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Has a man failed if a date isn't followed by intimacy?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Winston
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Has a man failed if a date isn't followed by intimacy?

Post by Winston » June 21st, 2012, 10:20 pm

I'm wondering about something.

Us guys usually feel like we've failed if we go out on a date, and then afterward, she does not want to go to your place or invite you to hers for intimacy. For some reason, men naturally feel like failures if they take a girl out to dinner and then they go their separate ways afterward. It results in a let down or feeling of having failed as a man. My question is: Is this feeling justified? Is there something wrong with it?

The thing is, women would never consider a date to be a failure if no intimacy followed it. But men often do. Why is that?

Suppose you see a girl 2, 3 or 4 times, and she still won't go home with you or invite you to hers. Does that mean you should feel like you've failed somehow? Does that mean there's something wrong? Does it mean you should stop seeing her?

What if she calls you a lot and cares about you, but won't give you any intimacy after any dates? Does that mean something is wrong?

Also, if a girl tells you that she moves slowly, is that always a bad sign? PUA people think it is. But is it really? Women always use that excuse with beta males it seems. But with other guys, they will not use that excuse, but move quickly instead. That sucks.
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Post by onezero4u » June 22nd, 2012, 2:54 am

"What if she calls you a lot and cares about you, but won't give you any intimacy after any dates? Does that mean something is wrong? "

that means she considers you one of her female friends (who happens to possibly have testicles)

heres my semi-flexible guideline:

date 1...kiss on mouth goodnite at a minimum
date 2...making out minimum
date 3...seal the deal or damn close

if youre at date 3 and nothing to show for it...cut her off completely b/c you wont likely ever bang her b/c shes not turned on by you...
no big deal...happens alot to most everyone.
marriage is a 3 ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and then suffering.

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Post by Winston » June 22nd, 2012, 8:53 am

Yeah but that doesn't apply to conservative women right?

You assume that every girl that likes you will have sex by the third date? Is that reasonable or rushed? I know guys think this way, unless they are manginas or conservative themselves. But is it right to think this way?
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Post by xiongmao » June 22nd, 2012, 8:56 am

3 dates with a Chinese woman and if nothing happens it's probably best to bail.

Chinese women often make the first move, although they probably won't if they're virgins (still quite common in China).
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Post by Winston » June 22nd, 2012, 9:50 am


Last edited by Winston on June 22nd, 2012, 9:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Taco » June 22nd, 2012, 9:58 am

If a date with an American woman doesn't involve intimacy your ahead of the game. What guy, wants a 250lb. chick on top of them cutting off your circulation, giving you AIDS, talking about their last boyfriend while trying to convince you she's the victim.

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Post by Repatriate » June 22nd, 2012, 12:20 pm

She's certainly right about body language but I think women naturally downplay their own sexual proclivities though. The 5 date rule in general is probably true but she's right about body language and other indicators such as meeting family and friends as being more significant. A girl who isn't really serious will hide you from their friends and will never show you to their family. That's a universal thing across cultures.

Some other things that I find to be signs of interest:

Another good sign is the casual touch. During a date if you touch her arm, lower back, or elbow and she recoils then it's a real bad sign. Either she's uptight or she doesn't care much for you. If she reacts by moving toward or against you then it's a good thing.

Plus how willing is she to put up money for small things. If she tries to not have you spend too much and pays for things on her own sometimes without asking then it shows she's thinking about your well being. If she's a spendthrift during the date and doesn't seem to care about your cash then you should probably run for the hills.

Women that are interested will also want you to know about their life. They'll show you pics of close family or various gatherings.

Even though Elena is mostly right about body language a couple things she's not 100% correct on. Some women cross their arms because they are insecure or nervous. On the flip side people say women touching their hair when talking with someone is a sign of attraction. Again, it could be a nervous/anxiety thing too. It doesn't always mean one thing.

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Post by lavezzi » June 22nd, 2012, 3:30 pm

Recently I've gone out on 3 dates with a Korean girl, each of which lasting from the evening to the early hours of the morning. She makes it very obvious that she likes me; when laughing she always presses her hands into me, sits very close to me, gives me compliments and says things like "you must have so many girlfriends". But, at the end of the night when I try to kiss her, she turns so it lands on her cheek. I assume in the mind of a Christian Korean, kissing is something that is done only within the confines of a relationship. Whereas here, sex on the first time of meeting is considered normal. So it completely varies based on the girl's background.

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Post by polya » June 22nd, 2012, 4:15 pm

I feel you are a failure if there's no intimacy after the 2nd date. Myself, I won't be intimate after the first date as it feels like I have a choice about the girl. Mechanical sex is boring to me, so I'm not forced into this by f&cking straight away.

