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Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
14 posts • Page 1 of 1
...when one has been ousted and humiliated by AW for all of his adult life?
Does exemplifying confidence really matter as much to FW as it does to AW, or is it primarily a false construct that gives AW something comfortable to identify as "attractive" without saying that they prefer volatile men over reliable men?
Is social status in a feminazi country a reliable indicator of how non-western women will respond?
It seems like I'm among the least confident of the social rejects I know that things will actually be different given how suppressed I feel in this culture and how fake everything is. How can one be assured that the new foreign environment is not toxic like the USA is?
These questions may seem self-defeating, but I'm an inherently skeptical and dissonant person in this regard. Basically what I'm asking here is how do you be confident enough to know that your new environment will allow you to thrive when your old environment made you miserable?
I could write you a book on this but don't have the time. The girls outside the US are much better. Go there experience it for yourself. Just don't fall in love!
I think your answer will come from a simple realization. There's a US author and psychiatrist named Dr. Livingston, who wrote a critically acclaimed book called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, wherein he conveys 30 truths or life lessons. One of these life lessons is "The statute of limitation has expired on most of our childhood traumas." Although being rejected by many women is adult trauma, the lesson still holds. There is nothing keeping you from being successful with women (overseas) unless you're still crippled by the pain and bitterness of past experience. I know it's hard, but at a certain point you have to realize that dwelling on the past hinders your future endeavors. Trust me on this. Let it go.
Yes...you were hurt, but put in context. Pain isn't something to be totally avoided and hated, it's also a learning experience. How can you truly appreciate what love is if you've never felt the opposite? Life consists of such dualities of understanding. There is nothing hold you back except your own fears and doubts. All the women that had ever humiliated you are long in the past. Take a breath of fresh air and look towards the future.
I think in order to answer you question, you need to understand some male-female sexual dynamics.
The general behavior of women (and men) in a society is dictated by a combination of genetics and culture. Since basic primal genetic behaviors are universal--because we're all humans--the only deciding factor in how a group behaves is culture. You could think of genetics as an impulse and culture as a restraint. Traditional societies usually have strict rules on behaviors (culture) and employ tactics such as group shaming to make sure no one does anything selfish to harm the society. The reason I bring this up is because women are naturally hypergamous:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy (Important that you understand this first)
In a society (such as the US) where there is no more restraining culture (thanks sexual revolution), genetically determined behaviors takes a front seat. That means the natural hypergamy of women comes roaring out, and traditional relationship structures that society has been so use to gets broken down. Combine that with income equality and we have hypergamous women that can't choose the "best males" based on socioeconomic status because there aren't that many. Instead, they have to choose based on other indicators of what constitutes "alpha male", such as confident/aggressive/aloof behaviors. This is the basis for PUA, which is a thriving community on the internet.
Since AW are not traditionally-cultured; confidence, boldness, and borderline sociopath behaviors work better on them than foreign women, arguably to the point of sickness. Chris Brown beats his girlfriend and still has millions of (female) fans and is very rich. A lot of AW just love "bad boys." This would not be tolerated in other countries.
Of course this is a simplified explanation. There are other complex social factors to consider like liberalism/feminism.
To understand more, read a previous post of mine:
http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/view ... hp?t=16206
Stop this pessimism and self-defeatism. The only reason you're a social reject is because you consider yourself one. You say everything is fake in this society, yet you measure yourself by its "fake" standards. It's okay not to have a million (facebook) friends and going to parties/bars to get retarded drunk. As long as you can communicate effectively with people, have a few close friends, and spend quality time with family--that is fine. A lot of "popular" people don't have such in depth relationships with anyone.
I think you're like what I once was--an over-analyzing type. Hungry for information to explain the troubles in the world but at the same time this desire cripples you from enjoying life. "Everything has to be carefully planned out and calculated. Risks have to be assessed."
Am I ringing any bells? The thing is that there are no assurances in life, including being happier abroad. It doesn't mean strategic planning and information collecting isn't still essential, but there comes a time when you have to take the plunge and desirable results aren't always guaranteed. But isn't it what makes life beautiful? The unknown? You're over-thinking cripples you towards inaction. So what if you find out you don't like one country, go visit another one. Pork some bar girls once in a while.
I don't think you'll be happy anywhere unless things change. Why? Because your problem is an internal problem--one of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and risk-aversion . Are you afraid if getting hurt or making a mistake? If so, you'll never get anywhere. Most humans are like turtles. They are comfortable in their shells but occasionally stick their heads out and look around to see whats out there. If they see something outside of their comfort zone, they quickly retreat back into their shells. Don't be a turtle.
