Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Thurs nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts with FREE Prizes!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE Live AFA Seminar! See locations and details.


Scam free! Check out Christian Filipina - Meet Asian women with Christian values! Members screened.
Exclusive book offer! 75% off! How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife



View Active Topics       Latest 100 Topics       View Your Posts       FAQ Topics       Switch to Mobile


How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Winston » Wed Jun 24, 2015 9:48 pm

I was wondering something. How many of you actually cold approach girls or women in public? Or know someone who does?

The thing is, very very few guys have the guts to actually do that. It feels abnormal, out of the normal flow of things, and risky like you're going out on a limb. When you approach a stranger, you don't know what will happen or how she will react. So it takes nerves and can be emotionally draining and feel like hard work, because you feel pressure to hold her interest and maintain the conversation. I don't think most guys can do that, probably at least 99 percent of guys do not cold approach girls they think are hot. And I do not see guys doing that in public, not even in Asia.

However, lots of guys online TALK about cold approaching as if it were a normal ordinary thing that most guys do. But I do not see guys actually cold approaching girls in public or hitting on them. I'm sure in big US cities like LA, girls get hit on a lot or cat called, but the girls just blow them off like it's a routine. Or they may do it in nightclubs. But I don't see guys doing it on the street, in public buildings, or on buses or trains or planes. Out in public, people mind their own businesses and can only look back at hot girls passing by. That's the flow of things, even in Asia. Even in the Philippines, I don't see local guys hitting on girls in pubic, though you can sometimes start conversations with girls in buses and jeepneys and get their number.

But among the guys I know, very few cold approach girls regularly. The only ones I've seen do it are Rock and Monkro. Every other guy chickens out and feels uncomfortable about it. In China, both Ethan_sg and Zboy1 do not dare to cold approach girls. They find it nerve wracking and emotionally draining to even try, so they prefer to stand back and watch me try with amusement. Momopi has told me that he sometimes talks to girls i public, but he only picks appropriate situations to do it in, such as when he's standing in line.

So I'm wondering, how many of you actually cold approach girls you like in public? Do you feel tempted to? Have you ever tried cold approaching a girl even once? What do you do when you see a hot girl in public? Do you just let her walk by and disappear forever, wondering what would have happened if you had talked to her? When I freeze and don't approach a cute or sexy girl that I want to and miss the opportunity, I hit myself on the head about it for an hour afterward, because part of me wants to, but it feels so creepy and inappropriate and out of place, even in China and Taiwan. That's why I'm afraid to go out in cliquish stuck up countries where girls aren't open, because I will have so many temptations to hit on sexy girls, but be afraid to do so, and then chew myself out about it afterward in frustration. It's emotionally draining.

However, what I've noticed is that if you go out everyday and do stuff and ask people for directions a lot, you do end up meeting some people and getting phone numbers from girls. But it seems that it only happens when you are not actively looking for girls or trying to pick up girls. It's a sort of Murphy's Law in that you only meet girls when you are not trying. For example, in China when I try to pick up girls, they ignore me. But if I don't try and just ask girls near me for help or directions, a lot of them end up having natural conversations with me and exchanging Wechat contacts or phone numbers.

Even without approaching, sometimes you can sense from their vibe if they are approachable. A few girls have approachable body language and make eye contact with strangers in a comfortable manner. If she makes eye contact with you in a relaxed easygoing manner, then you know you can approach her. But most girls do not expect a stranger to talk to them. If they do look at you, it's with a "why is he staring at me?" type of look, so it's a brief and uncomfortable eye contact. In that case, it feels like out on a limb to approach them.

Monkro told me that when you cold approach a girl, don't think of it as a "pick up approach" or else you will feel pressure and nerves, because it feels inappropriate. Instead, he says, think of it as a friendly chat with no ulterior motives. That will calm down your nerves and not make you feel creepy about it.

It seems that on PUA websites and dating websites, approaching girls is talked about as if it were a normal thing that many guys do. But in reality, very very few guys, probably less than one percent, actually cold approach girls or even try to chat them up in public. It simply feels creepy. You gotta do it in an appropriate manner, such as asking for directions first and gauging their body language. Or asking an innocent question and then seeing how friendly they are or what vibe they have.

So anyway, I'm wondering: Have any of you ever tried actually cold approaching girls? If so, where and how often? And what was the result?

How many guys do you personally know who actually cold approach girls, not just talk about it? Have you seen them do it? Or do they just talk about it and refuse to show you that they actually do it?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
 
Posts: 23612
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 1:16 pm







Re: Do you know any guys who actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Adama » Wed Jun 24, 2015 9:56 pm

I've cold approached about five women so far this year. I didnt try to seal the deal with any of them. I just want to see how they react to me while I learn what to say.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
User avatar
Adama
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 3949
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:37 pm

Re: Do you know any guys who actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Winston » Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:45 pm

Adama wrote:I've cold approached about five women so far this year. I didnt try to seal the deal with any of them. I just want to see how they react to me while I learn what to say.


