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My Mexican girlfriend vs. American college girls

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My Mexican girlfriend vs. American college girls

Postby Falcon » Wed Nov 09, 2011 9:51 pm

So I'm an Asian-American college student in Southern California. My girlfriend is about my age and lives in rural Mexico.

Before that, when I would tell others how it's hard to find a romantic partner in college, they'd tell me, "Oh you're still young. You'll find someone here eventually." In my opinion, that's a dangerous assumption. Time flies by quickly, and I shouldn't have to spend one decade of my life to realize that the American dating scene is messed up. I'm in my early 20's and am already out of it.


So, the following list compares the two:
MEXICAN GIRL = my girlfriend in rural Mexico
AMERICAN GIRLS = American-raised girls in California universities

I've avoided exaggerations, and am doing my best at portraying a very realistic picture of rural Mexican life vs. American college life.

I can never meet a girl like this at an American university. She is astonishingly charming and considerate. Of course, not all Mexican girls will have her characteristics. But the point is, many of these girls exist in Latin America!

---------------------

MEXICAN GIRL: She would ask me every few days, "How are your parents doing?" I'd ask that back to her too.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Awkward question. Might answer, "Wait, WHAT?" and would think I'm crazy.

MEXICAN GIRL: I can tell her the silliest puns and jokes, and she would giggle non-stop.
AMERICAN GIRLS: "OMG that is sooo lame." The more tolerant ones would say, "Yeah, all right, cool." Obviously, they have an underappreciation for humor.

MEXICAN GIRL: I can talk to her about US-Mexico migration patterns/networks, like where people from certain parts of Mexico would tend to migrate. She'd be fascinated by all that and would say, "Wow! I never knew that before. Please tell me more!"
AMERICAN GIRLS: I'd sound like a boring guy working for the U.S. Census Bureau. Would also be "weird."

MEXICAN GIRL: She would enjoy listening to all sorts of international ethnic music that I'd play to her over the phone. Afterwards she'd say, "Ay, que bonito." (Oh, how beautiful.)
AMERICAN GIRLS: It would be very awkward if I start playing ethnic music on my cell phone to them. They would say, "You listen to THAT?" Some of the Asian-American girls would say, "That sounds sooo fobby." Hello, do you think that only good music consists of electric guitars and synthesized rap beats - American style?

MEXICAN GIRL: I would be able to talk about the Bible and religious traditions to her. I'd talk about religious demographics, read Bible passages, and so on. (Personally I do not have any specific religion. I am more of a universalist.)
AMERICAN GIRLS: Many are fundamentalist atheists who would hate to talk about religion. Some others are fundamentalist Protestants who wouldn't listen to my more moderate ideas, and would only say, "You should join our fellowship." Moderate Catholic girls like my Mexican girlfriend would be hard to find.

MEXICAN GIRL: She has never asked about the reputation or ranking of my school, which graduate school I'm going to, and how much money people in my major will be making after graduation. The simple fact that I am at least attending a university impresses her.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Of course, that would take up maybe half of our conversation time. Grades. Reputation of this and that. Getting a job. Ugh.

MEXICAN GIRL: She'd ask me, in tremendous detail, about what I like to cook and eat, and how I prepare the food. She would also sometimes cook dinner for her family. She would eat healthy tortillas, chicken dishes, pozole, tacos, and others.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Some of them would cook too. But many would just eat instant ramen and drink coffee. Maybe Red Bull or Monster so they can pull all-nighters after procrastinating on Facebook. They wouldn't bother to ask me any food/dining-related questions, except if it's related to "hanging out."

MEXICAN GIRL: Early to bed, early to rise, makes her healthy, wealthy, and wise. She always goes to bed at 11 pm or earlier, and wakes up at 6 or 7 am. In my experience, she's never stayed up past midnight doing things. Living in rural Mexico, the sun actually sets her biological clock.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Sleep when it's way past midnight, and come to class late. "Sleeping at 12 am? That's way too early!"

