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How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Horahngee
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How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by Horahngee » March 9th, 2018, 11:07 am

Hey guys.

So some of you have read my other thread in the "advice" section, because I currently have a Filipina girlfriend living abroad in the Philippines.

A little background of me. I did post this in my original introduction posting in the Intro section, but it was not approved by the administrator. I'm mixed Korean, and *gasp* Japanese-American. My mom is Korea, and from Korea, and is the typical nut-case Kimchee-tiger mom you can think of. My dad, on the other hand, is a chill laid-back Japanese-American (sansei) who was born in HI. You see most of these inter-Asian hapa's like me in HI, no where else in the US.

Getting back on topic, I have been chatting with my current GF (Grace) via Messenger since September of last year. The irony is my mom asked one of her hair salon customers, who happened to be a Filipina, if she knew of any single girls in her family. She introduced me to a single distant neice living in the Philippines, up in Laoag city. However, things did not gel and go well, and that girl eventually stopped responding to my Messenger messages. She flaked out,...So I moved on...

Then came August of last year where the Filipina client introduced me to my current GF Grace. She gave me the phone number of the aunty of my current girlfriend living in Hawaii. I visit Hawaii once in a while because my parents live there. I live in depressing WA state by myself because I relocated here for my job. Anyhow, our conversation via Messenger Facebook kicked off, and at first, my current girlfriend only sporadically chatted with me. She's a shy type of person as I have learned about her when I visited her in January of this year. As time went on, we sent text messages almost everyday, so our text message frequency went up as the months passed.



At the same time, I was also in a "relationship" with another Filipina (my ex GF...but only relationship via Messenger,...I have never met her) who was introduced to me by a co-worker in the previous nursing department I used to work in. Ex-GF was the one who told me "let's start to be in a relationship on May 22, 2017. I will not forget that day.
But at the same time, big effing mistake on my part to keep chatting with the ex-GF while I was also getting to know Grace, and that's where I f--ked up big time.
That co-worker was a "friend" of mine, until I had a text message argument with her white husband, and things started to go downhill with the co-worker where we only smiled at each other at work, but did not talk to one another. I should have ended my relationship with the ex-GF at the time of the argument with her friend/the co-worker. It's because my ex-GF was forcing me to apologize to the co-worker for being "rude" to her husband, when the husband actually used the former co-worker's phone...told m to stop texting her. I felt offended. But due to me having lousy experience of finding a girlfriend here in the US (because I'm an Asian male), I really enjoyed my ex-GF keep sending me text messages like "good morning honey!" and "ingat ka" prior to me going to work.
For those of you males here, regardless of whether you're East Asian, SE Asian, white, black, whatever.....you know the good feeling of these Messenger text messages you get from Filipina's that you could not even get from American/western girls' text messages (even if they're really bulls--t, and they're trying to be coy to get you to marry them for them to get a US greencard! :D )




To make a long story short, I was not really into my ex-GF after August of last year after that text message argument with my (ex coworker, since I no longer work there) co-worker's husband.

I visited Grace (current GF) in the Philippines back in January to get to know her face-to-face. Her dad, older brother and herself picked me up at NAIA (airport in Manila), and we drove five freaking hours to Illocos Sur province area. I will not disclose her "Barangay" area.

I stayed at her house for six days. I also ate breakfast with the family, and also got to meet my GF's older sister, her sister in law, mom, dad. Strange, her older brother did not really care to interact with me.

We visited places in Baguio, Baluarte, etc. Did zip line together, ate lunch and dinner together, took photos together.

One week passed by really quickly! On the last night, the dad of my girlfriend sat down with me, and my GF, and asked me how she can travel with me back to the US. I was like "wow, okay?" First of all, I told him, that I need to complete all the Fiance Visa paperwork, and it takes a while.

I told the father of my GF to hold on, as my GF used to work as a nurse in Saudi Arabia, and has nursing experience. however, she needed to first take her board exam to work in the. But due to the poor economic situation in the Philippines, my GF has been unemployed for the last two years because it is difficult for her to find a nursing job there. :cry:

I flew back to the US (WA state), and the week after, sh-t hit the fan.

