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Woops! My Filipina is having my baby. Should I marry her?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Should I marry her?

Yes
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No
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Total votes : 13

Woops! My Filipina is having my baby. Should I marry her?

Postby YoucancallmeAl » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:13 am

Hey guys,

I've been away from the forum since January. How's everybody been doing?

here's my update:
I went to PI for 6 weeks from late January til early March and only dated one girl while there. I met her online and apparently hit it off well cuz she slept with me on the first night. I ended up staying at her place most of the whole time in PI.
I brought protection and used it but ran out one night and rode bareback just once. I've been back in the US since March. Now's she's pregnant and the kid is due in 2 or 3 months. (I'm 95% sure she's telling the truth and it is in fact mine)

I would feel like a real dick if I abandoned her and the kid and didn't at least try to be an available dad for this child. And though I don't love her, she is very sweet and a bit hotter than the average filipina. I could accept taking on the husband/father role in this situation. I've always been single but I think I'm ready to be the family man now.
So should I marry her?

Some additional factors:
- Like Winston, I really hated the negatives of life in the PI. The pollution and the mosquitos were making me sick.

- Her family is relatively middle-class. One of her relatives is married to a European and he sends them a decent amount of money. When I was there, she never attempted to use me or leech off of me. I bought most things, but she would sometimes pay for our food or taxi fare herself.

- However, she's now asking me for $700 so she can have the child at a higher-quality private hospital.

- Before she was pregnant, I told her that I wouldn't be able to bring her back to the US, as I make my living off the books and thus can't prove adequate income to allow her in on a fiance or marriage visa.

- To be a good dad to this child, I'm thinking of spending 3 to 4 months a year with them in PI, and the rest in the US trying to make and save money. We won't have many luxeries this way, but we should just get by.

Any suggestions/advice for a situation like this?
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Postby Winston » Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:18 am

WTF? You only did it bareback once? Dang these chicks are way too fertile! It's like their bodies are always wanting to pop out babies even when they can't afford them.

Due in 2 or 3 months? WTF? Why didn't she tell you she was pregnant 6 months ago? Why did she wait this long to tell you? That's suspicious.

I thought only Angeles and Manila were polluted. Where were you in the PI?

You should not marry someone unless you truly love them and you believe in marriage. It's a mistake that is very hard and expensive to undo, especially in the Philippines where divorce is illegal.

I wouldn't marry just for the kid, unless you want to enslave yourself to that kid and become his servant and forfeit your life and freedom.
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Re: Woops! My Filipina is having my baby. Should I marry her

Postby OutWest » Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:20 am

YoucancallmeAl wrote:Hey guys,

I've been away from the forum since January. How's everybody been doing?

here's my update:
I went to PI for 6 weeks from late January til early March and only dated one girl while there. I met her online and apparently hit it off well cuz she slept with me on the first night. I ended up staying at her place most of the whole time in PI.
I brought protection and used it but ran out one night and rode bareback just once. I've been back in the US since March. Now's she's pregnant and the kid is due in 2 or 3 months. (I'm 95% sure she's telling the truth and it is in fact mine)

I would feel like a real dick if I abandoned her and the kid and didn't at least try to be an available dad for this child. And though I don't love her, she is very sweet and a bit hotter than the average filipina. I could accept taking on the husband/father role in this situation. I've always been single but I think I'm ready to be the family man now.
So should I marry her?

Some additional factors:
- Like Winston, I really hated the negatives of life in the PI. The pollution and the mosquitos were making me sick.

- Her family is relatively middle-class. One of her relatives is married to a European and he sends them a decent amount of money. When I was there, she never attempted to use me or leech off of me. I bought most things, but she would sometimes pay for our food or taxi fare herself.

- However, she's now asking me for $700 so she can have the child at a higher-quality private hospital.

- Before she was pregnant, I told her that I wouldn't be able to bring her back to the US, as I make my living off the books and thus can't prove adequate income to allow her in on a fiance or marriage visa.

- To be a good dad to this child, I'm thinking of spending 3 to 4 months a year with them in PI, and the rest in the US trying to make and save money. We won't have many luxeries this way, but we should just get by.

Any suggestions/advice for a situation like this?


Its not like you were flopping some bar girl...at the very least, do the right thing for your coming child. It is inconvenient? Of course.
If you have a conscience, take care of your child, and yes, you do have certain obligations to the mother as well.
The $700 for the private hospital is not out of line. Spend some time over here with her...really..just do it.
If after some time then, your thoughts may change. She does not sound like a bad person from what you have said so far...
treat the situation and your coming child with some respect at the very least.

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Postby odbo » Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:00 am

Why don't you help her deliver at home? In water tub even, I think that's how it was meant to be done (transitioning the baby from water to water). That money is much better spent on a million other things. Like water filters. I'm sure you can hire a doctor to deliver if you're a panzy.