MEXICAN GIRL: Thinks going to school is a blessing, and loves learning. She's around 20, but is finishing up high school since she had to take some time off to work.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Complain about school incessantly. "Gosh, I have an essay due soon. This sucks, another midterm? OMG, I just want to get this over with." They're so fortunate, yet so ungrateful.

MEXICAN GIRL: Has a lot of friends at school as well, but most of the time when I call her, I'd hear her family members talking in the background. She's surrounded by family members, and deeply cares about them. She'd pass the phone onto her sisters and little nephews so they could say "hola" to me.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Surrounded by many superficial "friends," and maybe a few genuine ones. Family is out of the picture.

MEXICAN GIRL: We would be very honest with each other and talk about former ex's, dates, and crushes. In fact, that leads to a deep mutual understanding and trust. We know that we would likely not be cheating with those people if we're willing to talk about them. It's all seen as a normal part of what people do.
AMERICAN GIRLS: People here know that there's a rule of not talking about your ex's to American girls. They could start acting very angry and paranoid if you do. Drama, awkwardness, and what not.

MEXICAN GIRL: No computer. No Facebook. Not even an e-mail (we use text messaging instead). Just a simple cell phone. Listens to music on an old-fashioned boom box, since no one in her family has a fancy Apple gadget. We're back in the old days.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Many, though not all, have nasty social networking habits that cause horrible procrastination and irresponsibility. We'd be in the middle of a conversation, and they would have to pick up a phone call, text someone, or fiddle with their iWhatever. Plug on earbuds all the time so that no one can really talk to them.

My favorite:
MEXICAN GIRL: I can already see the good wife and mother in her. In fact, she's already treating me with a lot of motherly love by always telling me to stay safe, warm, not get sick, and to keep up my studies. She would even give me advice on not worrying about others around me and not stressing out too much.
AMERICAN GIRLS: "Let's go to the beach. Let's go clubbing. Let's go shopping." Let alone any sort of motherly love. I have never met an American girl my age who would actually act like a mother when I'm with her.
Last edited by Falcon on Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:19 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Postby Falcon » Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:04 pm

(Copied from my other thread)

At Southern California university campuses, most couples in relationships either have these features in common with each other, or are new immigrants with each other. These apply to ANY American-raised college kid, whether white, black, Asian, Hispanic, or mixed.

These aren't crude stereotypes, but are actual observations I've made through living in Southern California. They're such common norms that people here don't even realize that they're actually features of an American consumerist culture that some folks may have trouble adapting to; they're just "default." This is what nearly all the American college girls here have in common, except for the new immigrants of course. If you don't have at least some of the following, you're simply not going to "click" with the other girls on campus, EVEN if you're very good-looking or have a great personality.

- Valley girl accent
- Social networking addiction, especially Facebook
- Use "like" in many of your sentences
- The typical SoCal suburban wear, such as Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle
- Own an iPhone, iPod, SmartPhone, BlackBerry, or at least some other related gadget so you won't appear "technologically behind"
- Be obsessed with American entertainment - e.g., pop songs, movies
- Participate in the college drinking and partying scene, and maybe also the notorious hookup scene
- Go to Las Vegas or San Francisco for vacation
- Know about California sports, such as basketball, baseball, football tournaments
- "Hang out" with a group of friends by going shopping or to the movies, and text them before you do. Take lots of pics with everyone so you can post them all on Facebook later.

Alas, I don't have ANY of the above. I do different things and have different interests. I don't own any Apple or portable music devices, not even a TV. I've never worn Abercrombie before in my life either. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a boring person. I visit ethnic neighborhoods, hike, bike, read interesting books, drive around the countryside, meet new folks, and so on.

People point out that there are so many girls on campus, so why on earth would I eschew them and go to Mexico instead? I just don't have any of the features listed above. No one will ever say it out loud, but you'll be "different" or perhaps even "weird" if you don't.
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Postby AmericanInMexico » Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:36 pm

As I stated in my very post on this site, I am originally from the East Coast. When I was 18 and went into the Marine Corps, after boot camp and job school and all that other nonsense I ended up getting stationed in Camp Pendleton, in Southern California.

