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My relationship ended, wake up call

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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My relationship ended, wake up call

Postby magnum » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:40 am

This entire month I've been brain storming how to get a job without a diploma emailing many Chinese schools in a attempt to get to china to reunite with my girl friend who I made a second trip to China for 2 months ago, I spent most the time living with her and her father.

I worked 3 months working a low part time job just to make the trip to see her.


I was going to return this December or January and ask her to marry me, I even have a ring, thankfully it's a family ring so I didn't spend money on it.


Today she messaged me, dumped me in so many words, but the highlighted ones as fallows...

"I study hard for my dreams and I want to fallow these dreams"

"I want my dream man and your not him"

when asked what her dream man was...

"someone who has gone to college, maybe a engineer"


When asked if she found another man 3 to 4 times she never responded the entire time...


I've never been in love like I was with her, I thought I'd finally found love.


This girl was beautiful....I'll never date a girl that beautiful again, I never give up on anything in life, but its one of the low moments in life where you realize it'll never get better then this or the same again, after what she's said to me, I guess looks is all she did have, too bad I gave her my heart on her.


On top of all this....I got sick 6 times in china from the food or water...came home and got a throat infection due to what china did to me...I couldn't work out for a month and a half, and I just pulled my back in the gym 2 days ago, so I've not only lost my life savings, my heart but my fitness and health.

A long time ago I was a 300 pound man with a dream of getting in shape and finding a beautiful girl to marry, I thought I was at the apex of that journey, not only didn't I accomplish my goal that I thought I was so close to, I've ruined a lot of the progress I made in my life to fitness, I'm not fat, but I don't have poping abs or miles worth of endurance anymore.

I don't think I'll be on these forums much anymore.... isn't much for me to say anymore.

if your under the age of 35 even 30, have a engineering degree or even college behind your belt only then come to china or think of it as a spot to find a wife, otherwise you might find your self having lost what little you had.
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Postby Cornfed » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:58 am

Like most beautiful females in prosperous societies, you ex-gf wanted a man who could pay for her and enhance her social status. Since you don't have those qualities it was always going to be an uphill battle. Cheer up, for Christ's sake. You got to spend time with her, whereas most other men in your position wouldn't have been given the time of day. Treat it as an interesting experience and get back on the horse. Although you, like all of us, picked a shitty time to be alive, you have plenty of time left to find your niche in the world.
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Postby xiongmao » Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:25 am

Wow, tough one man.

All I can say is that I have gone on to date hotter and hotter women. You can ALWAYS find a better girl. ALWAYS.

You might be better off in Thailand or the Phillies though. I've not met many degree educated women in Thailand. They seem less ambitious than Chinese women. But on the downside many are meeting me just because I have (or they think I have) money. Thankfully first date in a very cheap restaurant throws off the money lookers.

The good thing about Thailand is that it is absolutely the best place ever to get over a relationship. I've met so many women here my head is absolutely scrambled. Maybe the Phillies would be the same.

Oh well, hang in there.
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Postby zboy1 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:09 am

Yeah, like Xiongmao and Cornfed said, cheer-up mate. You'll have another opportunity again soon, I guarantee it :)

I wonder where Kai1492 is at? He's always the one touting how great Chinese females are, but...to be honest, I don't see it--neither does Ghost, TheProfessor, and host of others. Of course, like Kai, there are those who are fervent supporters of mainland Chinese females on this forum, too, like Celery, but there seems to be a 50/50 split against/in favor of them. Mnnn....I guess it depends on the individual case?...
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Postby zboy1 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:16 am

Although, to be fair, I have already gone on multiple dates and have gotten so many emails and messages from Chinese females on QQ and ChineseLoveLinks--that it would seem hypocritical for me to say negative things about them, especially when I've had so much success with them; I've gotten so many compliments about my looks from Chinese females, that sometimes, I feel arrogant, LOL.
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Postby Falcon » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:20 am

Wow magnum, I'm very sorry to hear about this. It'll take maybe a few weeks to get over, but don't let this destroy your life for now.

Middle-class, better-educated urban Chinese women tend to be like this, and so are the majority of Taiwanese women. However, the women I met in rural southwestern China, in provinces such as Yunnan and Guizhou, have usually never had the opportunity to attend college. They are much more down-to-earth and not as obsessed about a man's qualifications and background as the urban ones are. Rock would sometimes some me some flak for being attracted to these types, but at the end of the day they're a far better choice for me. I'd say they're more like Vietnamese women in many ways, than like their urban middle-class Chinese counterparts.

