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Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
What's up everyone? It's been some time since my last post. I'm just trying to stay focused on a few things I have going on in my life. However, I wanted to share something with you and get some feedback.
Saturday night, I was talking to my best friend's father, who I feel I can talk to like my own father, about dating and finding a woman in this country. We've had this discussion a few times in the past but that night I was extremely frustrated and saying to myself this is crazy how every weekend I'm sitting home dateless. I'm a 31 year old man and I should be enjoying my life with a woman.
So where did the conversation go? Well, he already knows how I feel about wanting to escape and live abroad and my desire to marry a woman from outside of the US. I began unleashing my frustration and told him my feelings about the women in this country and he said, "You can't tell me there's no good women in this country. You're ruling out 100 million women."Some of the things I said about AW he said it was an offense to his wife, his daughters, and my mother.
I said I feel I live in a man hating culture. He said, "That's a lie. You don't live in man hating culture. If that were true there would be no couples or marriages."
I said women seem to like men who treat them like dirt but then in the end want the good guy. I just don't understand the mentality of these women. If you actually them treat nicely and treat with them respect and make them feel loved and wanted it's like they don't know how to react to that. It doesn't seem normal. He was upset with that statement and said, "That's not true. That's all women want is to be loved and wanted."
He said it sounds like you have a hatred for women. I said no not at all. I'm just sick of the twisted mentality of the women in the country. I see the types of men that women flock to in this country and then they say they want a nice guy who's going to treat them with respect and love. I hear it and see it all the time. Also, most divorces are initiated by women in the US. He said, "Well maybe you have to take a look at the men." That's true to a certain extent. Men are not the main problem. It's the twisted mentality of most women in this country. Their tendency to be demanding, competing with their husbands, having high expectations, not being appreciative, starting arguments for no reason, not knowing how to communicate, etc. Women have major issues.
I then told him another major problem is not only their backwards way of thinking and poor choices in men but not being able to initiate any contact with them due to the cold, invisible shield that most of them put up. They show no signs of interest. It's as if you don't exist. So his advice to meet women was salsa dancing, I used to go salsa dancing, or online dating. I did both and got nothing. Most of the time women just want to go out and have fun without some guy approaching them trying to get their number. And that being mixed their cold and unapproachable aura. I told him even if his son-in-law said, "If you don't meet online, HOW DO YOU MEET WOMEN?" It's a nightmare in this country. I guess in American terms you have to man up and kick your game. I told him meeting women abroad is so much more natural and, personally, I don't feel I'm a good fit for most AW. He said there are plenty of girls from all over the world here who have not been Americanized and still stick to their culture.
But since there are 100 million or so women in this country and many of whom are foreign I should be optimistic about finding a woman here. I know he wants the best for me and wants to help and appease the frustration. He doesn't like to see me like this but it's frustrating and the fact is, it's extremely difficult trying to establish a connection with a quality woman in this country. So how can I be optimistic when I'm living in a socially disconnected environment where women are so cynical of men?
I don't want to ramble on anymore. I said all that to say this, have any of you had the same conversation with someone close and they gave you the same advice? How can you pass up all these women? There's somebody out there for you? Why go abroad? Every woman isn't the same? You have plenty of women from other countries right here? Go out more and try to meet girls?
I'll try to comment as often as possible.
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100 million women in America:
-only 44% (44 million) are single and over 18 (official statistics)
-1/3 are obese (35% of all adults in USA are obese according to official statistics) so you're left with 1/3 of 44 = 30 million
-half of those are not dating material simply because they already have kids, are unattractive, man-haters, feminists, too old etc (this is a personal statistic so take it with a grain of salt) so take that down to 15 million (by the way im being generous here)
-only about 1 in 10 women will actually want to date you (not because you're ugly or anything, that's how it goes for us men in North America)
-final count: about 1.5 million women spread over a huge country like the USA
The odds are stacked against you. Good girls marry young, I feel that if you haven't met someone special in college or university you're pretty much screwed in the anglosphere.
Oh man, that 100 million remark reminds me of my 20s, when I'd stopped dating AWs. I guess it's 150 million today
Unfortunately, that's the way many men are. It's basically unpatriotic and *hateful towards one's mother/sister*, if one says that AWs aren't up to snuff.
You really need to ignore the jingoism and ignorance of a lot of these fellows. They live in a bubble and can't see things the way they really are.
