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8 Reasons why I'm ostracized from dating in America

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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8 Reasons why I'm ostracized from dating in America

Postby Winston » Thu May 29, 2008 4:03 pm

8 Reasons why I'm ostracized from dating in America

1) People in the US do not generally socialize outside their clique and are uncomfortable meeting new people, especially women. They are only willing to do so through mutual friends. And they do not generally talk to strangers unless its business-related or if they are asked for directions. Socially they are very noninclusive. The only inclusive groups in the US seem to be groups composed of all men, or church groups (but we all know that church groups are "supposed" to be that way).

Genderwise, men are far more likely to be the exception to this than women. So, when someone remarks about how friendly people are in America, it's usually an attractive female talking about how friendly men are to her, not a man mentioning how friendly the women are to him. Either that, or it's an old foreign couple marveling at all the fake smiles and waves from passing strangers who in reality don't even give a sh** about them and don't even invite them anywhere.

2) American women are generally anti-social and prefer being alone or having the company of other females or pets over men. They'd rather be lonely and spew hatred at men than be with them. When they meet you for the first time, they put up an ice barrier or act distant, overly proper and give fake smiles, making only short superficial conversation. (In contrast, in the Philippines most women who meet you for the first time are very comfortable, behaving as if they already know you, including the hot ones)

3) White American women generally see Asian men as the least desirable on the sexual totem pole, below Blacks and Hispanics. Even the ones that "say" they like Asian men generally don't date them for some reason.

4) Also, white American women generally do not like foreign men, unless they are white British, white Western European or white Australian. They see being with a foreign man of color as a considerable lowering of their status. (In contrast, their white European female counterparts are for more open and willing toward foreign men of color)

5) Many women in the US hate men and have an angry chip on their shoulder toward them, blaming them for all their problems. They see that men who like sex or who even flirt are creeps, insinuating that men should not want sex or be horny. These attitudes are instilled in them by their peers, mothers, and the media. It's also a trend among them too. And they are somehow trained to blow off every guy who likes them, hits on them, or pursues them, calling them "creeps" in the process, as though it were some twisted sport to them.

6) US females tend to be deeply paranoid, induced by the media as well as pop culture, subconsciously believing that everyone is a potential psycho waiting for the chance to come out. Hence they are overly guarded, high strung, and harbor negative stereotypes toward men which they seek to reinforce.

7) American women, including the unattractive ones, now have a sense of entitlement off the charts. They want and "need" too much, are unrealistic and unfair, and are told never to settle for anything else.

8) In America, any young female that is not overweight is considered "hot" or attractive. But since the unattractive females outnumber the attractive ones, the latter becomes so scarce that they have too many choices and become too picky, not being satisfied with anyone almost. Either that, or they get taken early in life and become unavailable. Hence, the average guy has no choices among attractive females in the US. (And having no choices sucks big time and is unacceptable to me)

Whatever the case, the US dating scene is definitely a woman's market. They have all the choices, make all the rules, and have all the entitlements.

And again for the umpteenth time, to those who say that "I" am the problem, if "I" am the problem, then how come "I" don't have any problems dating attractive women OUTSIDE America in the other 200 countries of the world?

What's odd is that although these 8 factors above are as obvious and apparent as the blue sky, they are never mentioned or addressed by the media or on other websites. Me and my internet fans seem to be the only ones not afraid to shout out about "The Emperor's New Clothes". That is bizarre and I wonder why. How can such glaring and dominant trends and behaviors in our society among the female gender receive virtually no publicity?

I know that I am not the only guy without a decent dating life in America, as so many others have written me and continually do so. Probably, most guys would not deny these factors, but they do not consider being dateless and not scoring with hot girls to be such a big deal or a must for them, as me and my kind do. So the general male population in the US do not complain about it, at least not publicly, or they suffer silently in "quiet desperation". Of course, another reason is that since the above real factors are not politically correct, it would be anathema to utter them. And very few people have the courage to be dissidents and vocalize their views.

