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Jester's Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Jester's Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:50 pm

I don't have 40 plus years sage wisdom in dealing with women.
I have 1 year's expereince -- repeated 40 plus times.

Resolved not to date in Thailand, while working on finances and health, but while out Christmas shopping in early December, met a classy, leggy goddess, and, you know.

Moved her and her son into the cold-water flat above me on New Year's Day.

Things were going hot and heavy, I was in hog heaven.

I needed to move to get aircon for hot season. plus a lower combined rent. Had planned to move anyway due to need for aircon.

And somehow I let slip that I had always dreamed of a bar or coffeeshop with beautiful waitresses serving drinks. You know, sarongs or something.

Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didn't stop. My idiocy and sex-blindedness combined with her obsession. I spent at least a full month looking at shophouses where I could have a coffeehouse or bar etc downstairs and live upstairs. Found one. Made it happen on a shoestring. Remodeling now complete, all moved in, now shopping for tables, chairs etc, just ordered a cooler for soft drinks etc.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget. Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on. So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

Gentlemen I DO NOT recommend this to anyone. If any of you call me a lovesick puppy, a p***y whipped fool, an old fool whatever then PLEASE FEEL FREE. If I don't respond you can assume that I agree at least in part.

But understand, these women are experts in this. They are not lazy, they want to work, but they are compulsive, obsessive, driven. They are risk takers and press forward heedless of capital requirements.

She has had restaurants before in Germany and Thailand. Smart, tough, beautiful lady, no doubt got financed in past endeavors by ex husband and a later bf. Reckless risk taker like me, we are two peas in a pod that way.

Actually, so far so good. Sex and risk and business and reckless cohabitation, well whats wrong with that, right? I got 4 sons that way, after all, back in the day.

Well what's wrong is that SIMULTANEOUSLY with getting moved and stressed and starting a business on NO MONEY, she has discovered that it now BOTHERS HER that I will have other gf's and that my California gf wants to come visit.

Mind you now, all this was TOTALLY OKAY when we got together in December, and while househunting in January etc

But now its March, and while she still waits on me, serves, does laundry and is thoughtful, the ummm ancillary services have dwindled and nearly disappeared.

Sex is no longer "on tap".

SO...

Do I chalk it up to expereince, pull in my energy field to just taking care of Me and Mine? Get prepared to move out or move on? I have done so a couple of times last few days. each time she senses the danger and then comes around kissing up to me. but then she evades the nuptial rites somehow...

Clearly she is a golddigger in crass parlance, but let's be clear, she is high quality, "hi so" in Thai, this is a golddigger who is classy and selective.

And let's be clear also, that as I have stated elsewhere, I really do not at my age NEED true love. Would be great to have it but whatever. Give me a few hours illusion of romance and I am just peachy keen.

But I DO NEED THE FRICKIN SEX.

SO... is this thing salvageable?

Some facts...
--- I am surely not going to cave in to bossy deceitful girl springing a new requirement on me (forced commitment to monogamy BS).
--- She is BEAUTIFUL and FEMININE so there is no doubt I am "infatuated" with her and would like to keep her.
--- I am definitely NOT "in love" with her now, knowing that she can be such a game-player.
--- She is a good business companion in terms of negotiating deals, getting things done with landlord, contractor, etc. I wouldnt have considered doing business here without her.
--= She is chaste and trustworthy in terms of money stuff - all money accounted for etc
--- If I blow out of town, or get her moved out (might be hard to do latter, not sure), then I will still have to do something about female companionship. Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And yes possibly dangerous.

So there you have it guys.

Rookie mistake, headstrong classy quality girl, but I have let her too far in, too fast -- I suppose.

Now what?

Wait it out and see if she visits my room again?
Live a platonic life with her and play with any woman I want, anywhere else except this house?
Flee?
Saffron robe and shaved head?

Honestly after moving 4 times since October, and just starting my first retail business ever, of which I am quite proud, moving would be the hardest option.