You have confidence by gaining more life experiences, making mistakes, and accepting/learning from them.
Maybe you should save up some money, set aside a few weeks, and take the plunge and explore a country (and its women ;D ).
PM me if you need help deciding on what country.
I am a terrible person.
At first, I myself had struggled with this. The trick is to hang out with the local guys and see how they do it. Watch and learn. Monkey see, monkey do.
This is especially easy to pick up in countries where machismo is the norm, such as Latin American and Eastern European ones. So in Mexico, I moved from being a shy kid who's scared of talking to women, to a bold guy who isn't afraid to serenade the ladies.
Not sure why WorldTraveler said not to fall in love. That's the whole point!
Last edited by Falcon on November 29th, 2012, 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm the shyest guy on the planet, but I did OK with foreign ladies
Going to another country by yourself is a great way to build much needed confidence. I went to Japan by myself - that was the ultimate confidence booster.
Online dating is great for less confident guys as well - on a dating site you can break the ice, which makes the subsequent real life meeting much easier.
Lmao. Winston's forum is borked again!!!!
Actually I didn't think my message in this thread was posted as I saw some wierd PHP error.
self esteem problems are totally irrational and caused solely by ones emotions. someone degrades you in some way, it triggers a negative emotion in you which you then identify with your self image. the US and places like it are filled with people who are deeply fearful of this happening to them so they do it onto others.
buy a webcam and start regularly video chatting online with foreign women from psycologically healthier cultures such as filipinas. you should notice pretty soon that they are very non judgemental, so there is no need to fear. i think you can build up a positive self image this way.
the best thing you could do though is rather than boosting up the lower self, get in touch with the higher self. that is where true, independent self esteem comes from. the lower self is the unconsciousnness in you susceptable to cultural programming; it thinks that a rich, trim, good looking "alpha" is unquestionably more inherently valuable that a poor, fat, ugly "beta". while the higher self is that deep down in you which is immune from programming and is aware of truth; it sees that everything and everyone is energy, completely equal in value inhabiting the exceptionally beautiful 3D plane of existence.
the bottom line is that more you understand just how insecure americans and people in general are, the less you will take them seriously.
PrisonerOfLife you must remember you're 'foreign' to them too ... most likely they wll be as curious about you as you are to them... just ease into it & talk about the country you're in. At leaset one will end up being your tour guide ... & so it starts ...
Last edited by Renata on November 29th, 2012, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I can fully emphasize with you. When I was in Malaysia I had this pretty woman flirting with me, and I didn't know what to do.
YES...but not so much. You don't have to be confident in the way WW expect you to be.
In my experience, foreign women don't put pressure on you to be confident, and as a result you are able to be yourself more, which turns you into a more confident person (it takes time).
Do you mean social status as in money and position? Or in the eyes of a WW?
For the former, it would help you, but I don't think you necessarily need to be extremely high...you pretty much just need to be able to earn a living.
For the latter, your social status in the eyes of WW in shallow and meaningless...it should not make much of a difference for a decent foreign woman.
No environment is perfect...I sometimes find Bangkok to be toxic with it's mass consumerism and the dumbing down of the population, but I'd still rather live there than Sydney. The only way to tell is to go there yourself. It's hard, but that's the best you can do.
A new environment is an opportunity to reinvent yourself...grasp this opportunity.
But trust me, once you go to a place like Thailand and meet women that want to be with you and even marry you...although they may not be the best quality of women, and though they may be after your $$$, it still gives you confidence.
Anyway, that's just my two cents, based on my still very limited experiences. Don't take it at face-value. Just hang in there...confidence is hard to build up if you have little to begin with...it takes patience. All the best to you!
I think it all depends on where you go! Best to go to a place where you are the complete opposite from the majority of the population where you can parlay the "opposites attract" phenomenon. That or go to a place where there are no men (Russia for instance). Women will start making eye contact and flirting with you. From there on out, it should be easy pickings.
There are no guarantees that you'd have a great time in country X, Y, or Z. You simply have to go there and find out.
Do not use your self-confidence issues, or unrealistic expectations as an excuse for inaction. Stand up and vote with your feet.
Leave your victim mentality behind when the plane takes off. Do not impose your past issues on a new place and its people.
Mmmm interesting topic. For me Im honestly just naturally more confident when I go abroad....and even to a degree with british women abroad. Definitely know some of this for sure stems from the fact I always get a 'buzz' of being abroad anyway...e.g. 'wow im in such a such a place'. Thats why I honestly think I would have perhaps more success than alot of the american guys in the US (course I could be wrong).