Rock wrote:Consider, your partner is a risk taker with YOUR capital. Familiar with the concept of moral hazard? Also, consider that just in case your business takes off and become a real cash generator, your lovely lass can probably find an easy way to work you out of the business equation if she decides that's what she wants. If she understands that your capital is dried up and you've done what you can to build the business, she may just move you from asset to liability on her internal balance sheet. Once she does that, your days are numbered.
Thais can seem to be in love but change on the dime or over time. They are not nostalgic about someone who enters their life later in the game. They are strong, very strong inside. Deep deep down they remain detached. They can look at you with the most loving of gazes. But that is now. Tomorrow is a new day and how she is will be dictated by the reality and how she feels then. And remember, Thailand is reported to have the second highest infidelity rate after Nigeria, a country where women feel and openly talk about their right to date several men at a time
But once you get it, you may just fall in love with the place. It either destroys you or makes you as strong as a Thai. It's a big wave you need to swim with, not against. Welcome to Thailand!
Excellent observation by Rock. In fact, many Thai men are the same way with their woman. If things don't work out with their partner due to the practicalities of real life, they will not hesitate to cut off contact with her and move on. A Thai woman who knows she has a good man will be also worried that her boyfriend or husband could change one day and dump her.
This detachment is also typical of many Chinese women. I can certainly imagine my own mother and my aunts being like this.
The tendency to treat in-laws and people not from a woman's family or native hometown as second-class people are also common among Thais and Chinese.
I have successfully been together with my Thai girlfriend for over one year.
Some differences between her and Jester's lady:
- She does not speak English, and definitely has not had a foreign boyfriend before. Thus, she does not know the Thai game of extracting money from foreign men.
- She is a also a small business owner, but it is a small beauty parlor that is a one-person operation. No large investments are needed. It doubles as a residence, and she is satisfied that it provides basic subsistence. No employees or large sums of capital investment needed.
- She has not traveled abroad before.
It is absolutely essential to know how much locals make, and not to splash money in their faces. Keep in mind that the average office worker and teacher make about $500-$700 USD per month. Splash too much money in front of Thais who are initially well-intentioned, and their survival and rat-racing instincts may soon kick in.
Do not get what locals consider to be very large sums of money (e.g., more than $10,000 USD or more than 1-2 years' local income) involved with a relationship in its early stage. Money can corrupt even a girl you trust and love at first. Throw money at a Thai woman who is truly in love with you, and it may soon turn from love to ruthless gold-digging.
A proper Thai woman, like a proper Chinese woman, will feel krengjai (embarrassment; translates to buhao yisi 不好意思 in Taiwanese culture) if you help you her out with money. My girlfriend tells me she feels this way if I help her out with any significant expense, and asks me if I'm tired as a result. A Thai woman who keeps demanding non-stop is not worth your time. Local guys know better than to stick with such women.
In Chiang Mai, most older white men - Thai women couples involve a older man, usually from a Germanic country, in his 50's or 60's, with a woman who is in her 30's. Many met online, and others in P4P. I see few relationships with women under 25. Very few, if any, of those women are like the stereotypical innocent, naive 19-year-old Filipinas straight out of a nipa hut marrying an older man and risking exploitation. These Thai women are generally the ones using the men, not vice versa.
Too often, the Thai women I see in Chiang Mai who are involved with older foreign men have a sinister "witch"-like vibe that creeps the heck out of me. Winston can probably tell too. But those guys don't seem to feel that.
Plenty of Thai women that foreign men are in relationships with will take advantage of older white men, and it's scary. They demand an upgrade to their lifestyle, and will discuss money extraction strategies among her gold-digging friends. Talk to your partner about this phenomenon, and see if any red flags pop up.
A few tips:
- Look at who her friends are. Get to know them. Have extensive conversations with them in Thai. I know almost all of my girlfriend's close friends and family acquaintances, and they all like me a lot. If she won't introduce you to her close circle of friends or if you aren't able to talk to them very much, then that's a big red flag. If too many of her friends have rich, elderly foreign husbands, then that's another red flag.
- Speak Thai. Go native. Swim with the current, and don't go against it.
- If she speaks too much of that tourist-district street pidgin English (Thailish), that may be a warning sign that she's been having contact with too many foreign men. My girlfriend certainly doesn't speak that at all. Not to be confused with the kind of more polite, school-type English that Thai salespeople, customer service, students, and teachers speak.
- Be careful out there. Thailand has a whole industry out there that thrives on getting as much money out of foreign husbands as possible. There is a huge, ridiculous rat race among many Thai single mothers and divorcees to get their Farang cash cow. It's because they compare themselves to their friends, and they also want to do the same. If she doesn't have too many friends like that, they she won't feel the need to do so. They follow the crowd.
- Many Thai women will have debts, and some will have very large debts. Assessing how much debt she has is an absolute must. The average Thai household should not have more than $5,000 worth of debt. More than $10,000 likely points to reckless spending and over-dependence on credit that you may soon be responsible for.
The key is to pick the right woman and heed all the warning signs early on. Do not ever let "love" blind you. Think with the practical side of your brain, and go with the flow along with the Thais. It needs to be the two of you going at it together, not you against her and her against you.
There are thousands of successful Western-Thai relationships that have lasted for decades, and same with Western-Chinese relationships. It's not impossible and it can be done, and finding the right one in the dating minefield can be frustrating, but worth it at the end if you do it right.
Please also see my post here for more.
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=35426