No fool like an old fool.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
Jester
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 7869
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:10 am
Location: Chiang Mai Thailand







Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Rock » Sat Mar 19, 2016 3:23 pm

Jester wrote:I don't have 40 plus years sage wisdom in dealing with women.

I have 1 year's expereince repeated40 plus times.

Resolved not to date in Thailand, while working on finances and health, but while out Christmas shopping in arly December, met a classy, leggy goddess, and, you know.

Moved her and her son into flat above me on New Year's Day.

Things were going hot and heavy, I was in hog heaven.

I needed to kove to get us aircon plus a lower combined rent. Had planned to move anyway due to need for aircon.

And somehow I let slip that I had always dreamed of a bar or coffeeshop with beautiful waitresses serving drinks.

Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didnt stop. My idiocy and sex blindedness combined with her obsession. I spent at least a full month looking at shophouses where i could have a coffeehouse or bar etc downstairs and live upstairs. Found one. Made it happen on a shoestring. Remodeling now complete, all moved in, hopping for tables, chairs etc, just ordered a cooler for soft drinks etc.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget.

Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on.

So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

Gentlemen I DO NOT recommend this to anyone. If any of you call me a lovesick puppy, a p***y whipped fool, an old fool whatever then PLEASE FEEL FREE. If I don't respond you can assume that I agree at least in part.

But understand, these women are experts in this. They are not lazy, they want to work, but they are compulsive, obsessive, driven. They are risk takers and press forward heedless of capital requirements.

She has had restaurants before in Germany and Thailand. Smart, tough, beautiful lady, no doubt got financed in past endeavors by ex husband and a later bf. Reckless risk taker like me, we are two peas in a pod that way.

Actually, so far so good.

Sex and risk and business and reckless cohabitation, well whats wrong with that, right? I got 4 sons that way, after all, back in the day.

Well what's wrong is that SIMULTANEOUSLY with getting moved and stressed and starting a business on NO MONEY, she has discovered that it now BOTHERS HER that I will have other gf's and that my California gf wants to come visit.

Mind you now, all this was TOTALLY OKAY when we got together in December, and while househunting in January etc

But now its March, and while she still waits on me, serves, does laundry and is thoughtful, the ummm ancillary services have dwindled and nearly disappeared.

Sex is no longer "on tap".

SO...

Do I chalk it up to expereince, pull in my energy field to just taking care of Me and Mine? Get prepared to move out or move on? I have done so a couple of times last few days. each time she senses the danger and then comes around kissing up to me. but then she evades the nuptial rites somehow...

Clearly she is a golddigger in crass parlance, but let's be clear, she is high quality, "hi so" in Thai, this is a golddigger who is classy and selective.

And let's be clear also, that as I have stated elsewhere, I really do not at my age NEED true love. Would be great to have it but whatever. Give me a few hours illusion of romance and I am just peachy keen.

But I DO NEED THE FRICKIN SEX.

SO... is this thing salvageable?

Some facts...
--- I am surely not going to cave in to bossy deceitful girl springing a new requirement on me (forced commitment to monogamy BS).
--- She is BEAUTIFUL and FEMININE so there is no doubt I am "infatuated" with her and would like to keep her.
--- I am definitely NOT "in love" with her now, knowing that she can be such a game-player.
--- She is a good business companion in terms of negotiating deals, getting things doe with landlord, contractor, etc. I wouldnt have considered doing business here without her.
--= She is chaste and trustworthy in terms of money stuff - all money accounted for etc
--- If I blow out of town, or get her moved out (might be hard to do latter, not sure), then I will still have to do something about female companionship. Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And dangerous.

So there you have it guys.

Rookie mistake, headstrong classy quality girl, but I have let her too far in too fast -- I suppose.

Now what?


Hey Rookie lol. JOKE. Nice to hear from you here Jester and enjoyed talking to you by phone back when we were in Thailand.