The same conversation? LOL Millions of men already drank the cool-aid. The are bought in hard and deep and there is no way than
can ever admit to themselves what a loosing deal they have bought into.
Of course there are some good women in the USA...few and far between. Will you hold out for that or go to where the fishing is better?
No offense, but dumb-ass men like this are part of the problem in the USA. They are terrified of someone popping their delusional bubble. Sometimes a trip through the divorce courts will cure them, and sometimes not.
Really now, this American women fan, do you really think he will take up some kind of slack for you if it does not work out with American women for you? Of course not. That is the point. It's your life and YOUR decision. Choose wisely and don't cut yourself short. Travel. Live. Find that tan skin lovely to make your own. On some rainy tropical night while wind and rain scrub your roof and you hear the sound of a storm in the giant mango tree near your window while your natural tan honey brings you some chicken soup (tinola) and soon snuggles up next to you with her long black hair mixed up in your arm as she fades out to dreams...you might realize that you are in and part of a world that some opinionated blowhard back in the USA will never know....and a part of you that had set long frozen in your old world has come to life....and makes your heart full of joy. It becomes your world as it should have been.
Misamis Oriental, Mindanao.
Dude, he?s someone?s FATHER. He is totally correct for HIS DAY. He didn?t have any of the problems you face with women in his time. Women were different then. Of course his wife and your mother don't fit the bill. They are from a different world. Things went downhill just in the last 25 years or so.
25? No. My parents married about 35 years ago. That's when Feminism started, but it's important to remember it didn't start by spontaneous generation. It was boiling beneath the surface in prior decades.
You definitely were generous with your personal statistics about obesity because 2/3 of adults in the USA are actually obese. But let's meet in between and say it's only 50%...those are still bad odds indeed.
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OTB, your best friend's father is just probably one of the lucky ones who hit the lotto and found himself a good woman. Just like someone else said earlier, times were different back then and women were of more quality. In today's dating scene, it's far worse, big time! Trying to find a good woman in the USA is like gambling in a casino with odds stacked against you....some people get lucky and win but most will lose. Why bother to play a game when you're not in an advantage. You're 31 and you don't want to keep going through more years of aggravation. Going abroad will not guarantee success but you will dramatically increase your odds that's for sure.
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Some people understand basic concepts like statistics and law. STD rates, paternity fraud rates, and divorce rates. In those cases, explaining gems like VAWA and 50 states of no-fault divorce (man's fault frivorce) tend to clarify the issue.
Also, many older people aren't aware (until it's too late) that in the event of a frivorce, they'll have to split their IRA/401K and other retirement benefits, (the male gets to keep all the debt, though) and just how draconian the laws can be if they can't cough up whatever number a judge pulls out of the ether for alimony. Ex-wife and her new bf living in the house hubby bought (and may still have a mortgage on. )
I'd ask him if he thinks fully HALF of married men "picked the wrong woman" and how does the law care about that?
Man sits in jail while unable to pay alimony that exceeds his income
http://www.nj.com/hunterdon-county-demo ... le_ua.html
persons in jail or in prison for child-support debt
http://purplemotes.net/2011/03/22/perso ... port-debt/
Some women pull the trigger on 10, 20+ year long marriages, once their "shares" have vested.
I'm thinking of leaving my husband of 40 years, will I still be entitled to half his pension?
http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/expe ... nsion.html
I don't bother talking to many people about it, though.
The ones saying "you're not trying hard enough", etc. aren't going to help you legally or financially when cupcake decides she's Unhaaaaappy!, "trapped in a bad (= not as exciting as TV says it should be) marriage", caught in an "It just haaaaaappened" affair or with an AshleyMadison account (look it up ), etc.
I have to bear those costs, so it's my call.
The biggest financial decision a young man will ever make
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/05/15 ... ever-make/
не поглеждай назад.
"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything
Two things :
1) Go to the nearest brick wall and bang your head against it repeatedly. After a while you'll notice that you've gotten through to it just a little bit, certainly more than you ever will with your friend's dad. I'm sure he's a nice guy but he obviously doesn't see what we see. Every response from him reads like a script. Forget about discussing this stuff with people who just can't see it, unless your objective is to try to get them to see the light, and even then it should only be done with open minded people. Maybe he is, maybe he's not, but as long as he doesn't see it, it's not worth asking for his advice, because he doesn't understand the context.