If you deliver in hospital and it's anything like an America, it will be really traumatic for the child and they will inject the kid with lots of poisons for his/her "protection". At least they wont' circumcize him as a baby there. Unless you want your child to have a shorter life-span, less brainpower, and autism or at the very least adhd.. keep them away from shots or vaccines of ANY kind. And make sure she breast feeds. Thats what gives babies their immunity (like puppies have) and because that baby formula powered milk garbage is full of sodium fluoride. Isn't the world grand? That's the reason Filipinos are so fertile, because they didn't get any of this shit we "developed" people got. 100 years ago white people were just as fertile. Now sperm counts are plummeting like a rock worldwide (decreasing 1-2% every year) and more and more women are becoming sterile. They made a bunch of Ethopian women sterile from vaccines. They also started the Aids virus through the Hep B shot in Africa and American gay communities.

Anyways you've been warned. Ignore this advice and drink big pharma's kool-aid at your child's peril.
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Postby YoucancallmeAl » Tue Aug 16, 2011 4:51 pm

Winston wrote:Due in 2 or 3 months? WTF? Why didn't she tell you she was pregnant 6 months ago? Why did she wait this long to tell you? That's suspicious.

I thought only Angeles and Manila were polluted. Where were you in the PI?

You should not marry someone unless you truly love them and you believe in marriage. It's a mistake that is very hard and expensive to undo, especially in the Philippines where divorce is illegal.

I wouldn't marry just for the kid, unless you want to enslave yourself to that kid and become his servant and forfeit your life and freedom.


She didn't just tell me now. She told me about 3 months ago. She said she was afraid to tell me earlier bc I told her I didn't want kids right now. She says she'd be ok to raise it on her own w/o me. But if she's having my kid, I want to be involved. We discussed the possibility of marriage, and she would prefer I marry her, but she isn't pressuring me at all.
I know divorce is illegal in PI, but I've also heard that if you want out you can just skip the country and there's nothing they can legally do.
I'm no fan of marriage in general, and I'm aware of the cons of marrying, but aren't there some benefits as well? For example, I could get legal resident status if I marry her, right? How would marriage enslave myself to the kid? (any worse than it would in the US)

>"I thought only Angeles and Manila were polluted. Where were you in the PI?"

She lives in a small rural town about 1/2 hour from Iloilo. The pollution's not so bad outside the cities, but the mosquitos are torture! They wouldn't stop biting me unless I used the OFF lotion they sell there. (there were no natural alternatives available) And breathing in that nasty chemical crap gave me intense headaches.
So whether I was in the city or country in PI I was guaranteed to have headaches, or get eaten alive by mosquitos.
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Postby YoucancallmeAl » Tue Aug 16, 2011 4:59 pm

odbo wrote:Why don't you help her deliver at home? In water tub even, I think that's how it was meant to be done (transitioning the baby from water to water). That money is much better spent on a million other things. Like water filters. I'm sure you can hire a doctor to deliver if you're a panzy.

If you deliver in hospital and it's anything like an America, it will be really traumatic for the child and they will inject the kid with lots of poisons for his/her "protection". At least they wont' circumcize him as a baby there. Unless you want your child to have a shorter life-span, less brainpower, and autism or at the very least adhd.. keep them away from shots or vaccines of ANY kind. And make sure she breast feeds. Thats what gives babies their immunity (like puppies have) and because that baby formula powered milk garbage is full of sodium fluoride. Isn't the world grand? That's the reason Filipinos are so fertile, because they didn't get any of this shit we "developed" people got. 100 years ago white people were just as fertile. Now sperm counts are plummeting like a rock worldwide (decreasing 1-2% every year) and more and more women are becoming sterile. They made a bunch of Ethopian women sterile from vaccines. They also started the Aids virus through the Hep B shot in Africa and American gay communities.
Anyways you've been warned. Ignore this advice and drink big pharma's kool-aid at your child's peril.


Trust me, I know all about big pharma's kool-aid. I read Mercola.com and other "alternative" health sites. And my brother and his wife are anti-vaccine and had their kids naturally.
But I don't have a lot of pull in the decision-making process over there in her country. I've sent her some articles on natural/healthy pregnency advice but I can't make her take it seriously.

