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From the Other Side of the Multiple Romance Horizon

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Postby davewe » Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:17 am

Banano wrote:"The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity."


Looks like all these romancing abroad took its toll on you, now the question is how do you bounce back and overcome broken soul?
In all honesty im not surprised by your remarks, too much of a good thing is just too much of a good thing.
You have to rmbr you are in your 50s and for the past 10 years you been 'dating' women in their 20s, sounds good on surface but apart from meaningless sex with these young filioinas there is not much out there, age missmatch, intelectual mismatch, mismatch on so many levels and I dont blame you for not being able to hold onto one.
you were just jumping from rock to rock to fill the void, it never worked out no matter how many you bang.
Proof that you need more than just body, body is nothing, you need somebody to have inteligent convo, closer to your age..how the hell you gonna have that with simple 'live for today' young filipinas. Compatibility is not there, they couldnt fullfill you and you never took them seriously bc of that.
Isnt that exactly what happened to Winston, at first he was happy as but later he realized that only certain type of girls dig him, if sex is the only thing that you have in common relatio cant work.
To have relationship that will last long time many boxes need to be ticked on both sides, I always wondered what took you so long to get to your senses, even Winston burnedout long time ago


The implication here is that if Lad had slept with hundreds of 45-year old Americans rather than hundreds of 20-year old Pinays his life and relationships would have had meaning. No way.

His point, which might be debatable, is that attempting large numbers of sexual and romantic partners is in and of itself damaging to the emotions and spirit. It has nothing to do with age, culture, or alleged compatibility. Frankly, when you are sleeping with that many women it's pretty hard to know them well enough to gauge compatibility in the first place.
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Postby Ginger » Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:44 pm

:)
Last edited by Ginger on Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I do not promise to be gingerly :P
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Postby OutWest » Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:46 pm

davewe wrote:
Banano wrote:"The conclusion was that as Evita Peron said- “they are illusions, they are not the solutions they promised to beâ€￾. Boredom sets in, libido goes and sex without love becomes an act of austerity."


Looks like all these romancing abroad took its toll on you, now the question is how do you bounce back and overcome broken soul?
In all honesty im not surprised by your remarks, too much of a good thing is just too much of a good thing.
You have to rmbr you are in your 50s and for the past 10 years you been 'dating' women in their 20s, sounds good on surface but apart from meaningless sex with these young filioinas there is not much out there, age missmatch, intelectual mismatch, mismatch on so many levels and I dont blame you for not being able to hold onto one.
you were just jumping from rock to rock to fill the void, it never worked out no matter how many you bang.
Proof that you need more than just body, body is nothing, you need somebody to have inteligent convo, closer to your age..how the hell you gonna have that with simple 'live for today' young filipinas. Compatibility is not there, they couldnt fullfill you and you never took them seriously bc of that.
Isnt that exactly what happened to Winston, at first he was happy as but later he realized that only certain type of girls dig him, if sex is the only thing that you have in common relatio cant work.
To have relationship that will last long time many boxes need to be ticked on both sides, I always wondered what took you so long to get to your senses, even Winston burnedout long time ago


The implication here is that if Lad had slept with hundreds of 45-year old Americans rather than hundreds of 20-year old Pinays his life and relationships would have had meaning. No way.

His point, which might be debatable, is that attempting large numbers of sexual and romantic partners is in and of itself damaging to the emotions and spirit. It has nothing to do with age, culture, or alleged compatibility. Frankly, when you are sleeping with that many women it's pretty hard to know them well enough to gauge compatibility in the first place.



Yes, if Lad had stuck to jaded burned out American broads, his life would be so much better! LOL More of the same old BS on that one.
What Lad no doubt finds bitter is that of all the girls he passed through, there was no doubt one or more that would have been good for him to keep and love, but instead he passed them by for the continued thrills of bars and cheap girls. Those things can haunt you till you die.

