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Reasons why guys miss out on connecting with women

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Reasons why guys miss out on connecting with women

Postby tmr » Mon May 23, 2011 10:48 am

This seems like a good list to make. There are a lot of destructive behaviors that are part of the conditioning of popular western culture. It used to be that the older generation would teach the younger one what was worth doing and what was not. But that does not happen anymore.

So here is a list of some of the reasons why guys miss out on connecting with women. Hopefully this can be a good warning and guide too.

One reason would be that you are drawn to women who are not your type. If you are homebody, maybe a little nerdly too and you are drawn to the AnastasiaDate type girls you are not going to do well. Maybe you wish you were an AnastasiaDate type of guy? The girls who would have been with you, you did not even notice them.

Another reason is what happens to some guys - they are only attracted to those women who are not interested in them. It feels like a conquest, something mysterious.

Or you have various class and social complexes, hate yourself and get validation only when you 'date up' i.e you date someone whom you assume is in a class better than you however you define that, so you must reject anyone who is actually interested in you for someone who isn't. This happens to twinkies in America, or other asians who have migrated to/been brought up in an anglo country. They end up pining away for their anglo princess while getting older and lonlier day by day. Just see how absurd that is.

You are immensely logical and using your powers of logic have convinced yourself that you shouldn't want any girl or no girl will want you. You have used your logic to dig a hole many miles deep and fortify it with all kinds of brilliantly thought out reasonings. And you, being logical, just know that you are right. Well you might be but how is that going to help you get laid?

You are hyper competitive and hyper conscious of what others think of you so must have the most desired girl if you have anyone at all.
You are extremely picky and when you meet someone you only notice all their imperfections versus any of their good qualities.
You are cronically lazy and as much as you want it it is just too much work to adjust to someone else and make a relationship work.
You are a control freak and are terrified of intimacy and the vulnerability it brings.
You are hyper sensitive and are afraid to be in a relationship lest you get hurt.
You fell in 'love' once and she wasn't interested or wasn't available and you are still pining away for her, unable to go past the feeling she invoked in you.
You are cronically shy and socially awkward.
You expect to relate to women the way you relate to your drinking buddies.
You believe in the 'one' and are holding out for it.
And of course a big reason - you have been living in the wrong place at the wrong time, in a place where the culture no longer values basic human bonds and relationships are disposable.

Any other reasons?

You can change the last by going someplace else but if you carry any of the remaining traits and conditionings in you, you will have a hard time of it. But the destructive behaviors can be changed.

So don't let this happen to you! At eighteen everyone wants to make a beeline for the hottest blonde girl. What's the point of getting in line when you are never going to get to the front of the queue? And remember, underneath the glitz and glamor we are all bags of messy smelly organs. Your porn star like princess, her poop smells as bad as anyone else's.

Some guys do do this and this is a good test. At a bar or some other gathering of people do you scan the place for the hottest girl? Do you then just focus on her trying to get her attention and don't give your attention to anything else? Conjuring stories in your head about why she would want you? Feeling dejected that she doesn't? This is a useless waste of your energy.
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Postby Adama » Mon May 23, 2011 3:45 pm

Complete bullshit.
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Postby djfourmoney » Tue May 24, 2011 5:24 am

While I will agree men sabotage themselves with logic when it comes to women, its not really our faults. Women KNOW we think logically, they use that against us by using tricks religion often uses on its subjects; believing false realities.

I don't believe men single out the best looking women in the room to go after and then when he fails for whatever reason, its his fault. When I meet women yes I do notice their flaws more than anything else or I point out to myself what I don't like about how she looks, talks, walks, whatever. So guilty as charged...

However what your implying is that a bulk of what happens in the dating world that is North America is that its more Men's fault for his dating failures than Women's fault.

According to several sources, I beg to differ. Intelligent, Attractive, Educated Women are hard to find. Or should I say, they have reached a zone where they might be desirable for several reasons, but because they are over 30, you want somebody younger. This is especially the case if your serious about having children.

Most of these women because some of them are undecided about children, get left on the vine for awhile. While other women sabotage their own dating lives with BS from Girlie magazines like Cosmo and advice from women not in successful relationships themselves.

Mixed Signals is the least of your problems. Its almost completely unlearning what they have learned since being teenagers.

There is not amount of babbling that will convince me that the majority of what's going on with relationships here in America is caused by WOMEN.
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Postby momopi » Tue May 24, 2011 4:25 pm

Some guys are just... dense.

