Western Relationship Counseling vs. Foreign Women

[Lorenzo]

It was the third marriage counselor we went to see. The first thing he asked me when I sat down was: "Are you an alpha male?" Puzzled, I looked at this dweeb and said "Yes" as though that was some sort of indictment against me. He asked me what I valued in a GF/wife, and one of the things I mentioned was humility. That brought upon me great condemnation for that must mean I want a submissive wife!

What a monumental waste relationship counseling is in the US. I'm convinced is a conspiracy against the man, for the most part. Women who go for counseling are the "poor me" type that deceive and misrepresent the facts as they can be seen as feminine, bullied, and abused. The truth is entirely different, it is often the woman who does the bullying and verbal abuse. I am convinced all of this counseling nonsense is undermining men - we are being made to feel guilty for being men. We should be more like women, soft, sensitive, feminine, and submissive to them! And by being a man, it must be our fault.

What a breath of fresh air it has been to experience relationships with Asian women who seeks harmony and peace with her partner, not a conviction. They value a man for being a man and are happy to be a true female. They don't really seem to need counseling in Asia!

I am curious how many HAers her have suffered through the pitiful counseling circus? What's your take?

[pete98146]

I started chatting online with my Filipino wife when she was 21 years old. When we stared getting serious, I remember her telling me "I expect you to be the head of the household." How many American women will tell you this?

[MrMan]

It was the third marriage counselor we went to see. The first thing he asked me when I sat down was: "Are you an alpha male?" Puzzled, I looked at this dweeb and said "Yes" as though that was some sort of indictment against me. He asked me what I valued in a GF/wife, and one of the things I mentioned was humility. That brought upon me great condemnation for that must mean I want a submissive wife!

What a monumental waste relationship counseling is in the US. I'm convinced is a conspiracy against the man, for the most part. Women who go for counseling are the "poor me" type that deceive and misrepresent the facts as they can be seen as feminine, bullied, and abused.

I'd have said, yes, I want my wife to be submissive to me.

Some pastors who do marriage counseling will tell wives to submit to their husbands. If I were going to go to a counselor with my wife, that would be a litmus test for me. If the counselor were against wives submitting to their husbands, I wouldn't choose that counselor. I'd be selective with conservative evangelical pastors I'd use for counselors, and I'd probably reject a counselor for being a woman, at least for counseling both of us.

The truth is entirely different, it is often the woman who does the bullying and verbal abuse. I am convinced all of this counseling nonsense is undermining men - we are being made to feel guilty for being men. We should be more like women, soft, sensitive, feminine, and submissive to them! And by being a man, it must be our fault.

That's probably true, especially if the man takes it too seriously when she gets emotionally, or actually lets her emotional reactions control him. Maybe some women are calm and demure. They whisper quietly while giving birth. Mine is not that way all the time. She believes wives should submit to their husbands. But she also gets stressed, and PMS, and hormonal fluctuations related to pregnancy, childbirth, post-partum, and when she's coming off of weaning the child can make her really stressed. Some women are hard to deal with all the time.

I read something about marriage counseling not having all that high of a success rate. There are probably some good counselors, but how can you know a counselor's track record beforehand? It makes a lot of sense to spend the first meeting (one on one without your wife if possible) with your counselor getting a feel for his philosophy of marriage before letting him fill your wife's head with any ideas.

When a couple have marriage problems, the correct solution is supposed to be 'go to a counselor' and if you disagree, people think you are awful, but how do you know if your counselor is any good, or if his or her objective is to keep you together? Some of them think you are better off divorced if you go there to save your marriage. I knew a guy who had cheated on his wife, but she was acting like this awful disrespectful harpy toward him. He went to a psychologist with her and she said she thought the two of them should split up. I thought that was pretty stupid. If someone is going to say something like that, she shouldn't take money for a session.

What a breath of fresh air it has been to experience relationships with Asian women who seeks harmony and peace with her partner, not a conviction. They value a man for being a man and are happy to be a true female. They don't really seem to need counseling in Asia!

I talked to a professor who specializes in cross-cultural studies. He said that this sort of counseling/therapy stuff was nearly exclusively a phenomenon in individualistic societies. He was Indian, and back home, multiple generations would live in one home. If a young husband came home late, his dad or uncle would tell him he needs to come home and spend more time with his wife. Relatives feel free to give each other advice, so they have people to go to if they have a problem and constant input from others into their lives. That would be stressful for us, but we live in a society that be kind of lonely, so western people will pay professions to fulfill the role of a friend or relative.

I am curious how many HAers her have suffered through the pitiful counseling circus? What's your take?

My wife said something that made me really angry one time, and I yelled at her really loud and it kind of traumatized her. We went for one counseling session with a pastor. He believed in wives submitting to husbands. Mainly he just listened and gave some basic advice that we already knew, and my wife kind of got straightened out emotionally. I had posted something nice about her before our argument online and she read that and I think that helped. She was interested in going for more counseling sessions at first, but we just kind of forgot about it.

[Lorenzo]

That's probably true, especially if the man takes it too seriously when she gets emotionally, or actually lets her emotional reactions control him...But she also gets stressed, and PMS, and hormonal fluctuations related to pregnancy, childbirth, post-partum, and when she's coming off of weaning the child can make her really stressed. Some women are hard to deal with all the time.

Oh just wait until menopause, then you'll have some fun It is a compelling reason to marry a young lady!

Here in the US, a woman's friends pump them to full of self empowerment, independence and the "I don't need you" mentality. It is very destructive. With the prevalence of sex toys, many women just pleasure themselves and only see us useful as money makers and sperm donators, Christian or not...

[Lorenzo]

I started chatting online with my Filipino wife when she was 21 years old. When we stared getting serious, I remember her telling me "I expect you to be the head of the household." How many American women will tell you this?

Lucky you, I hope she still holds that philosophy.