Success rate of marriages to foreign women w/20+ yr age gap

[Lorenzo]

I'm curious how many marriages to a foreign bride 20 or more years younger will go the distance? Seems like a lot make it to 5-7 years, but I rarely hear of guys married long term (15 or more years). Is there an issue with the women later realizing they have a real old guy as husband and become dissatisfied? I can see a lot of these girls swept up in the moment, living an improved lifestyle and and having certain material desires met and proud to be with an established western guy. But as the shine wears off and maybe he is no longer as sexually capable, what is the risk?

I ask this as a buddy of mine brought a lady over from Thailand. The age gap was 22 years. He did not want kids and it was agreed they would not have children. They seemed great together and in love when I met them 7 years later. Then I was shocked to learn she suddenly left him because she decided she wanted kids and needed to be with a man who would give her this dream. This after getting citizenship and establishing her massage business here in the USA. Obviously she later came to the awareness that marrying the older man would not fulfill her desires.

Another friend of mine married a Ukranian lady and they had kids together. There was a 15 yr age difference. He came down with a progressive neurologic disorder and she decided to file for divorce to protect their assets...of course she got everything that was his. The guy got used, she made him pay for his sister in-laws boob job and brother's restaurant. Brutal...

I hear HA members promoting very young brides, like 25 yo for a 60 yo old man. Can this possible be stable in the very long run?

[The_Adventurer]

Age gaps were common even among western couples in times past. Of course, men were more capable back then and not soft as so many are today. Also, marriage meant something in those days. It was more of a necessity than modern society makes it out to be.

Here is the key. If you're bringing a woman over the the US (or whatever western paradise) it doesn't if the age gap is 1 year. The chances of success are slim. It's not the fault of the man or the woman in the end. Modern society is built that way. It just makes it all unnecessary.

Now, staying in her country is another story. Staying in her country and choosing to be somebody is yet another story. What do the locals do? You hear all this talk about 65 year old foreigners and their 20 year old girlfriends, and how it is so exploitive and evil, but what do the locals do?

I knew an old Filipino man, pushing 70, who lived in a shack around the corner. No job, mostly recycled bottles. He had a nice 20 something year old wife and a new baby. He had daughters her age! The guy we rented a house from was in his fifties. Took care of himself and dressed nice. Had a beautiful 20 something wife and new baby, and she was the nicest, sweetest person I met there. I am sure everyone heard about this Chinese writer, 59 years of age, who married an 18 year old, cute nerdy type girl. These guys took care of themselves, were in good shape and were being something. Well, except the dude living in the shack. I don't know what his deal was.

I paid attention to that a lot when I was there. Local couples with age gaps are common. ME and my buddy saw a lot in Japan too. We surmised these must be dues with money.

Taking care of yourself is important. You see these slobby old dudes with their bellies hanging over their shorts. Do you really think being 20 years younger would make a damn bit of difference for these guys?! If you're 70 years old and fit like Chuck Norris, and dress like you are somebody, no one is going to care about an age gap. You see these obscene couples in the Philippines, you could take 30 years off the old man and it wouldn't make a difference. A slob is a slob.

I had this neighbour. He was an old white dude, obvious military commander type. In amazing shape and always dressed to the nines. HIs young wife was also stunning. I bet no one said anything about them being a mismatch. Too many old dudes, though, look like hillbillies with huge moustaches and wizard beards and bellies you could hide a petite filipina in.

[MrMan]

Over the past five or six years, I've known a number of Indonesians here locally married to expats. They have get-togethers from time to time, the largest being for Indonesian independence day. We'll eat Indonesian food and talk or, on independence day, have a tug-o-war, and other games. I know of one girl who looks to be in her 20's married to a Latino guy whose probably in his 60's. He's thin and owns a small business. He met her because she used to work for his supplier. As far as dark-skinned Javanese girls go, she's very good-looking, I think. Out of 50 to 100 couples, I only know of one couple that split up over the past five years or so. One other couple divorced, apparently, before I got here. I think they were both Indonesian. We had some neighbors where the wife was Indonesian and the husband was American. They are both old, but I think he's probably several years older than her. She was still with him the last I knew of.

