The reasons that the dating scene in America is a no-win situation that doesn't work for me are:
1) I don't fit any of the culturally desirable types of guys that American girls want
I am a short Asian male which is the opposite of the cultural ideal in this country. Young American women desire the following types of guys, none of which I am one of: a) tall sporty athletic Caucasian males, b) scruffy looking punk/skater types, c) beach boy/surfer dude types, d) bad boy types with goatees, and tattoos, e) jocks/athletic types (who are white of course), f) cowboys/macho men, and of course g) guys in a band. I just don't look like any of those types, therefore, I'm not on their wish list or preference. To them, a preppy looking clean-cut kind intelligent Asian male has nothing to offer them, even if he has way more money than those cultural ideal types above that fit American girls' tastes. Hence, they are anti-social to me and see me as zero value.
Now, I am the type of guy that many American women SAY they want â€“ nice, caring, considerate, attentive, considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but in REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later, â€œWhere are all the nice men?â€� Thus, they shoot themselves in the foot and contradict themselves. How wholesome they are, NOT! In reality, â€œnice menâ€� are everywhere, they just donâ€™t want them.
2) My ethnicity is considered the least desirable among males to American girls
Among males in the US, Asian men are considered the least desirable race in this country in terms of attraction to American women. They are the equivalent to Black females, who are also considered the least desirable in America in the female racial hierarchy. American females' racial preferences are in this order 1-Whites, 2-Hispanics, 3-Blacks, 4-Asians/East Indians. For those who beg to differ, this order of preference is very evident even in personal ads. For example, if you browse through thousands of American women's personal ads on match.com (something which I have done), you will find that most of them prefer to meet only white Caucasian men. Less than half are open to interracial relationships/dating. And among those that do, they prefer Hispanics and Blacks. Very few are open to Asians or list "Any" under racial preference. Any cursory glance of female personal ads in America will reveal this. There simply is no debate. Even Hollywood movies depict this. In fact, there is an unwritten rule in Hollywood that the Asian star never gets the girl, only white stars do.
Now, some American women occasionally come out to me and protest, "That's not true, I like Asian men!" but of course, they are in the minority not majority (one "x" among nine "o"s doesn't erase the majority of the "o"s) whereas we are talking about the collective preference. Plus, I've noticed that, as with the â€œI want a nice guyâ€� claim above, many American women who SAY they like Asian men, in reality never date them anyway.
In fact, American women generally do not even like foreign men in general unless they are white Western European or Australian. They see being with a foreign man of color as a considerable lowering of their status. (In contrast, their white European female counterparts are for more open and willing toward foreign men of color) My cultural consultant noticed this too:
â€œI have been to quite a few countries and I have noticed that foreign men living there would normally have local girlfriends/wives. In Japan most foreigners would eventually settle down with a local lady. Same in most other Asian countries, Africa, Latin America, etc.
However, you hardly ever see an American woman with a foreign man and hardly see foreign men married to American women. Very very few.â€�
3) My height disqualifies me as well
Also, women are genetically imbred to prefer taller and bigger guys because their instincts think they look like they are better providers and a strong foundation to lean on. Most women wonâ€™t even consider a guy who is not at least 5ft 9. And since I am only 5ft 7, Iâ€™m just not in the running to them.
4) Most of my qualities are inner, which only older women appreciate
Since most of my good qualities are inner rather than outer, it seems that only women much older (too old for me) appreciate them, rather than younger women or even women my age. And thatâ€™s why usually women too old for me reply to my personal ads on Craigs List. The reason, according to one of my consultants, is:
â€œBecause when they are older they lose their beauty and develop inner qualities as well. So they value those in others. Younger girls do not have them and they only have the outward qualities so they value those in others too. They cannot relate to inner ones since they do not have any yet.â€�
And gee, that just sucks.
5) No freedom to act out my natural genetically-encoded desires for women
In America, young independent women walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys â€œYou are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.â€�
Simply put, men aren't free to "act out" or "act on" their desires toward women (as they are in most other countries), unless a woman gives him permission to, of course. But the problem for me is that women never give me permission to act out my desires for them. So what am I to do? I definitely have VERY strong desires for romance, love, sex and intimacy. But what can I do about it?! I can't constantly restrain these desires 24/7. Get real American society!
And of course, I can't always afford to hire hookers at $200 an hour. Get real. And even if I could, they lack any genuine affection and treat it as all business, which is a real turnoff (I have heard though that non-white "working girls" though, tend to give genuine affection to their clients and treat it like a date). So that wouldn't be enough to satisfy me anyway.