Does anyone know how they do it with pregnancy/birth/childcare stuff in PI? Do they give them lots of vaccines and artificial chemical crap like in the US?
Winston, you've got a kid there now, right? How'd they do it with yours?
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Postby E_Irizarry » Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:00 pm

Good thing I had a vasectomy before I touched down in the Philippines. I had too many Pinays literally begging me to nut up in them hence I did, and Maury Povich had still said to me, "You're not the father!". jajajajajaa
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Postby ladislav » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:22 pm

I would not marry someone I did not love. That would be horrible- a ruined life. Why not just support the kid? Many guys do that. The lesser of two evils is a couple of hundred dollars a month vs. being locked in a loveless marriage. I've been in one and it is hellish.
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Postby ErikHeaven » Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:13 am

Since you asked for advice i will give you some that i intend to live by myself. Follow your own thinking on this matter. The best answers come from within.
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Postby Winston » Wed Aug 17, 2011 4:37 am

YoucancallmeAl wrote:
Winston wrote:Due in 2 or 3 months? WTF? Why didn't she tell you she was pregnant 6 months ago? Why did she wait this long to tell you? That's suspicious.

I thought only Angeles and Manila were polluted. Where were you in the PI?

You should not marry someone unless you truly love them and you believe in marriage. It's a mistake that is very hard and expensive to undo, especially in the Philippines where divorce is illegal.

I wouldn't marry just for the kid, unless you want to enslave yourself to that kid and become his servant and forfeit your life and freedom.


She didn't just tell me now. She told me about 3 months ago. She said she was afraid to tell me earlier bc I told her I didn't want kids right now. She says she'd be ok to raise it on her own w/o me. But if she's having my kid, I want to be involved. We discussed the possibility of marriage, and she would prefer I marry her, but she isn't pressuring me at all.
I know divorce is illegal in PI, but I've also heard that if you want out you can just skip the country and there's nothing they can legally do.
I'm no fan of marriage in general, and I'm aware of the cons of marrying, but aren't there some benefits as well? For example, I could get legal resident status if I marry her, right? How would marriage enslave myself to the kid? (any worse than it would in the US)

>"I thought only Angeles and Manila were polluted. Where were you in the PI?"

She lives in a small rural town about 1/2 hour from Iloilo. The pollution's not so bad outside the cities, but the mosquitos are torture! They wouldn't stop biting me unless I used the OFF lotion they sell there. (there were no natural alternatives available) And breathing in that nasty chemical crap gave me intense headaches.
So whether I was in the city or country in PI I was guaranteed to have headaches, or get eaten alive by mosquitos.


Yes you can get permanent residency status in the Philippines if you marry. But you shouldn't marry just cause of that. You don't know if you want to live there, do you? You might like it at first, but then the negatives get to you, like they got to me.

Why doesn't her family move if her town is infested with mosquitoes? That's crazy. Who would want to put up with that?

Marriage enslaves you to the wife and routine. I'm just saying that if you became a traditional father, you'd enslave yourself to the kid. By nature, kids see their parents are servants who tend to their needs. That's why they make demands on you. They make you buy them toys and ice cream when they see it. And when you pass by a Jollibee, he will demand that you buy him food from there, and his mom will usually comply. In his world, YOU are there to serve HIS needs. And you get NOTHING out of it. There is no return on investment, unless you want to count the "joy of being a parent" which is very subjective. You also enslave yourself to a routine, which ties you down, and takes away your freedom. Your life centers around the child, not you. And you have to put his needs before yours. Are you a selfless person who cares more about others than yourself? If so, that may work here. But if not...

All in all, it's a big loss of freedom and personal liberty, and will require you to expend lots of energy and time with no return on investment. This is the way it is. The prospect of being a parent may sound wonderful at first, but when reality catches up with you... well that's another story.

All I can say is, I certainly would not want someone to treat me the way I treated my parents. Maybe becoming a parent is our karma for the way we treated our parents? lol

Btw, does your girlfriend have Phil Health? She can apply for it and it will pay for half the delivery costs. Phil Health only costs 100p a month. A normal delivery costs about 10,000p, but if a cesarean is required, the cost will be 40,000p. So it helps you save a lot of money. Ask her to apply at her local Phil Health office.

Does anyone know how they do it with pregnancy/birth/childcare stuff in PI? Do they give them lots of vaccines and artificial chemical crap like in the US?
Winston, you've got a kid there now, right? How'd they do it with yours?


Well the poor go to public hospitals, which consist of curtains covering booths in rooms of many people delivering. The quality is lower there. Those who can afford it go to private hospitals where you get a private room for delivery. The costs that I know of are above.

I don't remember if the hospital gave vaccines, but I think they start off by giving the baby one vaccine. Then after that, the pediatrician you are supposed to see once a month puts you on a schedule where you bring the baby in for a checkup and monthly vaccine. The vaccines can cost anywhere between 1000p to 3000p depending on the vaccine. But the thing is, the vaccines never seem to stop. Every month there is always another one, and the costs add up.

