Happier Abroad Forum Community

Some background: I'm a 28 year old guy from the UK. I lived in a Central American country for a couple of years and had a long term girlfriend from there for most of that time (the same one). I met her at work and we got very close. Almost got married. We loved each other a lot. Things didn't work out though and I'm now in South America.

I work online and have a fairly high income I guess, I'm somewhat good looking - again, I guess - but have a major self-confidence problem and my 'game' (hate that word) is average to poor. I speak fluent Spanish.

My experience so far after 1 month in SA:

- I've met 5 girls from badoo.com
I've kissed one of them and we might be hooking up again. I didn't have a connection with the other 4.
- I've met 2 girls from okcupid.com
I've kissed one of them but I don't think we actually like each other so don't see each other anymore.

I've met a lot of girls in bars, cafes etc, and forced myself to talk to them. I feel like, harsh as it sounds, I'm aiming slightly low because basically I'm scared. Pathetic I know. I've got girls' numbers in clubs etc and a few seem interested, but since I'm not that into them it kind of fizzles out. Also been turned down a couple of times as you'd imagine.

Honestly, I'm not looking for easy lays and stuff like that, I would really like to meet someone for something more serious. I haven't yet met anyone who I really like though.

Do you guys have any suggestions for meeting girls other than bars? I don't even like bars and clubs, so I want to meet someone who is not so into that, and someone who has a career, you know? Nothing fancy, just something they can call their own.

Any similar experiences or stuff you'd like to ask or share, I'd be glad to.

Thanks.

Where in South America are you? I live in London and met my Colombian wife in Cambridge, while she was on sabbatical studying English. I can tell you Medellin and Bogota have quite a few upwardly mobile smart girls who do tough degrees like engineering, business or maths and end up working with proper careers in multinationals, etc. My wife was one of them, and I was very happy to have found a woman who is not just good looking but has real brains and social dynamics.

I'm glad to hear that! And congratulations to you as well.
I'm in Chile at the moment.

teabone9 wrote:I'm glad to hear that! And congratulations to you as well.
I'm in Chile at the moment.

Wow Chile, that's a powerhouse of a country! Unfortunately I don't know much about Chile, but I guess it shouldn't be hard for you to find that sort of woman profile I was talking about in major cities... Good luck, keep us posted!

You mention your 28. Just curious, what age you aiming for? What age are in bars?

I'm just curious what's considered a reasonable age difference.

drealm:

I'm looking at anything between 22 and 31.. but it's not set in stone.

In bars I've got on well with a girl who's 24, up to 30.

Things may be different for someone else..!

publicduende:

I partly chose Chile because of it being a 'richer' more developed place (you can drink the tap water here fine as an example haha). I've met a few girls who do have decent careers and stuff, but would like to find better places to meet them than in bars where they usually turn out to be smokers or partiers or both. I'm not so into that.

teabone9 wrote:drealm:

I'm looking at anything between 22 and 31.. but it's not set in stone.

In bars I've got on well with a girl who's 24, up to 30.

Things may be different for someone else..!

publicduende:

I partly chose Chile because of it being a 'richer' more developed place (you can drink the tap water here fine as an example haha). I've met a few girls who do have decent careers and stuff, but would like to find better places to meet them than in bars where they usually turn out to be smokers or partiers or both. I'm not so into that.

Hmm...have you tried coffee shops, or cultural events? Since you're so young, you could gatecrash college parties, where I'm sure you'll find lots of smart and leftwing-leaning intellectual girls. I used to thrive in those kinds of environments when I was back in Italy (yes, I was a Commie!) and then my student years in London. I would have loved to meet a student like this one (sure you'll have seen her on Chilean newspapers)



http://internationalsocialist.org.uk/in ... nt-summit/

Thanks for the advice. Cultural events is a good one. I am also doing some language exchanges which is looking hopeful. There are still enough things left in Spanish for me to learn to make it not seem weird.
Funnily enough I'm more interested in some, how can I put this, fiscally liberal girls. I can't take the communism / marxism / left-wing anymore. So far young people in chile seem markedly lefty for such a conservatively run country!

teabone9 wrote:Thanks for the advice. Cultural events is a good one. I am also doing some language exchanges which is looking hopeful. There are still enough things left in Spanish for me to learn to make it not seem weird.
Funnily enough I'm more interested in some, how can I put this, fiscally liberal girls. I can't take the communism / marxism / left-wing anymore. So far young people in chile seem markedly lefty for such a conservatively run country!