No, I need REAL physical and emotional affection from a woman I'm compatible with who is consistent, sees me regularly, a regular partner to me, and won't flake out or make excuses not to see me. Lots of other guys I see around me have that, so why can't I?! It's not that much to ask for, especially from a good person! I tell God and the universe this everyday, but no real relationship ever solidifies, no matter how hard I try or what I do or how many women I meet. Where is the justice in this universe?
6) US women have so many choices that I don't even have a chance
Young women in America simply have way too many choices. Guys are constantly after them, hitting on them, calling them, asking for dates, etc. And naturally, when you have so many choices, you become super picky, or you don't choose anyone at all.
Average looking men like me simply have no chance. They have all the upperhand, and whether we treat them right or not, it doesn't matter, cause we aren't their "type" and they look down on us.
In defense and in admission of having too many choices, an attractive close female friend of mine said:
"having a million choices doesn't mean you want any of them. so it doesn't matter.
if i meet a million guys all asking me out and YOU consider them GREAT, but they BORE me, i'm not any more satisfied than u are not satisfied with the offers u get. GET IT? it's all relative."
Uh geez! How picky can you get? If I had a lot of choices, I sure wouldnâ€™t complain! At least she feels wanted. (Note: I did get her to admit later though, that if no guys wanted her, that she would in fact develop complexes about it)
Perhaps my cultural advisor put it best when he said:
"The USA for women is like Bangkok for men. Women can have any man they want. But if people ask for advice about how to score with American women they can never get a straight answer or a correct answer:
1) It is not PC to admit that AW are racist and they do not like Asian men. So, they will advise you all kinds of BS and tell you to improve your hair style, your clothing, work on social skills. All while AW look ugly, have no social skills, often smell bad, are fat and STILL GET THE MOST HANDSOME GUYS AROUND. Something is wrong. Very wrong.
2) If you get advice from Americans, most probably they will not be travelers. So, again, they will not see the proper perspective on things.
Just get your ass over to the Philippines."
7) Bubble/force field around young modern American women toward strangers
In America, young women donâ€™t like talking to strangers, are paranoid and stuck up toward them, and in their own little bubbles/islands. Only old people and little kids are sociable and relaxed toward strangers. But not young women. No way. They are a different dimension and wavelength.
American women tend to ignore those that arenâ€™t part of their clique, talking to strangers only for business or money related matters. In fact, they are defensive, anti-social, and paranoid toward them. They have this bubble/force field around them that makes it feel inappropriate to try to meet them, making you feel like a creep or if you even try (or dare to have desires for them). And if you do penetrate their "bubble", it causes an energy drain in your vibe/aura, to the point where the more you try, the less will and motivation you have to try again. Thus, having nature-given genetically-encoded desires for women makes you feel like a criminal in America, an oddity indeed. This makes meeting women in America SUPER-HARD and unnatural, to say the least.
Though Americans tend to be in a "bubble" more than people in other countries, due to our strong sense of individualism and lack of interconnectedness that other countries have, the females tend to have a much STRONGER bubble around them than the males do. This has been attested to as obvious by both men and women.
In fact, you rarely see American females even alone in public, but mostly males who are sitting alone and open to being approached. Females tend to hang in groups, with girlfriends, or with their boyfriends/husbands, out in public. And even if they are alone, they usually prefer being alone, for if you ask to join them, they will say that they are enjoying valuable time off and prefer to be by themselves. It is very difficult to find one alone and open to meeting strangers. But, of course, you can find that easily abroad.
But unfortunately, even when I do meet women in America, itâ€™s still like a lose-lose situation for me, because one of the following always happens:
a) They talk to me for a few minutes and then say, â€œWell it was nice meeting youâ€� and then go off and I usually never see them again.
b) I ask them out and they respond with either â€œI have a boyfriend/husbandâ€� or â€œIâ€™m too busy to go out and I work/study too muchâ€� or â€œI donâ€™t date, I spend all my time with my babyâ€� or â€œI just got out of a serious relationship and am not looking right nowâ€� or they agree to a date but flake out/not show up later.
So you see, in the big picture, thereâ€™s no way to win. Either way, I lose. Why should I play such a losing chess game?
8) High rate of flake-outs and making excuses
In short, no matter how many girls I meet in America, they always tell me they are taken, not looking, or flake out on me.
