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Advice with Asian wife

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Yohan » Wed Mar 09, 2016 2:22 pm

Zambales wrote:
droid wrote:And once again, someone asks a crowd for advice just to have some sound boxes while pondering, but still stick to the initial plan, without willing to try anything else out. :P :lol:

In a nutshell. It's a pointless thread really because he only wants someone to agree with him that the blame lies with the Japanese culture and not with his wife. You can and try and advise people but sometimes you need to back off and let them make their own mistakes which hopefully they can learn from in the future.


I see the situation similar as you do, and I am living in Japan since almost 40 years with my Japanese wife. I am from Europe.

This Japanese woman is manipulating her husband in Mexico in a very selfish and cruel way, this despicable behavior has nothing to do with 'Japanese culture' or 'Cultural differences'.

In Japan it is not really about her former life as a hostess. It's about that she did not inform him prior to their marriage. This is not what a Japanese former hostess will do if she really wants to get away from that business. She will do more the opposite as Japanese hostesses are good in conversation and they would try to convince a man before marriage that nobody can be a better wife than a former hostess.

She wants him to give her his salary, despite she is also working and earning well. However this is not what a typical Japanese woman is doing - only a married Japanese wife with children and with no or low income will ask for sufficient money for support and for paying all bills and loans.

Young couples without children working full-time and living in rented rooms share most expenses 50/50.

Another red flag is violence against her husband, showing up around the house with a knife, moving out for months but insisting in strange promises to return and share rooms again coming May. What should that mean?

No, this is NOT the typical behavior of any average Japanese woman.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Rock » Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:58 pm

You guys advising Tapatio to just leave his wife are missing the bigger picture.

He obviously loves her deeply from the heart and takes marriage as a lifetime one-off commitment. If he gave up so easily, he would probably regret not giving it a lot more of a chance.

When you are detached from something, it's easy to advise from the logical left brain. But you've got to understand, some people really mean it when they promise, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health".

In Latin cultures, women do get violent over jealousy and the men, well let's just say the hospitals and morgues in certain latin centric countries get a lot of business from wives caught cheating by or even flirting too overtly. Tapaitio is a Latino so he's not gonna run away from the love of his life at the first sign of mental illness or even violent tendencies. Watch how Antonio Bandaras captures Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin" to get a feel about the lengths a Latino man might go to in order to hold on and ultimately have the one he's decided to love for life.

Yes, the fact that she's Japanese really doesn't matter much. What does matter is her value to Tapiatio which is what will determine how much time, money, and energy he's willing to invest. The goal is to save this marriage and ultimately turn it around. Perhaps his wife will need some longer term help too if she's willing to accept it. Nothing is impossible with prayer, patience, and effort.

Ok maybe in 6-18 months from now, things will only get worse. Well then, at least Tapiatio will be more confident that he did all he could. Heck, it could even get violent or dangerous. Well this doesn't tend to scare off Latin lover types lol. They can are not afraid to take bigger risks for the sake of family. This girl who he married is family now! Sometimes we Nordics (I'm one too) are just too cold and calculating in the way we handle marriage and family.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Ghost » Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:00 pm

That's uncharacteristically decent of you, Rock.

Ultimately, any advice in this thread doesn't matter because Tapatio had his mind made up from the start.

Some indeed do truly intend marriage to last through better or worse...those 'some' typically being the husbands, given that we don't possess feelings-based brains.

In this case, the wife defrauded the husband. That should be the end of it. You wouldn't continue with a quack passing himself off as a doctor, once you found out the truth. You wouldn't continue banking with a bank that stole your money. You wouldn't keep lending money to a 'friend' who never pays you back. This is no different in essence.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Zambales » Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:21 pm

Yohan wrote:
Zambales wrote:
droid wrote:And once again, someone asks a crowd for advice just to have some sound boxes while pondering, but still stick to the initial plan, without willing to try anything else out. :P :lol:

In a nutshell. It's a pointless thread really because he only wants someone to agree with him that the blame lies with the Japanese culture and not with his wife. You can and try and advise people but sometimes you need to back off and let them make their own mistakes which hopefully they can learn from in the future.



No, this is NOT the typical behavior of any average Japanese woman.


Or the average woman in general.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Zambales » Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:00 pm

Rock wrote:You guys advising Tapatio to just leave his wife are missing the bigger picture.

He obviously loves her deeply from the heart and takes marriage as a lifetime one-off commitment. If he gave up so easily, he would probably regret not giving it a lot more of a chance.

When you are detached from something, it's easy to advise from the logical left brain. But you've got to understand, some people really mean it when they promise, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health".

