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Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
9 posts • Page 1 of 1
From reading this title, you might think that I'm some kind of loser for listening to my dad's advice about looking for a mail order bride, but it's not what you think. I'm not some loner living with my parents in their basement. I actually have a home, insurance, all that adult stuff. I have not been able to marry anyone, not because for the lack of trying, but because my fiance of 8 years died in an accident.
Sorry to get so grim really quick, but it’s been 4 years since then and I haven’t been the same since. I focused on work and my career to keep my mind off things and privately grieving. I never found an opportunity to start dating again. I’m just out of it and have no motivation to get back out there. Truth be told, there was just no one like her. My fiance was an immigrant. We had plans to marry and have children. It has always been my dream to have children of my own.
I took my dad’s advice to go to mail order bride websites because I know I had to start somewhere. I find myself too cynical to be socially active or go to parties, so online dating is a safer option. If I can’t find anyone I want to talk to, I can browse ahead and move on.
So I’m trying AFA. It’s expensive, but I’ve been messaging a lot of women because the site makes it so easy to match with potential partners.
Anyways, I have a few questions for those who’ve tried AFA or any mail order bride sites.
1.) Are the tours really worth it? It’s a couple thousand dollars and I want to know what I’m getting if I’m “investing” in it.
2.) Are scams plentiful and is there any advice you can give?
Please help. Thanks in advance. -Mike
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You can meet many foreign women on an AFA tour for sure. Some will be good and some may not be. When you have a lot of women at a social you will get all types. Whether they click with you or not depends on chemistry and their taste and feelings. Theres no formula for love. You just got to try different things until something works.
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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
My condolences to you for the loss of your fiancee.
I would not encourage any online resource to find a wife. Travel abroad and meet people in real life.
Better yet, stay unmarried and build your wealth and enjoy the freedom that you earn for yourself.
I am sorry to hear about your fiance passing away.
I have seen a couple of documentaries about those agencies that take you to Russia, Columbia, or the Philippines. Someone posted a video about a big heft old-looking man who had been sending love letters to 20-something 8 or 9 girl on a 1 to 10 scale in Russia. He wasn't sure she'd read his letters. He'd spent a lot of money on the site and he was wondering if someone was mailing on her behalf.
I spent many years in Indonesia. Around 2006, a young woman asked my wife how she found a husband, meaning how she found a white husband, or one like me, I suppose. She used to get that question a lot from Indonesian girls, since many of them find marrying a white man appealing. I was sitting right there, so I suggested trying to find someone online through an Internet cafe. That was before it all turned into a big business, I suppose. She did. She told us later she was engaged to a guy from the US. This woman was attractive, but past her 'expiration date' for the normal marriage pool in Indonesia. I'm surprised they hadn't married her off to a cousin. There were other women in our social network, some over 30, who married foreign men, American or Dutch. One of them was kind of outspoken who I found a bit draining. But they are still together, or were last year the last I saw them. I think the other two couples are together.
I think it is still possible to meet online, but there are a lot of scammers. It's easier to find a wife, I think, if you work overseas for a while. You can ask people in your social network to set you up if you don't feel like being aggressive. In some cultures, being set up for dates is very normal. Koreans do that a lot. I was set up with a very beautiful girl, like better than typical Hollywood actress good-looking, once, without them telling me they were doing it. I had a friend try to set me up with this other girl his wife worked with who wasn't attractive to me. He invited me to an amusement part with his wife and in-laws. That girl was there, and she had a drop-dead gorgeous friend with her. They'd only showed me the other one's picture. I probably couldn't have communicated with them, though.
When I moved to Indonesia as a young single man in my 20's, I began to realize that the girls seemed especially interested in me. I'd sit next to a woman on a bus, and she'd give me her card. There were girls who would just stare at me, trying to make eye contact. Most were less obvious than that. Some can be kind of middle schoolish, letting you know they like you through their friends. I did not take full advantage of this situation as some of the men on the forum would have. I was looking for a wife.
I met my wife while she was finishing up college in Indonesia. I visited her campus for something, met her there, and we ended up getting married. The online thing may work, but if you meet a girl online, I recommend going to where she lives in real life, talking to her family and friends, and getting a sense of who she is. Is she fun to be around, or is she kind of draining? Find out about her mental stability, her character, whether she has a temper. Look at her family and see if the father is respected in the family. See how she treats him. See how the mother treats him. Does the woman you are considering do housework? Is she hard-working? Is she easy to get along with? Is she considerate, emphathetic, and respective? Does she believe in staying married for life? Get to know her in her own context and get ot know her family. In a lot of cultures, you'll have to propose to her father or to her parents to marry her according to social norms and customs. That's the way it is in Indonesia. It's shameful to run off and get married without parental consent, and considered dishonorable toward the parents.
Discuss her expectations of marriage. Does she expect to send money home to her parents? That's a big thing in some Southeast Asian cultures. It may not be a lot, so it may not be a big deal. But it could me. That's something to discuss. Discuss having children. How many does she want? I don't know if I have ever heard an Indonesian woman say she does not want children. They try to have a baby in the first year after marriage. It's like a race. People kept asking me if my wife was pregnant during our first year of marriage, especially the cleaning service guy by the water cooler. We waited a couple of years on purpose, until about the time most of my co-workers stopped asking. You can also discuss expectations about sex. There are a lot more virgins in this part of the world, but she may have an idea. It could be she expects it every night, or maybe she thinks its for special occasions. You can also influence her thinking a bit on the topic. You can discuss who is going to manage the money and those sorts of things. A lot of this stuff can be worked out later, but it is very informative to discuss them beforehand. Ideally you'll get a woman whose attitude is that a lot of these things are up to you.
This is the same con poster atrueloveme. Check his posts search.php?author_id=28251&sr=posts
Each time he makes up a different story
I would not recommend AFA for correspondence as most of it is fabricated by site operators. Their tours are legit as women do show up. So just go on the tour if you can afford it. But do you really want to do business with a company that is dishonest in one area and then honest in another?
For a more legitimate experience try this:
I suspected, but the fiance dying kept me from suggesting it just in case. But that could be the strategy. If that's true, there is a fake male dater, too, not just female. I posted something that could be helpful to others.
I'm trying to figure out who is behind these posts. Cui bono? Who benefits? My first instinct that it is actually Winston. He has been promoting AFA with his "Wow! Hot Foreign Women on A Foreign Affair You Can Contact!" thread and his latest post came right behind the latest post in this thread. Would he stoop that low to pretend to be someone else then post a reply here?
The only other possibility is that it is John Adams himself or one of his surrogates.
The second post of this thread may reveal the confirmation of this.