You wrote a key phrase which I believe many guys in Thailand and certain other places have found to be so WRONG. Here it is:

Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And dangerous.

No no no. Thailand, especially Bangkok, can be one of the best places in the world for easy sex with hot girls, even classy ones. If you shop around and trial and error it, you can get GFE illusions too. And for very affordable prices. Just ask old Winnie lol.

The way guys get killed in Thailand, financially and in some unlucky cases literally, is to get seriously involved with the wrong Thai girl. And guess what? The wrong Thai girl may be more the rule than the exception lol. It's been like that for decades. Deep deep down, Thais are emotionally detached. They can separate their souls from their bodies in a way a soft westerner cannot fathom.

I know of at least 4 guys who appear to be successfully married to Thai girls (3 western and one Taiwanese). In all those cases, the couples are at least somewhat similar in looks and age.

But I also know of dozens and dozens and of cases of guys who lost their life savings, children, ended up in prison, or became paupers due to tying their lives to that of Thai gal. It starts with the dowry (if official marriage is in the cards). Then there are requests for either business capital or money for a new house, or an upgrade to the couple's lifestyle. Perhaps you own condos. She may just over time (and this could be 5 years or more) find a way to bribe a lawyer to create false POA to transfer titles to her name right under your nose. There's all kinds of games and elaborate scams which can happen in short, medium, and long term. As a foreigner in Thailand, you don't have the same rights. System will be strongly biased against you. You are not even a second class citizen. You're just a visitor, even if you get a retirement visa or live there for 20+ years. And that goes for Asian foreigners too! Only partial exceptions are those part of mafia networks like some of the foreign bar owners. Anyway, you are not on an equal playing field. Never forget that should you be in conflict with a Thai national, even a poor farmer type from Issan.

Consider, your partner is a risk taker with YOUR capital. Familiar with the concept of moral hazard? Also, consider that just in case your business takes off and become a real cash generator, your lovely lass can probably find an easy way to work you out of the business equation if she decides that's what she wants. If she understands that your capital is dried up and you've done what you can to build the business, she may just move you from asset to liability on her internal balance sheet. Once she does that, your days are numbered.

Thais can seem to be in love but change on the dime or over time. They are not nostalgic about someone who enters their life later in the game. They are strong, very strong inside. Deep deep down they remain detached. They can look at you with the most loving of gazes. But that is now. Tomorrow is a new day and how she is will be dictated by the reality and how she feels then. And remember, Thailand is reported to have the second highest infidelity rate after Nigeria, a country where women feel and openly talk about their right to date several men at a time.

But once you get it, you may just fall in love with the place. It either destroys you or makes you as strong as a Thai. It's a big wave you need to swim with, not against. Welcome to Thailand!
Rock
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 4121
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:16 pm

Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Ghost » Sat Mar 19, 2016 6:48 pm

Hey, J-man, kudos for the honesty. We need more of that around here. Too many posters will feed the forum with whining or bullshit. (I have to count myself among the guilty parties as far as the whining goes - I've done that before on HA.) You've could've come back and said everything is as good as a fantasy, but you're feeding us REAL experience that HA is lacking. We need to see the good and the bad.

Well, as far as advice goes...I pretty much have to echo what Rock said. Just remember that you're always a falang. Men have bought their Thai women houses, put everything in her name, and then are promptly kicked out. There always seems to be more nightmare stories with Thais than happy endings. (Ahem. Hahaha.) I have a friend who bought his Thai wife a house...and now he left the country. Frustration with being stuck there.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. You dictate the conditions to her. If she complains, nexxxxt. I think that's the only way with women: tell them how it's going to be. If they don't like it, well, some new batch of girls just turned 18. ;) Maybe you could even get a new bird while you still talk to her. Then let her come over one day, get a big surprise, and see what she's missing.
Ghost
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 5749
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:23 am

Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby OutWest » Sat Mar 19, 2016 11:52 pm

Jester wrote:I don't have 40 plus years sage wisdom in dealing with women.
I have 1 year's expereince -- repeated 40 plus times.

