Both partners keep their own faith and try not to interfere in the practices or beliefs of the other.
3. Both partners drift away from their own religion (changing to a third religion or none at all).

13. Raising Children

1. Values and beliefs
2. Educational and disciplinary styles
3. Parent-child relationships
1. Following the customs of the land
2. Adopting the style of one partner
3. Both parents adhering to their own styles

14. Language and Communication

1. Verbal communication
2. Non-verbal communication
3. Styles of communication

15. Responding to Stress and Conflict

16. Illness and Suffering

1. How they experience pain
2. What they label as a symptom
3. How they communicate their pain or symptoms
4. What their beliefs are about the causes of illness
5. How they regard helpers (doctors and therapists)
6. What treatment they desire or expect

17. Ethnocentrism

18. The Expatriate Spouse

19. Coping with Death or Divorce





Part III: Making Miracles Isn't Easy



Types of Intercultural Marriages

1. Submission / Immersion
2. Obliteration
3. Compromise
4. Consensus



What about the Promises

1. Being given the opportunity to increase self-knowledge by having to examine and define their own values, ideas, and prejudices, that is, self-growth.
2. Being exposed to new, different, and valid ways of approaching life and resolving problems.
3. Experiencing greater variation and vitality in their lifestyle.
4. Developing an international identity.
5. Having children who are bicultural and who have a wider worldview and an ability to be “at home� wherever they find themselves.
6. Feeling a sense of being pioneers in a new world order.



Factors for Success

1. Commitment to the relationship
2. Ability to communicate
3. Sensitivity to each other’s needs
4. A liking for the other’s culture
5. Flexibility
6. Solid, positive self-image
7. Love as the main marital motive
8. Common goals
9. Spirit of adventure
10. Sense of humor



Before Taking That Big Step

1. Experiment with a trial run: live together
2. Make a home visit
3. Socialize with the partner’s friends
4. Learn the language
5. Read and go the movies
6. Study the religion
7. Experience the cuisine
8. Search out resources
9. Try games and simulations
10. Consider premarital counseling



Conclusion



Practical Legal Considerations



Laws of the land

1. Citizenship
2. Children’s citizenship
3. Divorce
4. Women’s rights
5. Finances and taxation
6. Ownership of property
7. Other regulations