Can you give us more details? Where did you do this? What was the result? How was their reaction? What line did you open with?

And how many guys do you know who actually cold approach girls?
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
 
Posts: 23612
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 1:16 pm

Re: Do you know any guys who actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Signet » Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:50 pm

I'm usually pretty sensitive to the vibe she's putting out. If it's positive, or even neutral, I might try. If it seems very negative/bitchy, I will usually pass. I've approached women with bitch shields before, and even made some stuff happen (on occasion), but I just don't find it worth the trouble most of the time.

When I'm outside of Bellingham, it gets a little bit easier. I am not 100% certain whether this is all to do with peoples' demeanor, or if I just get a little more gregarious when I am out of the area, and more willing to interpret signals positively. Pretty sure it's still mostly the former though.

I don't ever go to clubs of my own volition, so I'm sure I have abhorrent 'club game.' If I approach someone, it's usually in the daytime, on the street or in a store. Lines are good, but not necessary. There's always something in the general area to remark on.

I used to do it a lot more (I had more motivation, being a virgin into my 20s). These days I just bide my time until I can leave the area, and only approach if it looks like a REALLY good opportunity with minimal negatives.
User avatar
Signet
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 108
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 7:25 am

Re: Do you know any guys who actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Adama » Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:47 am

Winston wrote:
Adama wrote:I've cold approached about five women so far this year. I didnt try to seal the deal with any of them. I just want to see how they react to me while I learn what to say.


Can you give us more details? Where did you do this? What was the result? How was their reaction? What line did you open with?

And how many guys do you know who actually cold approach girls?


A few months ago talked to a random girl on the street, asked for the time. She flipped her hair, but I let her keep on going.
Just a random woman in the supermarket last night. We made eye contact and I complimented her on her attire. I didnt feel much from her, and she wasnt all that cute.
One this morning. She was carrying something while she was walking down the street. I asked her if it was for me. She ignored me and kept going.
Two girls on bicycles while I was driving. I rolled my car window down, smiled at them, they smiled back, and I asked some idiotic questions. Then they started talking to each other and I left.

Right now I guess I am just getting over the approach part of the anxiety, and so far women have been nice to me.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
User avatar
Adama
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 3949
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:37 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby drealm » Thu Jun 25, 2015 4:38 am

I've cold approached exactly one women in my life. This was in Mexico and it was a total failure.
User avatar
drealm
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 836
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:23 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Banano » Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:44 am

I try to establish eye contact and make her smile before approach or I will approach if I detect positive vibe and open body language otherwise there is no point as she will more than likely just blow you off and keep walking or at best you will have some superficial convo about nothing.

Problem is 99% of women in public have this 'dont talk to me vibe', even in foreign countries guys dont just strike conversation with a random girl.

CA random girls in public is not as common as PUA wants you to believe otherwise you would be seeing it everywhere on a daily basis and when was the last time you saw someone doing it? Doing it successfully?
Even most talented PUA gurus have very low success rate with CA, like few % or something. It would be draining both mentally and physically.
Banano
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2013
Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:26 am

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Seeker » Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:53 am

I never have. I've done a "warm approach" in clubs but only after I get a sign, I've started conversations in clubs but I don't consider that an approach because I've had no goal in mind. As for cold approaching women in public who are just minding their own business, forget about it. I can understand why a woman would turn bitchy due to being often hit on in the street by random men.

Cold approaching is just f***ing strange. I've never witnessed anyone get a woman by cold approaching, nor I do know anyone who met their partner this way.
Seeker
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 268
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:46 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby romparoo » Thu Jun 25, 2015 10:58 am

Talking to strangers is not that difficult. I have no issues just striking out conversation for a start. But the problem is this kind of approach usually lacks depth, and follow-up is unlikely unless the girl sees a practical reason behind it. I never tried filling my head up with a mission of constantly cold approaching girls. I think it is unnatural and a waste of time.

Reverse the genders in this question, then the answer is the same. In one case, I had been cold appraoched by the same girl multiple times. She would just mysteriously appeared wherever I appeared (obviously we visited the same place many times). It took her a number of cold approaches across a few months for her to realize that I was not into her. Perhaps I had always been polite and nice so I guessed she kept coming before she realized it.

