Types of validation

droid · Post by **droid** » April 27th, 2015, 2:08 pm

What do you guys consider the validation that you seek as a man, when it comes to dating?

1>PUAs consider instant one night stands as validation of their game and clowning ability skills, I myself don't see the point much in becoming a court jester to obtain some 'results'. I'm also counting dancing as part of this 'strategizing'. Also permanent alterations like piercings, tattoos, and ear-lobe "discs" go here.

2>I prefer being liked for my looks, my natural (unforced) sense of humor/wittiness, and also if possible, my intelligence (although this last one is very uncommon in my experience). Watch out, I'm not saying i'm "good looking" of course, I'm a 6 but some girls think i'm hot, especially in some locations. Probably naturally working out and dressing better go in here i would argue.

Edit:
3>I should maybe include money as well, as some guys are into that. But I'm personally not much into it nor have i seen it have any effect anywhere, despite many stating it. Perhaps I'd like to impress a girl a little by having a car, as an extrapolation of my intelligence or something.
But i just give this stuff perhaps 10% of my validation.

Edit:
4>I must add a fourth parameter to this, namely how much validation you get from the approval/awe of your family and friends. How much validation do you seek by hoping to show up with some hottie at a gathering or via selfie to those in your life?
This has like 30% of the weight, after some soul searching.

Anyhow, I was going to make this a poll, but it's not a one-or-the-other thing.
I myself like to be validated like in a 30% for "game" and court jestering, and -hopefully- 70% on point 2). How about you?

Please don't say "liked for who i'am", be honest and state what you mean by that; as some guys think it's their game or personality but it's really their looks.

Jester · Post by **Jester** » April 27th, 2015, 2:36 pm

droid wrote:What do you guys consider the validation that you seek as a man, when it comes to dating?

1>PUAs consider instant one night stands as validation of their game and clowning ability skills, I myself don't see the point much in becoming a court jester to obtain some 'results'. I'm also counting dancing as part of this 'strategizing'.

Well I've pulled with dancing Armenian-style more than once, and I was damn proud.

2>I prefer being liked for my looks, my natural (unforced) sense of humor/wittiness, and also if possible, my intelligence (although this last one is very uncommon in my experience).

Well it seems that if you dont want dance-game to be the factor, and you DO want subtle humor and wit to be the factor, you should try the British Isles, or Australia.

Colored furriners in general do not appreciate subtle wit. Same with Latins. Jokes have to be heavy-handed. (American Blacks DO have a sense of humor, like Anglos and Jews.)

I'm kind of an egghead too, and if there wasn't a Luciferian police state in the British Isles, I would try various locations there, despite age issue. Just for the joyful fun.

Jester · Post by **Jester** » April 27th, 2015, 2:39 pm

To answer the original question, I detest being picked out for looks or intelligence. I DO like being picked out for personal charm or humor. or dancing.

chibolo · Post by **chibolo** » April 27th, 2015, 2:49 pm

I want someone who likes the way I look/is physically attracted to me and also likes my personality.

droid wrote: I'm also counting dancing as part of this 'strategizing'.

Well, to me dancing is just fun, I don't consider it "game" or some strategy to get laid. I am not even sure I believe in PUA/game, other than just being able to be social and confident.

droid · Post by **droid** » April 27th, 2015, 4:30 pm

I agree with you guys dancing is fun, i do enjoy it although i'm still not nearly good enough yet. That's why I put it at 30% i guess.
In some places everything depends on your performance though and you are expected to do it flawlessly, or your value drops exponentially, I don't like that pressure, it should just be fun.
For instance if a girl doesn't dance well or doesn't know how, i'm patient and don't hold it against her. Although i know it's not supposed to work like that the other way around lol.

Jester · Post by **Jester** » April 28th, 2015, 12:21 am

droid wrote:I agree with you guys dancing is fun, i do enjoy it although i'm still not nearly good enough yet. That's why I put it at 30% i guess.
In some places everything depends on your performance though and you are expected to do it flawlessly, or your value drops exponentially, I don't like that pressure, it should just be fun.
For instance if a girl doesn't dance well or doesn't know how, i'm patient and don't hold it against her. Although i know it's not supposed to work like that the other way around lol.

Colombia is probably the hardest place on the planet to shine on the dance floor. Salsa is HARD to get good at, the turns and all.

(Meringue is easier of course.)

chibolo · Post by **chibolo** » April 28th, 2015, 6:45 am

Yeah, I think Droid went to a place where dancing is a really big deal and everyone takes it very seriously. I have been to many clubs in Peru, both lower class and upper class "pituco" places and you see all levels of dance ability there. Most people are just average dancers, including most girls. And if you are a gringo they don't expect you to be able to dance anyway. And of course there is always reggaeton, which doesn't require any skill at all.

mahadeveshwara · Post by **mahadeveshwara** » April 28th, 2015, 11:25 am

Intelligence is useful in dating if you can parlay it into something that interests her - as in, being able to talk about varied and interesting topics, and talk about things that girls are interested in in a charming way.