I know a couple of wealthy Indonesians married to younger women. One was a CEO of a very large multi-billion dollar company, and one of them is in the Forbes list of wealthiest men in the world. The billionaire listed in Forbe's wife was probably around 30 and attractive. He was probably around 60 at the time, not super-slim, but looked to be in reasonable shape.

Large age gaps did not seem to be that common over there. I think it's about the same as it is in the US as far as being common, at least in Jakarta. But you do sometimes see older expats with younger local girls. But I think if a guy is considered high status and he marries a younger woman, it kind of makes sense, and they may see the girl as fortunate enough to be with him. Indonesians are sensitive to status, money, etc. in ways a lot of Americans are not.

But I haven't heard anything about those who married with a big age gap being more prone to divorce in Indonesia.

I've got a 50-something friend who'd like to marry an Indonesian or Filippina, but either he's too busy with work to make it happen or just doesn't take the necessary steps for his own personal reasons. He keeps saying he wants a nice-looking thin woman around 40. He still looks young and my wife told me he's good-looking (I can't tell if a guy is good-looking.) I tried to encourage him to go for a younger woman. He's open to having kids. I said that's unlikely if he marries a 40-year-old. With his decent job, a nice-looking white face, a thin fit frame, and a master's degree, he could marry a girl in his 20's if he wanted. But he's got this thing where he thinks it's creepy. I told him I thought everyone there would be accepting if he married a 30-year-old. They've passed their cultural expiration date for marrying and if one could get a 'bule' with a good job and live overseas, their families would probably approve and a lot of people there would think they were a good match. At least, now, he looks young. He is still looking at the 40-year-old range. I'm about 10 years younger than him. I told him if I were single or widowed, I'd be look focusing on 22-year-olds and up. Maybe he thinks I'm creepy for saying that.

[Lorenzo]

As far as Indonesia, my ex Indonesian GF was 18 years younger than me. It seemed like a non-issue to her friends and family because I am very fit and younger looking for my age. I never worried that she was the type to cheat or divorce. However, that is Indonesia and it is socially and legally unacceptable.

As for Thailand, Phils, Vietnam, and other countries, I'm not sure what those women would do once they left their home country if there was a big age gap? Guys here in the USA hit on my Korean fiance daily, she is hot and she knows it. This can get inside a girls head, and one bad fight and who knows? I know of very few of these relationships that exist at older ages - like he is 80 and she is 60 - so it makes me wonder what happened to them? Mail order brides have been around a long time. We have many filipinas and Thai women in the USA who are not apparently with the man who got them here. On the other hand, I am aware of some long term relationships between Japanese women and American men.

[gsjackson]

Age gaps were common even among western couples in times past. Of course, men were more capable back then and not soft as so many are today. Also, marriage meant something in those days. It was more of a necessity than modern society makes it out to be.

Here is the key. If you're bringing a woman over the the US (or whatever western paradise) it doesn't if the age gap is 1 year. The chances of success are slim. It's not the fault of the man or the woman in the end. Modern society is built that way. It just makes it all unnecessary.

Now, staying in her country is another story. Staying in her country and choosing to be somebody is yet another story. What do the locals do? You hear all this talk about 65 year old foreigners and their 20 year old girlfriends, and how it is so exploitive and evil, but what do the locals do?

I knew an old Filipino man, pushing 70, who lived in a shack around the corner. No job, mostly recycled bottles. He had a nice 20 something year old wife and a new baby. He had daughters her age! The guy we rented a house from was in his fifties. Took care of himself and dressed nice. Had a beautiful 20 something wife and new baby, and she was the nicest, sweetest person I met there. I am sure everyone heard about this Chinese writer, 59 years of age, who married an 18 year old, cute nerdy type girl. These guys took care of themselves, were in good shape and were being something. Well, except the dude living in the shack. I don't know what his deal was.