I initially thought SoCal was gonna be such paradise since coming from the East Coast my only impression was Hollywood movies. I was totally wrong.

After about a year of trying to "click" with the SoCal girls and realizing I was getting nowhere, I took a trip to Mexico on a whim, just like you did, and have never looked back. All people in Southern California or any of the other border states should consider Mexico. Your post is spot on Falcon.
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Vacationing?

Postby The_Hero_of_Men » Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:51 am

AmericanInMexico wrote:As I stated in my very post on this site, I am originally from the East Coast. When I was 18 and went into the Marine Corps, after boot camp and job school and all that other nonsense I ended up getting stationed in Camp Pendleton, in Southern California.

I initially thought SoCal was gonna be such paradise since coming from the East Coast my only impression was Hollywood movies. I was totally wrong.

After about a year of trying to "click" with the SoCal girls and realizing I was getting nowhere, I took a trip to Mexico on a whim, just like you did, and have never looked back. All people in Southern California or any of the other border states should consider Mexico. Your post is spot on Falcon.


If I wanted to come to your area in Mexico to vacation for about a week or 2, how much would it cost on average? And what would you recommend my Spanish fluency level be before I ever think about Vacationing in Mexico?
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This man, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Men. The man's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
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Postby Falcon » Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:41 am

- Several hundred dollars (rough estimate)
- As good as it can be, but personality and friendliness count most
Last edited by Falcon on Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby The_Hero_of_Men » Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:45 am

Falcon wrote:- Several hundred dollars, ballpark
- As good as it can be, but personality and friendliness count most


What do you mean by ballpark?
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This man, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Men. The man's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
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Postby Falcon » Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:05 am

The_Hero_of_Men wrote:
Falcon wrote:- Several hundred dollars, ballpark
- As good as it can be, but personality and friendliness count most


What do you mean by ballpark?


Haha, American slang for "estimate." I'll edit my post.
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Postby The Arab » Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:09 am

I go to a California university ( USC), spot on lol
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Postby Falcon » Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:19 am

The Arab wrote:I go to a California university ( USC), spot on lol

Howdy neighbor! :D

The last thing a fish would ever notice or study is water. Same with typical student attitudes and habits in California.
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Postby The Arab » Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:30 am

There is definitely a peculiar dating dynamic in LA that makes it very hard not only to date interesting women, but also meet people in general.

It's interesting how one can be in a setting surrounded by thousands of students all doing the same thing, but there being no connection or interest in students in socializing for the most part. There's definitely some voluntary segregation going on and way too cliquey and non-inclusive.

The overall vibe comes off as antisocial, shallow, and vacuous; people with no real substance or thoughts.

Still like High School in university, seems students here are immature and don't grow up like their peers around the world.

This article attempts to answer that :

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-bi ... 79298.html
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Postby Falcon » Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:58 am

Great find. I don't think the sex ratio even matters. Most college campuses have more women than men. I can be surrounded entirely by women, but they would all have the same set of attitudes and habits. Many students either commute or go home on the weekends, leaving the campuses ghost towns during evenings, weekends, breaks, and summers. You should see UC Irvine on a weekend. It's so squeaky clean and devoid of people that it isn't even funny.
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Postby well-informed » Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:02 am

How are you paying tuition at USC. I know it's an expensive private college, at least for me lol
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Postby Falcon » Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:39 am

I don't go to USC, but I know that financial aid often works in strange ways. Some students who go to nominally expensive colleges pay almost nothing, and vice versa. Supposedly it's the "University of Spoiled Children," but it seems like all colleges have at least some students who are very badly spoiled.
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Re: My Mexican girlfriend vs. American college girls

Postby ssjparris » Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:10 am

Falcon wrote:So I'm an Asian-American college student in Southern California. My girlfriend is about my age and lives in rural Mexico.

Before that, when I would tell others how it's hard to find a romantic partner in college, they'd tell me, "Oh you're still young. You'll find someone here eventually." In my opinion, that's a dangerous assumption. Time flies by quickly, and I shouldn't have to spend one decade of my life to realize that the American dating scene is messed up. I'm in my early 20's and am already out of it.