2) I do actually think that there are probably many western women who are of good quality. And I think it's worth making the effort to try to figure out where this minority is and identify them, at least for those who can't (for whatever reason) travel.
I disagree a bit here. OTB has someone who is a father-figure he can confide in, which is good. The point is not to change his mind (though if it happens, great), it's to have an open dialogue and express the frustration with AW and explore the issues. Sometime's it's good to talk to a devil's advocate and answer his questions honestly, showing him what he doesn't know about AW. Some people are far removed from the dating scene nowadays, so going overseas for love is an alien (no pun intended) concept to them.
If OTB soon goes to live abroad or brings a fiancee back to America and has a happy love life, his friend's dad may be a little more open to the concept and then may start to see the issues in America we're talking about. Make people aware of the issues and let them draw their own conclusions, it's all you can do.
I find it less effective to rattle off the statistics to people. I had a come-to-Jesus talk with my dad and step-mom and told them how it was, expressed my frustrations. The reality is that there are kind-hearted loving single moms out there, yes. But they also have a victim mentality, some of them to the point of being militant or mad at the world. These are very seldom women who are ready for love, even assuming that they are someone you would want to get serious with in the first place.
I told my dad and step-mom I'm a mismatch for the women around here ... I don't listen to country music, fish, hunt, no motorcycle, I'm not a handyman, don't drive a pickup truck, don't drink, don't root for the right sports teams, not religious, don't watch the right TV shows (your details might be different ... I live in a red state ). I told them that online dating is futile ... a lot of women are just looking to date and reject or read letters and get an ego boost. And the ones that are serious are usually picky and have a list of qualifications that run from here to eternity. Other women you talk to online (if they even reply back) get worried about a hump-and-dump situation, no matter what type of guy you are and what you say. AW let their fears and past experiences get the best of them so often.
Try to express your frustrations with the dating scene and the way things go down in America, and not the women themselves so much. That should cut down the "you're being disrespectful to women, wives, mothers, daughters" responses.
"Take a bold and unconventional action, then you'll find out who your friends are."
"Trying to find good American women is like trying to ice skate in a volcano."
Absolutely true, the decline has been going on for decades, but it's definatley getting worse year by year. We are living in a world where woman are hit upon 24/7 from men, as such they are always looking for an upgrade and will never be happy. This is just one of the many reasons why dating in the west is finished.
OTB, you are clearly a good looking guy and you should be with an attractive female in any normal "dating" society, but as we all know all of the Anglosphere is terrible for a man looking to find a decent woman.
A Mans dating value will only get lower and lower in the future, as women really have no need for men, or if they do it will only be on their terms.
Increase your dating value by going for a foreign woman.
If I were single again and I was not allowed to date any foreign women, I'm trying to come up with a game plan on how to find a decent woman. Man that's tough! You see it's not a two way street anymore. Let's say you have a man with looks in the 7 range and you have a woman who is also in the 7 range. Chances are that the man will NOT be good enough looking for the woman. Isn't that sad?
So you'd have to be comfortable dating a woman who is less attractive than you for starters. Then you'd need to find a lady who has as many interests as you do. Find a hobby or sport that both of you show passion. This would definitely help.
I've played tennis all my life. There are tons of American women who play tennis. Suppose if I really wanted to I could find a lady to date in this pool. Slap a ring on her finger and hope and pray that she doesn't get tired of me and can accept the fact that I'm not a wealthy man. Doesn't leave a guy feeling very confident does it?
Compared to what I have now, it would definitely be a step down in the wrong direction AND far less stable.
As other people before me have posted great responses, I will keep this simple:
-upgrade yourself from poor miserable guy in USSA to rich expat traveling the world. Get into an online business, network marketing, residual income, passive if possible. Get capture pages at prosperitycentral.com, join a company called Talk Fusion, do pay per view advertising at trafficvance + mediatraffic and other ppv sites (look at warriorforum for more info on marketing), do gigs on fiverr.com if you can (or take advantage of some of the offers on that site for marketing) and look for paid advertising on high traffic sites in your niche. Get a passport, get out of debt, save up money and travel the world, you do have options.
-as has already been mentioned, increase your value by going abroad. The first step is the hardest, but don't use any excuses, get all your ducks lined up in a row and just do it. Start meditating daily, establish a full-spectrum spiritual practice that includes yoga and the use of brainwave entrainment technology to meditate deeply, as well as prayer if you wish.
Going abroad is the only option, take action and do it! If you have any questions about the above just PM me.