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From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Postby ladislav » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:04 pm

Some years ago I published an article about what happens to a man who goes overseas to look for ultimate sexual fulfillment with numerous partners. The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity.

Now, what happens after one goes and looks for endless romances with multiple partners? Having done that, here is what I have to say:

You will end up even more frustrated and unfulfilled than if you went for physical satisfaction alone. First of all, if you want to maintain multiple relationships, the parties involved have to be fully aware of it and giving you all their consent. Because doing it secretly does not work- women pick up on many signs sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously because they can “smellâ€￾ other women on you. This results in ugly fights, heartaches, pain and guilt and messy break-ups. Either that or karma hits you and you find out that they have also been doing the same to you. It is not without reason that a proverb like “All is well that ends well“exists. Because the reverse is also true- what ends badly has been bad all along no matter how it started, how long it lasted and how much you enjoyed it. A relationship that ended in a painful farewell will not create happy memories no matter how much good time you had had together and for how long. Anything whose sum total is zero was zero to begin with.

All memories associated with it become too agonizing to recall for years or even decades to come.
If you want to create happy memories and some value for yourself, either you maintain very close friendships with females with no romantic promises, or you find people who do not mind being polyamorous, but in that case, you have to accept their polyamoury as well and their partners have to accept you. It is a can of worms either way you try to do it, and pain results somewhere down the road. You can only try to minimize it while increasing pleasure but you can never get rid of it.

We always tend to underestimate just how much we can get hurt and how much we can hurt others.
The other way to do it is possibly by being rich and by following something similar to Islamic tenets of having multiple women although it is not legal to marry them, unless you are a citizen of a Muslim country. And if you will want to later “refreshâ€￾ your “collectionâ€￾ with younger blood, you will again cause heartache to other people as well as have to spend a lot of money on getting new partners and getting rid of old ones.

If you really want polyamoury, it has to be in the open more or less and you have to harden your heart and well as teach your partners to harden their hearts. Not an easy proposition at all.
Everything else ends up costing you a great deal of lost time – sometimes, as much as a decade can become nothing but one long painful memory.

Conclusion- monogamy has its definite advantages after all, and should be pursued provided you find a really suitable person for yourself. Otherwise, it is better to be “comfortably numbâ€￾ as Pink Floyd once said
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
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Re: From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Postby davewe » Fri Nov 16, 2012 11:53 pm

ladislav wrote:Now, what happens after one goes and looks for endless romances with multiple partners? Having done that, here is what I have to say:

You will end up even more frustrated and unfulfilled than if you went for physical satisfaction alone. First of all, if you want to maintain multiple relationships, the parties involved have to be fully aware of it and giving you all their consent. Because doing it secretly does not work- women pick up on many signs sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously because they can “smellâ€￾ other women on you. This results in ugly fights, heartaches, pain and guilt and messy break-ups. Either that or karma hits you and you find out that they have also been doing the same to you. It is not without reason that a proverb like “All is well that ends well“exists. Because the reverse is also true- what ends badly has been bad all along no matter how it started, how long it lasted and how much you enjoyed it. A relationship that ended in a painful farewell will not create happy memories no matter how much good time you had had together and for how long. Anything whose sum total is zero was zero to begin with.

All memories associated with it become too agonizing to recall for years or even decades to come.
If you want to create happy memories and some value for yourself, either you maintain very close friendships with females with no romantic promises, or you find people who do not mind being polyamorous, but in that case, you have to accept their polyamoury as well and their partners have to accept you. It is a can of worms either way you try to do it, and pain results somewhere down the road. You can only try to minimize it while increasing pleasure but you can never get rid of it.

We always tend to underestimate just how much we can get hurt and how much we can hurt others.
The other way to do it is possibly by being rich and by following something similar to Islamic tenets of having multiple women although it is not legal to marry them, unless you are a citizen of a Muslim country. And if you will want to later “refreshâ€￾ your “collectionâ€￾ with younger blood, you will again cause heartache to other people as well as have to spend a lot of money on getting new partners and getting rid of old ones.