So, the following list compares the two:
MEXICAN GIRL = my girlfriend in rural Mexico
AMERICAN GIRLS = American-raised girls in California universities

I've avoided exaggerations, and am doing my best at portraying a very realistic picture of rural Mexican life vs. American college life.

I can never meet a girl like this at an American university. She is astonishingly charming and considerate. Of course, not all Mexican girls will have her characteristics. But the point is, many of these girls exist in Latin America!

---------------------

MEXICAN GIRL: She would ask me every few days, "How are your parents doing?" I'd ask that back to her too.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Awkward question. Might answer, "Wait, WHAT?" and would think I'm crazy.

MEXICAN GIRL: I can tell her the silliest puns and jokes, and she would giggle non-stop.
AMERICAN GIRLS: "OMG that is sooo lame." The more tolerant ones would say, "Yeah, all right, cool." Obviously, they have an underappreciation for humor.

MEXICAN GIRL: I can talk to her about US-Mexico migration patterns/networks, like where people from certain parts of Mexico would tend to migrate. She'd be fascinated by all that and would say, "Wow! I never knew that before. Please tell me more!"
AMERICAN GIRLS: I'd sound like a boring guy working for the U.S. Census Bureau. Would also be "weird."

MEXICAN GIRL: She would enjoy listening to all sorts of international ethnic music that I'd play to her over the phone. Afterwards she'd say, "Ay, que bonito." (Oh, how beautiful.)
AMERICAN GIRLS: It would be very awkward if I start playing ethnic music on my cell phone to them. They would say, "You listen to THAT?" Some of the Asian-American girls would say, "That sounds sooo fobby." Hello, do you think that only good music consists of electric guitars and synthesized rap beats - American style?

MEXICAN GIRL: I would be able to talk about the Bible and religious traditions to her. I'd talk about religious demographics, read Bible passages, and so on. (Personally I do not have any specific religion. I am more of a universalist.)
AMERICAN GIRLS: Many are fundamentalist atheists who would hate to talk about religion. Some others are fundamentalist Protestants who wouldn't listen to my more moderate ideas, and would only say, "You should join our fellowship." Moderate Catholic girls like my Mexican girlfriend would be hard to find.

MEXICAN GIRL: She has never asked about the reputation or ranking of my school, which graduate school I'm going to, and how much money people in my major will be making after graduation. The simple fact that I am at least attending a university impresses her.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Of course, that would take up maybe half of our conversation time. Grades. Reputation of this and that. Getting a job. Ugh.

MEXICAN GIRL: She'd ask me, in tremendous detail, about what I like to cook and eat, and how I prepare the food. She would also sometimes cook dinner for her family. She would eat healthy tortillas, chicken dishes, pozole, tacos, and others.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Some of them would cook too. But many would just eat instant ramen and drink coffee. Maybe Red Bull or Monster so they can pull all-nighters after procrastinating on Facebook. They wouldn't bother to ask me any food/dining-related questions, except if it's related to "hanging out."

MEXICAN GIRL: Early to bed, early to rise, makes her healthy, wealthy, and wise. She always goes to bed at 11 pm or earlier, and wakes up at 6 or 7 am. In my experience, she's never stayed up past midnight doing things. Living in rural Mexico, the sun actually sets her biological clock.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Sleep when it's way past midnight, and come to class late. "Sleeping at 12 am? That's way too early!"

MEXICAN GIRL: Thinks going to school is a blessing, and loves learning. She's around 20, but is finishing up high school since she had to take some time off to work.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Complain about school incessantly. "Gosh, I have an essay due soon. This sucks, another midterm? OMG, I just want to get this over with." They're so fortunate, yet so ungrateful.

MEXICAN GIRL: Has a lot of friends at school as well, but most of the time when I call her, I'd hear her family members talking in the background. She's surrounded by family members, and deeply cares about them. She'd pass the phone onto her sisters and little nephews so they could say "hola" to me.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Surrounded by many superficial "friends," and maybe a few genuine ones. Family is out of the picture.