Resolved not to date in Thailand, while working on finances and health, but while out Christmas shopping in early December, met a classy, leggy goddess, and, you know.

Moved her and her son into the cold-water flat above me on New Year's Day.

Things were going hot and heavy, I was in hog heaven.

I needed to move to get aircon for hot season. plus a lower combined rent. Had planned to move anyway due to need for aircon.

And somehow I let slip that I had always dreamed of a bar or coffeeshop with beautiful waitresses serving drinks. You know, sarongs or something.

Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didn't stop. My idiocy and sex-blindedness combined with her obsession. I spent at least a full month looking at shophouses where I could have a coffeehouse or bar etc downstairs and live upstairs. Found one. Made it happen on a shoestring. Remodeling now complete, all moved in, now shopping for tables, chairs etc, just ordered a cooler for soft drinks etc.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget. Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on. So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

Gentlemen I DO NOT recommend this to anyone. If any of you call me a lovesick puppy, a p***y whipped fool, an old fool whatever then PLEASE FEEL FREE. If I don't respond you can assume that I agree at least in part.

But understand, these women are experts in this. They are not lazy, they want to work, but they are compulsive, obsessive, driven. They are risk takers and press forward heedless of capital requirements.

She has had restaurants before in Germany and Thailand. Smart, tough, beautiful lady, no doubt got financed in past endeavors by ex husband and a later bf. Reckless risk taker like me, we are two peas in a pod that way.

Actually, so far so good. Sex and risk and business and reckless cohabitation, well whats wrong with that, right? I got 4 sons that way, after all, back in the day.

Well what's wrong is that SIMULTANEOUSLY with getting moved and stressed and starting a business on NO MONEY, she has discovered that it now BOTHERS HER that I will have other gf's and that my California gf wants to come visit.

Mind you now, all this was TOTALLY OKAY when we got together in December, and while househunting in January etc

But now its March, and while she still waits on me, serves, does laundry and is thoughtful, the ummm ancillary services have dwindled and nearly disappeared.

Sex is no longer "on tap".

SO...

Do I chalk it up to expereince, pull in my energy field to just taking care of Me and Mine? Get prepared to move out or move on? I have done so a couple of times last few days. each time she senses the danger and then comes around kissing up to me. but then she evades the nuptial rites somehow...

Clearly she is a golddigger in crass parlance, but let's be clear, she is high quality, "hi so" in Thai, this is a golddigger who is classy and selective.

And let's be clear also, that as I have stated elsewhere, I really do not at my age NEED true love. Would be great to have it but whatever. Give me a few hours illusion of romance and I am just peachy keen.

But I DO NEED THE FRICKIN SEX.

SO... is this thing salvageable?

Some facts...
--- I am surely not going to cave in to bossy deceitful girl springing a new requirement on me (forced commitment to monogamy BS).
--- She is BEAUTIFUL and FEMININE so there is no doubt I am "infatuated" with her and would like to keep her.
--- I am definitely NOT "in love" with her now, knowing that she can be such a game-player.
--- She is a good business companion in terms of negotiating deals, getting things done with landlord, contractor, etc. I wouldnt have considered doing business here without her.
--= She is chaste and trustworthy in terms of money stuff - all money accounted for etc
--- If I blow out of town, or get her moved out (might be hard to do latter, not sure), then I will still have to do something about female companionship. Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And yes possibly dangerous.

So there you have it guys.

Rookie mistake, headstrong classy quality girl, but I have let her too far in, too fast -- I suppose.

Now what?

Wait it out and see if she visits my room again?
Live a platonic life with her and play with any woman I want, anywhere else except this house?
Flee?
Saffron robe and shaved head?

Honestly after moving 4 times since October, and just starting my first retail business ever, of which I am quite proud, moving would be the hardest option.