You can also go over this thread if you'd like to pump up your morale again: http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/view ... hp?t=15815 (Ladies I met in Yunnan, China)

Also, a young Chinese-Burmese waitress that I know in Thailand says that she doesn't have any plans to ever attend college. She doesn't seem to be concerned about my educational qualifications very much.

So my advice is to go for women from completely different socio=economic strata. Best of luck to you. :)
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Postby RedMenace » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:45 am

As much as I would like to say "I told you so" actually f*ck that, I told you so mate. Beauty is directly proportional to instability in females. The more beautiful she is the more unstable she will be. It's the law of nature, balance must be achieved. If she has excess of one thing, she will lack another. Imagine how much worse this could have been if you had taken her to America and invested more in her? You should count yourself lucky this happened now and not later. Just move on and find someone more stable. This will keep happening if you continue to chase the super model type females. I was going to add more but my mind suddenly went blank.
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Postby C.J. » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:33 pm

It sucks man. It really does. But the sooner you figure out and realize, that women ain't worth **** to even farmers, you'll feel a lot better.

I found out the filipina that I was talking to was flirting around with other men, trying to get money from them and was trying to use their sexual depravity against them. However, knowing her and her character, you wouldn't think she was a gold digger. If you didn't see it with your own eyes. The sad thing is, this happened to me twice and with the knowledge that I make a lot of money and would see within a year. So it's not like I'd see them with lint in my pockets. :lol:

And one of the women was already earning wages, and their siblings were all OFWs. So it doesn't make sense to me.

So you can't trust a sow, regardless of who she says she is, or who she REALLY is. Either f**k her, or don't f**k with her!
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Re: My relatinship ended, wake up call

Postby Taco » Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:53 pm

magnum wrote:This girl was beautiful....I'll never date a girl that beautiful again, I never give up on anything in life, but its one of the low moments in life where you realize it'll never get better then this or the same again, after what she's said to me, I guess looks is all she did have, too bad I gave her my heart on her.


Sorry, to hear you got dumped. Just don't start dating American women again.

In Asia, good looking, horny women grow on trees so don't get stressed out over it. You should try dating Filipinas, their usually not as demanding as Chinese women are and they'll screw the shit out of you, exactly what you need right now.
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Postby RedMenace » Thu Oct 24, 2013 5:49 pm

And when a relationship with a Chinese woman is over, they will completely cut you off. Hey at least you got some p*ssy from it. That's probably why you fell so deeply in love with her. Sex can break the strongest of men. It takes a special man to resist it's..... "breaking effects".
Love and sex can cloud your mind to the point where you become just short of an emotional woman unable to see in the future and access the personality of the woman in question. I am sorry but most of you guys deserve what you get because you think so superficially. You see a young beautiful female and you completely ignore everything else such as personality or wife material. Then when this female breaks your heart or worse financially and emotionally ruins you, you then see how stupid you were. I don't get why you complain about superficial women when you yourself are superficial. Never seeing past the makeup. Seeing past the looks is a valuable skill to learn. It will protect you from the women who would want to exploit you.
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Re: My relatinship ended, wake up call

Postby tre » Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:04 pm

magnum wrote:
Today she messaged me, dumped me in so many words, but the highlighted ones as fallows...

"I study hard for my dreams and I want to fallow these dreams"

"I want my dream man and your not him"

when asked what her dream man was...

"someone who has gone to college, maybe a engineer"


When asked if she found another man 3 to 4 times she never responded the entire time...


I've never been in love like I was with her, I thought I'd finally found love.


This girl was beautiful....I'll never date a girl that beautiful again, I never give up on anything in life, but its one of the low moments in life where you realize it'll never get better then this or the same again, after what she's said to me, I guess looks is all she did have, too bad I gave her my heart on her.



OUCH....sorry to hear that man. I can remember how it felt to get dumped. I remember feeling that "I'd never date a woman as attractive as she was". I felt that way MANY times though...because there were many that I felt like that with. It will be no different with you. You WILL date a woman as attractive as she was and who will appreciate you more than she did. She is likely seeing an Engineer and that is why she brought that up. She made the breakup easier on herself by finding someone to fill the void first. I can't remember, but did you say that she was the first women you'd ever had sex with? If so, that would definitely make it harder. However, like Cornfed said....gotta get back on that horse. Don't give up on the things you want in life. If something doesn't work out like you'd hoped, find another way. The pain will go away in time. Besides, you are young...plenty of time to get back on track.
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Postby aozora13 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:21 pm

@Magnum,

Kai mentioned earlier (I guess a month or more ago?) that you should end the relationship with her since it looks like she will follow her parents suggestions as getting a guy who has a university degree which is technical. Seriously I think it was parental pressure. It wins most of the time because if she was truly in love with you she might ignore her parent's warnings and get with you anyway.