If you really want polyamoury, it has to be in the open more or less and you have to harden your heart and well as teach your partners to harden their hearts. Not an easy proposition at all.
Everything else ends up costing you a great deal of lost time – sometimes, as much as a decade can become nothing but one long painful memory.

Conclusion- monogamy has its definite advantages after all, and should be pursued provided you find a really suitable person for yourself. Otherwise, it is better to be “comfortably numbâ€￾ as Pink Floyd once said


I have several friends who claim to have genuine, loving polyamourous relationships but I am skeptical. Hard enough to find one good relationship, let alone many. You can just have sex with multiple partners but as you say that leads most men ultimately to despair (albeit they may have had a good time for awhile). 'Settling down" has such a bad connotation but in the end I too lean toward monogomy. Sure, in between monogomous relationships, I may play, but I am happiest with one good one, rather than many so-so ones.

Lad - thanks for posting an opinion that is contrary to what most HA members believe is the Happier Abroad credo.
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Postby ladislav » Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:47 am

Thanks for reading, bud. I was of the same opinion as most HA guys here. Until I followed my dreams. Now, more than a decade later I am alone in Akron OH with no love, no kids and only painful memories as my companions.
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Re: From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Postby Jester » Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:24 am

ladislav wrote:.....you have to harden your heart and well as teach your partners to harden their hearts. Not an easy proposition at all.
Everything else ends up costing you a great deal of lost time – sometimes, as much as a decade can become nothing but one long painful memory..... it is better to be “comfortably numbâ€￾ as Pink Floyd once said


Sorry you're hurting.

I remember going jogging in the dark every evening and just hoping a truck would swerve.

I guess it was usually male friends that "rescued" me in some fashion, giving me enough social life to get my motor started again.

ladislav wrote:The other way to do it is possibly by being rich and by following something similar to Islamic tenets of having multiple women although it is not legal to marry them...


I gather this is not the exact same way you went about things in the Phil's, although it also sounds like you invested the time, energy, emotion and perhaps money as if you did. I guess you didn't want to commit for life to the various candidates, or else they didn't want to commit to the lifestyle?

As you point out, it works in most Moslem countries. Plus, I would add, in most African countries. And in Utah, Arizona, etc. Somehow guys are pulling it off.

I am tempted to suspect that you are subconsciously picking out girls that you know won't be long-term.

Regardless, I do applaud your courage in posting so honestly.
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Postby Ghost » Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:31 am

But at least you got fulfillment at some point. If I continued on my current path, I would end up the same: no kids, no love, no fulfillment, etc., but neither would I have had any sexual fulfillment. Monogamy is always good, but cheating/adultery is so prevalent, that it going on one time can destroy a relationship or marriage forever.

You may not have the most ideal life, but you've lived a good one. You're one of the few who can say he has really lived, and believe me, I look up to you because you have done and know so much.
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Postby fschmidt » Sat Nov 17, 2012 8:27 pm

Very good ladislav. I am sure you will find a good wife. And your next step after that is to convert to Judaism.
Following the Old Testament, not evil modern culture
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Postby jamesbond » Sat Nov 17, 2012 8:36 pm

ladislav wrote:I am alone in Akron OH with no love, no kids and only painful memories as my companions.


I thought you said when you came back to the US to visit you stayed in southern California. What are you doing in Akron Ohio? Do you have a good job there?

Just wait until winter time, with snowstorms and below zero temperatures! Welcome to the midwest my friend! :P
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Postby Jester » Sat Nov 17, 2012 9:01 pm

fschmidt wrote:Very good ladislav. I am sure you will find a good wife. And your next step after that is to convert to Judaism.