Something even weirder happened nowadays. I had been cold approached by men! Straight Aussie men actually. There was nothing gay or dodgy about it. I find out these men were all very lonely and needed someone to talk to. They are typical middle aged men, divorced, live alone and not happier abroad. MGTOW in real life! One man in particular naively thought he was happier abroad, but ended up left alone by his hypergamous ex-Asian wife. I was told all these personal details despite just being a stranger. Can you believe it? This is how prolonged isolation from the opposite sex and society can do to a person? :cry:
romparoo
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 161
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:45 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby pete98146 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:30 pm

Trying to remember if I ever have in my life time. Doubtful that I have. Not my style at all....
User avatar
pete98146
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 1077
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2009 3:31 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Adama » Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:49 pm

romparoo wrote:Talking to strangers is not that difficult. I have no issues just striking out conversation for a start. But the problem is this kind of approach usually lacks depth, and follow-up is unlikely unless the girl sees a practical reason behind it. I never tried filling my head up with a mission of constantly cold approaching girls. I think it is unnatural and a waste of time.


Probably 80% of the approach itself is striking up a conversation. It is getting over the "what ifs" in the mind that would even prevent a man from striking up a conversation. Some men have a problem approaching women. Striking up conversations is what you are supposed to do if you have that kind of problem. It lets you know whatever kind of reaction the woman has, you can handle it and be okay.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
User avatar
Adama
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 3949
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:37 pm

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby zboy1 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:26 am

I think it depends on what country you're in. If you're in a more relaxed environment where people are more open to cold approaching, then it might be the way to go. But if you're in a conservative country, such as in China, it's not going to work as much as opposed to places such as Eastern Europe, Latin America or the Philippines.

That doesn't mean I haven't been successful or haven't seen other foreigner friends have success with in China, it's just that the success rate isn't very high and it can get a bit awkward at times. Winston is right: I'm not very comfortable with PUA tactics or cold approaching girls in general. ...And have seen White/Black friends get turned down--often viciously--by Chinese girls, so it's not my type of thing.
Find teaching jobs in China at http://workabroad.today
zboy1
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 4445
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:33 am

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby Ghost » Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:49 am

I say hello to a lot of girls, but I'm in China. My Chinese is really bad, and I don't know how to do more than ask basic questions and give basic answers. So most of the time I say hello the girls just giggle because most don't speak English.

But I do have plenty of "cold conversations" when I happen to find an English speaker. It seems very fluid and natural and not intimidating at all. But I do ask questions, get to know people, and have an interest in China and putonghua. So I don't consider that cold approaching, and I'm not looking to get girls into bed either. Girls tend to sense that and back off in conservative countries.
Ghost
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 5749
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:23 am

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby jamesbond » Fri Jun 26, 2015 11:50 am

Winston wrote:I was wondering something. How many of you actually cold approach girls or women in public? Or know someone who does?

The thing is, very very few guys have the guts to actually do that. It feels abnormal, out of the normal flow of things, and risky like you're going out on a limb. When you approach a stranger, you don't know what will happen or how she will react. So it takes nerves and can be emotionally draining and feel like hard work, because you feel pressure to hold her interest and maintain the conversation. I don't think most guys can do that, probably at least 99 percent of guys do not cold approach girls they think are hot. And I do not see guys doing that in public, not even in Asia.
It seems that on PUA websites and dating websites, approaching girls is talked about as if it were a normal thing that many guys do. But in reality, very very few guys, probably less than one percent, actually cold approach girls or even try to chat them up in public. It simply feels creepy. You gotta do it in an appropriate manner, such as asking for directions first and gauging their body language. Or asking an innocent question and then seeing how friendly they are or what vibe they have.

Exactly, I NEVER see guys cold approaching women in public, only at bars and clubs. The only girls I cold approached were in college and the girls where very receptive to me. I live in a big metropolitan area and I have yet to see ANY guys cold approach girls.

PUA websites and discussion forums make it look like guys are cold approaching women every day. Roosh said all the guys he knows are out cold approaching women all the time! I highly doubt that, I also highly doubt that Roosh himself is out cold approaching girls all the time.

The fact is, in America (and in the UK, Canada and Australia) women DO NOT want guys striking up conversations with them. You can see this in their face and in their body language. Most women in english speaking countries only want to meet guys through their friends.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
User avatar
jamesbond
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 7501
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:45 pm
Location: USA

Re: How many of you actually Cold Approach girls?

Postby xiongmao » Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:54 pm

I went out with some Catalan cold approachers while I was in Barcelona. They hit on every hot girl they saw (20-30 girls per hour?). Their results? Nothing I saw. So they just went to a cheap disco and scored. Was it worthwhile? Bah, they ended up with 5's. I dated way, way, hotter women in China and Thailand through online dating.

So Roosh and his worshipers, they're talking quantity not quality, and mostly talking shit.
In February 2013 I quit my boring job and now I'm Happier Abroad...
Do YOU want to date beautiful foreign women? Find out which country's women are best for you, and which dating site to look for them on!
Plus, if you like Asian girls, then check out my free Asian dating site.
xiongmao
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:09 pm
Location: London

Next

Return to Dating, Relationships, Foreign Women

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron