Odd Situation

[ExpeditionSailor]

Recently a 52 year-old woman from Malaysia befriended me on Facebook. She is friends with another one of my Facebook friends who lives in my city and belongs to a club I belong to.

I'm having trouble figuring her out.

We've been chatting online quite a bit, almost every day. I asked her if she was looking for a partner, and she was a bit coy with her response, stating that she hoped that she would find a partner someday. She also said, "I hope you will meet a woman that will give her love to you and will take care of you." So this leaves me with the impression that she only wants to be friends and nothing more. Looking at her Facebook profile, I was able to see that she has a lot of male Facebook friends, some from her country and some who come from other countries.

Maybe this is a cultural thing - perhaps in her culture, women are not allowed to be upfront and say that they are interested in someone as a potential partner. For what it's worth, her English isn't bad, and she belongs to an Anglican church in her town.

The thing that seems a little odd to me is that she appears to want to be just friends, but is pushing hard for me to come visit her next year when her daughter gets married and have me be with her at the wedding. For me, this seems to be a bit much. I've never met this woman in person and can't say I know her well enough to feel comfortable attending something as personal as a wedding.

Her town in Malaysia is at least a 21-hour plane ride away from where I live, if you don't factor in the possibility of at least a 12 - 14 hour layover somewhere during the trip. It's said that you should never go abroad just for the sake of any specific woman, that if you must go abroad, do so because you want to visit the country and learn more about it, and if you meet a woman along the way, then so be it. I'm not sure I'm interested enough in visiting Malaysia and I don't think I would enjoy the experience of being cooped up in a plane that long. Especially so given that the flight will be very long and cost a lot of money.

I am looking for a partner, but I also wouldn't want to travel that far only to be 'just friends' with someone. Here in the city where I live, I get friend-zoned by women so often that I wouldn't even need to travel at all just to have that experience, LOL. I'd love to find a woman here at home, but so many of them are feminist-polluted single mothers and trash and most women find me physically repuisive, even though some people tell me I'm not ugly.

I guess I agreed to be friends with her mostly because right now I'm not getting much attention from women and experiencing a lot of rejection to boot.

I'm thinking I should break things off before she starts expecting too much more of me. By the same token, I also don't want to hurt her. I'm mystified too, as to why she is focussing this much attention on me when she has so many other male Facebook friends she could talk to, and options for finding a partner in her home country.

What say you, gentlemen?

[jamesbond]

The whole thing sounds fishy to me, I would NOT go and visit her unless she is willing to pay for your airfare upfront. I guy I worked with had a Filipino woman out of the blue "friend" him on Facebook. She lives in the Philippines he lives in Chicago, now why in God's name would she want to have anything to do with him?

Well the answer is, they started talking through Skype and after a couple of months she started asking him for money. She gave him a sob story about how her father needs dental work done and if he would please send her $ 20. Well he did and then she gave another sob story that her mother needs new glasses and if he would please send her another $ 20. This went on for a few months and he sent her a total of $ 200.

Then he finally told her that he is NOT going to send her anymore money. After that, she disappeared from the face of the earth.

I would NOT visit this women unless she pays for your airfare upfront and even then you may not want to go visit her.

[jamesbond]

By the way, welcome back ExpeditionSailor, you have not posted here since July of 2012.

[ExpeditionSailor]

Well, she hasn't asked me for any money... yet. I agree, the whole situation is a bit fishy. Her insistence on me coming to visit her despite not having any real interest in me as a romantic partner strongly suggests she may have an ulterior motive, a motive that I'm not supposed to discover until it's too late.

She claims she works as a receptionist in a hotel in her city, but when we first started chatting, she mentioned that people from all over Europe come and stay at her place. Whether 'her place' means the hotel she works for, or whether it means she is actually running a bed-and-breakfast operation isn't clear. If either one is the case, then her ulterior motive could be nothing more than trying to drum up business for the hotel or her bed-and-breakfast thing. Or possibly even trying to drum up business for local tour operators, as she did say she wanted to take me to see the longhouse village where her father was born.

I did get in touch with the Facebook friend who lives in my city and discovered he doesn't know this woman personally and hasn't chatted with her. Although he also said that she hasn't caused him any trouble.

[Zambales]

Generally speaking women are not forthcoming when they're interested in a man. They usually give out subtle hints. In this instance speaking with you on a daily basis suggests that she is.

The million dollar question though is ; does she have an ulterior motive? By that I mean, is she looking for an escape from a poor country like Malaysia and just looking for a guy to provide her with a route out ?

Tread very carefully if you decide to pursue. Get to know her better and don't get emotionally involved or send her any money.

[Mr S]

I'm familiar with this type of woman, many act like this in SE Asia, it's a cultural as well as personality thing. Basically she's interested in you but she's not going to come out and say it, so you have to do all the leg work. She's inviting you over so that it's a good excuse to meet you and spend some time to get to know you better, but she's not going to be overly aggressive about it. Having a lot of men friends for an Asian girl with her type of personality means she is seeking attention from them but not necessarily in a romantic way. She likes the attention that they give her, but she will have her preferences, like you for instance. She is probably not an A type personality and looks to someone else to make major decisions for her. When she is on her own, she may be independent but still will ask people she trusts to make decisions or help her out. Let's say she is an independent woman but looking for a partner to make major decisions and she can follow along in fashion. These can make great GF's or wives as they are generally loyal and faithful to you, they may push the envelope in regards to what they feel they can get away with attention wise, as that never goes away, but if you set the rules early they will follow and there shouldn't be too many problems in that regard.