As far as raw intelligence, few are interested in that for itself, although it does set you apart. There is a type of girl who is somewhat intelligent herself (usually white/middle class), but looks up to you for being more intelligent. As for ghetto hoes, they probably wouldn't even recognize it as intelligence, but see it as you being charming... and on the back end you can use your intelligence to figure out how to become more charming.

One can also use intelligence to get status in the world, but that seems inefficient to me.

I remember one girl talking about how one guy "sounded all smart" when he talked about his medical whatever... he was in medical school or something. Hell no I ain't about to do all that LMAO

Re: Latin dancing, I agree with chibolo. As long as you're competent enough to spend time with the girl and get close to her and not be awkward, it's all good. Presumably gringos get a pass for their dancing, as we do with spanish skills.

droid · Post by **droid** » May 3rd, 2015, 10:57 am

I must add a fourth parameter to this, namely how much validation you get from the approval/awe of your family and friends. How much validation do you seek by hoping to show up with some hottie at a gathering or via selfie to those in your life?

Doing some soul searching, I'm finding it's real hard to call it quits right now and go to asia, firstly because i have friends and family waiting to see how i did in latinamerica, of course I'll be seen as a loser if they see i couldn't fully "pull" here, but I've gone over the difficulties I'm finding and how things are changing south of the border for a guy like me.
Some of these 'friends' said stuff like, "let's see if you can get a girlfriend now" or crap to that effect.
There is also the Asian shaming aspect of course, if i then go to China, Vietnam, to get better attention from younger, child-free girls, I'll be labeled a loser and sex-tourist etc.

I know i'ts stupid to consider what others think but i can't help giving it some weight like 30% after said soul searching.

What do you guys think, how important is that crap for you guys?

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » May 3rd, 2015, 11:34 am

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drealm · Post by **drealm** » May 3rd, 2015, 1:51 pm

The only real validation is survival. Money, looks or game will not protect you from someone killing you.

MarcosZeitola · Post by **MarcosZeitola** » May 3rd, 2015, 2:10 pm

When you are with a woman who loves you truly, and deeply, just one look alone is all the validation you will ever need, and gives you the strength to walk through life with your head held high, not caring about validation from anyone else. And once the validation and approval of others are of no consequence, you will find yourself receiving more and more of it.

droid · Post by **droid** » May 3rd, 2015, 8:29 pm

Ghost wrote:On a side note, are you really only stuck with single moms as prospects in LA? I know there are lots of single moms down there, but damn. There have got to be some nice girls who are young, childless, and interested in foreigners.

Well, even though everyone says I look 25. That "25" doesn't cut it, as girls 18-25 go for 18-25 without an iota of an age gap, which don't seem to exist here. And by 22-23 they already have kids, with a semi informal relationship with the father.
At this pace it's going to take me a year to break through and find a girl outside of the bar scene, through rapport, I think, but then I don't want to have to hold on for dear life to one girl if it's so complicated and depending so much on luck.

As far as foreigners go, i don't have any exotic appeal since I'm hispanic/spaniard looking (i'm NOT anatol lol), and even blue eyed mahadevashwara didn't stand out. Like I posted the other day, these guys are dating some of the hottest girls I've ever seen in my life
http://www.mederock.com/blog/wp-content ... restas.jpg
i thought i/we would have an advantage, by American standards, but it's not the case.

I thought this place would be a cakewalk, as i was getting a lot of looks at the beginning and there is a big surplus of hot women. None of this seemed to lead anywhere though as the looks fizzled away for whatever reason, and they just won't look beyond their age. In fact all the "available" ones don't seem to be looking for anyone, they're aloof/independent. I really thought the 'ratio' would translate into awesome results.

Kind of the final straw came saturday night as i tried to talk to a couple fuglies in "Cable" Bar, they just gave me a deer in the headlights look and silence, well one of them didn't even turn; I told them a couple more phrases trying to get them to dignify me with an answer, but i just sat there like a smelly bum begging for a piece of stale bread. I turned back to see the Paqiao fight preshow, and they just said something and laughed. SOUNDS FAMILIAR? F*k that shit i didn't travel thousands of miles for this. I know it's just one approach and should be promptly discarded, but it pisses you off anyway.

Don't get me wrong i don't want to sound whiny, it's still a lot better than the states, but it's not enough.
There's a couple more things/chicks I'm going to try with and then I'm off.