First Time On a Foreign Dating Site

[polya]

.............

[CrazyCanuck944]

it will prove a challenge if you talk to more than one at a time without incurring the jealous wrath of any other women I'm interested in.

Yes indeed. It's just a big numbers game, at least at first, on both sides of the equation. You start with a large number of prospects and narrow them down, it's common sense and you would think they would understand. But I guess you have to hide the fact that you are talking to lots of other girls, sometimes telling the truth isn't taken very well. This is a real problem and I think I will start a new thread about this.

Perhaps this is why so many of them complain about all the 'scammers, cheaters, and liars' they encounter. Any man who engages in a conversation with other women on the site is labeled as a cheater. Much different paradigm from dating on western sites. There have been some that I've really liked and wanted to get to know better, but now I'm almost starting to feel like a heel for liking more than one... I don't know about most of the men, but I'm actually looking for a wife, not just some easy sex.

[Billy]

I was curious which kind of men are at Fi.cupid, It seems like that 90% are foreignerst. Probably 50% whites. Am I correct. Why aren´t there so so few fi. men? Looks like the site is specially for foreign men so no wonder that most girls even if they are young want much older men. Are they that unhappy with Fi. men?

And there are some hot women there. I am still not paying but have some 30 cute girls "interested" in me what ever the hell that might mean....

[hammanta]

Like one guy said, online dating is a gold mine if you know how and where to look. I'm 24, decent looking, and in great shape and use it when I go overseas. Actually just met the most wonderful filipino girl on my trip a week or so ago from Filipino Cupid. Middle class girl now though came from a low income family. Works very hard at a good job, intelligent, degree, attractive, and knows how to have a good convo. She even paid for most of the meals and activities when I met her. I had been communicating with her for a few months and decided to meet her during my trip. But there are far more flukes than real ones. The girl I met and continue to communicate with told me so many stories of guys sending her messages about wanting to marry her and bring her to the states, or asking for sexual favors, that she was simply fed up with it and wanted to quit. Luckily she sent me a message. But that is what so many good girls have to deal with that I'm sure many simply lose faith in the online scene.

Online I'm down to earth, sweet, and very cultural sensitive. That's honestly all it takes. I'm a natural friendly and nice guy but at times I was simply sick of being so damn sweet, but that is generally what it takes with Filipinas. A rule of thumb I should give you about narrowing down your selections. Make sure she has a degree, a steady job, and her profile seems honest and has something interesting to say. If they take time to think about what they write then that is a good sign that they are sincere and seriously looking. I generally stay away from the low income girls mainly due to the fact that many simply want a way out and/or just are to ignorant about other cultures to get along well with me. I'm also not looking for a "slave" wife and prefer my women a little more open minded and independent.

But really don't give up. Because of my system I've met in person more winners than losers but I had to weed out a lot of messages before I was able to meet them.

You sound a lot like me, lol (temperament-wise). I've noticed that nice guy sweetness doesn't seem to have much effect on Canadian (perhaps western society) women though (at least not in regards to building attraction). If you don't have 'game' and the cocky/funny attitude, success is elusive.

Unfortunately, I've yet to meet a Filipina online that has appealed to me, personality-wise. I have talked to about a dozen on Skype, but have actually been royally scolded when they have discovered that I have dared to speak to other women on a dating site! They all have appeared super sweet until this child-like streak of jealousy and emotional temperament of a 14 year old girl comes out. I don't know what to think now...

I completely agree with your Canadian Social view. Its similar in the U.S. I get attention from women but merely on a superficial level. Once I start getting deeper, and dare I say Chivalrous and romantic, the relationship starts to dwindle down. I simply don't like being a dick and would rather treat a girl great. And the ones I am a dick to seem to want me more but I don't give them the time because I'm not interested.

As far as your dating site situation, like I said you will find more bad, uninteresting filipinas than quality ones. I've spent probably around 5 months total on FC (more on other sites) before finding a great girl. But I think a key to it is not to get that emotionally connected with a girl until you meet her in person. The girl I'm with now, we talked maybe 1 or 2 times a week for maybe an hour or so on instant messenger, and about nothing serious. I decided at the last moment to come visit her for 4 days and it took off from there. Now we talk everyday for hours.

I also give great value to looks so I'm more choosy in that aspect and narrows my field. Personality wise so many are simply dual. My convos wouldn't go anywhere and I consider myself a very interesting person. That's where the educated part comes in. Also I don't think any man on this site should be going after girls in their teens or early 20's if they expect to find a filipina that isn't childish and dual. A 26-30 year old filipina is still in looks regard much better than what a normal 45 year old would get in the states and most likely has matured as well. I did meet several girls on the site and in person, before finding my current girl, that I would have definitely considered pursuing further that were both interesting and honest. It's simply a matter of narrowing them down.

