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Why do American women I have a lot in common with flake out?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Winston
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Why do American women I have a lot in common with flake out?

Post by Winston » July 30th, 2008, 9:47 am

Why do American women I have a lot in common with me still flake on me?

There's something that puzzles me. Why is it that even when I meet American women whom I have a lot in common with, they still make excuses not to see me again or flake out? This happened several times during my Southwest trip. Several times I met females that were into the New Age/metaphysical things that I was into, and we had a good talk about our commonalities. But they made excuses not to see me again, or said they would see me again but then flaked out or stood me up. Why is that? I am a decent looking guy who is interesting, confident and intelligent.

So how could it be that no matter how many women I meet in America, even if I have a lot in common with them, they never want to spend any time with me, not even as friends? It never made any sense. You'd think that even if I wasn't their "type" physically, at least they'd want to be friends, as they sometimes claim, but not even that. They just flake on me and make excuses.

Besides girls I have a lot in common with, even sluts and ugly girls flake out on me. That again shows right there that the US dating scene is a no-win situation for me. But of course, I don't have this problem overseas outside of North America.

For example, this girl in Arizona I got along with, flaked out on me when we were supposed to meet again, by standing me up. Here is what she wrote to me afterward, with an apology and lame excuse:

"Dear Winston,

Sorry about not making it to the library, I took a
dose of Nyquil the night before and didn't wake up
till 11. Then I didn't want to call you to let you
know I'd let you down. . . again. . . it's nothing
personal, but I just kind of want to be alone right
now. I've been enjoying my solitude lately. Maybe I
ought to change my couchsurfing availability to
"maybe." You know how cancers are. After 6 weeks of
having no home, depending on other people's goodwill,
and having little solitude, I'm really enjoying having
an apartment and some alone time again. . . I don't
know how I forgot what a homebody I was just from
couchsurfing! I think I need a little break from
socializing for a while, that's all. . . we can meet
for lunch or something before you leave. Sorry, but I
just want to be honest so I don't keep standing you
up.

Have fun while you're here!

Carmen"
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WarmnCool
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Re: Why do American women I have a lot in common with flake

Post by WarmnCool » July 30th, 2008, 10:20 am

WWu777 wrote:Why do American women I have a lot in common with me still flake on me?

"Dear Winston,

Sorry about not making it to the library, I took a
dose of Nyquil the night before and didn't wake up
till 11. Then I didn't want to call you to let you
know I'd let you down. . . again. . . it's nothing
personal, but I just kind of want to be alone right
now. I've been enjoying my solitude lately. Maybe I
ought to change my couchsurfing availability to
"maybe." You know how cancers are. After 6 weeks of
having no home, depending on other people's goodwill,
and having little solitude, I'm really enjoying having
an apartment and some alone time again. . . I don't
know how I forgot what a homebody I was just from
couchsurfing! I think I need a little break from
socializing for a while, that's all. . . we can meet
for lunch or something before you leave. Sorry, but I
just want to be honest so I don't keep standing you
up.

Have fun while you're here!

Carmen"

Lol!! The thing is that they claim to be outspoken and "honest" about their moods. But won't take "your" being honest about telling them that they have a problem at times. Apparently, You are not an American girl's typical American boy Winston. And that they do flake out on American men, is also true. They may go out with one, make out and then suddenly flake out! lol Unexplained or with just an "honest" excuse.

khiluen
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Joined: November 5th, 2007, 10:47 pm

re: why american girls arne't as responsive

Post by khiluen » July 30th, 2008, 9:32 pm

Hi Winston,

American women just might be more cautious for safety reasons, etc.

I remember meeting you down in Arizona youth hostel and was intrigued by the conversation we had about people being happier abroad, which I had taped for the documentary.

Later on, I bumped into you again in the Arizona museum and was slightly creeped out because I wasn't sure whether you were following me or not. I grew up being told to be cognizant of my surroundings and being careful of who I talk to. I didn't want to encourage someone over a decade older than me to develop interest when I wasnt' sure it was the best thing for my safety. In addition, my upperbound limit for dating someone older is probably 5 years or so since I was in my early twenties.

Just my two cents on why american women might be more cautious.

momopi
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Post by momopi » July 31st, 2008, 1:14 am

Some girls are intimidated by formal dates with someone they just meet. For higher success rate, invite them to group activities and ask them to invite their friends (if they choose).

A few months back I meet a girl, she was 12 years younger than me and very hesitant on the dating part. She came to visit her extended family in LA and told me that she has never been to Disneyland before. So I told her that I had 4 DLR tickets and she can invite 2 of her relatives. Her cousin and friend came along as chaperon. After that she went out on a few dates with me and was... quite friendly in various ways and even came over to cook for me.

Unfortunately, she moved back to Taiwan and our relations didn't progress. But I can say that if I had pushed for a date from beginning, she'd probably have blew me off.

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Winston
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Post by Winston » August 8th, 2008, 8:19 pm

I still don't get something. If a girl and I have a lot in common, then wouldn't they at least want to be friends or hang out as friends? So why do American girls I have things in common with still blow me off then, even as friends?

On TV, American women make friends with guys they have something in common with, even if he's not their type or they don't feel romantic chemistry with him. So what's the problem in real life then?

Besides, some of these girls I'm talking about are hippie types or New Agers, so they should be more nonmaterialistic than average, and more into inward qualities and global consciousness, less shallow in other words.

So how come even they are merely only polite to me and don't want to spend time getting to know me further? This happens even when they are amazed at my knowledge and insight. They may compliment me verbally, but won't want to make much time to be with me. Instead, they act like I am supposed to have my own life and not try to spend time with others.
Check out my video series Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind and Full Russia Trip Videos!

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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

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jamesbond
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Post by jamesbond » August 8th, 2008, 11:48 pm

Yes, it is strange that American women "flake out" a lot on guys. I know many guys who have had great conversations with women and sometimes even get the woman's phone number only to call her and find out she is not interested in him. I think this is something that is rampant in American culture. American women may seem interested in a guy but in reality she may of only been polite to him and not interested in him romantically. Why don't women in America at least want to hang out as friends with guys they seem to like? Well, perhaps she thinks she has enough friends as it is and doesn't need any more. Just a strange cultural thing with women in America! :)

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