After meeting me, for some reason, probably a combination of the above reasons, women tend to make excuses not to spend time with me after meeting me, even if they enjoyed our time together and have a lot in common with me. After our first meeting or date, they tend to either 1- get too busy with work and life to make any time to see me, or 2- suddenly go through emotional stress/problems and claim to need to spend time alone. Or they come up with some other BS excuse, never offering or proposing an alternate or available date to see me again. And if I check back again later, they come up with something else. This happens even when I've done nothing wrong, treated them well, given them a great time, or even if we have tons in common and seem to connect well or are very compatible.
In other countries, all you have to do to get a date is pay a few compliments and flattering words to a woman you desire, and you got it. But in the US, that's nowhere near enough. Compliments to a woman usually results in a simple "thank you" or feeling that you are a creep. And simply asking them out upfront usually results in responses such as "I have a boyfriend, I'm busy, I am so stressed that I spend all my free time alone, I'm not looking for anyone, I don't know you." etc. With warped logic, they assume by default that ANY man who tries to spend time with them, even platonically or just to talk, is after her body and â€œobjectifiesâ€� her. Itâ€™s a false assumption and false logic that they hold, that creates an unfeminine no-win situation for men.
On the internet alone, over 90 percent of American females tend to stop talking to me and disappear after they see my photo (unless they're old and don't care), EVEN if we have a lot in common or they like what they hear about me and my qualities. This fact alone totally DEBUNKS the assertion of many naive Americans that women are rejecting me cause of defects in my personality or attitude, for clearly I am being rejected based on looks in this case repeatedly.
That almost never happens with foreign women, even if they're from industrialized countries. I'm not saying that foreign women don't care about looks. They are influenced by them too, but not to the degree that American girls are. Sure, foreign women have rejected me too, but the flake-out rate on me (in person and online) is nowhere near as high as in the states.
Iâ€™ve also met hundreds of girls in person from the internet in America. And you know what? Almost none of them wanted to see me a second time, except for a few, but they only wanted to meet again as friends. Does that indicate that the dating scene in the US is to my advantage? And it was not due to any fault of my own, as I did nothing wrong. These girls had impossible standards, and couldnâ€™t even hold an intelligent conversation. So if the problem is with me, then how come I donâ€™t have any problems holding conversations with foreign women and meeting them more than once?
To those who tell me that I must lower my standards (albeit an unrealistic suggestion since first, I don't have high standards, and second, I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not), consider this. Even fat ugly women have rejected me in the same way (before I can reject them too lol) simply because, although they can't get anyone either, I still don't fit their "tastes". A lot of chubby women that no guys want still prefer "punk rock" type guys.
The thing is, not only are girls hard to meet in America, but even when I do meet them, no matter how many of them I meet, whether itâ€™s 10, 100, 1,000 or 10,000, they ALL make excuses not to be with me, even though Iâ€™m good looking, nice, interesting and I do NOTHING wrong. And when they blow me off, they do it as though it were a routine theyâ€™ve rehearsed many times before. That makes it the most unnatural dating scene in the universe! There is definitely something very out of whack and F-ed up about that for sure! It should not be that way at all, which you fully realize once you are in a culture and place where itâ€™s not like that.
But itâ€™s not just me and Asian guys that have this problem. Many decent white guys in American also report similar situations. For instance on my forum:
â€œI guess I just need to vent.
I'm an American white guy. I don't think I look bad at all. Well groomed, fit, young, in college. Dating is the hardest thing in my life, it's harder than any job or class i've ever had.
Long story short, I've had to study huge amounts of dating material to have any luck with women at all. I've posted here in the past about how to actually get a date and meet women. But, sometimes it hits me, why does have to be so freaking difficult? If I didn't practically have a doctorate in pickup / seduction material I think I'd be totally shit-out-of-luck
There really is a 90/10 thing going on, or 10% of men in the U.S. get 90% of the women. If you wanna date halfway attractive women you have to be extremely alpha-male. If you show any sign of weakness or being "beta" a girl will quickly flake on you. Trying to date an attractive woman in the U.S. is like having the world's worst boss where if you make one mistake you're fired.