Have you noticed how when someone as authentic and experienced as Ladislav puts up a sincere post here, it usually gets dumped on by skeptics? Lad's life is not over. He can reset and go on, and he knows full well that he can move back to Mindanao and have the life he wants, but this time when that one girl passes by, he can pay attention and do something about it. Lad knows full well that when it comes to the Philippines, Mindanao is the mother lode.

As I mentioned in a PM, I was down in Gensan (General Santos City) where I was seeing an old mate about Lad's age...a warrior retiring from the business you might say. He is anything but OVER! LOL

I will write on this more later, but there are the invisible girls of Mindanao. Pretty girls from respected (not necessarily wealthy) families, that are invisible to the mongers and other passers through. They are not on dating sites and they are not looking to be the vacation GF of some mongering jerk.

You will be very unlikely to meet them unless you have permanence and are respected, and unless you know how to render respect.
Frankly, most of the men on this site have no clue about this kind of relationship and tradition and they are not capable of functioning within it, as at their root, they are egocentric.

We have "set up" my friend with a girl like that that we know from Davao. 23 years of age, pretty, educated, works for a good company there, but really wants what most Filipinas want, a husband and a family. She is a little petite firecracker...lots of wishful suitors that never got her to be interested.

We played cupid. We introduced Andrew to the Grandparents first, and then to the parents, and only then did we introduce him to Juliet.
This has gone very well for both of them, and I expect that Andrew will ask her father for her hand in marriage soon. They will live in Mindanao. No, Juliet is not some easy lay, but there is a bow-wave of tradition and respect that is being established that will serve them well. It is love the old fashioned way, and it works.

Lad knows full well that he can make himself part of this kind of thing if he wants...it is not too late.


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Postby lavezzi » Sun Nov 18, 2012 6:47 pm

when sexual desires get entangled with the pursuit of personal fulfilment, it is a guarenteed pathway to hell. the endless search for ego gratification humans do is really just a completely misguided search for human connection and belonging. when you objectify others purely as a means to fulfilment, all you end up doing is greatly adding to your sense of disconnectedness and alienation. your situation is the exact same in reverse as the female who chooses to prostitute herself without understanding the psycological problems that will inevitably result.
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Postby Winston » Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:59 pm

Ladislav,
Don't you know the adage: "Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all".

It's true, and it's true for a reason. Have you reflected on it?

It doesn't matter if you feel hurt, pain or sadness. Those are things that make you feel ALIVE. Artists and writers have expressed that in their works. As long as you feel alive, there is meaning in your life.

Isn't it better than boredom at least? Would you prefer to have never loved anyone?

What's wrong with just having multiple partners that you see regularly? Even if there's no connection, you can just imagine there is one. I have a vivid imagination and can delude myself to think that I'm in love. As long as I feel the intensity and passion, I enjoy it.

What more could you ask for?

Just because something is temporary doesn't mean it would be better if it had never happened. If you went to Disneyland and have fun for a day and then it was over, would you wish that it had never happened? Or be glad that it did? I'm not sure I follow your logic.

Everything is temporary, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it while it's there, or stretch it longer. If you don't take it too seriously and have fun with it, why can't you enjoy it?

This goes for anything, not just for polyamorous relationships.
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Postby Winston » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:09 pm

Is it just me, or does the first page of this thread look funny and stretched out for some reason?

I also get a strange debug error when I try to post in this thread. Any of you get it too?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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Postby davewe » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:18 pm

OutWest wrote:
Yes, if Lad had stuck to jaded burned out American broads, his life would be so much better! LOL More of the same old BS on that one.
What Lad no doubt finds bitter is that of all the girls he passed through, there was no doubt one or more that would have been good for him to keep and love, but instead he passed them by for the continued thrills of bars and cheap girls. Those things can haunt you till you die.

Have you noticed how when someone as authentic and experienced as Ladislav puts up a sincere post here, it usually gets dumped on by skeptics?