MEXICAN GIRL: We would be very honest with each other and talk about former ex's, dates, and crushes. In fact, that leads to a deep mutual understanding and trust. We know that we would likely not be cheating with those people if we're willing to talk about them. It's all seen as a normal part of what people do.
AMERICAN GIRLS: People here know that there's a rule of not talking about your ex's to American girls. They could start acting very angry and paranoid if you do. Drama, awkwardness, and what not.

MEXICAN GIRL: No computer. No Facebook. Not even an e-mail (we use text messaging instead). Just a simple cell phone. Listens to music on an old-fashioned boom box, since no one in her family has a fancy Apple gadget. We're back in the old days.
AMERICAN GIRLS: Many, though not all, have nasty social networking habits that cause horrible procrastination and irresponsibility. We'd be in the middle of a conversation, and they would have to pick up a phone call, text someone, or fiddle with their iWhatever. Plug on earbuds all the time so that no one can really talk to them.

My favorite:
MEXICAN GIRL: I can already see the good wife and mother in her. In fact, she's already treating me with a lot of motherly love by always telling me to stay safe, warm, not get sick, and to keep up my studies. She would even give me advice on not worrying about others around me and not stressing out too much.
AMERICAN GIRLS: "Let's go to the beach. Let's go clubbing. Let's go shopping." Let alone any sort of motherly love. I have never met an American girl my age who would actually act like a mother when I'm with her.


yeah they are very very phenomenal women. they love men. and they truly are genuinely wonderful. I had a mexican woman visiting here a few months before and she talked to me when i said hi to her. So friendly and approachable and open. She talked to me like she new me already. and then she walked out of the place and blew a kiss to me good bye. it was just AWESOME !!!. i have not had that experience in a very very long time. i am still working on getting out of the country for this. and mexico is just across the border.
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Postby momopi » Thu Nov 10, 2011 9:08 am

Falcon wrote:These aren't crude stereotypes, but are actual observations I've made through living in Southern California. They're such common norms that people here don't even realize that they're actually features of an American consumerist culture that some folks may have trouble adapting to; they're just "default." This is what nearly all the American college girls here have in common, except for the new immigrants of course. If you don't have at least some of the following, you're simply not going to "click" with the other girls on campus, EVEN if you're very good-looking or have a great personality.

(not a girl) - Valley girl accent
(check, started in pre-FB era with local BBS scene) - Social networking addiction, especially Facebook
(check) - Use "like" in many of your sentences
(check) - The typical SoCal suburban wear, such as Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle
(check) - Own an iPhone, iPod, SmartPhone, BlackBerry, or at least some other related gadget so you won't appear "technologically behind"
(TLC, Food Network) - Be obsessed with American entertainment - e.g., pop songs, movies
(check) - Participate in the college drinking and partying scene, and maybe also the notorious hookup scene
(check - I prefer Napa) - Go to Las Vegas or San Francisco for vacation
(check - UCLA/USC) - Know about California sports, such as basketball, baseball, football tournaments
(check) - "Hang out" with a group of friends by going shopping or to the movies, and text them before you do. Take lots of pics with everyone so you can post them all on Facebook later.


Hey I fit the above profile pretty well :D


Falcon wrote:Great find. I don't think the sex ratio even matters. Most college campuses have more women than men. I can be surrounded entirely by women, but they would all have the same set of attitudes and habits. Many students either commute or go home on the weekends, leaving the campuses ghost towns during evenings, weekends, breaks, and summers. You should see UC Irvine on a weekend. It's so squeaky clean and devoid of people that it isn't even funny.


I live about 10 mins away from UCI on Jeffery/University. The farmer's market at the University center parking lot on Saturdays is, IMO, the best farmer's market in South OC. I usually go there in the morning and drop by Tanaka Farm on the way back.

I have many friends who graduated from UCI and we used to joke "University of Chinese Immigrants", yet the business department has one of the most hard-core anti-Chinese teachers (Peter Navarro). Makes me wonder how he teaches international MBA classes where most the students are from China??
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