The sister in-law of my current GF asked me via text if it's okay to post our photos on her Facebook account. I was hesitant, but I told her "okay, go ahead."

that's when my ex-GF's friend, and my former co-worker found out about me being with Grace in the Philippines the week before. My ex co-worker was infuriated and started to send me nasty text messages. I immediately blocked her. My ex-GF also started to send me Messenger messages, and this is while I was at work, towards the end of my night shfit. I did not want to read their cr@p while I was at work, so I simply blocked both of them on FB. Ex co-worker then started sending messages to other employees (these were usually Filipino employees and were friends with my ex co-worker) to forwards to me. But in the process, other employees in my former department started to know about all this problem.


I still love my GF and I was planning on seeing her again in May, and also attending her younger brother's wedding in May.

However, my mom is now forcing me to break up with my Filipina girlfriend.

Just two weeks ago, mom and I flew to South Korea (not north korea :D ) to pay taxes for one of her property that she owns over there.
In the process, one of her close friends, also Korean halmunee, back in Hawaii, had relatives who are church pastors in Korea, who knew two single girls there. One of them was too freaking young for me. She was also very shy, in her low 20's, and only spoke Korean. I had to struggle with my 70% Korean knowledge to communicate with her.

The other girl is almost my current GF's (Grace) age, but younger by 7 months.
She works as project manager down near Pusan area for some kind of airplane part company.
Her face,....meh, not to bad,...to be honest. I'd say she ranks a 6 or 7/10 level in looks.

Hence, now, my mom is forcing me to break up with my Filipina GF Grace, and wants me to get engaged and eventually married to the second Korean girl that I have met for only one day, two hours (in a coffee shop).

I feel so sad and have been crying my a$$ off for the last 8 hours. I also did not go to work tonight as I feel like cr@p.

I was hoping to travel back to the Philippines to visit my GF Grace in May. But now that mom is being a total b-tch, and crying, telling me that "my future is much better with the Korean girl (project manager) compared to the jobless Filipina." Yup,...that is what she yelled at me over the phone.


Question is, how do I deal with this kind of FORCED breakup?

It's not like breaking up with a girlfriend who attends the same high school with you, or a girlfriend who lives on your same neighborhood block.

This is a GF of mine who lives thousands of miles away. I thought, at the time of my January visit, that I had the chance to go back in May to revisit her, and also get to meet her younger brother and the brother's fiance. Her younger brother is set to get married during the first week of May.

To me, my current GF, even if I have to break up with her in the coming days (because stupid mom says so)......she will always be in my heart.

I don't know how to explain it guys. But it's this feeling of "no closure" and sadness that makes me weep.

I mean we can still see each other on Facebook.

But if I end up marrying the Korean girl.....I don't know what to do. I still have a scrap book of my photos that I have taken with my GF Grace, and I don't feel like throwing it away. :cry: I also have refrigerator magnets that she has given me as gifts. When we went to the Baluarte Zoo, we also bought stuffed animals, one panda bear for her, and a lion for me. I still keep that doll on top of my cabinet.

Even if I'm satisfied with the Korean girl......I will always have this strange "so how is Grace doing?" feeling that permeates my mind, until the day I get dementia or Alzheimer's disease.

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Horahngee
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Re: How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by Horahngee » March 9th, 2018, 11:40 pm

Update:

So I was chatting with Grace's mom via Messenger text this morning that if my mom continues to disapprove of our relationship, then I am going to have to break up with Grace.

The mom kept insisting that Grace can live off of very little, and that I should work more hours to support Grace if her fiance Visa gets approved and she ends up coming here to live in the US.

I told her that originally, the plan was to have my mom help finance a condo for us to live in. Without my mom's support, we will have to rent an apartment, and it would be hard for me to financially support Grace, because I now have to pay rent, food for both of us, and utility bills. I also mentioned that due to this situation, and the fact that I care for Grace's well-being and comfort, that I may not be able to marry Grace if the situation turns out where I have to detach myself from mom to support Grace.

Then the mom started to get upset with me.

Is this like some kind of sign / red flag that the mom is pushing me to marry Grace because she wants Grace to get US residency?

I really love Grace and envision her to be my future wife. But I have to carefully study small details. I have started to learn about Filipina's (their sneaky side) after coming here to Happier Abroad forum, as well as watching some of the YouTube videos about Filipina marriages.

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Yohan
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Re: How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by Yohan » March 10th, 2018, 8:18 am

I think, you should consider your opinion and the girl you consider to live with you to be more important and the opinion of your mother and her mother to be less important.

About Filipinas, they are all different from each other, some are very honest and some others are scammers.

For sure, you do not know enough about her and her family, and she does not know enough about you and your family members, and I feel, you need more time to sort it out what to do.