I was shopping at Fry's Electronics last week saw a funny situation. I was by the computer components section and saw a young handsome Vietnamese lad running up and down the isle checking inventory, followed by a cute young Vietnamese girl in a skirt and heels. Both were employees at Frys, and this girl was literally following him up and down just to talk to him. She was blabbing about how this guy kept asking her out buts he told him that she has someone else that she already likes. She was obviously flirting with him with her body language, playing with her hair, etc. And he was like @_@... finally she was called away to take care of another customer. I looked over at him and the conversation went like this:

me: "hey you got a good thing going"
him: "eh?"
me: "the girl"
him: "oh, she keeps talking to me for some reason"
me: "maybe the guy she likes is you?"
him: "O_O"
him: "..."
me: "has it ever occurred to you...?"
him: "ooooooOOOOOOO..."
me: "look, dude, you're a man, grow a pair and ask her out. The worst thing that can happen is she says no, which means you don't date her like right now. And if you're worried about the job, get real. This is Frys, you get paid more working at Walmart."
him: "ok"

Best of luck to him!
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Postby pete98146 » Tue May 24, 2011 6:14 pm

Actually it's a good list and interesting topic.

Here are my observations about why the disconnects happen and I'll confine it to finding foreign women abroad.

1. It's too much work to meet, court and marry a girl online. The younger generation in particular demands instant results. Welcome to the "Microwave Society." You won't find your dream woman by opening an app on your cellphone. It's damned near a full time job. Assuming you make your way to Cherry Blossoms or Asia Hearts, you need to sift thru all your choices, make contact, initiate trust, maintain and build a relationship. It's too much work for the vast majority of guys. Fact of the matter is that they'll scrap the effort and go look at asian porn for their instant gratification.

2. They don't want a relationship bad enough!!! Sure all the guys know that AW are a royal pain in the ass. Until guys hit their mid 30s, they will be perfectly content to be bitter and alone.

3. There is still an ongoing negative stigma about hooking up with a "mail order bride" The entire process has a very very negative label attached to it. I used to get this from my friends all the time. Funny how the ribbing stopped the minute they met my wife in real life. They'll go out and ogle my wife and tell me how lucky I am to have found her but at the end of the day, hurdles #1 and #2 prevent them from finding a foreign wife of their own.

I find the guys that have the best success rate with foreign women are those over the age of 40. They are somewhat established, patient, tired of being lonely.
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Postby djfourmoney » Wed May 25, 2011 4:39 am

pete98146 wrote:Actually it's a good list and interesting topic.

Here are my observations about why the disconnects happen and I'll confine it to finding foreign women abroad.

1. It's too much work to meet, court and marry a girl online. The younger generation in particular demands instant results. Welcome to the "Microwave Society." You won't find your dream woman by opening an app on your cellphone. It's damned near a full time job. Assuming you make your way to Cherry Blossoms or Asia Hearts, you need to sift thru all your choices, make contact, initiate trust, maintain and build a relationship. It's too much work for the vast majority of guys. Fact of the matter is that they'll scrap the effort and go look at asian porn for their instant gratification.

2. They don't want a relationship bad enough!!! Sure all the guys know that AW are a royal pain in the ass. Until guys hit their mid 30s, they will be perfectly content to be bitter and alone.

3. There is still an ongoing negative stigma about hooking up with a "mail order bride" The entire process has a very very negative label attached to it. I used to get this from my friends all the time. Funny how the ribbing stopped the minute they met my wife in real life. They'll go out and ogle my wife and tell me how lucky I am to have found her but at the end of the day, hurdles #1 and #2 prevent them from finding a foreign wife of their own.

I find the guys that have the best success rate with foreign women are those over the age of 40. They are somewhat established, patient, tired of being lonely.


1. Rule One, forget emails and chatting, get a PLANE!

2. Rule Two, well sort-of... Women over 30 desperately in most cases want a relationship

3. Myself, Mark of European Connections, The entirety of the Russian Adventures Forum and AFA would all like to never say "Mail Order Bride" again. I think its very negative and derogatory.
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Postby djfourmoney » Wed May 25, 2011 4:40 am

pete98146 wrote:Actually it's a good list and interesting topic.

Here are my observations about why the disconnects happen and I'll confine it to finding foreign women abroad.

1. It's too much work to meet, court and marry a girl online. The younger generation in particular demands instant results. Welcome to the "Microwave Society." You won't find your dream woman by opening an app on your cellphone. It's damned near a full time job. Assuming you make your way to Cherry Blossoms or Asia Hearts, you need to sift thru all your choices, make contact, initiate trust, maintain and build a relationship. It's too much work for the vast majority of guys. Fact of the matter is that they'll scrap the effort and go look at asian porn for their instant gratification.

