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Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
Here are 2 stories I have recently heard that I find interesting when it comes to the notion of poor foreign girls and Western men's cash. Take it for what it is worth - I am still digesting the stories. I have made many friends in PI over the last year who are not potential girlfriends but we often talk of cultural differences, especially regarding men and women. These stories were told to me by women I know well and consider close friends.
Friend one has an American bf. She is late 20s, reasonably attractive but getting older in a very competitive environment. Her bf sends her an allowance of $50/month with which she pays for her gym membership and a monthly visit to the salon. We have a mutual friend so I know this figure is accurate. Each month the guy is annoyed at the vast sum he must send her and each month she is hurt by this because in her view she works out and does her hair and nails to please "her man." Is she a poor gold digger only looking for his cash? In all likelihood the guy thinks she is using him somehow and she thinks that his small allowance should be understood as an expression of his love for her. When he complains about it she hears "he doesn't love me."
Girl 2 is almost 22 and a recent college grad. Very cute and sexy. She has had a Swiss bf for nearly a year. Yesterday she expressed concern for their relationship. She worries that the guy cannot afford to support her. I questioned what her notion of support is. She worries about moving to his country and not being able to eat properly. I tried to tell her that in a country like Switzerland you would almost have to try to starve; it is nearly impossible. It was hard to convince her since in PI it is easy to go hungry. The guy in question is 40ish, works in the insurance industry and has a nice apartment. Again I tried to tell my friend that she would not go hungry but if she required more luxuries she would have to quiz her bf more. She assured me her fears had nothing to do with luxury, only going abroad and not having work and going hungry.
Now I know that many bad women exist everywhere, gold diggers abound and guys can get used. But I hear more stories like these two.
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I don't like the attitude of both, I sense an undercurrent of dry materialism. Cannot help but ask myself whether they love the guys or what the guys represent.
Now, I understand that this kind of behavior is somewhat to be expected in countries where it's the norm for a lot of people to be one or two meals away from hunger, and I also understand that the Philippines is a culture where women depend on men. Still.
Last edited by Exod on October 21st, 2012, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
They are both the same, we call em leechers cause they are blood sucking parasites and I dont care if they ask 50 buck or 500 bucks a month, bottom line is they should be avoided these kind of people period
why would you be sending moneyto somebody thats not your level, i rather take 50 bucks and get a decent blow job in the west once a month, what sort of future is there, clear mismatch
once you stop sending or 'supporting'(Filipinas and Thai girls love that word, I hate it) it is all over, i mean its over literally, so im asking you, what kind of love is that?Proves that most westerners are dumb asses
dude women and money...hahaha....it is honestly at the bottom of the barel. even for gold diggers. but only if your trigger her the right way will she drop the money thing.
The first lady. it is very common for both sexes to be opposed to each other. he gives her money to support her. he starts complaining. she begins to think that she is not loved by him. because women judge men by their actions. It can really be difficult. because if you say i love you. she does not believe you.
the second lady. she can not see how switzerland is a very rich country. it is nearly impossible for her to go broke there with him.
So is Friend 1's boyfriend living in PI or just paying that girl for nothing? I don't get it then.
I am OK to help out the girl I am dating. What's the point of me then if she fully supports herself and can't rely on me? Gold diggers and simple old-fashion women are two different things, although they can be mis-interpreted and mixed into both categories. Where does gold-digging start or stop?
I am OK with basic support. Say, if I marry a European girl and move her over to the U.S., I will give her some money for doing her hair and buying some lipstick. Now it's a whole different story if she will complain that I didn't buy her Mercedes - then I will dump her right away, no matter what relationship we have etc.
You guys that are so greedy need to get a life. Why do you want women to do everything and blow you as well? What's the point of having you then? And how are you different from ghetto losers that Western women love so much?
"ghetto losers" ..exactly...just looking for those free whores...
Most of these girls come from very traditional places and the man as primary bread winner is a big deal.
I have noticed that loser monger types keep tract of every penny, and are very poor material for any kind of
long term relationship...too busy keeping tract of every penny spent. A decent girl is usually gracious and does not ask,
and in the presence of a gentleman, she does not need to do so. Of course, the loser types will never much make it to that strata
of society anyway...so they will just end up spending their time calculating average cost per BJ per month with their "Girlfriend".
My wife has very simple tastes in spending but I have never even remotely tried to do some kind of calculation about her, she is just not
very interested in what I do or don't have although she is very frugal by nature. She also understands the nature of marriage vs being just a roommate with whom I split expenses.
Maybe low level scamming rather than gold digging. The shovel seems kind of small.
The "tell" is how many other guys are sending her $50 per month? That's $600 per year times X number of guys.
This may be gold digging disguised as bat$#!^ crazy, genuine concern, or just bat$#!^ crazy.
If the bf buys her family 50#s of rice and beans (or whatever the staples are), her reaction will show whether starvation is the real concern.
Someone posted a vid where an old Thai woman says "Without money, there is no love", but these two stories only raise the "collect more info" alert, not the "Run, Forrest, Run!" alarm.
