Is it possible to be happily settled-down?

[mattyman]

I only ask this question because of all my mates who are now settled down with families, their lives look like misery and slavery. One thing we look forward to in a relationship is to be comfortable & fully accepted for who we are with someone you also find attractive. Nobody looks to feel enslaved. We want the companionship and someone to share our lives with, we don't want to be stuck with our own company. At the same time, we don't want the sort of relationship that makes us feel trapped and enslaved.

On thing I've realized on observation; work doen't stop on finding a partner. There are obviously tons and tons of things that can be done to prevent that sort of relationship. Part of me is put off about settling down, part of my thinks that an LTR is possible, as long as it adheres to some guidelines & that I don't make the mistakes that some people are making.

If you've been single for a long time and complained about loneliness, chances are you've been told to 'love your own company'. Chances are, this comes from people who've been in unhappy relationships and who think that their own experiences=ALL relationships anyone could have are all bad. Rather than give a load of pessimism about all relationships, why not acknowledge any mistakes that were made which you and the person you're advising could learn from. If not, such people should say nothing at all.

[Yohan]

I only ask this question because of all my mates who are now settled down with families, their lives look like misery and slavery. One thing we look forward to in a relationship is to be comfortable & fully accepted for who we are with someone you also find attractive...

For sure in the Western world as a man to settle down with a local girl next door is tantamount to slavery.

However this is not really the case if you decide to move out to elsewhere in this world and you settle down with a foreign woman in her own country.

This HA-Forum is encouraging Western men to relocate and to look out for foreign women. Likely a way of life-style worth a consideration.

[Bao3niang]

Let's assume you are already set for being happier abroad. In that case, at the end of the day, there's no reason not to settle down. You can go around having a little taste of everything, but, trust me, there will come a day when you're: 1. Getting old and no longer able to handle it physically 2. Become exhausted emotionally, psychologically, and financially 3. Both 1 and 2. Even if you've had a taste of everything out there, at the end of the day, you may end up with nothing. You'll be old and lonely. Even from a purely practical point-of-view, you WOULD want someone to be with you as a companion and look after you in your twilight years. It's not fun being alone once the days of glory are behind you. Taking these realities into account, it would be good to put your heart in the right place, to pursue a simpler and more moral path from the very beginning. You would be spared from a lot

[Yohan]

Let's assume you are already set for being happier abroad. In that case, at the end of the day, there's no reason not to settle down. You can go around having a little taste of everything, but, trust me, there will come a day ...
.....
Become exhausted emotionally, psychologically, and financially
.....
You'll be old and lonely. Even from a purely practical point-of-view, you WOULD want someone to be with you as a companion and look after you in your twilight years. It's not fun being alone once the days of glory are behind you.

True, and luckily I am now fully prepared for the coming years. I am now 65.
I will not be alone, as there are wife, 2 daughters, a granddaughter, a Filipina fosterdaughter...I have a good relation with all of them.

Financially seen, I am secure. I managed to receive a good state pension from Europe up to the end of my life, also have free medical care in Japan and a second home in Thailand.

Legally seen, living abroad is no problem for me as I am holding permanent resident status in Japan and I also have a 12 month pensioner visa in Thailand.

The Thai pensioner visa can be extended easily every year. No need for me ever to go back to EU and to die alone over there either in a basement room or in an elderly care home.

[mand38]

Well, for now, I don't think that is possible, but if I found out that it is possible I will inform you:)

You used great word to describe: "slavery"

[Winston]

It depends. Like @momopi said there are three types of people - trees, grass and clouds. Tree and grass types can settle down. But if you're a cloud type then you cannot be happily settled down long term. You constantly need new experiences and new places and new women. Thats what you live for. And you love freedom and adventure too much to settle down, even if you wanted to. Unless of course you find a soulmate that beats to the same drum as you and who loves you as much as you love her. Thats the trick and challenge.

[Zambales]

Settling down is not a decision that should be taken lightly. You need to be 100% sure that this is what you want. It's also paramount to assess the risks and form an escape route beforehand should anything go wrong in the future.