This week I got 3 numbers from 3 different hotties. In all the follow-up calls all 3 flaked on having lunch with me. Well the calibration of my game is clearly off... My voice tone wasn't perfect, maybe I didn't build enough comfort, maybe I waited too long / not long enough to call. Whatever the case is, my 2008 dry spell has been lasting so long that I almost feel like giving up... But, I know I can't do that:) But sometimes I get so frustrated that I reach my wits end.â€�
9) Being overly tough, aggressive, masculine, confident, they need someone stronger than them
Nowadays, for some reason, American women act overly tough, aggressive, overly confident to the point of being masculine, in their behavior and speech. They are very different from the classical feminine persona of being sweet, tender, modest, romantic, and empathetic. Rather than being gentle, soft, and tender on the inside, they are cold, harsh, abrupt, angry, hateful, snobby, bitchy and ready to diss anyone who accidentally steps on their toes. Also, they behave as though they own everything and have the final say on all.
Modern American women also tend to be harsh, abrupt, business-like, and are able to easily say cruel or hurtful things without remorse or regret. To me, thatâ€™s just sociopathic (or perhaps they just have an alien soul to me, who knows).
Therefore, of course, since we all know that women want someone stronger than them, so they can feel protected. That means I've got to be even more tough, aggressive, masculine and confident than they are, to even be considered.
Well it's not that I'm not. It's just that my true strength is inner rather than outer, and keeping it that way feels the most balanced to my overall persona. Outwardly, I am naturally gentle and tender, and so of course they will perceive me as weaker than them. Therefore, in that sense, I'm also not their type, besides not being the cultural ideal. But what can I say? I can't be something I'm not.
Foreign women, on the other hand, tend to be much more modest, humble, gentle, tender, and less aggressive. The difference is too obvious. Thus, who I truly am is a better match-up with them.
10) American women hate men and don't need men
Nowadays, American women have this inner hatred toward men, fueled by feminism and talk shows such as Oprah. You can see it on their faces in public, this anti-men look on their faces, expression, and vibe.
In America, women can treat men like shit, but men aren't allowed to complain about it because in America's politically correct feminist culture, women are never wrong and can do no wrong. Hence it's taboo and politically incorrect to go against that.
In addition, they are so independent, strong, overly confident, and masculine that they don't really even need men. They believe in having productive, fulfilling lives without them. Many are perfectly happy to just work and go shopping in their spare time. They see themselves as complete, independent and view men as an unnecessary luxury that often causes more trouble than good.
You can see it in the way they walk and behave, as if they have no need to bond/connect with others, seek romance, open their hearts and minds, etc. Instead, they are business-like and cold, only speaking to strangers if it's business or money related. It's as if they are incapable of loneliness and are too fulfilled and busy to bother investing in others. And they walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys â€œYou are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.â€�
I just don't agree with that. I believe that men and women should need each other. Why should I pursue someone who doesn't need me, wonâ€™t emotionally attach herself to me, and doesnâ€™t even make time to spend with me? Why give your heart, feelings and emotions to someone who won't truly give their heart/emotions back? It just seems pointless. And very unromantic as well.
So you see, in America, I'm just never in the dating game. I'm totally shut out and excluded from it. It's one thing to get used, cheated on, etc. like those who are "in the game" deal with, but people like me aren't even called up to bat. And that's the worst position to be in. I'd rather even be used than never in the game.
These things above happen to me constantly even after meeting thousands of women. It just never changes. They all either tell me that they are taken, not looking, or flake out. And if an exception seems to be brewing, getting me all excited, it always turns out to be just a farce and temporary. Thatâ€™s just unacceptable to me.
Even if I am in a situation where the women far outnumber the men, such as a cooking class, yoga class, swing dance club, or college girls dorm, Iâ€™m still never â€œin the gameâ€� because they see me as â€œnot dating materialâ€�, not their type, and project asexual, prudish vibes at me, keeping interaction with me to a bare minimum, humoring me at best if they have to. In fact, even when I meet a girl who complains that no one wants to date her, and I say that I am interested in dating her, she will usually act as though she didnâ€™t hear it.
Thus, I would say that America probably has the worst dating scene in the world for me. I don't think any other country in the world would totally shut me out of the dating scene and exclude me from it, the way that America does.
Therefore, these reasons help explain why I hate the dating scene in America so much, and why it's a no-win situation for me. I simply feel suffocated and tortured under these conditions, never being allowed to act out my natural desires for women, being required to restrain them 24/7 (an impossible expectation of American women on me). And there seem to be no logical solutions or remedy for me in the states. I've tried everything, both conventional and unconventional, more than you can imagine, and nothing works. It's either a case of bad circumstances, bad karma/fate, or both.