In Latin cultures, women do get violent over jealousy and the men, well let's just say the hospitals and morgues in certain latin centric countries get a lot of business from wives caught cheating by or even flirting too overtly. Tapaitio is a Latino so he's not gonna run away from the love of his life at the first sign of mental illness or even violent tendencies. Watch how Antonio Bandaras captures Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin" to get a feel about the lengths a Latino man might go to in order to hold on and ultimately have the one he's decided to love for life.

Yes, the fact that she's Japanese really doesn't matter much. What does matter is her value to Tapiatio which is what will determine how much time, money, and energy he's willing to invest. The goal is to save this marriage and ultimately turn it around. Perhaps his wife will need some longer term help too if she's willing to accept it. Nothing is impossible with prayer, patience, and effort.

Ok maybe in 6-18 months from now, things will only get worse. Well then, at least Tapiatio will be more confident that he did all he could. Heck, it could even get violent or dangerous. Well this doesn't tend to scare off Latin lover types lol. They can are not afraid to take bigger risks for the sake of family. This girl who he married is family now! Sometimes we Nordics (I'm one too) are just too cold and calculating in the way we handle marriage and family.


No doubt he loves her but the problem here is that he's not thinking rationally. As they say love is blind. She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly. She knows she'll never find a guy as decent and good looking as Tapatio and she'll do anything in her power to keep him, but instead of treating him correctly she'll do the exact opposite sucking the life and spirit out of him so he'll never have the strength to leave her. It's how these people operate.

Tapatio can do far better and unlike his wife can sustain a healthy relationship but it has to be with the right type. Because he has insecurites of the jealous nature he would suit a woman who he feels 100% comfortable with. A highly loyal, honest and devoted woman for instance.

You guys who say he should stay with his wife do make some valid points but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Tapatio89 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:15 pm

Rock wrote:You guys advising Tapatio to just leave his wife are missing the bigger picture.

He obviously loves her deeply from the heart and takes marriage as a lifetime one-off commitment. If he gave up so easily, he would probably regret not giving it a lot more of a chance.

When you are detached from something, it's easy to advise from the logical left brain. But you've got to understand, some people really mean it when they promise, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health".

In Latin cultures, women do get violent over jealousy and the men, well let's just say the hospitals and morgues in certain latin centric countries get a lot of business from wives caught cheating by or even flirting too overtly. Tapaitio is a Latino so he's not gonna run away from the love of his life at the first sign of mental illness or even violent tendencies. Watch how Antonio Bandaras captures Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin" to get a feel about the lengths a Latino man might go to in order to hold on and ultimately have the one he's decided to love for life.

Yes, the fact that she's Japanese really doesn't matter much. What does matter is her value to Tapiatio which is what will determine how much time, money, and energy he's willing to invest. The goal is to save this marriage and ultimately turn it around. Perhaps his wife will need some longer term help too if she's willing to accept it. Nothing is impossible with prayer, patience, and effort.

Ok maybe in 6-18 months from now, things will only get worse. Well then, at least Tapiatio will be more confident that he did all he could. Heck, it could even get violent or dangerous. Well this doesn't tend to scare off Latin lover types lol. They can are not afraid to take bigger risks for the sake of family. This girl who he married is family now! Sometimes we Nordics (I'm one too) are just too cold and calculating in the way we handle marriage and family.


You hit right on the nail, and it seems you are very familiar with the Latin and/or Mediterranean mentality. We do not coward from marital quarrels no matter how severe like Nordics or Asians do (no offense). We tend to be very patient type of people and willing to do sacrifices for marriage. She is now family, thus it is my duty not to abandon her.

Actually, perhaps for some of you it might seem stranger for a Japanese/Asian woman as the stereotype is that they like Nordic looking men, but my wife tends to prefer more Latin/Mediterranean men than Nordic men both in physical features and because she is aware Latin/Mediterranean men tend to be more patient with women or a woman with strong temper/character in comparison to Nordic or even Japanese men who I am aware think more with head and are more calculating in relationships. She dated once a Danish man, and this Nordic man coward after one quarrel with her.

Definitely my wife is not stupid. She knows very well I love her and will not leave me because I am emotionally strong and patient towards her. I also made terrible mistakes in the marriage that I now regret (I will tell anyone in private message as it is too personal), so I am no angel. Thus, if she is giving me a chance, I have to do the same.

Haha, I am not sure I am a Latin Lover nor I consider myself one, though a few people (including my mother) has called me a Latin Lover.

By the way, amigo, how are you this familiar with Latino/Mediterranean mentality in relationships? You are one of the very few Americans or Nordics I met that deeply understands our way of thinking. You amazed me and high respect to you from me.

Cheers
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Tapatio89 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:19 pm

Zambales wrote:
Rock wrote:You guys advising Tapatio to just leave his wife are missing the bigger picture.