I am one of the few that do though, and that's why some hate me while others admire me. Take your pick.
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Postby jamesbond » Fri May 30, 2008 5:46 am

All very valid points Winston. I am sure a lot of guys can sympathize with what you have written. American women are NOT approachable, NOT friendly, very CLIQUISH and ANTI-SOCIAL. They are not interested in meeting new people except through their friends. However it's hard to make friends in America, thus it's hard to meet women! It's a real catch 22. :shock:
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Postby ladislav » Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:06 am

Reason number nine ( and possibly number one):  how do you physically compare with the paragon of the all American dateable man and how many of his physical attributes do you have? If these men are 10s, where are you ( and me) on a scale from 1 to 10 ( in America, that is)?http://www.allamericanguys.com/v6all-aagmodels.phpThese are the guys they want to date and think they are entitled to dating.If you ( and I, too) stand by the mirror and then compare ourselves to them, we will see the number one reason of all.And yes, I guess the problem is ''you''- you don't look like these guys, you refuse to wear elevator shoes and do not spend countless hours in the gym. You do not want to get plastic surgery to make your face more in line with teh all American look. Yup, sure the problem is definitely you.Yes, sure with US women, these guys also have problems but not as many as you and I. That is why you do not see that manyof them in Angeles City. But you see people like you and me.
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Stop Bitching and Moaning...

Postby Mr S » Sat Aug 09, 2008 10:22 am

Also to add to what Ladislav stated, you also have unusual physical mannerisms that are not that attractive to most women, especially western. I think overseas where cultures are different and they don't know what is normal western social etiquette or not, you don't get directly confronted by it like you would in America or any other western country.

The men who typically live in AC full time are generally unusual individuals who would have issues trying to live a normal life in a western country; these are my observations. Because you live in an environment where whoring is considered acceptable for social and business purposes it has warped your perception of what is considered normal social behavior when dealing with woman, not what you "wish" it to be.

AC and other adult entertainment venues in the Philippines are just that, fantasy amusement parks. When I was a kid I remember I hated leaving the amusement park cause I wanted to keep riding the rides. Generally most of the men living full time in AC are like little children not wanting to leave their "adult Disney land". For whatever reasons they made choices in the past that brought them into the situation they are in now where they think that whoring and drinking beer all day is the pinnacle achievement in life.

A man is mature and understands reality when he can enter and EXIT these types of venues without letting the lifestyle control his urges and thus existence and purpose in life. I enjoy going out and having a "boys night out" every once in a while but I have not let this environment change the goals or direction I want to head in life. There is a time to have fun and there is a time to be serious.

I think you understand that you are different from most guys and there is nothing wrong with that, I would even agree with you whole heartedly! Unfortunately you are trying to justify your various fetishes, which are in the minority for most men and blaming it on western women or others who cant understand your reasoning.

I can adapt to dating western or foreign woman. I personally have just had better experiences with foreign woman. But I would not say that it is impossible to not find a decent woman in the states, it just is more difficult. When dating woman in America it is a give and take scenario. They are going to expect you to look and behave at least at a marginal level (what is culturally accepted as NORMAL). If you do not you will be considered strange or unusual and you will be avoided. (unless they are strange or have mental & behavioral issues) Most women will not tell you this straight to your face because they don't want to hurt your feelings. You may not be receptive of the way they do this in other cultures cause they may do it in a different way than American women would. Most men understand this is how woman are and move on to the next one.

Asking these types of questions over and over for years and years in various forms will get you no where. I'm assuming hundreds or thousands of people have given you countless advice in opposite directions. Men going through puberty or in their early 20's usually ask these kinds of questions and then eventually when they mature they figure it out themselves or don't worry about it anymore.

Until you realize your behavior is typically abnormal in comparison to the average male than you will keep asking these questions over and over to justify why others find you unappealing. These types of questions need to be asked and dealt with internally, not externally.

If you don't want to change the way you look, act or your personality in regards to how others perceive you then you will always be dealing with the sort of rejection you describe. If you're comfortable with who you are in life than stop asking these types of questions and just live your life without involving others in trying to give you advice which it seems you don't consider much.