I always wonder, how can most poor families with no money and can't even afford to eat at McDonalds afford to pay 1000p to 3000p every month for vaccines, esp when they have many children? lol. Well Filipinos are denialists and do not like questions like that. So it's hard to get answers to such logical questions. But I was told eventually that poor families get their vaccines at the Barangay clinic where they are free. However, I heard the quality of the vaccines were bad there, that they were expired vaccines and sometimes caused bad side effects on the baby's skin.

Eventually, we stopped taking my son for these vaccines. The costs were too much, and I learned from research that vaccines are probably a money making scam anyway. It doesn't make sense to give a baby 24 to 36 vaccines and overwork their immune system. Dr. Mercola says that too. Every year, the drug companies increase the vaccines you need, for obvious reasons. Their greed has no end I guess.

Try asking a pediatrician, "How do you know that vaccines are about safety and not about profits?" and watch how uncomfortable they get. They do not like that question and are not programmed to answer it.

Check out the film "Vaccine Nation" on YouTube. It's very informative and features many experts.
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Postby Mr S » Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:39 pm

Hire a midwife and give birth at home. It's cheaper and more natural then a hospital.
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Postby YoucancallmeAl » Wed Sep 28, 2011 3:46 pm

Mr S wrote:Hire a midwife and give birth at home. It's cheaper and more natural then a hospital.


Good idea. I'll suggest it to her.
I forgot about this idea when I talked to her last night. She's giving birth in 3 weeks and she very much wants to use a private rather than public hospital. Now she's telling me the cost will be around 50,000p ($1150). Does that sound reasonable for a private hospital childbirth stay?
(Winston, you said a normal delivery costs about 10,000p. Is that at a public or private hospital?)
I really don't want to pay 50,000 if I can avoid it. And does PhilHealth work with private hospitals?
Right now I only have about $3000 total to live on. I told her I won't be able to be there for the birth but will come in Jan/Feb when I have more free time. I had hoped to have a few thousand more bucks by then.
I will definitely ask her to consider the midwife/home birth idea.
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Postby swincor » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:41 pm

Winston wrote:Marriage enslaves you to the wife and routine. I'm just saying that if you became a traditional father, you'd enslave yourself to the kid. By nature, kids see their parents are servants who tend to their needs. That's why they make demands on you. They make you buy them toys and ice cream when they see it. And when you pass by a Jollibee, he will demand that you buy him food from there, and his mom will usually comply. In his world, YOU are there to serve HIS needs. And you get NOTHING out of it. There is no return on investment, unless you want to count the "joy of being a parent" which is very subjective. You also enslave yourself to a routine, which ties you down, and takes away your freedom. Your life centers around the child, not you. And you have to put his needs before yours. Are you a selfless person who cares more about others than yourself? If so, that may work here. But if not...

All in all, it's a big loss of freedom and personal liberty, and will require you to expend lots of energy and time with no return on investment. This is the way it is. The prospect of being a parent may sound wonderful at first, but when reality catches up with you... well that's another story.



Well what are YOU complaining about? Hell, you've got it made! You bail every year to Taiwan for AT LEAST a half year, trying to score with the local chicks there LOL.

And when you're back in AC, you let Dianne do all the parenting while you're out bar-hopping and whore-fucking!

Hey, I got an idea: sell your AC life story to one of the major networks as the basis for a TV sit-com. It would be a ratings hit -- guaranteed! :mrgreen:
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Postby jcris7 » Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:47 pm

E_Irizarry wrote:Good thing I had a vasectomy before I touched down in the Philippines. I had too many Pinays literally begging me to nut up in them hence I did, and Maury Povich had still said to me, "You're not the father!". jajajajajaa


LMAO! E_Irizarry, beer is on me brother! (from a fellow fixed soldier)

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Postby magnum » Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:44 pm

If it is your child, and she isn't just trying to use you for money....


Well a man of honor would take care of the child MINIMUM.

I fully disagree with everyone here who says not to marry her, I think a child needs 2 parents, and lets be honest, though better off with a single mother in that country....we all know the fate of the mental health that child will have in a fatherless household, even if he is involved a lot, it won't be the same as growing up with 2 parents who support one another.


I'm a old school man of honor, though I would have never stoked the poker in the first place to get in this situation, I defiantly would make any sacrifice for a child of my own blood, even if that was to mean entering in to a relationship i didn't necessarily want to start yet, or at all.


The girl doesn't sound bad at all to me, she paid for some of your meals in a country where money is minimal, that sounds all good to me.


I could say a classic line about life throwing things at you and adapting, but honestly, you cash in the check you write, in this instance, the only question is, are you going to honor the amount.

you sound as if your fostering the idea of hitching her, and you said your ready for it at this point in your life, maybe not financially, but you seem to think you are emotionally, I say go for it, just make sure she knows you don't have that much money, and things will be hard, and the only sure thing you can give her is a loving husband and father figure for her child, with or without financial security, if she accepts that, you have a keeper in my book.
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