How do you know she's not really following "The Rules" - e.g. expect you to pay, won't call you, won't put out... It's a waste of time giving her too many chances - give her the hard word & see her response.
Last edited by polya on June 23rd, 2012, 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Winston » June 22nd, 2012, 5:05 pm

Repatriate wrote:She's certainly right about body language but I think women naturally downplay their own sexual proclivities though. The 5 date rule in general is probably true but she's right about body language and other indicators such as meeting family and friends as being more significant. A girl who isn't really serious will hide you from their friends and will never show you to their family. That's a universal thing across cultures.

Some other things that I find to be signs of interest:

Another good sign is the casual touch. During a date if you touch her arm, lower back, or elbow and she recoils then it's a real bad sign. Either she's uptight or she doesn't care much for you. If she reacts by moving toward or against you then it's a good thing.

Plus how willing is she to put up money for small things. If she tries to not have you spend too much and pays for things on her own sometimes without asking then it shows she's thinking about your well being. If she's a spendthrift during the date and doesn't seem to care about your cash then you should probably run for the hills.

Women that are interested will also want you to know about their life. They'll show you pics of close family or various gatherings.

Even though Elena is mostly right about body language a couple things she's not 100% correct on. Some women cross their arms because they are insecure or nervous. On the flip side people say women touching their hair when talking with someone is a sign of attraction. Again, it could be a nervous/anxiety thing too. It doesn't always mean one thing.
I see. So what if she gives you all those positive signs you list above, plus positive body language, but doesn't give you sex after 5 dates or go home with you? What do you conclude then? What do you do then?
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Post by Christianfilipinacom » June 22nd, 2012, 5:18 pm

Hi Winston, If someone is looking for an easy "intimacy" it seems like the person either chose the wrong candidate or had the wrong timing or lacked the key phrases. If someone is looking for something long-term, then (just as Elena wrote) a longer courtship is not a problem or bad sign. The one thing to remember is that the gentleman should consistently show small kind gestures to any lady, even if she does not respond; in fact, if he is looking for a response, then the lady will not truly appreciate the gesture but will only respond as if she did. Eventually most ladies will begin to look forward to the small kind gestures, and affection is built slowly but surely.

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Post by Repatriate » June 23rd, 2012, 6:23 am

Winston wrote: I see. So what if she gives you all those positive signs you list above, plus positive body language, but doesn't give you sex after 5 dates or go home with you? What do you conclude then? What do you do then?
I'd get into her mind a bit and find out why she's so reluctant. Bad past relationships? Shyness or inexperience with sexual relations? or is she just a bit of a prude?

Then there's the other part of it which is a possibility where she's just not sexually attracted and she considers you a close friend. On the other hand if she lets you get touchy feely in other ways then that shouldn't even be the case.

The last part is what most guys are assuming automatically but i'd say that's just one possibility.

How long do you stick with a girl who is reluctant to get intimate is basically down to how real your emotional relationship is and what your objective is. Marriage or just a fling?

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Post by E_Irizarry » June 23rd, 2012, 6:49 am

Taco wrote:If a date with an American woman doesn't involve intimacy your ahead of the game. What guy, wants a 250lb. chick on top of them cutting off your circulation, giving you AIDS, talking about their last boyfriend while trying to convince you she's the victim.
LOL unorthodox Taco @ it again. ;O)
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Post by Taco » June 23rd, 2012, 7:15 am

It's often difficult to interpret intimacy on the first date. It might be a sign the woman is crazy about you or it might be a sign she's really unstable.

In western countries, the later is the most likely interpretation. However, in a more conservative country like China, relationships often progress at lightning speed and this is considered normal. The sex act is ment to "seal the deal"(marriage). If you decide not to marry a Chinese woman after you've slept with her you can expect a very hostile visit from the male members of her family. However, this is changing in China's big cities where short term relationships are more common.

If your looking for a long term relationship its a good idea to take things slowly. You want to be thinking very clearly when you decide to marry. Sex on the first date does not help this process.

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Post by samurai_panda » July 6th, 2012, 7:40 am

Biological science keeps saying men are just horny animals that just view women as sex objects for their own pleasure.

Well they were right. Just playing.

I think a GOOD woman inspires the noble nature in man. We men feel natural as strong defenders and providers.

Let go of the hatred and bitterness. There are people who care about you. You are just too consumed with jaded bitterness and being miserable.

Enjoy life. Smile more. Laugh at stupid shit. f**k it, you could die tomorrow. You really want to live like a miserable fool?

Panda Samurai strikes again!

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