We have "set up" my friend with a girl like that that we know from Davao. 23 years of age, pretty, educated, works for a good company there, but really wants what most Filipinas want, a husband and a family. She is a little petite firecracker...lots of wishful suitors that never got her to be interested.

We played cupid. We introduced Andrew to the Grandparents first, and then to the parents, and only then did we introduce him to Juliet. This has gone very well for both of them, and I expect that Andrew will ask her father for her hand in marriage soon. They will live in Mindanao. No, Juliet is not some easy lay, but there is a bow-wave of tradition and respect that is being established that will serve them well. It is love the old fashioned way, and it works.

Outwest


Geez, I hadn't noticed. Please stop getting in the way of the moronic debates with truth and experience.

23, pretty, educated, from a good family, and a petite firecracker. No way that can work :)

Honestly, it wasn't that long ago when men from 1st world countries met their wives this way. You should all ask your fathers and grandfathers, "How did you meet mom/grandmom - through bar pickups or whoremongering?" lol. Chances are good he met her because a friend or relative said she was a good girl from a nice family and he should get to know her. But in our disconnected 1st world cultures we meet at bars or though the Internet. And yes that works sometimes, but in a 3rd world culture the old fashioned way is pretty easy. A good man who makes it known that he is interested in a "serious" relationship will have no end getting recommendations. Plus members of a culture are more likely to see through bad girls than a foreigner is.

I don't live in Asia yet, but I now have many friends there. As I began a relationship with my current gf, I had my friends meet her, both in person and online and weigh in with their opinions of her. While another person's judgment is never foolproof, it is one more tactic to use to assure yourself of selecting a truly good girl.
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Postby lavezzi » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:29 pm

Winston wrote:Don't you know the adage: "Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all".

It's true, and it's true for a reason. Have you reflected on it?


you cannot be in love with multiple females at once. that would require a search for more when you already have your one, equivolent to being free of delusions yet seeking fame and wealth.

It doesn't matter if you feel hurt, pain or sadness. Those are things that make you feel ALIVE. Artists and writers have expressed that in their works. As long as you feel alive, there is meaning in your life.


sounds like when women create drama for excitement.

Isn't it better than boredom at least?


boredom is by definition a feeling of unfulfilment, which was the complaint he was originally making.

What's wrong with just having multiple partners that you see regularly? Even if there's no connection, you can just imagine there is one. I have a vivid imagination and can delude myself to think that I'm in love. As long as I feel the intensity and passion, I enjoy it.


this is pure delusion which can only be enjoyable for a very short time, it can in no way be comparable to a meaningful relationship.

What more could you ask for?


a meaningful relationship.

Just because something is temporary doesn't mean it would be better if it had never happened. If you went to Disneyland and have fun for a day and then it was over, would you wish that it had never happened? Or be glad that it did? I'm not sure I follow your logic.


he said it left him feeling more unfulfilled than before he did it. logic may conclude that more is always better, but wisdom disagrees.
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Postby Winston » Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:51 pm

Ladislav,
Here is an section from my Buddhism Critique about why having pleasure, regardless of how long it lasts, is better than no pleasure. Does it apply here? Do you agree? Why or why not?

http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Buddhism_Critique.htm

Do all desires lead to suffering?

The main problem with Buddhist teachings is that they teach that "ALL desires as bad and leading to nothing but suffering" and therefore one should try to get rid of them. This is a big overgeneralization and inaccurate as well. To put all desires and enjoyments into one group is narrow and a form of black and white thinking, which religion is often guilty of.

In reality, it's more complicated than that.

First, not all desires are unwholesome or the same, and not all pleasures lead to suffering or misery. For example, if I enjoy watching the sunset or going to the beach, and do that, I will have a nice time experiencing those things. Of course such moments are fleeting, as Buddhism teaches, but that doesn't mean that when it ends, I will be in regret or end up in "suffering". Or suppose I enjoy an exciting three days at Disney World. When it's all over, sure I'll feel flat for a while. But will I regret it and wish it never happened? Probably not.