Who says BTW that you have to continue to live in USA? It works also the other way, it's not a one-way. I am a man from Europe and I left for Japan 40 years ago and never came back to EU. Did you ever consider to leave USA and to start a new life elsewhere?

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Horahngee
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Re: How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by Horahngee » March 19th, 2018, 9:05 pm

Yohan wrote:
March 10th, 2018, 8:18 am


About Filipinas, they are all different from each other, some are very honest and some others are scammers.
Exactly Yohan! I have been trying to explain this to my mom that just because one Filipina is bad, does not mean that my girlfriend Grace is a bad person. Grace's older sister also told me the same thing through text message. She said that just because she has met one bad Korean person or one bad American person, does not mean that all Americans or Korean people are bad.
My mom...she's just a hard-headed person.
For sure, you do not know enough about her and her family, and she does not know enough about you and your family members, and I feel, you need more time to sort it out what to do.
Yes true. this is why I plan on going back to see my girlfriend some time this summer time.
Who says BTW that you have to continue to live in USA? It works also the other way, it's not a one-way. I am a man from Europe and I left for Japan 40 years ago and never came back to EU. Did you ever consider to leave USA and to start a new life elsewhere?
Well, my GF lives in teh Philippines and I have doubts about myself wanting to live there. The salary and income amount in the Philippines is very very low.
I give kudos and praises to guys like Winston for living in the PI. I also don't know if I could work my job in another country too.

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abms1219
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Re: How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by abms1219 » April 5th, 2018, 10:39 am

Dear Horahngee,

I am a German-Filipino fellow myself, raised in the Philippines. I understand the influence of family and what their approval means.

Some comments from the peanut gallery, take it as you see fit:

1. YOLO. You can accept guidance from parents, but you cannot live YOUR life chasing their approval. YOU MUST DECIDE what happens. You need to be your own man.
2. If you're being supported by family financially, and part of the influence comes from that, cut the apron strings. You may end up living in a small room, but it would be 100% yours.
3. If you crash and burn - learn from it. Own the mistake.
4. At the end of the day, our biggest regrets come from what we DID NOT do.
5. Every man must find his own measuring stick for success in life. Success in life = happiness.

I remember a friend who was far from handsome, lived in a really bad neighborhood, had dismal financial prospects, no significant other, or even the drive to want to elevate his station in life. It upset me to see a friend doing so poorly. Then it hit me. And in that instant I ENVIED the man to no end, because he had something - that eludes me to this day, 20 years later.. He was CONTENT - something my type-A, competitive, egotistical self would not abide so easily, until I grew older and wiser.

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Horahngee
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Re: How to deal with a forced break up with a GF abroad

Post by Horahngee » May 4th, 2018, 8:34 pm

abms1219 wrote:
April 5th, 2018, 10:39 am
Dear Horahngee,

I am a German-Filipino fellow myself, raised in the Philippines. I understand the influence of family and what their approval means.

Some comments from the peanut gallery, take it as you see fit:

1. YOLO. You can accept guidance from parents, but you cannot live YOUR life chasing their approval. YOU MUST DECIDE what happens. You need to be your own man.
ABMS1219, I see what you're trying to say. But it would really suck having a wedding, and not having my parents being in attendance, at the wedding because they (or my mom in my case) don't approve of my fiance.
2. If you're being supported by family financially, and part of the influence comes from that, cut the apron strings. You may end up living in a small room, but it would be 100% yours.
I need financial assistance with downpayment to purchase a home. I would hate to continue to rent. The benefit of paying mortgage, at least here in the US, is that the interest included in the monthly mortgage payments is tax deductible. Rent payments are NOT tax deductible here in the US.

My mom holds a lot of the family money, and I need some of those funds to help pay for a downpayment. This is the reason why I am tied to her approval.

If I don't put down any money for a purchase of a home or condo, my monthly mortgage payment will be SUPER HIGH! I will also be paying "mortgage insurance" since I did not put down a downpayment of at least 20%.


But to make a long story short, and with a nice ending, the Korean girl that my mom and her friend's cousin tried to get me to marry, ended up not wanting to immigrate to the US because she was happy with her job in Korea, and she would be far from her circle of friends back in Korea.

I actually thanked the Korean girl (secretly via Kakao talk message!) for her decision, and we both wished each other the best of luck in finding our significant other. I was laughing to myself, because I already have my significant other, Grace, from the Philippines.

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