He obviously loves her deeply from the heart and takes marriage as a lifetime one-off commitment. If he gave up so easily, he would probably regret not giving it a lot more of a chance.

When you are detached from something, it's easy to advise from the logical left brain. But you've got to understand, some people really mean it when they promise, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health".

In Latin cultures, women do get violent over jealousy and the men, well let's just say the hospitals and morgues in certain latin centric countries get a lot of business from wives caught cheating by or even flirting too overtly. Tapaitio is a Latino so he's not gonna run away from the love of his life at the first sign of mental illness or even violent tendencies. Watch how Antonio Bandaras captures Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin" to get a feel about the lengths a Latino man might go to in order to hold on and ultimately have the one he's decided to love for life.

Yes, the fact that she's Japanese really doesn't matter much. What does matter is her value to Tapiatio which is what will determine how much time, money, and energy he's willing to invest. The goal is to save this marriage and ultimately turn it around. Perhaps his wife will need some longer term help too if she's willing to accept it. Nothing is impossible with prayer, patience, and effort.

Ok maybe in 6-18 months from now, things will only get worse. Well then, at least Tapiatio will be more confident that he did all he could. Heck, it could even get violent or dangerous. Well this doesn't tend to scare off Latin lover types lol. They can are not afraid to take bigger risks for the sake of family. This girl who he married is family now! Sometimes we Nordics (I'm one too) are just too cold and calculating in the way we handle marriage and family.


No doubt he loves her but the problem here is that he's not thinking rationally. As they say love is blind. She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly. She knows she'll never find a guy as decent and good looking as Tapatio and she'll do anything in her power to keep him, but instead of treating him correctly she'll do the exact opposite sucking the life and spirit out of him so he'll never have the strength to leave her. It's how these people operate.

Tapatio can do far better and unlike his wife can sustain a healthy relationship but it has to be with the right type. Because he has insecurites of the jealous nature he would suit a woman who he feels 100% comfortable with. A highly loyal, honest and devoted woman for instance.

You guys who say he should stay with his wife do make some valid points but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!


Love is blind, but perhaps you never been in love because you rationalize feelings too much with your head. Sometimes that is bad and one does not enjoy the passion and romance of love.

My wife has respect for me now. The past is the past, so I cannot change it. What I can change is now the dynamics for present and future.

And thank you for considering me decent and good looking. I appreciate your kind words.

Cheers
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Yohan » Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:03 am

Tapatio89 wrote:... She dated once a Danish man, and this Nordic man coward after one quarrel with her.


Why is it cowardly not to continue a possible future relationship if the woman you face is not what you expected her to be?
Last edited by Yohan on Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Yohan » Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:17 am

Zambales wrote:She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly.
.....
.....but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!


I am not sure why he is even asking for advice.

The problem of tapatio89 is that he decided already what to do. It sounds like a rather abusive S/female & M/male relationship to me.
He does not consider to change anything in future, divorce is out of question, he will continue to give her all money he is earning etc. etc.

Luckily there are no children living with them.

It's like a one-way road in a tunnel, with no choice to change the direction.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Zambales » Thu Mar 10, 2016 1:22 pm

Tapatio89 wrote:
Zambales wrote:
Rock wrote:You guys advising Tapatio to just leave his wife are missing the bigger picture.

He obviously loves her deeply from the heart and takes marriage as a lifetime one-off commitment. If he gave up so easily, he would probably regret not giving it a lot more of a chance.

When you are detached from something, it's easy to advise from the logical left brain. But you've got to understand, some people really mean it when they promise, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health".

In Latin cultures, women do get violent over jealousy and the men, well let's just say the hospitals and morgues in certain latin centric countries get a lot of business from wives caught cheating by or even flirting too overtly. Tapaitio is a Latino so he's not gonna run away from the love of his life at the first sign of mental illness or even violent tendencies. Watch how Antonio Bandaras captures Angelina Jolie in "Original Sin" to get a feel about the lengths a Latino man might go to in order to hold on and ultimately have the one he's decided to love for life.

Yes, the fact that she's Japanese really doesn't matter much. What does matter is her value to Tapiatio which is what will determine how much time, money, and energy he's willing to invest. The goal is to save this marriage and ultimately turn it around. Perhaps his wife will need some longer term help too if she's willing to accept it. Nothing is impossible with prayer, patience, and effort.

Ok maybe in 6-18 months from now, things will only get worse. Well then, at least Tapiatio will be more confident that he did all he could. Heck, it could even get violent or dangerous. Well this doesn't tend to scare off Latin lover types lol. They can are not afraid to take bigger risks for the sake of family. This girl who he married is family now! Sometimes we Nordics (I'm one too) are just too cold and calculating in the way we handle marriage and family.