It is a hard lesson to learn but it is good that you at least see that women are inherently similar, culture plays a lot in how many women develop.

Your best option right now is to become self-sufficient and try to do a trade or skill that can be useful. Possibly go back to school (if able). I would avoid the military.

I agree with others posters. You will get over her and it is sad that her parents did not see that you are good guy and only worry about having a piece of paper. Kai might be right about the age. At the early 20s under 23, it is not worth to be in a relationship with a woman; especially Chinese women.
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Postby magnum » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:40 pm

At this point I've lost all direction, this girl was the focus point of my future.

I've been thinking of going to college, but I'd just farther my unemployment and I hardly want to work full time and take night school.

Even attempt to be a engineer crossed my mind, witch only added to the kick in the balls when she said that to me....but I'm so old now, I'd be 31 to 33 by the time I finished, what kind of life is that, starting out at 33, I'm ashamed of my life, I think in some ways though cruel my girl friend was right, I'm not excellent or a dream guy.

The funny thing is, she still wants to be friends...even said she'd help me if I came back to china......I played along...who knows if I go back maybe she can introduce me to some women, at least that's the lie I like to tell my self.

I can't even exercise the pain away...my back is still pulled and all I want to do is eat junk food that will make me fat as I can't exercise.

Thought about posting her picture, after that I think you guys would realize what I mean by never dating a girl that beautiful again, infarct maybe I will, even if it's just to torture my self

http://postimg.org/image/p44oyjs53/

She's the one in the middle, love of my life...and worst thing that ever happened to me
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Postby ***JP*** » Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:50 am

magnum wrote:At this point I've lost all direction, this girl was the focus point of my future.

I've been thinking of going to college, but I'd just farther my unemployment and I hardly want to work full time and take night school.

Even attempt to be a engineer crossed my mind, witch only added to the kick in the balls when she said that to me....but I'm so old now, I'd be 31 to 33 by the time I finished, what kind of life is that, starting out at 33, I'm ashamed of my life, I think in some ways though cruel my girl friend was right, I'm not excellent or a dream guy.

The funny thing is, she still wants to be friends...even said she'd help me if I came back to china......I played along...who knows if I go back maybe she can introduce me to some women, at least that's the lie I like to tell my self.

I can't even exercise the pain away...my back is still pulled and all I want to do is eat junk food that will make me fat as I can't exercise.

Thought about posting her picture, after that I think you guys would realize what I mean by never dating a girl that beautiful again, infarct maybe I will, even if it's just to torture my self

http://postimg.org/image/p44oyjs53/

She's the one in the middle, love of my life...and worst thing that ever happened to me




Magnum at some point or another we have all been burned even by foreign women. I understand you really loved this girl and that she was the center of your universe but one thing I can tell you with all honestly and sincerity is that there is life after a breakup. Before my wife I had a girlfriend too who gave in to both family and friend pressure and ended up cheating on me with another man and eventually marrying that man. Like you I was down and didn't even know what to do with my life. One day out of nowhere I met my wife on the web and life has changed for the better for me. Remember something magnum a true champion is the one who takes a hit but always gets back up and fights another day. I know it's hard to move on but eventually you will. All I can say is that when you feel ready it's time to get back on that horse and believe me you will meet someone much much better and eventually you will be able to close this bad chapter in your life. Eventually this girl will become a far away memory.

My only advice for you is to get up again and try the best that you can to move on from her. Who knows? You might even meet someone better in China since it's your country of choice. One more thing Magnum. At least in my experience there's no friendship after a breakup for me. People have always asked me why I don't believe in friendship after a breakup? Well it's hard to be friends with someone who betrayed you and broke your heart, besides it will hurt more if you stay friends with her and then see her with another man. So like I said before, keep your head up and like a true champion get up and don't stay down on the floor.



By the way here's a quote from one of my favorite writers-- When someone leaves it's because someone else is about to arrive. (Paulo Coelho) It might lose some meaning in translation but I hope you get through this tough time as a winner.
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Postby RedMenace » Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:42 am

I think she was looking for someone to use as a stepping stone. You being unqualified actually saved you from something much worse. Have you ever asked yourself why such a female would find men online? With her looks it should be plain easy to get most guys.
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