Also I would keep the fact that you are talking to different girls on the down low. If they ask just be like " I've met a few nice people but it doesn't seem to be anything serious." Even if it is somewhat of a lie, until you go and meet them, you don't wanna lose any keepers. I'd expect the same thing from the girl as well. I don't wanna know that she is talking to 5 other guys.

[hammanta]

I was curious which kind of men are at Fi.cupid, It seems like that 90% are foreignerst. Probably 50% whites. Am I correct. Why aren´t there so so few fi. men? Looks like the site is specially for foreign men so no wonder that most girls even if they are young want much older men. Are they that unhappy with Fi. men?

And there are some hot women there. I am still not paying but have some 30 cute girls "interested" in me what ever the hell that might mean....

First off most Filipino men have the pick of the litter in terms of women. Far more available women than there are men. Most Filipino men are poor as well or at least can't afford the $30+ a month it costs to send messages. And the ones that can afford it don't need a dating site to find women. If you check out sites like DIA (that are free) than you will see many filipino men looking for dates. FC is geared towards foreigners that is why it has mainly foreigners signed up. The women on there are almost all interested in foreigners but to be completely honest, most quality, educated women on the sites are not looking for old men. An educated 23 year old women is looking for a quality man between the ages of 23-35 maybe 40 at most. I've talked to hand fulls of women who were creeped out by men that could be their fathers sending them messages. Of course there are outlyers but that is the trend I have personally seen. The poorer girls are looking for the 45+ age group, whether to get out of poverty or what I don't know.

As far as unhappy with Fil. men, some are some aren't. I have heard these stereotypes about filipino men that have all come from Filipinas I have met and friends of mine.

Filipino men tend to:
-have more than one girl/unfaithful
-can't or don't want to take care of kids
-prefer light skinned "chinky" looking girls
-have small penises (been told by a few girls that is the case, and those were girls I was never intimate with)
-just don't have much to offer

Now are all those the case, prob. not and are simply stereotypes but some maybe grounded in truth.

[Mr Natural]

An excellent post, sounds like you know what you are doing.

I think a key to it is not to get that emotionally connected with a girl until you meet her in person.

You should have put that one in bold large print.

Personality wise so many are simply dual.

Guess I'm showing my ignorance here, but can I ask what "dual" means?

I don't think any man on this site should be going after girls in their teens or early 20's

BUT, in the Philippine culture very few of the good ones get past their early to mid 20s without being taken.

Also I would keep the fact that you are talking to different girls on the down low. If they ask just be like "I've met a few nice people but it doesn't seem to be anything serious." Even if it is somewhat of a lie, until you go and meet them, you don't wanna lose any keepers.

I guess anyone with any sense knows we shouldn't volunteer it. But what you suggest here sounds like a good way to phrase it if asked.

[hammanta]

An excellent post, sounds like you know what you are doing.

I appreciate the compliment. I don't know everything and still have a lot to know but I'm very keen to the culture and feel I can share some useful knowledge.

I think a key to it is not to get that emotionally connected with a girl until you meet her in person.

You should have put that one in bold large print.

Personality wise so many are simply dual.

Guess I'm showing my ignorance here, but can I ask what "dual" means?

IMO being "dual" is just an aspect of imagination and experience I guess. Few tend to be as educated and knowledgeable as westerners about the world, events, science, pop culture, critical thinking, what have you. It can make conversations challenging but not impossible. Filipinas, low income girls especially, are less keen on deeper thinking, unlike most western girls. To many girls the answer is simply "God" or "Jesus," which coming from a religious background, isn't necessarily bad IMO but still creates a void in deep conversation. Obviously you are gonna have to sacrifice something when finding a women, very few if any will be absolutely perfect.

I don't think any man on this site should be going after girls in their teens or early 20's

BUT, in the Philippine culture very few of the good ones get past their early to mid 20s without being taken.

I disagree. I would say half of the girls I've dated have been 24+, a few 26 or more. The maturity of most of them was what attracted me to them as well as their natural beauty. One of the most intelligent and well spoken women I have ever met in my life was a Filipina girl I dated for 8 months. I was 19-20 and she was 26-27. There are also several well established single mothers in that age range as well as established professionals. I think Filipino men have the view that if the girl isn't young they tend to be less attractive which leaves many single professional women in their upper 20's early 30's. Plus they are more willing to date in upper age groups than what the younger girls are imo.