I paid attention to that a lot when I was there. Local couples with age gaps are common. ME and my buddy saw a lot in Japan too. We surmised these must be dues with money.

Taking care of yourself is important. You see these slobby old dudes with their bellies hanging over their shorts. Do you really think being 20 years younger would make a damn bit of difference for these guys?! If you're 70 years old and fit like Chuck Norris, and dress like you are somebody, no one is going to care about an age gap. You see these obscene couples in the Philippines, you could take 30 years off the old man and it wouldn't make a difference. A slob is a slob.

I had this neighbour. He was an old white dude, obvious military commander type. In amazing shape and always dressed to the nines. HIs young wife was also stunning. I bet no one said anything about them being a mismatch. Too many old dudes, though, look like hillbillies with huge moustaches and wizard beards and bellies you could hide a petite filipina in.

Amen to all this. The axiom regularly gets planted on this forum that there is no difference among individuals. One 60-year-old is exactly like a million others, all defined only by their age. That couldn't be further from the truth. Get in shape, maximize your appearance, find your individuality, get right with yourself -- then age differences with women won't loom nearly so large.

[Banano]

The adventurer


These men in 60s and 70s you talking about are exceptions, pointless to talk about them. You makeing it sound like its a norm in ph for old fart to be with young hot girl, these kind of relationships are based on money and resources with a few exceptions here n ther

How many men past 50 have chuck norris fit body?

[Jonny Law]

The Fact is that many mail order brides are 20+ years younger. And on average these marriages last.

For those who believe in math, accordging to:
The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that “…marriages arranged through [mail order bride] services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available.”

[MrMan]

Women in their 20's are typically less wrinkly and less saggy than women in their 40's. I suppose some of them could have sex drives and could be very demanding on an older man, requiring the maximum limit of what he could provide, which sounds like a lot of fun a pretty good way to die as far as deaths go, as she extracts the rest of his energy from him. They could be less wise and headstrong, or they could be less set in their ways, more flexible, and easier to train to meet a husband's expectations than an older woman. It depends on the woman. A lot of Asian cultures honor those who are older, so the age gap thing can help reinforce the idea that the wife should respect her husband.

[davewe]

Women in their 20's are typically less wrinkly and less saggy than women in their 40's. I suppose some of them could have sex drives and could be very demanding on an older man...

Very demanding. Poor me

[MarcosZeitola]

My great-grandfather's brother married several times. His last marriage was in his seventies to a woman in her twenties. They had two children together and remained married until he died at the age of 101. It was, by all accounts, a happy union.

The key to a happy marriage is having the same goals and ambitions in life. Being flexible about it helps, but some are just 'deal breakers'. Be honest about those and don't avoid the subject because it will come back to bite you in your ass later on. If you absolutely don't want children, don't marry a woman who is undecided. If you want a large family, don't marry a woman who doesn't. If you want to remain in one place and tend your garden, don't marry a woman who wants to travel the world. If you are a die hard atheist, don't marry a pious Catholic. Etcetera, etcetera.

[OutWest]

Women in their 20's are typically less wrinkly and less saggy than women in their 40's. I suppose some of them could have sex drives and could be very demanding on an older man...

Very demanding. Poor me

Oh, the abuse! How you must suffer so!

[davewe]

Women in their 20's are typically less wrinkly and less saggy than women in their 40's. I suppose some of them could have sex drives and could be very demanding on an older man...

Very demanding. Poor me

Oh, the abuse! How you must suffer so!

Particularly now that she wants to get pregnant. I now have to "Ger Ger to the max." What a sacrifice! Will I live through it?

[OutWest]

Women in their 20's are typically less wrinkly and less saggy than women in their 40's. I suppose some of them could have sex drives and could be very demanding on an older man...

Very demanding. Poor me

Oh, the abuse! How you must suffer so!

Particularly now that she wants to get pregnant. I now have to "Ger Ger to the max." What a sacrifice! Will I live through it?

You are totally doomed...will be walking funny....poor chap....