Providing most of the "basics" (food, clothing, shelter) are part of the bargain, I think. Guys who want to "split the finances down the middle" should stay in their home country. .
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
Its not uncommon for girls in Asia to have more than one bf that supports them financially.
Explains why internet caffes are always full of these girls chatting with their western bfs.
I said in my other thread tht one of the downsides of dating abroad is that you will play role of santa claus you like it or not, if you are 25 or 55 makes no difference
Her money is her money, your money is for both of you to enjoy spending and if you challange that it means you dont love her
You know, come to think of it, maybe it's not that bad. It depends on the situation.
We Westerners are used to women having their own money, for the most part, either from family or a job. In fact when they extract resources from a willing man (called beta, white night, groveler, you get the idea) we immediately recoil in a mix of horror for the behavior and pity for the poor guy (because we know he's not getting anything from it).
It's a cultural trap. In the non-Western part of the world an independent, self-sufficient woman isn't the norm. The man pays, end of story. We also forget, at least I often do, that what makes women dependent on you (allowances, power shifted to the man, etc.) also makes them more docile and feminine. Independent women who can gather their own resources can, and usually will, call the shots (and resent you for it.)
I understand the one between gold digger and simple "love allowance" is a fine line. But I can't fault someone who chooses to tread it instead of handling a Western independent virago whom you will directly or indirectly pay anyway. (Women are never really independent.)
The terms "sugar daddy" and "Santa Claus" imply seeing the thing through Western eyes using Western shaming terms. A woman must get something out of the relationship, or else why even get into it? And the "something" that they must get is largely cultural- and environment-dependent.
In short... independent, sweet, money-extracting. Choose two.
I would willingly give an allowance of $50 to a girl whom I like a lot and doesn't give me grief, as long it's an exclusive relationship and I can sense I'm not just milked.
Last edited by Exod on October 21st, 2012, 6:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Money corrupts mind and I m against giving money in exchange to love, if I wana go that route there are places for that kind of fun.
50 bucks pm is not much to give, its not about amount, proplem is that girl in her mind cant separate love and money,problem is that 50 bucks 'holds' relationshit together but does it and there are a few things that can happen bc of tht.
Imagine some other westerner runs into your girl and after lenghthy talk he offers her 500 or 1000 dollars a month,
bc of her conditioning to unable to separate love and money her logic tells her this new guys loves her much more than 50 bucks one, and guess what all of a sudden SHE IS IN LOVE with new guy
Other scenario is that you cld just get sick or whatever and are unable to send her any $$$, you know what happens after that
I dont wanna play devils advocate western women cant be bashed abt money issue as they are much better in that department than non western women. They are independent, they earn money so they are wise how they spend it, they are ok to share the bill, there are some gold diggers but most of them dont give a shit if guy has money or not, if they like him and think he is cute,attractive, he is in.
I personally know guys that do crappy jobs, low paid like waitres, security guard who bang some hot chicks but yes these guys look good..now ask security guard in thailand when was the last time he banged chick for free??
It has always been about exchanging resources for sex. Modern language has just clouded the matter. The "love/monogamy" angle was created to get productive men to buy into the process. The process has ALWAYS benefited women and children (and whoever was in charge) more than the individual men. Men would spend more time fighting FOR the group rather than fighting WITHIN the group. They would devote more effort to supporting their "own" woman and (presumed) biological children. Anywhere women's ability to acquire resources (without men) increases, divorce increases.
Rural vs Urban divorce numbers (around the world)
http://unstats.un.org/unsd/demographic/ ... able25.pdf
Marriage and the Family in China
http://www.chinatoday.com.cn/English/e2 ... rriage.htm
Women in China Embrace Divorce as Stigma Eases
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/04/inter ... d=all&_r=0
Women Who Earn More, More Likely To Get Divorced
http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolinehow ... -divorced/
The new emancipation (India)
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
I am finding some of the answers as interesting as the original question and certainly explains somethings. I said in my posting that both women are good friends I have known for a year plus, so assume the girl getting (or not getting) $50 from her bf is not doing this to others. In fact, I am having dinner with girl number 2 in less than an hour. Am sure she will be surprised that those who think she is a scammer for wondering what her life will be like if she moves to Switzerland.
One other factoid about girl number one. The bf expects her online and at his beck and call whenever he wants her, and all for the princely sum of $50. And he fights her over the 50.
Is it any wonder that a viable guy, not a dumbass can come to Phils or similar places and clean up. The women here are used to cheating and beating pinoys, or controlling, dumb and cheap Westerners. That really was my main point. These women are so very happy with very little that they get.
But isn't it also important to set boundaries, especially if it's true that Filipinos assume Westerners have infinitely deep pockets?
Now, I don't know the motivations of the $50 guy, but were I in his shoes I would do something similar. I mean, $50 can become $70. Then $100. Then $120. You get the idea. It's not about the $50, which is small change, it's about sending the message that you're not a wishy-washy walking ATM controllable by bitching. It's avoiding giving her too much power in the relationship.
(Of course every situation is different. I mean, if she's starving by all means pony up. If she can't pay for her education and your intentions are serious yadda yadda bankroll her if it makes you happy. I'm just saying.)