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Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.

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Postby sea_dragon » Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:39 pm

jamesbond wrote:
sea_dragon wrote:American women, especially white women are utter scum, only good for pumping and dumping. Yes, I hate to generalize but it's the harsh truth. If I ever have sons of my own someday, I'll tell them that white American women are only good for sexual purposes and nothing else.

White American women should be avoided like the plague, their sense of entitlement is off the charts! :shock:

Image

They're better off becoming extinct. Nobody needs them and they are expendable. Then there's some American women who claim that they all aren't like that, but they're often hypocrites.
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Postby DanielleNguyen » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:41 pm

I have actually seen women act that way before. I honestly laughed at your post.
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Winston » Sun Nov 23, 2014 11:00 am

Update:

I've come to some realizations about male/female friendships.

I understand now why many of you guys do not like to be "just friends" with a female. If your relation with her is always platonic, and she is somewhat attractive, then it becomes an insult on your ego. If she does not show any affection toward you at all or touches you or allows you to flirt with her, it's a rejection of our manhood, because in effect she is telling you, "You are not attractive. You are undesirable." etc. and that's a blow to our male pride. It's like being told that you are NOT desirable every time you are around her. It's insulting to our ego and pride and a rejection of us.

So I think I understand you guys now. Some women really are a waste of time to just be friends with, especially Western women. I've come to notice that about some of my useless friendships with women. I've spoken with Rock about this at length.

However, let me clarify something. This applies primarily to Western women and self-absorbed Asian women. When you are "just friends" with a Western woman or self-absorbed Asian woman, you are not allowed to hold her hand, flirt with her, or say anything affectionate. If you do she gets offended and sees it as "crossing the line". She sets strict boundaries in being "just friends" with you. And you are NOT allowed to cross these boundaries.

But on the other hand, it is ok to be "friends" with a sweet girl who is giving you affection, holds your hand, and treats you with admiration and appreciation. For example, if you listen to my conversation with Marissa, a Filipina girl, you will see that she is very appreciative and affectionate towards me. She strokes my ego with lots of compliments too.

http://www.happierabroad.com/podcasts/marissa_conversation.mp3

You see what I mean? Now THAT kind of friendship with a girl is worth having and investing time in. Because she's a true female who allows you to flirt with her, express affection for her, and will blush and giggle if you say sweet things to her. She also appreciates me and admires my qualities too. In a way, a friendship like that with a girl is somewhere in the gray area between friendship and dating. There is EMOTION and AFFECTION exchanged. So that kind of "friendship" is definitely WORTH having. Agreed?

I also knew a Taiwanese girl before who would hold hands with me, and cuddle with me in bed, though we didn't have sex. Since she showed me some affection, that was much better than being "friends" with a girl who showed no affection at all. So that kind of "friendship" was somewhat worth putting time into.

So I should qualify this by saying that a friendship with a girl is only worth it if she is giving you at least SOME appreciation, affection, admiration and care. In other words, there should be some EMOTION and CHEMISTRY between you, even if you're not officially dating.

But if she's totally self-absorbed and doesn't acknowledge your needs for flirtation and affection, never wants to touch you, and shows no emotion for you, then no, that kind of "friendship" SUCKS and is insulting to our male ego and pride. It's a rejection of our worth. Plus self-absorbed women are inconsiderate takers, not givers, and so we eventually lose our respect for such women. They don't give a crap about our needs. Thus they are ultimately a waste of time.

Does that make sense? Do you all agree?

The other exception of course, is if she is benefiting you or contributing to your life goals in some useful way. Then the friendship may have some value.

But if she's 100 percent platonic and shows no emotion or affection toward you, and does not contribute anything useful to your life, then yeah she's a waste of time. As Rock told me, "I don't need friends like that."

Also of course, if you have such a deep connection with a female that you feel a deep sense of fulfillment when talking to her, then that will be worth pursuing as well.
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Hero » Sun Nov 23, 2014 1:15 pm

Winston wrote:But on the other hand, it is ok to be "friends" with a sweet girl who is giving you affection, holds your hand, and treats you with admiration and appreciation. For example, if you listen to my conversation with Marissa, a Filipina girl, you will see that she is very appreciative and affectionate towards me. She strokes my ego with lots of compliments too.

http://www.happierabroad.com/podcasts/marissa_conversation.mp3

You see what I mean? Now THAT kind of friendship with a girl is worth having and investing time in. Because she's a true female who allows you to flirt with her, express affection for her, and will blush and giggle if you say sweet things to her. She also appreciates me and admires my qualities too. In a way, a friendship like that with a girl is somewhere in the gray area between friendship and dating. There is EMOTION and AFFECTION exchanged. So that kind of "friendship" is definitely WORTH having. Agreed?