No fool like an old fool.


Hey Jester,

Apart from the better internet services, Thailand does have some disadvantages. Your odds in Thailand are worse than the Philippines as far as women are concerned. I know of few successful long term relationships with Thai women, but the "Build me a house then I no longer love you" stories proliferate.

One thing worse than a bad net connection is a bad love connection.

Rock is right about the utility of most Thai women. Don't overpay.


Best wishes though!

Outwest
OutWest
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2060
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 7:09 am
Location: Asia/USA

Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:00 am

Rock wrote:
Hey Rookie lol. JOKE. Nice to hear from you here Jester and enjoyed talking to you by phone back when we were in Thailand.

You wrote a key phrase which I believe many guys in Thailand and certain other places have found to be so WRONG. Here it is:

Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And dangerous.

No no no. Thailand, especially Bangkok, can be one of the best places in the world for easy sex with hot girls, even classy ones. If you shop around and trial and error it, you can get GFE illusions too. And for very affordable prices. Just ask old Winnie lol.

The way guys get killed in Thailand, financially and in some unlucky cases literally, is to get seriously involved with the wrong Thai girl. And guess what? The wrong Thai girl may be more the rule than the exception lol. It's been like that for decades. Deep deep down, Thais are emotionally detached. They can separate their souls from their bodies in a way a soft westerner cannot fathom.

I know of at least 4 guys who appear to be successfully married to Thai girls (3 western and one Taiwanese). In all those cases, the couples are at least somewhat similar in looks and age.

But I also know of dozens and dozens and of cases of guys who lost their life savings, children, ended up in prison, or became paupers due to tying their lives to that of Thai gal. It starts with the dowry (if official marriage is in the cards). Then there are requests for either business capital or money for a new house, or an upgrade to the couple's lifestyle. Perhaps you own condos. She may just over time (and this could be 5 years or more) find a way to bribe a lawyer to create false POA to transfer titles to her name right under your nose. There's all kinds of games and elaborate scams which can happen in short, medium, and long term. As a foreigner in Thailand, you don't have the same rights. System will be strongly biased against you. You are not even a second class citizen. You're just a visitor, even if you get a retirement visa or live there for 20+ years. And that goes for Asian foreigners too! Only partial exceptions are those part of mafia networks like some of the foreign bar owners. Anyway, you are not on an equal playing field. Never forget that should you be in conflict with a Thai national, even a poor farmer type from Issan.

Consider, your partner is a risk taker with YOUR capital. Familiar with the concept of moral hazard? Also, consider that just in case your business takes off and become a real cash generator, your lovely lass can probably find an easy way to work you out of the business equation if she decides that's what she wants. If she understands that your capital is dried up and you've done what you can to build the business, she may just move you from asset to liability on her internal balance sheet. Once she does that, your days are numbered.

Thais can seem to be in love but change on the dime or over time. They are not nostalgic about someone who enters their life later in the game. They are strong, very strong inside. Deep deep down they remain detached. They can look at you with the most loving of gazes. But that is now. Tomorrow is a new day and how she is will be dictated by the reality and how she feels then.
And remember, Thailand is reported to have the second highest infidelity rate after Nigeria, a country where women feel and openly talk about their right to date several men at a time.

But once you get it, you may just fall in love with the place. It either destroys you or makes you as strong as a Thai. It's a big wave you need to swim with, not against. Welcome to Thailand!


Well written. Thanks.

I see a lot of what you describe, in her and others.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
Jester
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 7869
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:10 am
Location: Chiang Mai Thailand

Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:05 am

Ghost wrote:

There always seems to be more nightmare stories with Thais than happy endings. (Ahem. Hahaha.)



LOL thanks for my first chuckle of the day

Ghost wrote:

There are plenty of fish in the sea. You dictate the conditions to her. If she complains, nexxxxt. I think that's the only way with women: tell them how it's going to be. If they don't like it, well, some new batch of girls just turned 18. ;) Maybe you could even get a new bird while you still talk to her. Then let her come over one day, get a big surprise, and see what she's missing.