Too many people settle down to "fit in" and to not look like misfits in their social circles. The relationship therefore will most likely turn into a turgid affair before long due to the lack of fuel. Kids will be born and a long stretch of imprisonment is pending. Not a good situation to be in.

Don't even consider settling down before 30. Maturity and a dose of life experience ought to make the decision a wiser one, and the likelihood of happiness in such a scenario should increase the older you get.

[jamesbond]

Settling down is not a decision that should be taken lightly. You need to be 100% sure that this is what you want. It's also paramount to assess the risks and form an escape route beforehand should anything go wrong in the future.

Too many people settle down to "fit in" and to not look like misfits in their social circles. The relationship therefore will most likely turn into a turgid affair before long due to the lack of fuel. Kids will be born and a long stretch of imprisonment is pending. Not a good situation to be in.

Don't even consider settling down before 30. Maturity and a dose of life experience ought to make the decision a wiser one, and the likelihood of happiness in such a scenario should increase the older you get.

Good points, I agree. Men shouldn't even think about getting married before the age of 30. Actually, if a man lives in the United States he shouldn't ever think about getting married at all due to the unfair divorce laws.

[Winston]

You also gotta find someone who beats to the same drum as you and thinks and feels the way you do as well and is on the same wavelength and flow as you.

For example, a freespirit rebel and hippie like John Lennon would not have been happy if he had married a good square conservative Christian woman, even if she would make a good wife. Because he would have nothing in common with her. So he had to marry a woman that was like him, a rebel and hippie freespirit type like Yoko Ono. Because she dances to the same drum as him and connects with who he is.

Thats the kind of woman you should settle down with. Not just any woman with good qualities who will make a good wife. Just because a woman would make a good wife or has good wife qualities doesnt mean she will match you. A lot of men forget that and view women like animals. Thats a big mistake and not conducive to a happy good relationship. Even old fashioned people forget that having the same interests and wavelength matters a lot.

[mattyman]

@ Winston

"It depends. Like @momopi said there are three types of people - trees, grass and clouds. Tree and grass types can settle down. But if you're a cloud type then you cannot be happily settled down long term. You constantly need new experiences and new places and new women. Thats what you live for. And you love freedom and adventure too much to settle down, even if you wanted to. Unless of course you find a soulmate that beats to the same drum as you and who loves you as much as you love her. Thats the trick and challenge."

Thankyou so much for the great advice, not thought about tress, grass and clouds types. This is new to me but worth finding out about more.

[Zambales]

Trees and grass get cut down and they get pissed on by the clouds.

[Ghost]

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[publicduende]

It's possible, but not very likely.

Traditional life has been either been watered down or uprooted entirely throughout the world, thus even foreign women are not as good as they once were.

I've seen men with foreign wives who were effectively no better off than if they had married Western skanks.

Trying to settle down with a good woman is worth at least one worthwhile shot in every man's lifetime. Just don't fool yourself about what the odds of ending up happy are. Keep your eyes open.

Finding good people is hard in general, anywhere on this planet. I insist that the same effects of globalisation and socio-cultural integration, mainstream media narrative that relentlessly serve TPTB, insipid fashions and trends, are f*cking up the boys just as much as the girls.

The "it's oh so hard to find a serious girl" is just as applicable to the male gender, believe me. The bias we have is that we're all here, jaded adult men for the most part, regretting the values of the girls of our generation while looking for a young and pretty girl from this generation.

A bit of a time warp...

[Cornfed]

The "it's oh so hard to find a serious girl" is just as applicable to the male gender, believe me.

Except that it is the female gender that generally gets to plunder the male gender for nothing in return, not the other way around.

[publicduende]

The "it's oh so hard to find a serious girl" is just as applicable to the male gender, believe me.

Except that it is the female gender that generally gets to plunder the male gender for nothing in return, not the other way around.

Maybe so, but you could say the same for many other categories...politicians, banksters, fraudsters and snake oil salesmen, some academics, some lawyers, even some doctors etc.