I also knew a Taiwanese girl before who would hold hands with me, and cuddle with me in bed, though we didn't have sex. Since she showed me some affection, that was much better than being "friends" with a girl who showed no affection at all. So that kind of "friendship" was somewhat worth putting time into.

So I should qualify this by saying that a friendship with a girl is only worth it if she is giving you at least SOME appreciation, affection, admiration and care. In other words, there should be some EMOTION and CHEMISTRY between you, even if you're not officially dating.

But if she's totally self-absorbed and doesn't acknowledge your needs for flirtation and affection, never wants to touch you, and shows no emotion for you, then no, that kind of "friendship" SUCKS and is insulting to our male ego and pride. It's a rejection of our worth. Plus self-absorbed women are inconsiderate takers, not givers, and so we eventually lose our respect for such women. They don't give a crap about our needs. Thus they are ultimately a waste of time.

Does that make sense? Do you all agree?

The other exception of course, is if she is benefiting you or contributing to your life goals in some useful way. Then the friendship may have some value.

But if she's 100 percent platonic and shows no emotion or affection toward you, and does not contribute anything useful to your life, then yeah she's a waste of time. As Rock told me, "I don't need friends like that."

Also of course, if you have such a deep connection with a female that you feel a deep sense of fulfillment when talking to her, then that will be worth pursuing as well.


So you're saying the relationship is OK, if you're just friends but there's at least some possibility that you'll be more than friends?
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby tom » Sun Nov 23, 2014 7:45 pm

With women all things are conditional. In the Philippines, Ukraine, China, Peru, Columbia. As an American guy I found there is no shortage of eager beaver women. I had to actively limit womens access to me, just be friends was a positive excuse. The thing is when women perceive me as a big step up they are always trying to push their way into my pocket.

In America the “just be friends” is really a form of exploitation of guys, this is why it is so distasteful. Women want to take but offer nothing in return, so of coarse this is something a guy should cut off if he finds himself in this situation.

The last time this happened was over well 10 years ago. This woman who I was interested in church was “lets just be friending me”. She wanted me to help her move from her apartment, she wanted the use of my truck. I said no. So she conned her girl friend into lying to me and tricked me into moving her junk. I ended up despondently helping and still regret it. She moved into a church families home. She ended up robbing and cheating them out of money and scammed her friend too, then disappeared. I would have felt much better if just refused once I figured out I was tricked.

It was kind of a turning point, from that point on I point blank refused all “lets just be friending” mes' and shaming tactics. Most women would have nothing to do with me once they figured out I was not exploitable. The truth is these women were never going to be real friends and would have treated me like crap. So I was not loosing anything, really I was gaining. The women I did end up interacting with had genuine interested and would put out eagerly. After that I started going overseas, and it was not for women in the begging.
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Jester » Mon Nov 24, 2014 4:37 am

tom wrote:
In America the “just be friends” is really a form of exploitation of guys, this is why it is so distasteful. Women want to take but offer nothing in return, so of coarse this is something a guy should cut off if he finds himself in this situation.

The last time this happened was over well 10 years ago. This woman who I was interested in church was “lets just be friending me”. She wanted me to help her move from her apartment......

It was kind of a turning point, from that point on I point blank refused all “lets just be friending” mes' and shaming tactics....



+1
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby OutWest » Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:52 am

Jester wrote:
tom wrote:
In America the “just be friends” is really a form of exploitation of guys, this is why it is so distasteful. Women want to take but offer nothing in return, so of coarse this is something a guy should cut off if he finds himself in this situation.

The last time this happened was over well 10 years ago. This woman who I was interested in church was “lets just be friending me”. She wanted me to help her move from her apartment......

It was kind of a turning point, from that point on I point blank refused all “lets just be friending” mes' and shaming tactics....



+1


Short answer...YES. Waste of time. Generally these are female neurotics. Truly good and honest girls
are not going to spent their time pric teasing men and BSing about "guy friends".
If you are single and looking a hot girl may be of interest because you want to make her yours...generally involves banging her lights out. If she is not up for it, she is someone else's PROBLEM.
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby The_Adventurer » Mon Nov 24, 2014 9:26 am

I had a great many female friends here.

They nearly all disappeared as soon as I got married.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Winston » Mon Nov 24, 2014 1:52 pm

Hero wrote:So you're saying the relationship is OK, if you're just friends but there's at least some possibility that you'll be more than friends?


