Dating a girl with poor self esteem

Hero · Post by **Hero** » December 22nd, 2011, 12:26 pm

OK, so I'm going back to the Philippines in the Spring (Yay!) and I thought I'd meet one of my online Filipina friends in person. But after the following email exchange, I'm having second thoughts:

Me: I know we'll have a wonderful time

Her: maybe... but im not sure coz im not only one that you want to meet..so take your time with them too..aside from that maybe in person you dont like me coz im not totally pretty ..i am pretty only on my picture coz i am photogenic not like your other friend i am sure they are pretty than me...

Sounds to me like she has some serious issues, and honestly I don't have the time or energy to deal with them. Thoughts? Comments?

Twobrains · Post by **Twobrains** » December 22nd, 2011, 1:10 pm

Depends what you want from her - sex or a relationship? She might be grateful for your sexual attention, but then she'll probably feel bad and you might feel guilty when you say goodbye. And you should say goodbye because a relationship with someone of low self-esteem is a nightmare.

Contrarian Expatriate · December 22nd, 2011, 4:03 pm

You need to seek balance. A girl with too much self esteem would tend to be a narcissist, and a girl with too little might tend to be a desperate clinger hell bent on using guilt and stalking to prevent to prevent her from losing you.

I once thought that girls with low self-esteem where preferable and that they would benefit from a man's encouragement. In actuality, girls with low self esteem tend to be "damaged goods" from past history and they do destructive things like sleep with married men, use guilt trips on you all the time, and become fag hags.

Seek the middle ground, trust me.

C.J. · Post by **C.J.** » December 22nd, 2011, 5:11 pm

Question.

Why/how does she know about your "other friends"?

Most people don't realize, that women are gonna be women. Any woman that isn't "damaged goods" is suspect, as she must be very protective of herself(and offensive to others). People will get hurt over their lifetime, nothing you can do about that. I also heard 'round here, that filipinas don't think they're the hot stuff compared to others.

Hero · Post by **Hero** » December 23rd, 2011, 7:23 am

C.J. wrote:Question.

Why/how does she know about your "other friends"?

On Tagged.com, your friends can see your friends list, just like Facebook.

Seems like a lot of Filipinas on Tagged.com and Filipinaheart.com are just playing games. They act like they love you when you're chatting online, but when you tell them you're actually coming for a visit, they're far from enthusiastic about that news.

One girl from Tagged.com kept telling me for a whole year that she hoped I'd visit her some day. Then when I finally told her that I was coming for a visit, I never heard from her again.

davewe · Post by **davewe** » December 25th, 2011, 4:36 pm

Hero wrote:OK, so I'm going back to the Philippines in the Spring (Yay!) and I thought I'd meet one of my online Filipina friends in person. But after the following email exchange, I'm having second thoughts:

Me: I know we'll have a wonderful time

Her: maybe... but im not sure coz im not only one that you want to meet..so take your time with them too..aside from that maybe in person you dont like me coz im not totally pretty ..i am pretty only on my picture coz i am photogenic not like your other friend i am sure they are pretty than me...

Sounds to me like she has some serious issues, and honestly I don't have the time or energy to deal with them. Thoughts? Comments?

This seems to me to be a pretty common response. While you may be right, she may have low self esteem, there at many oth possible explanations. All filipinas know that you are chatting with other girls and there are so many pretty ones that she may legitimately be worried. Say, you have seen her on cam haven't you? She may also be fishing for a compliment. In all likelihood she wants to hear the lie that you don't have many chatmates or that she is your favorite.

I just met my favorite chatmate this week in the Philippines and she too is worried about my many other chatmates. And yet she is beautiful and knows it.

As to whether some of these girls actually want to meet, you're right. Some are having fun and aren't as motivated to meet in eye real world, or at least they are scared to. When I announced I was coming I had several girls express interest but make no commitment. OTOH, when I arrived in Manila I posted my status on YM as "in Manila". I got flooded with requests from girls I had not chatted with in weeks.

So, I wouldn't judge her solely on this brief exchange. Just keep your eyes open.

cadams84 · Post by **cadams84** » December 25th, 2011, 5:42 pm

I have seen guys on this forum mention that girls from the Philippines always say someone else looks better, friends, sister etc. She may be feeling insecure that you are meeting other girls but I think that they as a people are just more modest/humble than we are used to.

well-informed · Post by **well-informed** » December 25th, 2011, 6:31 pm

Well i rather date one of those girls than an overzealous one like we're used to here in the US

(Spanish) Prefiero salir con unas de esas muchachas enves de una que es muy orgullosa como estamos acostumbrado aqui en los Estados Unidos

colibri · Post by **colibri** » December 27th, 2011, 10:06 am

Shes just warning you, of not having a high expectation of her (phisically).

i would do the same

if i knew u have beeter looking female friends

So if u really dont like her when u meet her , dont let her see that on ur face :S.

xiongmao · Post by **xiongmao** » January 6th, 2012, 5:38 am

Women either love or hate their appearance, there doesn't seem to be a middle ground!

I'd rather date a woman with low self esteem.

My current Chinese gf told me she wasn't beautiful, but that turned out not to be the case at all!

Twobrains · Post by **Twobrains** » January 6th, 2012, 1:38 pm

xiongmao wrote:Women either love or hate their appearance, there doesn't seem to be a middle ground!

I'd rather date a woman with low self esteem.

My current Chinese gf told me she wasn't beautiful, but that turned out not to be the case at all!

I think there's a distinction between overly modest and low self esteem. LSE girls will fish for compliments and be pissed off when you don't give them. When you do give them they don't believe you're being sincere. They don't believe in themselves so they never let you convince them that you believe in them. It's very tiring and not worth the trouble.

adria2789 · Post by **adria2789** » January 6th, 2012, 5:48 pm

xiongmao wrote:Women either love or hate their appearance, there doesn't seem to be a middle ground!

I'd rather date a woman with low self esteem.

My current Chinese gf told me she wasn't beautiful, but that turned out not to be the case at all!

Not exactly true, xiongmao. Yes, those type of women exist but I think most women (including myself), are in the middle. We like/don't like certain characteristics of our personal apperance. Every woman I've talked to thinks they are a little too tall/short/fat/thin/dark/pale. I never met one woman or man 100% satisfed with their appearance.

But beauty is within the eye of the beholder. Your Chinese gf doesn't think she's beautiful but you obviously disagree

As for hero, she's either being modest or insecure about herself. Pursue with caution.

Dating a girl with poor self esteem

Dating a girl with poor self esteem

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