I was once involved with a woman like this in the Philippines, although much younger about a ten year age gap. She had the personality type you described. At the time I met her I was somewhat new to PI and have the time of my life meeting and dating unlimited women it seemed. Thus, she was never a priority at first since to me at the time she was a dime a dozen. However,I never got serious with her or totally lost contact. as time wore on I realized she might have had deeper feelings for me but never fully stated them to my face, wanting me to make the first move first always and following my lead. One reason I never initially committed to her was the fact I had gotten a previous woman I was with pregnant and she was incapable of raising a child on her own (I know this sounds ridiculous but it's complicated as to why and I won't go into details). I tried to see how not being directly involved with my kid but supporting her would go but being in the background watching her idiot mother raise her was just too much to bear. All the while, I was growing more fond of this particular girl and realizing she was far superior for me, even with her faults, to many other girls I had been with. So I ramped up being with her more often and seeing how things would go but she still would never tell me her true feelings, wanted me to do everything and she would I guess follow along.

So eventually I could sense a fork in the road where I had to make a decision and she did also. Would I choose her over my own flesh and blood who had an eerily similar look to me, even though she was mixed race? Her mother was totally incompetent and if I wasn't in the picture who knows what would happen. Would I want mu kid to grow up resenting me and having as many emotional and psychological issues as her mother and then blaming me for it cause I wasn't around? Or do I choose the close to ideal girl for me AT THE TIME that I know I'd be somewhat happy with and would fulfill many aspects that I looked for in a woman, although not all of them. (I won't go into details but there were some considerations to be had).

Anyways, in the end with my own dragging everything out and not making a decision right away, the girl I was interested in was contacting other guys and if I didn't work out as plan A, there was plan B, C and so on, at least that's what I intuit. Younger woman have a limited shelf life so sh was over 25 now and had to consider what she could still get based on her age and looks that were still there so since I didn't pulled the trigger I'm assuming other guys made offers and she eventually picked the best one and went form there. So while I had eventually decided to pick my kid over her mainly do to her mother not being able to properly raise her, I sacrificed my own social happiness for the sake of my kid\'s future one (if everything went to plan). I let the one Filipina I was interested in walk and marry some other American guy and he flew her to the states and she had a kid and that was that.

Now, is she really happier to be with him over me? She never really dropped communication with me or other FB/chat guy friends, but after the fact she eventually broke down and lamented she really loved me and only wished I had come out and said it and asked her in turn. Since I had not been overly aggressive pursuing her as a GF, she decided to follow her dream to marry a foreigner and leave PI (she never liked PI or it's culture and always wanted to marry a Westerner but there were some peculiarities about her personality and looks that would maybe make guys not interested in her long term but for me she was ideal, that's why she didn't get scooped up earlier by a guy mainly family BS, certain physical characteristics).

So I got my kid and have been dealing with her moronic mother all this time while not getting heavily involved with any other woman since. It was a struggle as first when my kid was young but as I predicted the tide is turning as my kid and her ages and I have a little bit more control of the situation each year. Once my kid reaches high school my victory should be complete, my kid fully understanding the idiocy of her mother and following my side of things. I'd rather have sacrificed a decade of my life to achieve this goal which should last a life time then take the risk of going with the the previous girl mentioned and maybe it would or wouldn't work out in the long run, who knows?

I'm at a different place in my life now and attracted to a different type of woman than what I once was in my 20's and 30's, thus all this could be a blessing in disguise once I am fully not needed in relation to raising my kid anymore once legal age arrives. I'll be more mature and experienced to pursue women I'm interested in and share the characteristics that I'm interested in being around. If they don't have them I'm not going to care and try to find a woman for the sake of companionship, I could care less about that. After the hell I've been through with my kid's mother, I'd rather be alone the rest of my life if I have to then go through a similar scenario again. My daughter is turning out great and that's because I'm properly raising her, she'll make an ideal GF/wife someday to the lucky guy that grabs her, a rarity nowadays.

My advice is if you have the time go to Malaysia and see what's up with her. If she doesn't pan out just do something else in the country, there's plenty to do or fly to a neighboring country and enjoy yourself then fly back and take your flight back home. It's easy to book local flights cheaply to neighboring SE Asian countries from Malaysia. Just make your time there flexible and don't make everything revolve around her cause if she doesn't work out you'll be stuck and miserable. Find a way to see her and see what sh\s like for a few days but don't commit to her unless she blows you away or something. There are plenty of older woman in SE Asia looking for a decent foreigner that's not obsessed with just younger woman. You also don't need to be a model looking type man to woman after they have reached around 40 or so. Also, Asian women aren't as much into looks when they are older but more personality and how nice you are and stability so take that into consideration if going to Asia. That hardest part really is not getting fooled by a scammer, thee are some out there. Other than that enjoy your manhood outside the Western, politically correct, feminist Twilight zone. You probably won\'t want to go back to your country though....

[ExpeditionSailor]

Just unfriended her. I tend to get nervous when women come on hard and fast like this one did and can't help but wonder what they really want. It was a case of too much too soon. Thanks for the advice, everyone.

[nomadphilippines]

ya that is odd, let us know how it goes