That would probably be the Thai way. Move along toward my goals under the surface. Then blindside her.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
Jester
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 7869
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:10 am
Location: Chiang Mai Thailand

Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:07 am

OutWest wrote:
Jester wrote:I don't have 40 plus years sage wisdom in dealing with women.
I have 1 year's expereince -- repeated 40 plus times.

Resolved not to date in Thailand, while working on finances and health, but while out Christmas shopping in early December, met a classy, leggy goddess, and, you know.

Moved her and her son into the cold-water flat above me on New Year's Day.

Things were going hot and heavy, I was in hog heaven.

I needed to move to get aircon for hot season. plus a lower combined rent. Had planned to move anyway due to need for aircon.

And somehow I let slip that I had always dreamed of a bar or coffeeshop with beautiful waitresses serving drinks. You know, sarongs or something.

Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didn't stop. My idiocy and sex-blindedness combined with her obsession. I spent at least a full month looking at shophouses where I could have a coffeehouse or bar etc downstairs and live upstairs. Found one. Made it happen on a shoestring. Remodeling now complete, all moved in, now shopping for tables, chairs etc, just ordered a cooler for soft drinks etc.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget. Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on. So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

Gentlemen I DO NOT recommend this to anyone. If any of you call me a lovesick puppy, a p***y whipped fool, an old fool whatever then PLEASE FEEL FREE. If I don't respond you can assume that I agree at least in part.

But understand, these women are experts in this. They are not lazy, they want to work, but they are compulsive, obsessive, driven. They are risk takers and press forward heedless of capital requirements.

She has had restaurants before in Germany and Thailand. Smart, tough, beautiful lady, no doubt got financed in past endeavors by ex husband and a later bf. Reckless risk taker like me, we are two peas in a pod that way.

Actually, so far so good. Sex and risk and business and reckless cohabitation, well whats wrong with that, right? I got 4 sons that way, after all, back in the day.

Well what's wrong is that SIMULTANEOUSLY with getting moved and stressed and starting a business on NO MONEY, she has discovered that it now BOTHERS HER that I will have other gf's and that my California gf wants to come visit.

Mind you now, all this was TOTALLY OKAY when we got together in December, and while househunting in January etc

But now its March, and while she still waits on me, serves, does laundry and is thoughtful, the ummm ancillary services have dwindled and nearly disappeared.

Sex is no longer "on tap".

SO...

Do I chalk it up to expereince, pull in my energy field to just taking care of Me and Mine? Get prepared to move out or move on? I have done so a couple of times last few days. each time she senses the danger and then comes around kissing up to me. but then she evades the nuptial rites somehow...

Clearly she is a golddigger in crass parlance, but let's be clear, she is high quality, "hi so" in Thai, this is a golddigger who is classy and selective.

And let's be clear also, that as I have stated elsewhere, I really do not at my age NEED true love. Would be great to have it but whatever. Give me a few hours illusion of romance and I am just peachy keen.

But I DO NEED THE FRICKIN SEX.

SO... is this thing salvageable?

Some facts...
--- I am surely not going to cave in to bossy deceitful girl springing a new requirement on me (forced commitment to monogamy BS).
--- She is BEAUTIFUL and FEMININE so there is no doubt I am "infatuated" with her and would like to keep her.
--- I am definitely NOT "in love" with her now, knowing that she can be such a game-player.
--- She is a good business companion in terms of negotiating deals, getting things done with landlord, contractor, etc. I wouldnt have considered doing business here without her.
--= She is chaste and trustworthy in terms of money stuff - all money accounted for etc
--- If I blow out of town, or get her moved out (might be hard to do latter, not sure), then I will still have to do something about female companionship. Golddigger may be expensive, but p4p is more expensive. And yes possibly dangerous.

So there you have it guys.

