Pros of being single
- There can be a lot of freedom
- You may get to go out a lot (well, if you have a good social life that is)
- There maybe more time to try out new hobbies
- It can be lonely*
- You may miss out on the intimacy
- There can be the ever present worry of never finding love, it can be harder to sleep
- You’ll always have company to hang out with
- Your partner will be there for you (a healthy one)
- You’ll have someone to share your thoughts, dreams and feelings with
- You have someone to share your life with
- You’ll have sexual intimacy
- You’ll feel wanted and needed
- You’ll feel more relaxed; no more worry about being consigned to the scrap heap
- You might not get as much freedom, you may have to consult with your partner (this depends)
- You might not get as much time to yourself (this depends on how demanding your partner is and whether they have a similar need for time alone as you do)
- You may become complacent about grooming due to lack of incentive (you may put your feet up and think all the hard work is done)
- Family and friends of partner; if you don’t get on (this depends)
- There might be less privacy; you might have your social media and texts checked (this will depend on both on how secure they are & how much you trust each other)
The ideal; best of both worlds?
The formula for a happy relationship seems quite simple, you'd want a relationship where the cons are minimized, where the pros are maximized. You'd want all the intimacy and lack of loneliness without being tied down, being given your own space when you need it. I've noticed all the possible disadvantages of being in a relationship are conditional & depend on the characteristics of the partner you're with. What can we do ourselves to minimize the cons to the other person?
So you shouldn't expect people to 'complete' you
But you can reasonably expect the benefits that I've highlighted from the right partner, to feel needed, to have intimacy, to have someone there, to have someone to always hang out with. What might not be reasonable is to expect a romantic partner to take on every single role. It's healthy to have a life outside the relationship, to have confidants outside the relationship. That's how the potential cons are minimized. The reason I detest this sort of advice (assumption) is because people give it without establishing whether that's the case. They JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. This is no justification narrative.
So, you've got to love yourself first?
Again, this shouldn't suggest that you shouldn't expect being with another not to make you happy. People who give this particular soundbyte have one thing in common, they never elaborate (well, apart from telling people who're lonely 'look at you, who'd want someone like you, don't even try, no=one would want you, if you get into a relationship you'll fail, yeah yeah, very supportive). It might be more helpful for the advisor to have knowledge of potential patterns you can fall into that 'not loving yourself' may lead to. My advice for lay-people is to not give advice at all unless you know what you're talking about.
The reason why people are cynical is simple; they think;
My own bad experience=everyone else's (classic 'I'm the centre of the universe' thinking; what's true of one's experience must be true of eveyone else)
Modern people are so quick to get into advice mode. People are too quick to make assumptions rather than adopt the non-judgemental listening stance (after-all, taking time to listen to people, figuring out what's important in relationships, evaluating pros and cons, its too hippie-like & uncool for the 21st century young adult).