You can put it that way. However, what I said was it was a waste of time unless you are getting something out of it. Or she may be a really good quality person and you just want to be around a decent woman for once. Or you just want to be seen out in public with a woman so you will be treated better. Etc.

But in foreign countries, the line between friendship and more than friends, is not always strict or clear. In the Philippines, you are allowed to flirt with a female friend and show affection or feelings to her. It is not considered "crossing the line" if she likes you. Things are allowed to escalate naturally between you and her. There is no strict boundary. So you don't always have to be platonic and unemotional around her like you would in the US.

Also, in Asian countries, a man and woman is supposed to be friends first before getting serious. That's part of the culture in Asia. In Asia, words like "friend" and "nice guy" do not have negative connotations like they do in America.

Foreign women do not friend zone you for life like American women do, unless she has high standards that you will never meet. But not if she's a nice humble foreign woman.

But if the female is just a platonic friend and gives you no affection or flirtation and never wants to touch you, then yeah she is a waste of time, unless she is useful in some way.

If she's just a hang out friend and nothing more, then don't invest too much time in her or let her use you. Make her earn your time. If she's offering nothing, then she's not worth your time. She either has to be useful to your life, or provide some type of affection. Or she has to be such an amazing person that you want to be in her presence to learn from her. lol

For example, if you met Oprah Winfrey, you would not be attracted to her. But you would want to be her friend anyway because she's connected to a lot of powerful people, and so she is in a position to help you in many ways. Thus she would be a very valuable and useful friend to have if you needed connections in high places. So I don't doubt that you guys would be glad to be her friend if you had the chance to, even though you wouldn't date her.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby OutWest » Mon Nov 24, 2014 4:39 pm

Winston wrote:
Hero wrote:So you're saying the relationship is OK, if you're just friends but there's at least some possibility that you'll be more than friends?


You can put it that way. However, what I said was it was a waste of time unless you are getting something out of it. Or she may be a really good quality person and you just want to be around a decent woman for once. Or you just want to be seen out in public with a woman so you will be treated better. Etc.

But in foreign countries, the line between friendship and more than friends, is not always strict or clear. In the Philippines, you are allowed to flirt with a female friend and show affection or feelings to her. It is not considered "crossing the line" if she likes you. Things are allowed to escalate naturally between you and her. There is no strict boundary. So you don't always have to be platonic and unemotional around her like you would in the US.

Also, in Asian countries, a man and woman is supposed to be friends first before getting serious. That's part of the culture in Asia. In Asia, words like "friend" and "nice guy" do not have negative connotations like they do in America.

Foreign women do not friend zone you for life like American women do, unless she has high standards that you will never meet. But not if she's a nice humble foreign woman.

But if the female is just a platonic friend and gives you no affection or flirtation and never wants to touch you, then yeah she is a waste of time, unless she is useful in some way.

If she's just a hang out friend and nothing more, then don't invest too much time in her or let her use you. Make her earn your time. If she's offering nothing, then she's not worth your time. She either has to be useful to your life, or provide some type of affection. Or she has to be such an amazing person that you want to be in her presence to learn from her. lol

For example, if you met Oprah Winfrey, you would not be attracted to her. But you would want to be her friend anyway because she's connected to a lot of powerful people, and so she is in a position to help you in many ways. Thus she would be a very valuable and useful friend to have if you needed connections in high places. So I don't doubt that you guys would be glad to be her friend if you had the chance to, even though you wouldn't date her.



Winston-
Of course someone might be able to get some benefit from a friendship with Oprah Winfrey, but Oprah is NOT a "girl". She is a rich fat black woman and seeing her naked would traumatize many men and leave
them with PTSD issues for years.
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Jester » Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:56 pm

OutWest wrote:
Jester wrote:
tom wrote:
In America the “just be friends” is really a form of exploitation of guys, this is why it is so distasteful. Women want to take but offer nothing in return, so of coarse this is something a guy should cut off if he finds himself in this situation.

The last time this happened was over well 10 years ago. This woman who I was interested in church was “lets just be friending me”. She wanted me to help her move from her apartment......

It was kind of a turning point, from that point on I point blank refused all “lets just be friending” mes' and shaming tactics....



+1


Short answer...YES. Waste of time. Generally these are female neurotics. Truly good and honest girls
are not going to spent their time pric teasing men and BSing about "guy friends".
If you are single and looking a hot girl may be of interest because you want to make her yours...generally involves banging her lights out. If she is not up for it, she is someone else's PROBLEM.


:lol: ... on many levels.

