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Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
8 posts • Page 1 of 1
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
The article advises letting any woman you consider know that you would want a pre-nup, and that this weeds out gold diggers.
The problem is that asking for a pre-nup can weed out the type of women who don't believe in divorce who want a man who doesn't believe in divorce. Some of the most anti-divorce women would see the request for a pre-nup to be signaling a low commitment to marriage. It's a bet on divorce. A very anti-divorce woman doesn't want to divorce or be divorced. So you can drive away some of the very best candidates for marriage, the conservative type who want to commit to their husband for life and never divorce.
In my case, I wanted a Christian who did not believe in divorcing like the example in the article. I wanted something with character. A pre-nup would not fit with our relationship, beliefs, or what both of us wanted.
There are cases where pre-nups make sense. If a man has adult children and wants to leave most of his estate to them, it makes sense to have step-mom sign a pre-nup. Some widowers get remarried when they are older. In Indonesia, in order to ensure the right to own land, a man has to waive rights to his wife's lands in a pre-nup. You could do that with the understanding that she submits to you and it is treated as de facto community property, but that would be between the two of you for financial decisions in the marriage. You could say you'd own land in her name. If she doesn't back stab you, then that discussion may prevent conflict later in the marriage.
I hear pre-nups don't hold up that well in court anyway.
If you marry, there needs to be some trust. You really need to know the other person's character. High risks women for divorce should not be in your consideration set if you can figure out that they are high risk, of course. Someone with no beliefs or morals really has no reason not to divorce except for love (which could mean a temporary dopamine rush.)
Yeah, I would like to find a stable, sane, long time relationship in the future but I refuse to leave myself vulnerable. So I'll probably end up in Asia, married, and if things go sour...say she turns into a monster...then I will have sent money back home, not accumulated many goods abroad, and be ready to pack up and head out the door at a moment's notice. I probably wouldn't even bother with a divorce.
I don't know why any man would entertain the idea of marrying any woman. you are basically asking for trouble.