No doubt he loves her but the problem here is that he's not thinking rationally. As they say love is blind. She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly. She knows she'll never find a guy as decent and good looking as Tapatio and she'll do anything in her power to keep him, but instead of treating him correctly she'll do the exact opposite sucking the life and spirit out of him so he'll never have the strength to leave her. It's how these people operate.

Tapatio can do far better and unlike his wife can sustain a healthy relationship but it has to be with the right type. Because he has insecurites of the jealous nature he would suit a woman who he feels 100% comfortable with. A highly loyal, honest and devoted woman for instance.

You guys who say he should stay with his wife do make some valid points but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!


Love is blind, but perhaps you never been in love because you rationalize feelings too much with your head. Sometimes that is bad and one does not enjoy the passion and romance of love.

My wife has respect for me now. The past is the past, so I cannot change it. What I can change is now the dynamics for present and future.

And thank you for considering me decent and good looking. I appreciate your kind words.

Cheers


Believe you me, I have been in love more than once and I have been hurt more than once and it's taught me one valuable lesson. Never ever fall in love with the wrong woman. Easier said than done I know especially when you're inexperienced with women but this is what you've done here. Your wife is not after an equal loving relationship. She wants a bitch to manipulate to make her life easier, so leaving this woman cannot be described as cowardice. It's essential.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Zambales » Thu Mar 10, 2016 1:26 pm

Yohan wrote:
Zambales wrote:She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly.
.....
.....but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!


I am not sure why he is even asking for advice.

The problem of tapatio89 is that he decided already what to do. It sounds like a rather abusive S/female & M/male relationship to me.
He does not consider to change anything in future, divorce is out of question, he will continue to give her all money he is earning etc. etc.

Luckily there are no children living with them.

It's like a one-way road in a tunnel, with no choice to change the direction.


I actually do feel sorry for him.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Yohan » Sun Mar 13, 2016 2:55 am

Zambales wrote:I actually do feel sorry for him.


It seems he does not reply anymore in this thread, he expected maybe somehow different advice from members of this forum.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Tapatio89 » Mon Mar 14, 2016 5:08 pm

Yohan wrote:
Zambales wrote:I actually do feel sorry for him.


It seems he does not reply anymore in this thread, he expected maybe somehow different advice from members of this forum.


Sorry, but I did not replied to the thread because I was busy all weekend selling homes (I am a real estate manager on weekends, representing the owner of the summer house complex as he lives in the US), as well as spent time with my wife last night. It went very good

To answer your question, I appreciate your advice guys. I will just keep it as a second option, but I prefer to try this as my wife confessed to me yesterday she loves me and I also love her. Remember, the strongest marriages come out of any type of crisis, and I told her she and I we are strong, not weak, and she agreed with me.

Thus, thank you kindly for the advices.

Cheers

PS: I did not appreciate that you exposed something private to this bastard of drealm in the other thread. The quarrel is between him and I, not YOU. That is a very cowardly thing to do, and one thing I HATE are cowards. Thus, NEVER do this again, please.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Tapatio89 » Mon Mar 14, 2016 5:14 pm

Zambales wrote:
Yohan wrote:
Zambales wrote:She's manipulated him to make him think the issue lies within the cultural differences just to deflect the attention away from her own misdoings. Certain people cannot sustain a healthy relationship with a partner and never will and this woman sums it up perfectly.
.....
.....but this woman isn't the average wife. She has absolutely no respect for him and treats him like dirt therefore he shouldn't waste anymore time on her. Life's too short!


I am not sure why he is even asking for advice.

The problem of tapatio89 is that he decided already what to do. It sounds like a rather abusive S/female & M/male relationship to me.
He does not consider to change anything in future, divorce is out of question, he will continue to give her all money he is earning etc. etc.

Luckily there are no children living with them.

It's like a one-way road in a tunnel, with no choice to change the direction.


I actually do feel sorry for him.


No need to feel sorry for me. It is my life, my choice, and I am aware what I am doing. Thus, no need to feel sorry for me.
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Re: Advice with Asian wife

Postby Yohan » Tue Mar 15, 2016 4:28 am

Tapatio89 wrote:PS: I did not appreciate that you exposed something private to this bastard of drealm in the other thread. The quarrel is between him and I, not YOU. That is a very cowardly thing to do, and one thing I HATE are cowards. Thus, NEVER do this again, please.


Both threads are open to the public, there is nothing - not even a single line in a comment - which you can consider as 'private' while on the internet in a free speech forum. If not here, your stories can be found elsewhere, as internet is good in distributing articles of all kind into all directions you can image.

If you want to keep certain matters in private, do not post them on the internet.
If Drealm is a bastard or not, who cares, but it is against the few rules of this forum to use derogatory terms against each other.
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