Rookie mistake, headstrong classy quality girl, but I have let her too far in, too fast -- I suppose.

Now what?

Wait it out and see if she visits my room again?
Live a platonic life with her and play with any woman I want, anywhere else except this house?
Flee?
Saffron robe and shaved head?

Honestly after moving 4 times since October, and just starting my first retail business ever, of which I am quite proud, moving would be the hardest option.

No fool like an old fool.


Hey Jester,

Apart from the better internet services, Thailand does have some disadvantages. Your odds in Thailand are worse than the Philippines as far as women are concerned. I know of few successful long term relationships with Thai women, but the "Build me a house then I no longer love you" stories proliferate.

One thing worse than a bad net connection is a bad love connection.


Rock is right about the utility of most Thai women. Don't overpay.


Best wishes though!

Outwest


Touche.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:59 am

OK I think I got this.

The answer is INDEPENDENCE.

The problem isnt Thai people.
The problem is being dependent on Thai people.

The problem isn't a woman.
The problem is needing a woman.

Independence is the answer.

I don't have to pretend and be led around by the nose. I also don't have to overreact and burn the place down. I just have to solve my own problems.

Woke her up just now, told her to cook breakfast. First time Ive done that. (Ive been letting her get up on her own schedule since her kid is on vacation.) I mean what the hell, she works for me, I pay the bills.

Then she wanted to go to the store first. I told her no, cook what you have, I want to eat, then go to zumba later.

Tried to drag her into my bedroom, enticing her based on her own physical self-interest, not any feelings of love. No success - this time.

This could actually be a good arrangement, a place to start from. I'll just keep working on my goals, hitting on her when ~I feel like it, and make plans to diversify when I'm ready.

PS She got breakfast ready in the time it took me to type this
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby droid » Sun Mar 20, 2016 5:55 am

@Jester:
Great to have you back.
Glad to know you're getting 'polished' on a regular basis :twisted:

**BUT**

It's very very important to learn how to say NO when you know deep down you don't want something.
I don't blame you, since like i've said, those coming from The Chumpzone™ take a while to realize there's really more options (i.e. thus your second brain forcing your rookie mistake?).

The way I do it is by saying "I really would... but I can't", that really disarms the person that's putting pressure on you, since it's 'outside your control'.
Of course if the person starts being an ass then you can and should be more blunt lol.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Rock » Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:15 am

Jester wrote:OK I think I got this.

The answer is INDEPENDENCE.

The problem isnt Thai people.
The problem is being dependent on Thai people.

The problem isn't a woman.
The problem is needing a woman.

Independence is the answer.

I don't have to pretend and be led around by the nose. I also don't have to overreact and burn the place down. I just have to solve my own problems.

Woke her up just now, told her to cook breakfast. First time Ive done that. (Ive been letting her get up on her own schedule since her kid is on vacation.) I mean what the hell, she works for me, I pay the bills.

Then she wanted to go to the store first. I told her no, cook what you have, I want to eat, then go to zumba later.

Tried to drag her into my bedroom, enticing her based on her own physical self-interest, not any feelings of love. No success - this time.

This could actually be a good arrangement, a place to start from. I'll just keep working on my goals, hitting on her when ~I feel like it, and make plans to diversify when I'm ready.

PS She got breakfast ready in the time it took me to type this


Perhaps the oddest point to this case IMO is her reluctance to give you intimacy, weird. I don't think that's generally a problem with Thai girls whether or not they like you. As I said, the can separate out their bodies and detach their true emotions from physical intimacy. So no matter how they feel, they can at least give you sex to keep the ball rolling. Sounds like you get a dud in that regard. Or perhaps she's using it as a manipulation tactic if she's calculating enough. Hard to say.