Whatever the case, I can't accept it and won't give up. If going overseas is the only remedy to the above, and the only way to put me "in the game" then so be it. And even if the critics of overseas love-seeking are right (which they are not) that I would get "used" overseas by "desperate women", it's still better than the aforementioned conditions of being totally shut out of the game. Besides, a desperate man is better off going for desperate women anyway, than pursuing super picky Western women with too many choices who don't need him, don't find him to be her type (preferring football players, punks, and bad boys), and donâ€™t ever give him a chance. At least with the former I have a chance, whereas with the latter I have no chance.
But for some reason, these critics don't get that and don't see the big picture.
Nowadays American women have such a high sense of ENTITLEMENT that goes OFF THE CHART! It makes it nearly impossible for guys like me to get dates. And to make things worse, American women always claim to be too busy to date or spend time with me, always, especially in this workaholic society where people make money and mind their own business. So what am I supposed to do, wait for them forever and masturbate while watching useless junk on cable TV? No way! I can just go ABROAD where lots of gorgeous women, most of them tall, skinny and pretty/cute, have plenty of time for me! Why stay in a sinking ship, simply because itâ€™s TABOO to think or talk about getting off it? America is CRAZY!
As my cultural advisor said above, â€œThe USA for women is like Bangkok for men.â€� So why stay on a sinking ship? Why play a losing game? Why not go to where I can have the same upperhand that women do in the USA, such as the Philippines or Thailand (Bangkok)? I am just as deserving as they are (in my opinion). Iâ€™d rather be in an area or situation where I have more of an upperhand in the dating field, as it should be. And if it comes down to two desperate people â€œusingâ€� each other, then so be it. It means a lot to me, and no one has the right to tell me that I should continue to suffer and play a losing game instead.
Logical reasons why my standards are not â€œtoo highâ€� in America
Let me tell you something else. The dating scene in America is so bad for men now, that I canâ€™t even get fat ugly chicks anymore. You see, even they have their tastes and sense of entitlement. A lot of them, it seems, want the country western rugged cowboy type. They donâ€™t just want any man thatâ€™s nice to them, for theyâ€™ve been taught by their culture not to settle until they get what they want, the best for them. And of course, I donâ€™t look like the rugged country western cowboy type.
Likewise, they are not my type or taste either, as I am attracted to tall thin women.
Whatâ€™s strange and irrational though, is that critics of my dating rants often claim that I am reaching too far out of â€œmy leagueâ€�, and ought to settle for women that Iâ€™m unattracted to who are more in â€œmy leagueâ€�. There are some core problems with that. First, I canâ€™t force myself to be attracted to someone Iâ€™m not. It would make me unhappy, and it wouldnâ€™t be right, nor even possible. Second, even if American dating culture put me in the same â€œleagueâ€� as fat ugly women, it still wouldnâ€™t matter, because simply put, Iâ€™m not their type and they arenâ€™t my type. So it could never work, even if Iâ€™m in their â€œleagueâ€� by cultural standards.
But in spite of that, technically I should not be in the same â€œleagueâ€� as fat ugly women because I am NOT fat or ugly. Sure I may be a few pounds overweight, but I am not obese. So there is no logical reason why I would be in the same â€œleagueâ€� or category as them. Thus, these critics are not making any sense, nor are they being realistic.
The only thing I have in common with fat ugly chicks is that we are both considered unattractive by US cultural standards. However, everyone who is unattractive in US culture should not automatically be put in the same category, especially since I donâ€™t look anything like them, and even more so, since attractive women abroad consider me in their â€œleagueâ€� or sometimes even above their â€œleagueâ€� (as the case is in the Philippines). Therefore, there is no logical reason why we should be in the same â€œleagueâ€�.
Also, my standards are not that high, so I beg to differ on that too. Hereâ€™s why. I simply like thin and cute girls. They may be harder to find in America. But in foreign countries, thin and cute girls are the standard norm, they are the â€œaverageâ€� so to speak. Thus, by international standards, my standards are â€œnormalâ€�, not high.
Therefore, technically there should be nothing wrong with me or my standards. That is not the problem. I am simply a mismatch in US dating culture. The logical solution then, would be to go abroad where my â€œstandardsâ€� are not considered â€œtoo highâ€�, but are normal and attainable. And of course, to where my dating opportunities and likability are higher and vastly greater. So far, that solution has proven to be the correct endeavor.