If nothing else, do it for the dancing.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf0YzPnEcDg[/youtube]
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Postby noog » Sun Nov 18, 2012 12:21 am

Thanks for the words of wisdom ladislav. I imagine with hormones and the grass always looking greener there will always be at a carnal level an impulse for us to pursue multiple women. But doing so like you said will eventually lead you down a destructive path so it is an impulse to temper. There is already enough sorrow in life without reaping more. Appreciate what you have I would advise and put what you have into a relationship with one good/foreign woman.
"Take a bold and unconventional action, then you'll find out who your friends are."

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Re: From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Postby ssjparris » Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:06 am

ladislav wrote:Some years ago I published an article about what happens to a man who goes overseas to look for ultimate sexual fulfillment with numerous partners. The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity.

Now, what happens after one goes and looks for endless romances with multiple partners? Having done that, here is what I have to say:

You will end up even more frustrated and unfulfilled than if you went for physical satisfaction alone. First of all, if you want to maintain multiple relationships, the parties involved have to be fully aware of it and giving you all their consent. Because doing it secretly does not work- women pick up on many signs sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously because they can “smellâ€￾ other women on you. This results in ugly fights, heartaches, pain and guilt and messy break-ups. Either that or karma hits you and you find out that they have also been doing the same to you. It is not without reason that a proverb like “All is well that ends well“exists. Because the reverse is also true- what ends badly has been bad all along no matter how it started, how long it lasted and how much you enjoyed it. A relationship that ended in a painful farewell will not create happy memories no matter how much good time you had had together and for how long. Anything whose sum total is zero was zero to begin with.

All memories associated with it become too agonizing to recall for years or even decades to come.
If you want to create happy memories and some value for yourself, either you maintain very close friendships with females with no romantic promises, or you find people who do not mind being polyamorous, but in that case, you have to accept their polyamoury as well and their partners have to accept you. It is a can of worms either way you try to do it, and pain results somewhere down the road. You can only try to minimize it while increasing pleasure but you can never get rid of it.

We always tend to underestimate just how much we can get hurt and how much we can hurt others.
The other way to do it is possibly by being rich and by following something similar to Islamic tenets of having multiple women although it is not legal to marry them, unless you are a citizen of a Muslim country. And if you will want to later “refreshâ€￾ your “collectionâ€￾ with younger blood, you will again cause heartache to other people as well as have to spend a lot of money on getting new partners and getting rid of old ones.

If you really want polyamoury, it has to be in the open more or less and you have to harden your heart and well as teach your partners to harden their hearts. Not an easy proposition at all.
Everything else ends up costing you a great deal of lost time – sometimes, as much as a decade can become nothing but one long painful memory.

Conclusion- monogamy has its definite advantages after all, and should be pursued provided you find a really suitable person for yourself. Otherwise, it is better to be “comfortably numbâ€￾ as Pink Floyd once said


ah man ladislav i am WAY ahead of you on this. i KNOW there is karma if a date one woman, leave her, go to another woman, leave her and go to another woman. because there might be emotiional involvement on her part.

so the BEST thing to do is to be honest with women and tell them. " i am dating other women are you okay with this." or " i a have sex partners i want you to know this ahead of time before we get together." something like that.

this way there is no heartache.

i am sorry you had to experience negative things as a result of being a sugar daddy of sorts. thanks for sharing.
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Postby Jester » Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:08 am

noog wrote:Thanks for the words of wisdom ladislav. I imagine with hormones and the grass always looking greener there will always be at a carnal level an impulse for us to pursue multiple women. But doing so like you said will eventually lead you down a destructive path so it is an impulse to temper. There is already enough sorrow in life without reaping more. Appreciate what you have I would advise and put what you have into a relationship with one good/foreign woman.


Yeah when I had one, and thought it was for life, i agreed with you.

But then my cherished illusions were destroyed.... and my eyes were opened.

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=polygamy ... 6&hovw=270

Monogamy by choice is fine. it is not morally superior.
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Re: From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Postby davewe » Sun Nov 18, 2012 1:39 am

ssjparris wrote:
ah man ladislav i am WAY ahead of you on this. i KNOW there is karma if a date one woman, leave her, go to another woman, leave her and go to another woman. because there might be emotiional involvement on her part.

so the BEST thing to do is to be honest with women and tell them. " i am dating other women are you okay with this." or " i a have sex partners i want you to know this ahead of time before we get together." something like that.

this way there is no heartache.

i am sorry you had to experience negative things as a result of being a sugar daddy of sorts. thanks for sharing.


