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My Chinese girlfriend: Should I abandon ship? I love her.

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Postby tre » Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:41 am

I wouldn't write the girl off just yet, but take your time. You need to decide what would be best for YOU at this point. IMO, relationships should take a back seat to career, degrees, etc.. As it's been said, if you drop this girl, you'll have the same exact problem over and over again. If I were you, I'd decide what you are interested in (something that is in demand worldwide) and get a 4 year degree. 28 is not that old. Just make sure that if you do decide to get a degree, that your girl knows that you are getting it because YOU want to and NOT because she wanted you to. Scrap the idea of joining the military...SOOO many reasons not to even think about it.

You still don't seem 100% sure about what you want with this girl so I think you need more time to think about it and definitely more time spent with the girl. You can likely get a job teaching English in China, but your pay will be very low with long hours....simply due to your lack of a degree. If going that route, I'd do for as little time as possible just to give you access to your girl for a bit longer so that you can both make a decision. You can try to make it work out and at least then you'll know you gave it your best shot. At least you'd have the opportunity to learn the culture and Mandarin a bit better...its not a waste of time regardless.
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Postby magnum » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:59 am

That's unfortunate to hear.


My plan was to try and get a teaching job that only required 4 to 5 hours of work a day, then I could do online college classes at home and still have time to hit the gym in the morning or night time.

But that plan would require a job that has housing and internet provided, as I'm still green in the teaching market, I have no clue what to expect pay wise, I wash oping for at least 8k RMB a month, with my kind of budgeting I could save 6 to 5k a month.


the long hours bit and low pay bit makes the plan sound imposable.

As for what I want with this girl, I want to marry her, but I'm not going to do it right off the bat, at first I'd probably live with her make sure things go smooth, she has 3 years left at her uni, plenty of time to figure out it out if I can just get a teaching gig that lands me a apartment.
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Postby tre » Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:52 pm

Well, give it a shot....you never know. From my research, this is what I've learned:

1) Hard to get a job in China teaching English without SOME Bachelors Degree (impossible in S. Korea and Japan).

2) Pay is low for non-degree English teachers and you need to watch out for scams. I believe that MOST offers for non-degree English teachers would be a scam. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Do some research online for TEFL....you'll get a good idea on what to expect that way. You best info is from those that are there in China doing exactly what you wanna do. Good luck...let us know how it all works out!:)
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Re: My Chinese girlfriend: Should I abandon ship? I love her

Postby Cornfed » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:01 pm

magnum wrote: She was ok with my background, the idea I don't have college behind my back bothered her but as long as I could support us both she was fine, she always said "i don't need a rich man, just one that can take care of a family"

Now she's saying things like "My family doesn't marry people without college" and that "you must have college to work in china" she's been on my a** about finding a job while I've been here in America, I've got a holiday job coming up soon that I'm pretty sure I landed, nailed the second interview.

But she can't seem to realize how hard it is to get a job here, or is just frustrated with me.

This is the normal female outlook. Females are in no position to evaluate people based on their merits, so they merely evaluate results. If you are handed enough money and social status to benefit her then you are good as far as she is concerned. If not, you are bad. Best to drop this female and get another one when you are in a position to do so.
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Postby Cornfed » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:05 pm

On the subject of getting a degree, you would have to wonder if it is worth it now given the appallingly low academic standard, outrageously high cost and bleak job prospects. By the time you get your degree the EFL market may be saturated in China in the way it already is in Korea and Japan. It is certainly not worth it just to impress some female.
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Re: My Chinese girlfriend: Should I abandon ship? I love her

Postby kai1275 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:08 pm

Cornfed wrote:
magnum wrote: She was ok with my background, the idea I don't have college behind my back bothered her but as long as I could support us both she was fine, she always said "i don't need a rich man, just one that can take care of a family"

Now she's saying things like "My family doesn't marry people without college" and that "you must have college to work in china" she's been on my a** about finding a job while I've been here in America, I've got a holiday job coming up soon that I'm pretty sure I landed, nailed the second interview.

But she can't seem to realize how hard it is to get a job here, or is just frustrated with me.

This is the normal female outlook. Females are in no position to evaluate people based on their merits, so they merely evaluate results. If you are handed enough money and social status to benefit her then you are good as far as she is concerned. If not, you are bad. Best to drop this female and get another one when you are in a position to do so.


There is some sobering stone cold truth right there. Anything is possible but that is the cold harsh reality.
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Postby momopi » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:25 pm

magnum wrote:no I honestly don't want to live in china, I much rather live in japan, but that's not where my girl friend lives, and they require a degree or...wait for it....3 years English teaching experience, so you see, even if things don't work out, they still kind of work out.


If you want to live in Japan, then find a way to get there. You've already found your way to China, I have confidence in your ability to find your way to Japan.

You can give your GF the opportunity to join you in Japan in the future, but never give up your goals just for her.
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Postby deasil875 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:58 pm

Sorry Magnum. The deck was stacked against you hard with with bitch. The culture stresses education, work, and professional title and status. No college education. Strike one. You're a foreigner. Strike two. You don't have a professional title. (MD, DDS, JD) Strike three.

Her parents would have NEVER accepted you. Jesus christ couldn't even have you last with this girl. Abandon ship...yesterday.
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Postby magnum » Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:23 am

My objectives are to be a one woman man in a close bonded relationship, I don't want something on the side, I don't want a slave wife, I want a partner who loves me in return.


A lot guys here I don't believe share this trait, some do but most are just looking for the most with the least effort and that's not the kind of person I am.


Despite what it looks like, i'm not scared of hard work sacrifice or dedication, I wasn't always like this but I've changed a lot.


I'm going to give this girl a shot, because love is worth it and even if it fails I've lost nothing but time and gained around 10k in my bank by the end of one year teaching, and a life time of love is worth the risk, I think I've answered my own question.


Besides it'd be a hell of a good HA story if it worked out.

And if it didn't work out, well hell it isn't the end of the world then is it, more women in the sea!
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Postby anamericaninbangkok » Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:30 am

magnum wrote:My objectives are to be a one woman man in a close bonded relationship, I don't want something on the side, I don't want a slave wife, I want a partner who loves me in return.


A lot guys here I don't believe share this trait, some do but most are just looking for the most with the least effort and that's not the kind of person I am.


Despite what it looks like, i'm not scared of hard work sacrifice or dedication, I wasn't always like this but I've changed a lot.


I'm going to give this girl a shot, because love is worth it and even if it fails I've lost nothing but time and gained around 10k in my bank by the end of one year teaching, and a life time of love is worth the risk, I think I've answered my own question.


Besides it'd be a hell of a good HA story if it worked out.

And if it didn't work out, well hell it isn't the end of the world then is it, more women in the sea!


I wish you well...

What you want is great - the main question is if she shares your thinking. What I've found is that when women start getting pulled in a hundred directions they head towards the path of least resistance.

I can respect your not wanting to sleep with other women to rid yourself of the pain.

If you're willing to take the risk, go for it. I really do hope it works out for you. If it doesn't though, you live and learn and you move on.
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