You've been high and dry for many months in Mexico. Now you're finally in Thailand. Time to get your needs taken care of. If she's not willing to do it, why can't you look elsewhere. Sure you can warn her. But it's not acceptable that she keeps you in forced celibacy. If that's what she wants, don't you think she's rather selfish?
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Winston » Sun Mar 20, 2016 8:10 am

Jester, i dont understand the problem here. You say shes good in business and has helped you a lot. So how is she deceitful? And whats her excuse for not having sex anymore?

Do you two talk out your problems? Do you get along with her kid? The whole business is in your name right? So you have the power and control. Isnt it doing well? Is it making money? So whats the problem? Why did you spend 3000 usd instead of 1000 usd? I dont get it.

She said she wants you to be monogamous. Well if you agree and become monogamous, will she comply with your sexual needs? Is that why shes not putting out anymore? Ask her what she wants in order to give you what you want.

Rock, maybe p4p is cheap in bangkok but not in chiang mai?
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 8:22 am

droid wrote:
those coming from The Chumpzone™ take a while to realize there's really more options



Indeed there should be a passport for that, we could get it stamped when leaving

droid wrote:
The way I do it is by saying "I really would... but I can't",



I spose it would be true, too.
As in "I can't do that, SweetiePie, and still keep the prior commitments I have already made (to myself)."
{spread hands, helpless gesture}
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 8:23 am

droid wrote:
It's very very important to learn how to say NO when you know deep down you don't want something.



Word.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Jester » Sun Mar 20, 2016 8:33 am

Winston wrote:Jester, i dont understand the problem here. You say shes good in business and has helped you a lot. So how is she deceitful? And whats her excuse for not having sex anymore?

Do you two talk out your problems? Do you get along with her kid? The whole business is in your name right? So you have the power and control. Isnt it doing well? Is it making money? So whats the problem? Why did you spend 3000 usd instead of 1000 usd? I dont get it.

She said she wants you to be monogamous. Well if you agree and become monogamous, will she comply with your sexual needs? Is that why shes not putting out anymore? Ask her what she wants in order to give you what you want.

Rock, maybe p4p is cheap in bangkok but not in chiang mai?


Winston lol my friend typing text on a forum is insufficient bandwidth for you, you maybe need a radio show instead. The questions and thoughts come too fast for a purely linear medium.

Yes, the harem stuff was okay at first, she did indeed detach herself I guess (as Rock discusses above) and I thought she was the lady who would go all the way with me, okay with everything. But an old program running in the background was triggered somehow, and the CPU froze up. She is a very proud person, world-class in some ways, and has been blindsided, cheated on, and thus "lost face" before. Too proud to listen, understand, grow it seems.

I have no intention of giving up future possibilities because a MILF wants monogamy from a man. I aint here for that. Trust me there are a LOT of MILF's who want that. it ain't a rare thing.

I'll buy the groceries but would prefer to retain autonomy over Little Jester, if you please.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Jester's Rookie Mistake In Thailand

Postby Winston » Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:17 am

I asked anamericaninbangkoks take on jesters situation. Here is his response:

AnAmericaninBangkok:

"He f***ed up twice. First he actually believed a woman who said it was alright to have other women.

Second, he f***ed up giving in and starting a business with her.

He already answered his own question:

The answer is INDEPENDENCE.

The problem isnt Thai people.
The problem is being dependent on Thai people.

The problem isn't a woman.
The problem is needing a woman.

Independence is the answer.

Unless he wants a committed relationship with her, he needs to boot the bitch. Plain and simple. As decently as possible and leaving her dignity, if possible.

Whether she likes it or not, adios honey. He can't be led by his dick, period. Once he refrains from letting the p***y control him, he's in a much better place.

I'm dependent on no one here and I love it. And if I had to move, I would and can.

Also, why would he hook up with a chick who is reliant on him? This is huge - if she needs him and his money, he's at a big disadvantage. Guys think the women will stay with them if they need the money, but many women only care if they have a place to stay and food in their belly. If they know they can earn elsewhere, they'll either stay with the guy because they want to - for love or lust - or they'll bail."
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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