I would have to say that the reason you keep asking these questions is because deep down you aren't satisfied with where you are in life and you are trying to justify your predicament by questioning the social reality you come in contact with on a daily basis, but you can't psychologically adapt or accept it.

I'm not interested in endlessly replying to this statement to justify my thoughts on the matter cause I don't have time for it and couldn't be bothered; but I and I'm sure others are kinda tired of the narcissistic questions that are really for your own benefit and lifestyle justification and not much good to others for the most part.

Just get on with your life, if it's f***ed up accept it and deal with it. If you don't want it to be f***ed up anymore than do things that the "MAJORITY" of society does to fix it. There are countless, researched ways to improve ones life in various contexts. It usually takes time and effort, not complaining however.

Complaining about it to this forum and through email doesn't do much but exacerbate the issue further into your consciousness making the situations you describe keep living on and on, with no end in site - thus self-creating the reality you perceive.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
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Postby Winston » Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:36 pm

Mr S,
What unusual physical mannerisms are you talking about?

I am not complaining about life. I am merely listing some reasons why I couldn't have any dating life in America.

I am not complaining now, but raving.

Your language makes it sound as though you are saying that non-western women also dislike or turn me down cause of my unusual mannerisms or behaviors, but that is not the case at all. Here in the Philippines for example, I hardly ever get rejected, and I literally, am the one who does the dumping. But very rarely does a girl blow me off. As I mentioned before, I connect with girls here on a level that most western guys can't.

Thus, the girls here do not have any problem with me being unusual or inappropriate, so I'm not sure where you get that. For the first time, you are being vague.

In fact, weirdness is appreciated and tolerated here, that's what misfits love about the Philippines.

But I am not crazy, I just move at a different rhythm and frequency than most people, but almost all my thoughts and actions down to the last detail are logically choreographed usually. A crazy person isn't as consistent and coherent as I am.

And FYI, I rarely go out to any bars anymore. I have other things to do and other areas of life I'm focusing on. I am involved in spiritual pursuits as well. Look at what I've been posting in the religion/spirituality section here lately, for example.

PS - The bars are not all fantasy. The sex is real, and sometimes real relationships are formed from them. Two of my guests here are now in steady relationships with bar girls for example, and have been for several months. Sure their relationships go up and down, but they are steady and together at least. I know you don't like steady relationships much, but when you find a person you connect or bond with, then it's your choice. I could have had some relationships that way if I wanted to too. BTW, both those guys' girlfriends already quit the bar for them (without paying any steady barfine) You met one of these guys already when I brought him barhopping with you, but he doesn't like his name mentioned on forums or lists, that's why I don't say his name. But anyhow, the point is, it's not all fantasy. The girls are for rent, yes, but real relationships can come from them too. It's what you make of it.
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Postby jamesbond » Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:27 pm

Dating in America is very competitive! Just like with Darwins theory, only the strong survive. I have had guys in college who were from countries abroad tell me the women from their countries were far more approachable and friendly than American girls are. These guys said women are just more open to meeting men in public places (grocery stores, book stores, etc.) than American women are. It has to do with the culture and attitudes of the people from a particuliar country as how things shape up socially.
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this is the reason i'm moving to bosnia

Postby matthewcoury » Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:43 am

what you stated is so true...after I read your post i suddenly realized how true it really is......i have been ostracized by american women since i was a teenager....i have never felt any love or emotional connection from an american woman and i am 30 yrs old....i actually lost my virginity to a girl from africa......when i went to bosnia i first realized just how bad women really are in america...they play games and make it intolerable to live here....i fortunately have an animation studio in bosnia and the first chance i get i am out of here....it has been like hell living here......american women have given me a disliking for my own country unlike anything else....it has literally caused me to change my allegiance to a foreign country....when i first went to bosnia i was able to meet a woman and be in a relationship almost immediately.....at first i believed it had to do with attraction to someone different....but that is at its core not the reason at all..it is a fundamental difference in american and european women....iam actually writing a book called bosnia right now because of this very thing.....if you must move halfway across the world to find love you will fond a way to do it
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Re: this is the reason i'm moving to bosnia