Some pleasures are more wholesome than others. For example, if I eat organic healthy food, I will get a sense of pleasure from consuming healthy food that is good for my body. Likewise if I work out and exercise, I will feel good about being in shape. But if I'm addicted to alcohol or consuming twinkies and donuts all the time, I will feel a sense of guilt about consuming unhealthy products, even if they feel pleasurable for a short moment. And if I help people through volunteer work or charity, I experience the "joy of giving" as well. So it's inaccurate to generalize all pleasures as the same.

Furthermore, if one desire is satisfied, one does not have to feel flat or empty afterward. One can simply fulfill other ones. That's why it helps to have a "wide variety of interests and passions". For example, if I get tired of watching TV, I can read, go outside for a walk, bake cookies, or call a friend. The trick is keeping a healthy mix of activities. Diversify, in other words. Likewise, if I get tired of writing essays like this one that you're reading right now, (which I enjoy of course) I can simply write about something else, watch a movie on my computer, play a video game to unwind, read a good book, or even do meditation. I don't have to sit here feeling empty and flat just cause I'm tired of writing this essay. Why should I?!

But even if a pleasurable experience ends up in suffering, it does not automatically follow that it would have been better if neither happened. For instance, say you have an intoxicating romantic relationship that put you on cloud 9 for a while, and then your lover suddenly leaves you. Your heart would be broken and you'd be in withdrawal pain over having such an intoxicating experience suddenly end. It would be a classic case of great pleasure turning into great pain. However, after you've calmed down and gotten over it, would you in retrospect say "I wish that the passionate affair never happened?". Probably not. You'd probably see it from the perspective of this popular adage:

"Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

What this adage means is that ultimately, it is better to experience both pleasure and pain, than to not experience anything at all, for such experiences make one feel ALIVE. Love, romance and sex are all pleasures and joys that can quickly turn into pain or addiction. Yet, most of us would agree that it is better to experience them, and the consequences thereof, than to never experience them at all.

The experience of pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, love and hurt, elation and despair, hope and disappointment, triumph and tragedy, etc. enrich you and are part of the growing process of the human experience. Artists, poets and novelists will tell you that such dichotomies fuel their work with meaning and purpose. Without them, the Shakespearean Classics would not be the masterpieces they are.

You might also have heard the saying:

"You regret more what you didn't do than what you did do."

This again conveys the same lesson that it's better to go for something you want, even if it results in an embarrassing mistake, than to do nothing and experience nothing.

Talk to European and Australian backpackers, the kind you find in youth hostels, or other perpetual travelers who live to experience the world. They will tell you that having enriching varied cultural experiences while seeing the world is what they live for. It's what drives their soul and makes them tick. Of course, these enriching experiences are impermanent. They know that. But they would rather have them than not have them at all, for the rewards that come from them are beyond words. Deep down, they believe that "life should be experienced to the fullest."

Let's say I take a trip around the world, having many enriching and exciting cultural experiences and meeting many fascinating people. Then when I come home, I go into reverse culture shock and am unhappy about having to readjust to the routine of mundane ordinary life again. Now, if you were to ask me if it would have been better if I had not taken that trip around the world, I would exclaim "Hell no! Even though I am having trouble readjusting back to normal life now, those experiences were priceless and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!" You see how that works?

In other words, just because something is fleeting and impermanent does not mean that not experiencing it is better than experiencing it. Everything has a valuable lesson for you after all.

Buddhist teaching is correct that desires are insatiable and the fulfillment of them is fleeting and transient. However, that does not mean that it is better to have no desires, or to not fulfill them. Buddhism does not prove that no pleasure is better than pleasure. I would argue that a life mostly consisting of joy and pleasure, in healthy amounts, is better than a life devoid of them.

Ask anyone who has been both poor and rich and they will tell you that being rich was better (except maybe in the movies). In most cases, having is better than not having, even though both cause some form of pain. Experienced travelers have observed that "the happiest people in the world are not those who have too little or too much, but just enough."