I am not sure if things are different in Chile (doubt it) or have changed from my times as a political activist student (20 years ago, ykes!), but the intellectually more stimulating girls tend to be the leftwing ones. Most young people like to lean left as that's the kind of umbrella ideology that preaches justice, peace and encourages people to prefer cultural and spiritual development to materialism. As they say here in the UK, if you're 25 and you're not a Labour, you have no heart. If you're 55 and you're not a Tory, you have no brains.

Hahaha, well put.
I definitely feel in a minority.. Without getting into it in detail, I think the 'right' wing fiscal stuff makes people happier in the long run.. but corruption gets in the way.
Anyhow, I'm adding coffee shops and cultural events to my list.
So far I've met everything from a foreign waitress with kids to an entrepreneur with their own company. I guess I just need to keep plugging away! (Another ugly turn of phrase)

teabone9 wrote:Hahaha, well put.
I definitely feel in a minority.. Without getting into it in detail, I think the 'right' wing fiscal stuff makes people happier in the long run.. but corruption gets in the way.
Anyhow, I'm adding coffee shops and cultural events to my list.
So far I've met everything from a foreign waitress with kids to an entrepreneur with their own company. I guess I just need to keep plugging away! (Another ugly turn of phrase)

Well the gist of my advice was simply to point you to a category of girls that's "historically" been full of smart, intellectual and decent looking young women. Your critique of socialism vs. liberalism could be an excellent conversation with one such girl. I think Chile is simply too wonderful a country not to give you the satisfaction of a few decent girlfriends!

Are you based in Santiago, by the way?

Yea, it's definitely worth a go. And I agree about that category having decent girls.
The first one I kissed is girlfriend material, but, *generalisation* people are so unreliable here!! We arrange to meet and then something comes up. Sometimes we do meet and have a good time though.
I'm in Santiago yes.

It's true that most interesting intellectual girls are lefties. Not all though. The thing is that the more conservative girls are more family-oriented, and are not allowed to hang around in bars all night, OR in coffee shops all day. Their parents keep track of them.

STEPS

(1) develop some hobbies that give you a fun life (so you will have some kind of image besides working online). Something you will enjoy for life, and could see doing with friends OR with future children. Or just something that puts you in public or in contact with people or gives you something to talk about when you're with people. I.e., you have the money, and you are single, and you are in a great country with a great future. Now start building a life you can share.

Painting / sketching
Riding horses
Running with a dog along the beach
Soccer
Rugby
Hunting
Flying a kite at the beach
YouTube show
Fun right-wing political fundraiser with entertainment (I speak from experience)
Teaching something - ideally high school age or college age, not older. (More of those girls will look up to you, and also be unattached.)


(2) Let women know you are looking, and be precise what you want. Point out girls you like. The women can be 18 or 50. They all enjoy matchmaking. Just remember to be choosy.


(3) Attend church.

Thanks Jester. I think you are absolutely right with point 1. I need more of a rounded life, I'm not afraid to admit it. More activities like you listed. Point 2 is also very interesting. I feel awkward doing it, but I will give it a good go.
I can't do 3.. if I'm being choosy then I'm definitely not going to go out with someone who goes to church.

Part of the trouble is probably that I am not here long enough to really dig in. In my previous job in Central America I had that chance in a big way and it happened naturally. I didn't even consider online dating. But in this condensed time here I find online dating a sort of shortcut. But like all shortcuts there's something lacking in it... it's shallow somehow.

I'm going to look into some volunteering activities, I'd like to do something helpful at the same time as meeting people.

If you decide to attend Church in the US for the purpose of expanding your social circle, don't be "too nice" or a "goody two shoes". Be a little rough on the edges, but not rude or disrespectful. You can also consider attending a Christian college, where girls go there for the purpose of finding a husband, get married, and pop kids.

But, this is happier abroad, so perhaps you can look into Churches that send missionary groups overseas. Many missionaries end up settling down abroad and marry a local.