I interpreted his original posting in the opposite way. Sounds to me based on that posting and what we know of his history that he's long past the "tell girls the truth that you are sleeping with other women" phase, as well as the "you can love more than one woman at a time" phase. I do believe that some people can have these methodologies for awhile, but seriously question whether a man can have it as a lifelong lifestyle. I am sure there are exceptions but he is demonstrating that there are no easy answers even in a foreign environment where finding multiple partners is not a problem
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Postby noog » Sun Nov 18, 2012 4:21 am

Jester wrote:
Monogamy by choice is fine. it is not morally superior.


I would agree with that remark. Monogamy is not a definite and it's not for everyone, we all have different desires and outlook.
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Postby Banano » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:06 am

"The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity."


Looks like all these romancing abroad took its toll on you, now the question is how do you bounce back and overcome broken soul?
In all honesty im not surprised by your remarks, too much of a good thing is just too much of a good thing.
You have to rmbr you are in your 50s and for the past 10 years you been 'dating' women in their 20s, sounds good on surface but apart from meaningless sex with these young filioinas there is not much out there, age missmatch, intelectual mismatch, mismatch on so many levels and I dont blame you for not being able to hold onto one.
you were just jumping from rock to rock to fill the void, it never worked out no matter how many you bang.
Proof that you need more than just body, body is nothing, you need somebody to have inteligent convo, closer to your age..how the hell you gonna have that with simple 'live for today' young filipinas. Compatibility is not there, they couldnt fullfill you and you never took them seriously bc of that.
Isnt that exactly what happened to Winston, at first he was happy as but later he realized that only certain type of girls dig him, if sex is the only thing that you have in common relatio cant work.
To have relationship that will last long time many boxes need to be ticked on both sides, I always wondered what took you so long to get to your senses, even Winston burnedout long time ago
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Postby davewe » Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:08 am

Banano wrote:"The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity."


Looks like all these romancing abroad took its toll on you, now the question is how do you bounce back and overcome broken soul?
In all honesty im not surprised by your remarks, too much of a good thing is just too much of a good thing.
You have to rmbr you are in your 50s and for the past 10 years you been 'dating' women in their 20s, sounds good on surface but apart from meaningless sex with these young filioinas there is not much out there, age missmatch, intelectual mismatch, mismatch on so many levels and I dont blame you for not being able to hold onto one.
you were just jumping from rock to rock to fill the void, it never worked out no matter how many you bang.
Proof that you need more than just body, body is nothing, you need somebody to have inteligent convo, closer to your age..how the hell you gonna have that with simple 'live for today' young filipinas. Compatibility is not there, they couldnt fullfill you and you never took them seriously bc of that.
Isnt that exactly what happened to Winston, at first he was happy as but later he realized that only certain type of girls dig him, if sex is the only thing that you have in common relatio cant work.
To have relationship that will last long time many boxes need to be ticked on both sides, I always wondered what took you so long to get to your senses, even Winston burnedout long time ago


The implication here is that if Lad had slept with hundreds of 45-year old Americans rather than hundreds of 20-year old Pinays his life and relationships would have had meaning. No way.

His point, which might be debatable, is that attempting large numbers of sexual and romantic partners is in and of itself damaging to the emotions and spirit. It has nothing to do with age, culture, or alleged compatibility. Frankly, when you are sleeping with that many women it's pretty hard to know them well enough to gauge compatibility in the first place.

There's a reason the term is "meaningless sex." Some people do it well;most don't.

Lad - I would suggest that this revelation is ultimately a benefit to you. Perhaps you have learned that meaningless sex (or at least too much meaningless sex) is not a life that works for you. From that revelation, you can derive more meaning.
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