Sure Buddhism is right that enjoyments are transient, but that doesn't mean that not having them is better than having them. For most, transitory satisfactions and enjoyments are better than nothing. Shedding one's attachments and suppressing or abstaining from desire and pleasure, as Buddhism teaches, may be a path for some, but not for all. Not everyone is cut out to be puritanical. For some, it would go against who they are. For example, some are naturally festive and celebrate every moment of life, enjoying it to the fullest. In fact, this attitude is dominant in some cultures (e.g. Spain, Italy, Greece, Mexico, Latin America, Russia, The Philippines, Africa, etc). Such types would not be happy on such a puritanical path abstaining from enjoyment. After all, there is no one path, religion or lifestyle that fits everyone.

Buddhism does not address any of the lessons and considerations above. Instead it puts all pleasures and enjoyments into a box that it calls "suffering" and discourages one from pursuing them.

Nor does it assign any value to the concept of "living life to the fullest" or "having enriching experiences" either. Instead, such things are deemed pointless and distracting from the ultimate goal of Enlightenment and ending rebirth. Not only are they given no worth, but they are painted with a negative broad brush. The teachings clearly discourage enjoyment of life rather than encourage it.
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Postby Twobrains » Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:58 pm

I think the above critique slightly misinterprets Buddhist thought. My reading of Buddhism is that it isn't the experience that causes suffering, it's our attachment to the experience. Life is inherently full of experiences, good, bad or blahhhh. Most of them we let go of very quickly. But some experiences feed our egos strongly or play into some unconscious drama that we've been acting out, and we seek to replicate them over and over again - a kind of OCD hand-washing of the soul.

So, sex with a gorgeous woman is no more injurious than smelling a rose, it's the compulsion to do it repeatedly that may cause suffering.
"As long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it." Eckhart Tolle
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Postby davewe » Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:26 pm

Twobrains wrote:So, sex with a gorgeous woman is no more injurious than smelling a rose, it's the compulsion to do it repeatedly that may cause suffering.


Not if you use enough lube, it doesn't :)
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Postby Banano » Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:56 pm

Ladislav complaint it proof that overindulgence leads to boredom, so at the end he got sick of shallow sex with shallow women.

Budhism teaches us not to get attached to anything, Lad did exactly that, he didnt get attached to any girl over in PH but he still suffers, feels empty and jaded.

If you ask Lad if he is happy with his dating life in PH I dont know what his answer would be but my bet is that he would trade all those experiences for one women that completes him, one he clicks with.
All experiences in the past count to nothing when your present and future suck,
10 years ago I was with few chicks that were model model material, it was brief and gone fast, now thinking back it makes me more sad than happy coz all I have is my memories and dick in my hand.

Its like being a multi millionaire for 3 weeks and after that you sleep in a caravan park.

Sure Lad can go back to PH and do it all over again but would that increase his level of happiness?
he could hve brought some young filipina back home but he didnt and I wonder why?
Now he is 50 as he says no kids, no partner, back in the states

Is this a blueprint how all expat whoremongers will endup?
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Postby drealm » Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:13 pm

Jester wrote:
noog wrote:Thanks for the words of wisdom ladislav. I imagine with hormones and the grass always looking greener there will always be at a carnal level an impulse for us to pursue multiple women. But doing so like you said will eventually lead you down a destructive path so it is an impulse to temper. There is already enough sorrow in life without reaping more. Appreciate what you have I would advise and put what you have into a relationship with one good/foreign woman.


Yeah when I had one, and thought it was for life, i agreed with you.

But then my cherished illusions were destroyed.... and my eyes were opened.

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=polygamy ... 6&hovw=270

Monogamy by choice is fine. it is not morally superior.


Is your link the reason why text won't wrap in any post?
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Postby abcdavid01 » Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:23 pm

I suppose the idea here is that having multiple partners will eventually succumb to the law of diminishing returns. The alternative is to seek out steady investments and watch them grow. Everything social can be thought of in economic terms.
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