Postby jamesbond » Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:56 pm

matthewcoury wrote:what you stated is so true...after I read your post i suddenly realized how true it really is......i have been ostracized by american women since i was a teenager....i have never felt any love or emotional connection from an american woman and i am 30 yrs old....i actually lost my virginity to a girl from africa......when i went to bosnia i first realized just how bad women really are in america...they play games and make it intolerable to live here....it has been like hell living here......american women have given me a disliking for my own country unlike anything else....it has literally caused me to change my allegiance to a foreign country....when i first went to bosnia i was able to meet a woman and be in a relationship almost immediately.....at first i believed it had to do with attraction to someone different....but that is at its core not the reason at all..it is a fundamental difference in american and european women....iam actually writing a book called bosnia right now because of this very thing.....if you must move halfway across the world to find love you will find a way to do it.

It's funny how toxic women in the US are, that men have to leave their own country to find a good woman. No wonder hundreds of thousands of single men move out of the US every year and move abroad.

American women are at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to love and relationships. Avoid American women like you would avoid bubonic plague! :P
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Postby matthewcoury » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:40 pm

yes....it greatly saddens me....iam fortunate enough to be building a studio in bosnia and have a distribution deal with walmart coming up......i see america as not only a place where the women are impossible to form a relationship with but also neighbors are unfriendly here......even in the old television show dennis the menace the neighbor he always annoyed was still friendly and a good fellow and that represented what american community was about.....now it is "do you have money? if not i dont want to have anything to do with you" i have even posted my feelings on facebook only to be told to cheer up or man up....and most of the women just completely ignored me....i even have three siblings who could have introduced me to friends of theirs so i could hav a relationship....and even though iam very close to them they have not even done this for me......it is because the mentality here is you cant get a girl on your own without being introduced something is wrong with you....it is also a every man for himself mentality....not people even your family looking out for each others interests over the interests of others......it is a shame....iam moving out of this intolerable country....goodbye america.....and im never looking back
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Postby TechBroDouche » Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:01 am

It's strange though. Why are market forces not equilibrizing if there's clearly a glut of attractive men in America (Think those tall white guys in SoCal, startup-soaked rich guys in North Cal, and good old frat boys in the South) in and a glut of attractive women in Eastern Europe? It surely wouldn't cost too much to move to Europe and make your own life there. For me, it's just simply a logical move to be part of the equilibrizing force of the dating market to move to Europe.

It's understandable how Eastern European women don't quite have the money to move to America (Where there's too much guy competition, the Pareto principle in which only top 20% of the guys obtain the shares of 80% of the women), but it doesn't make sense why more guys move to Europe. Can someone explain this?
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Postby Repatriate » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:18 am

TechBroDouche wrote:It's understandable how Eastern European women don't quite have the money to move to America (Where there's too much guy competition, the Pareto principle in which only top 20% of the guys obtain the shares of 80% of the women), but it doesn't make sense why more guys move to Europe. Can someone explain this?


It's not so simple. Most men can't afford it for one. If they can afford it they only have the time to take a few weeks or a month off at most. That is really not enough time to truly get the happier abroad experience. The men who can afford it are also limited by their own beliefs. Some may be deeply xenophobic, nationalist, racist, etc.. or just lazy and too socially retarded to make it work. So that leaves a scant percentage of men who can 1) afford to go abroad 2) have time to go abroad 3) have the social skills and mindset

It will always be a niche thing to do.
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Postby KokujinKrusader » Sat Sep 27, 2014 1:30 am

The fact that the tall, attractive, "genetic alphas" aren't going overseas en masse is arguably one of the reasons why loser betas are still able to get it overseas.
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Postby TechBroDouche » Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:17 am

Repatriate wrote:
TechBroDouche wrote:It's understandable how Eastern European women don't quite have the money to move to America (Where there's too much guy competition, the Pareto principle in which only top 20% of the guys obtain the shares of 80% of the women), but it doesn't make sense why more guys move to Europe. Can someone explain this?