Also I would keep the fact that you are talking to different girls on the down low. If they ask just be like "I've met a few nice people but it doesn't seem to be anything serious." Even if it is somewhat of a lie, until you go and meet them, you don't wanna lose any keepers.

I guess anyone with any sense knows we shouldn't volunteer it. But what you suggest here sounds like a good way to phrase it if asked.

I would think that to but I guess many guys don't like lying or stretching the truth. Honesty is good but I think they need to understand that they need to be cautious being online and to not fall in love so quickly.

[CrazyCanuck944]

As far as your dating site situation, like I said you will find more bad, uninteresting filipinas than quality ones. I've spent probably around 5 months total on FC (more on other sites) before finding a great girl. But I think a key to it is not to get that emotionally connected with a girl until you meet her in person.

The problem I've noticed is that some of them quickly become emotionally connected to me. I suppose it's natural, particularly if the girl hasn't received much attention

The girl I'm with now, we talked maybe 1 or 2 times a week for maybe an hour or so on instant messenger, and about nothing serious. I decided at the last moment to come visit her for 4 days and it took off from there. Now we talk everyday for hours.

This is the kicker for me: How can a relationship possibly blossom until the parties meet in person?

My convos wouldn't go anywhere and I consider myself a very interesting person. That's where the educated part comes in.

I've noticed that too...some of my contacts are very nice...but it's hard to sustain a conversation.

Also I don't think any man on this site should be going after girls in their teens or early 20's if they expect to find a filipina that isn't childish and dual.

Agreed 1000% ! Admittedly, I have been thoroughly brainwashed and indoctrinated by western society standards, and would feel very uncomfortable dating anyone younger than the late 20's. To make matters worse, these girls look like they're 15.

A 26-30 year old filipina is still in looks regard much better than what a normal 45 year old would get in the states and most likely has matured as well.

Agreed again. All things being equal, attractive American women don't go for 10+ years older men. It's a win/win with Filipinas: you can date a 35-40 y/o who looks like she's 25. Difference is, she has some maturity and life experience at that age.

Also I would keep the fact that you are talking to different girls on the down low.

That's what tripped me up. I was video-chatting with one on Skype, when another started talking to me. The first one acted like we had already set a wedding date. I thought she was going to cry...this, after talking for a grand total of 3 hours the night before.

[hammanta]

@ CrazyCanuck944


The problem I've noticed is that some of them quickly become emotionally connected to me. I suppose it's natural, particularly if the girl hasn't received much attention

I honestly can't say I've ever gotten that emotionally connected with a girl I've never met before. Maybe it's my way of communicating or choice of girls. I'm sure some of the lower income, possibly less attractive girls would be that way but if you stick to the more educated with jobs I doubt they will be as emotionally involved at first

This is the kicker for me: How can a relationship possibly blossom until the parties meet in person?

I don't think it can. Maybe you are like this or maybe not, but I don't see the point in men getting on these sites with no inclination of going to the country in the near future. Perhaps it can be done but it is not easy and at least planning to go there gives both parties hope that it will possibly work out.

I've noticed that too...some of my contacts are very nice...but it's hard to sustain a conversation.

That's just the numbers game. I have way more skype/viber/whatts app contacts than ones I actually talk to. I'm the type of guy who feels like he bothers the girl every time I send a message. So I usually prefer a girl that sends me messages first. That can be bad if the girl is shy as well. But I've met some that talk a lot and I mean a lot so its just a matter of finding them.

Agreed 1000% ! Admittedly, I have been thoroughly brainwashed and indoctrinated by western society standards, and would feel very uncomfortable dating anyone younger than the late 20's. To make matters worse, these girls look like they're 15.

I don't think they all look like they are 15 but I must say that I do kinda get turned off by how small some of them are. I'm not a tall guy (5'9" 190lbs) but I powerlift so I have a bulky/muscular body frame and I seem like a giant to most of the girls. It is also a turn on when they make comments about how "manly" I am haha but that is beside the point. I think as a culture we are just so accustomed to larger women. The girl I'm talking to now is 5'2" maybe 105lbs. A 5'2" girl in the U.S is still pushing 120-130lbs and thats average. I just say filipinas just seem more feminine, which I prefer a girly girl.

That's what tripped me up. I was video-chatting with one on Skype, when another started talking to me. The first one acted like we had already set a wedding date. I thought she was going to cry...this, after talking for a grand total of 3 hours the night before.

Can't say I've ever had this happen before but I guess anything is possible. I do recall a filipina friend of mine claiming she sent a Facebook relationship request to a guy she had communicated with only 3 times. I gave her hell about that for a while and needless to say he didn't respond to it.
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