2. They don't want a relationship bad enough!!! Sure all the guys know that AW are a royal pain in the ass. Until guys hit their mid 30s, they will be perfectly content to be bitter and alone.

3. There is still an ongoing negative stigma about hooking up with a "mail order bride" The entire process has a very very negative label attached to it. I used to get this from my friends all the time. Funny how the ribbing stopped the minute they met my wife in real life. They'll go out and ogle my wife and tell me how lucky I am to have found her but at the end of the day, hurdles #1 and #2 prevent them from finding a foreign wife of their own.

I find the guys that have the best success rate with foreign women are those over the age of 40. They are somewhat established, patient, tired of being lonely.


1. Rule One, forget emails and chatting, get a PLANE!

2. Rule Two, well sort-of... Women over 30 desperately in most cases want a relationship

3. Myself, Mark of European Connections, The entirety of the Russian Adventures Forum and AFA would all like to never say "Mail Order Bride" again. I think its very negative and derogatory.
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Postby tmr » Wed May 25, 2011 9:03 am

However what your implying is that a bulk of what happens in the dating world that is North America is that its more Men's fault for his dating failures than Women's fault.


There was no such implication. The traits of women in the west that wreck relationships have been discussed many times over in this forum. No one needs to go over them again. Drop the blame and fault game. That's a logic game there in itself. Enough men trap themselves in their negative logic.

A few of the items on the list above are culture specific but a lot of them are simply ways in which men sabotage themselves. These traits are universal and have nothing to do with which culture you are in. They will hamper your prospects even in a culture where relationships are valued.

The good news is that bringing them to light can dissipate their energy and open a person up.

1. It's too much work to meet, court and marry a girl online. The younger generation in particular demands instant results. Welcome to the "Microwave Society." You won't find your dream woman by opening an app on your cellphone. It's damned near a full time job. Assuming you make your way to Cherry Blossoms or Asia Hearts, you need to sift thru all your choices, make contact, initiate trust, maintain and build a relationship. It's too much work for the vast majority of guys. Fact of the matter is that they'll scrap the effort and go look at asian porn for their instant gratification.

2. They don't want a relationship bad enough!!! Sure all the guys know that AW are a royal pain in the ass. Until guys hit their mid 30s, they will be perfectly content to be bitter and alone.


Those are excellent points. This is especially easy to do on the west coast of the north american continent where the weather is good and everything is convenient. How often do you hear this from people - hey if i'm not feeling it about whoever why bother? I can just play my video games or whatever other hobbies. And STFU to anyone who suggests otherwise. Mostly that will mean that you will waste your youth in teenage like introversion and sometime in your forties wake up and go oh, I don't want to live and die alone yikes better start adjusting to another human being but who is left now?

Some other reasons

You are too perfectionist about yourself and judge yourself unworthy whenever you meet someone who shows any interest.

You are too earnest and sincere and nice to a fault to the point where being around you is like being around a preacher.

saw a young handsome Vietnamese lad running up and down the isle checking inventory, followed by a cute young Vietnamese girl in a skirt and heels


It could well be that the guy was dense but he could also be a self-hating twinkie. He doesn't want that vietnamese girl because it's so boring to be vietnamese and he really isn't feeling a good connection with vietnamese people. That is the current state of his identity project. He is pining away for that white blonde girl over in project management who sometimes dyes her hair odd colors, has a few tatoos and seems hip and popular. Whenever he talks to her she is polite but distant and he gets pissed off and feels hurt that she isn't warm. She has a boyfriend, an english guy in a band maybe and regardless is never ever going to be interested in him. But he's got himself the double eyelid surgery already and is mustering up the courage for that nose job, a nip and tuck here and there and then finally, just finally he will become white and she might notice him.
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Postby tmr » Wed May 25, 2011 9:21 am

Adama wrote:Complete bullshit.


Nonsense. Recently there have been enough posts by people who have only ever been dateless, some in their late thirties. And there are some who seem to have become expert travellers who write about all the great dates they get in whichever part of the world but are still single. Why?

If you are say a book worm type person (there is nothing wrong with that) and you go to an AFA social somewhere in the ukraine. You step into the room in which there are lots of women all of who want to love and be loved. How nice! And then you promptly hone in on the Anna Kournikova lookalike. She might be nice to you, yes, and you might even go on a few dates. It may be possible that she fits you too, she is book wormish type person too. But since you didnt figure this out beforehand your odds are low on that score and chances are you will have a few lukewarm dates and return back to wherever you came from claiming that there was no connection. Well you didn't really look for a connection did you? You only criterion was how long and blond her hair was and how she dressed. You are still stuck in high school , you have not emotionally progressed since then. How many guys do this? And your money and your time were wasted.
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