It's not so simple. Most men can't afford it for one. If they can afford it they only have the time to take a few weeks or a month off at most. That is really not enough time to truly get the happier abroad experience. The men who can afford it are also limited by their own beliefs. Some may be deeply xenophobic, nationalist, racist, etc.. or just lazy and too socially retarded to make it work. So that leaves a scant percentage of men who can 1) afford to go abroad 2) have time to go abroad 3) have the social skills and mindset

It will always be a niche thing to do.

Here's my concern however. Given the exponential nature of economic growth and trend of increased globalization, it won't be long until traveling becomes extremely cheap and therefore concern 1 will vaporize. This will leave a lesser barrier to entry for men, so we can expect higher competition in that regard. Currently, real wages are stagnant and people are working above 40 hours a week often but perhaps this will be an important political topic that will actually be addressed by the government. So with higher real wages and lower work hours, concern 2 has the potential to also be vaporized (Although much less likely than concern 1 due to the real reason wages stay stagnant in my opinion is that people are getting lazier every day). So anyways, you're banking mainly with concern 3.
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Postby Repatriate » Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:23 am

TechBroDouche wrote:
Repatriate wrote:
TechBroDouche wrote:It's understandable how Eastern European women don't quite have the money to move to America (Where there's too much guy competition, the Pareto principle in which only top 20% of the guys obtain the shares of 80% of the women), but it doesn't make sense why more guys move to Europe. Can someone explain this?


It's not so simple. Most men can't afford it for one. If they can afford it they only have the time to take a few weeks or a month off at most. That is really not enough time to truly get the happier abroad experience. The men who can afford it are also limited by their own beliefs. Some may be deeply xenophobic, nationalist, racist, etc.. or just lazy and too socially retarded to make it work. So that leaves a scant percentage of men who can 1) afford to go abroad 2) have time to go abroad 3) have the social skills and mindset

It will always be a niche thing to do.

Here's my concern however. Given the exponential nature of economic growth and trend of increased globalization, it won't be long until traveling becomes extremely cheap and therefore concern 1 will vaporize. This will leave a lesser barrier to entry for men, so we can expect higher competition in that regard. Currently, real wages are stagnant and people are working above 40 hours a week often but perhaps this will be an important political topic that will actually be addressed by the government. So with higher real wages and lower work hours, concern 2 has the potential to also be vaporized (Although much less likely than concern 1 due to the real reason wages stay stagnant in my opinion is that people are getting lazier every day). So anyways, you're banking mainly with concern 3.


The problem here is that I see no evidence whatsoever that real wages or work hours are improving for your average middle class person. I see the opposite happening. Look at the historic stats..real wages have gotten worse and so have work hours. The government has zero incentive to change these things and has no control over corporate labor markets. The minimum wage structure is a joke and can be easily bypassed especially with a surplus of service job level labor. With an entry level job a person will barely be making ends meet in a U.S. city forget about saving money or even traveling abroad.

The U.S. economy right now is on the fringes in a lot of ways. The tech sector was like the last frontier and since '00 it's been having problems that are too complex to get into at the moment.

Less people will be able to travel in the future from the west not more..the debt burden and stagnant wages will ensure that.
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Postby TechBroDouche » Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:09 pm

History is no indicator of the future. With people like Obama shouting a minimum wage increase and advocacy for increase in sexual inequality (Yes means yes), it only gives further incentives for men in the US to look abroad. Luckily, these men won't be the most attractive men because the most attractive men getting their boatload share here and are not so concerned with women to move abroad.

The long term trend has always trended towards the leftist side, so we will most likely see lower work hours and increasing real wages in the future even if we had a bumpy three decades. Not to mention the increasing trend towards frugality and minimalism due to the cultural effects of the Great Recession. The lesson in all of this is that whether this happens or not, continuing to understand women and improving your social skills is always a must.
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