I want to maintain my circumspect Christian-gentleman boundaries here... so I am censoring my thought-stream... so I will just say, you do know your stuff.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Jester » Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:58 pm

The_Adventurer wrote:I had a great many female friends here.

They nearly all disappeared as soon as I got married.



Actually that suggests that unlike many, you had the RIGHT kind of female friends. Yearning for YOU, not the other way around.
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Jester » Mon Nov 24, 2014 9:00 pm

Jester wrote:
The_Adventurer wrote:I had a great many female friends here.

They nearly all disappeared as soon as I got married.



Actually that suggests that unlike many, you had the RIGHT kind of female friends. Yearning for YOU, not the other way around.


PS

May I ask which Asian country/city? Your old avatar seemed to suggest Japan.

Please PM if necessary...
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby Jester » Mon Nov 24, 2014 9:07 pm

Winston wrote:
Hero wrote:So you're saying the relationship is OK, if you're just friends but there's at least some possibility that you'll be more than friends?


You can put it that way. However, what I said was it was a waste of time unless you are getting something out of it. Or she may be a really good quality person and you just want to be around a decent woman for once. Or you just want to be seen out in public with a woman so you will be treated better. Etc.

But in foreign countries, the line between friendship and more than friends, is not always strict or clear. In the Philippines, you are allowed to flirt with a female friend and show affection or feelings to her. It is not considered "crossing the line" if she likes you. Things are allowed to escalate naturally between you and her. There is no strict boundary. So you don't always have to be platonic and unemotional around her like you would in the US.

Also, in Asian countries, a man and woman is supposed to be friends first before getting serious. That's part of the culture in Asia. In Asia, words like "friend" and "nice guy" do not have negative connotations like they do in America.

Foreign women do not friend zone you for life like American women do, unless she has high standards that you will never meet. But not if she's a nice humble foreign woman.

But if the female is just a platonic friend and gives you no affection or flirtation and never wants to touch you, then yeah she is a waste of time, unless she is useful in some way.

If she's just a hang out friend and nothing more, then don't invest too much time in her or let her use you. Make her earn your time. If she's offering nothing, then she's not worth your time. She either has to be useful to your life, or provide some type of affection. Or she has to be such an amazing person that you want to be in her presence to learn from her. lol

For example, if you met Oprah Winfrey, you would not be attracted to her. But you would want to be her friend anyway because she's connected to a lot of powerful people, and so she is in a position to help you in many ways. Thus she would be a very valuable and useful friend to have if you needed connections in high places.
So I don't doubt that you guys would be glad to be her friend if you had the chance to, even though you wouldn't date her.


GOLD.

THIS IS HOW WOMEN TREAT MEN. Thus they WILL understand when you treat them the same way. In ChickMind, treating them this way means that you"GET IT". (Which is ChickTalk for, there is a whole other handbook on behavior, that remains secret, but you need to somehow know in order to succeed.)

MAYBE this is why PUA's succeed. The seduction, theatricality, prevarication, dissimulation... all remind chicks of themselves.........? Like attracts like???
:idea:
"Pick a point and go to it."
-- Dr John Hunsucker, speaking about canoeing on Georgia's Lake Lanier, with its irregular shape, and 1000 miles of meandering shoreline
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Re: Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

Postby WorldTraveler » Tue Nov 25, 2014 3:37 am

OutWest wrote:
Jester wrote:
tom wrote:
In America the “just be friends” is really a form of exploitation of guys, this is why it is so distasteful. Women want to take but offer nothing in return, so of coarse this is something a guy should cut off if he finds himself in this situation.

The last time this happened was over well 10 years ago. This woman who I was interested in church was “lets just be friending me”. She wanted me to help her move from her apartment......

It was kind of a turning point, from that point on I point blank refused all “lets just be friending” mes' and shaming tactics....



+1


Short answer...YES. Waste of time. Generally these are female neurotics. Truly good and honest girls
are not going to spent their time pric teasing men and BSing about "guy friends".
If you are single and looking a hot girl may be of interest because you want to make her yours...generally involves banging her lights out. If she is not up for it, she is someone else's PROBLEM.


In the past I've had friends that were female. I think you can learn some things from the right girl, but most single girls that want to be friends only, have little to offer. They are usually self centered attention whores who are basically asexual. I cut them off if they don't become affectionate. Why should I be their psychiatrist for free. The more you date in America the more you realize that the good girls are already in relationships or married. Desirable normal women don't stay single for long. The majority that make up the dating pool are useless.

Also there are tons of manginas that will take women out, buy them a meal, movie, play, or gifts and expect nothing. They are killing normal relations between the sexes. Being in the friendzone, just helps kill it for normal guys.
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