Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
12 posts • Page 1 of 1
I have a feeling many of us who have gone abroad have encountered at least one woman who said they wanted to marry you the day you first meet her. As you all know, it happened to me. The bad apple single mother in Ciudad Juarez was the only such woman I encountered. No other woman I met or chatted up in Mexico was like that. Even the Tejana I hit it off with in El Paso a year ago wasn't that way. I understand that in Mexico, people have high values on family and marriage, and those in the lower socioeconomic tier tend to marry rather quickly. But is a woman who wants to marry you the day you first meet her an obvious red flag that she is only after your money or is a green card chaser or what not?
I saw worse. I randomly chatted on Skype with a semi-attractive girl from quite far north in the province from Davao. She sounded quite smart and educated and wanted to keep her as a chat friend, no more. A couple of days later we both drift apart and never communicate again, until one day some two months later, she contacts me again on Skype and asks me if I am willing to marry her within the next few days! Apparently her parents are forcing her to marry a random family friend much older than her (and me) and she believes only one such "flash marriage" pre-empting their choice could save her. She says she "chose" me because, despite never meeting me, from our (2 or 3) Skype chats she knows I am a good man and would make a loving husband to her.
Needless to say I tell her that I won't do it, and she is crazy to even think of asking that to anybody. She completely ignores my advice and continues to repeat "please help me" like a poorly-coded script bot. More weeks pass by and, out of curiosity (and a bit of pity), I ask her again how she's doing. And that's where she basically tells me to f**k off and "she doesn't need me anymore". Perhaps she's found someone, or perhaps it's just another scam...
She gave me her FC profile, so I say to those who accidentally are trying to pursuing her: be careful, she's buang (crazy).
She's borderline midget at 4'11" stated height which probably means 4'9"-4'10" since they tend to measure
w shoes on and inflate here. Btw one of Chinese girls I met w Winston in Intramurous also told him
within days I think via lots of texts that she wanted him to marry her and bring her to USA and also
support her the way a good and responsible Chinese should haha. She was around 26 I think.
Definitely avoid any female doing that. Just think, if a woman is trying to get her claws into you, is there really any benefit for you? Nope. I've had a lot of Filipinas ask if I'm willing to marry them in the first conversation. It's nuts. That's before having even a cam chat so we can see each other. I don't know why they even try asking. How many guys actually do that? Surely none, I would hope.
A helpful guide:
Expatriation Apocalypse! The Guide to Expatriation for the Broke and Hopeless (Kindle)
Expatriation Apocalypse! (Paperback)
Is it possible this is MUCH more common in the Philippines than in Mexico, given that I only had one Mexicana who wanted to marry me on the first day versus you having a lot of Filipinas doing the same? One theory I have is that the Philippines is poorer compared to Mexico. Also, many Mexican girls don't use online dating sites; and I met most Mexican girls offline.
If Colombia is any proxy for Mexico, I would say there's a lot of abject poverty there too, it's not just the Philippines. I guess that, especiailly in modest to poor families far away from the cities, many young women are still traditional enough to entertain the notion that "love doesn't feed you and your kids". A man is primarily for providing financial stability to the girl and be a good father to the girl's children, provide for all their needs.
In exchange, the girl will give the man sex, or at least the promise of sex when they'll be married, be a good mother, take care of the house, et cetera. This is actually the deal dictated by a woman's biological imperative. It's just that in so many places in the Philippines, or provincial Mexico or Colombia, living standards are so low that even a middle-aged, unattracive retiree with a $1500 a month pension, is seen as a good enough deal. Those girls are simple, and relatively simple to please, opposed to Western women. It might look refreshing to a Western man of modest means, but that's basically the deal.
I guess a guy who would marry a girl on those terms either has his own hideous agenda, or is naive enough to ignore what will be coming.
One problem I had with poor Latina women is that I couldn't hold an intelligent conversation with them, especially with the bad apple single mom. Another problem is that the ones living in extreme poverty don't take care of themselves at all. And in particular, purely indigenous Latinas start to lose their looks earlier than American women do.
But are there plenty of young women from modest families in Latin America and SEA who are reasonably attractive, dress feminine, take care of themselves, and don't discuss marriage the first day you meet her?
Oh that's absolutely correct. With Latinas or Filipinas, the odds will always be better. No man should be fooled or deluded, though, that the nature of the deal is any different. Just the terms.
If a woman asks you if you want to marry her on the first date, that is a woman you want to avoid like the plague!
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
In which part of the world are the odds of meeting girls who will discuss marriage on the first day high or really high?
No matter where you are, if you meet a girl who absolutely says she wants to marry you when she just met, I'd say that's probably a red flag. An exception would be is if she's joking or flirting. Even so, that shows a type of aggressiveness that would have turned me off, since as the male I want to be the aggressor. I wouldn't want a woman to be too assertive in that area. What if she had been aggressive with other men?
As far as mentioning marriage on a first date goes, that may be a cultural thing. There is a game show in the US called 'Take Me Out'. I found dozens of episodes of it posted for free on YouTube. I think it ran its course and its off the air. They combined it with a dancing and singing show, but it was a lot easier for me to watch than the typical boring dancing and singing shows they air. It was like the regular 'Take Me Out' with more dancing and singing for the guy to show off, with occasional Indonesian guest stars.
Something I found interesting is that women, when forced to defend their decision to turn off a light, would say stuff like, "I want a husband who has some contents"-- maybe a bad, too literal translation. She wanted wanted stouter, fatter, or more muscular husband. A video shows a man spending time with his mom, one that would get him rejected for being a momma's boy on the US show, and a lot of women keep the lights on and one says, "If a man loves his mom, he'll love his wife.' Two people get matched up for a date, and the hosts state their wishes that their contestants might possibly marry.
I can imagine that an Indonesian couple could potentially discuss marriage on a first date. "What are you looking for in a wife?" Seriously proposing marriage on a first date would be kind of weird, IMO. I'd think a Filippina doing that might be a scam artist or just too desparate. It's kind of a needy desperate thing to do if it isn't a scam, IMO. I think a man should be concerned not to end up with a wife who lacked social graces or the wisdom to know she needed to get to know a man first. In cultures that have arranged marriage like India, your parents and maybe other relatives do research on what the other person's family's values are like. They try to consider if this would be a good match. In cultures where you date, the parties are to try to do a little research to figure that out.
You could be a serial killer for all she knows. Or you could be obnoxious, unfaithful, or verbally abusive. If she doesn't have the good sense to get to know you a little first, do you want her as a wife? And she could be crazy. So you'd want to get to know her first. Proposing on the first date could potentially be a symptom of mental illness as well.
Btw, in my wife's culture, you can ask a girl to marry you, but the formal proposal is to her parents, usually from your parents, even though they date these days.
12 posts • Page 1 of 1
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