Meeting Women in China

[globetrotter]

This week I have:

-Been asked if I like dancing, in mime and Chinese, by the 23/6.0 girl who gave me a shave. I went home, typed that into Google Translate, printed it out, brought it to her work the next day. She said 'Yes', I told her when my foot gets better we can dance. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Game on.
-Been working on the manager 41/5.0 of another salon one where I get a face acupressure massage. I rolled up on my motorbike 2 nights ago and began to talk with her as she came outside. We have a halting conversation in Chinese, I copy what she wrote down, translate it, bring it back today. She wanted to know my age. Game on.
-Right after that I go next door to get my foot massaged, leaving my mobile on my bike. When I check it there are 9 missed calls and two texts from a 21/8.0 college student whose parents own a restaurant in town. They invited me out to dinner twice, invited me into their home. She was blowing up my phone to take me to a seminar of sorts, meet her extended family, go to dinner with them. During the seminar she is constantly leaning over into me and we have a conversation the entire time about where she is working, do I still have her cell, she will be in XXXyuan this summer, I can come visit, yadda yadda yadda. Game VERY MUCH on.
-Other pearls are the woman who runs the Mahjong parlour (what a rack and an ass! - Yes, on Chinese girls, too...), the friend of another teacher, two former assistants (one of whom is married unhappily), a restaurant owner, a girl who works at the e-Bike shop, and then there are any number of my students and the girls who strike up conversations with me as they promenade down the street.

All of this took off this week out of nowhere. Well, I have been being friendly all the time and I am learning more of the language.

Contrast this with life in Los Angeles that consists of months of no conversation with any available female, ever.

This is going to be a VERY good Summer.

[jamesbond]

Contrast this with life in Los Angeles that consists of months of no conversation with any available female, ever.

This sounds familiar. I live in a big city too and can go months without talking to ANY females! You used to live in LA, so you know how friendly and approachable women are in big cities in the US. lol

A guy I know who used to live in LA said it it's very isolating living there. He said, "the words LA stands for loneliness and alienation."

[keius]

Watch out for the one that wants you to meet her family.
If you don't know her that well, then she's pushing way too fast. It's usually a means to tell if your considered
husband material to her family. This means that she's looking for serious marriage

3 years ago, I spent 2 months in China....relationships can go real fast and hectic. I remember seeing 17 different girls in 14 days....
Even if your not interested in marriage, once people know you are single, available, and American...somehow they always manage
to be "in your face". Unlike you, I really found it not to my liking. There is always too much of a good thing.
Your lucky if you find someone who just wants to have a good time....and doesn't have any long term expectations. (who isn't a ho)

If your really looking for something serious like marriage, then you have so many options available to you, it's not even remotely funny

[Winston]

Questions:

1. Why are almost all Chinese women so desperate to get married? They don't even want to try to find a boyfriend first. All that matters is finding a husband. Why?

2. If you show that you are frugal in front of a Chinese woman, will she think that you are smart and a good saver and admire that, or be disappointed? Do they prefer a guy who will drop $100 casually without batting an eye? Which one impresses them more?

3. Do most Chinese women prefer that you stay in their country or would they rather live abroad?

4. Almost all the Chinese women I've talked to said they don't drink alcohol, not even wine. Why? Is it cause they are innocent or think it is unhealthy?

5. Why do Chinese women seem to look down upon the game of mahjong and say they don't like it? Isn't that game part of their culture? Is it because the game is associated with bad people or bad habits?

[xiongmao]

1. Family/peer pressure.

2. Depends on lady.

3. They prefer to live in China (but my ex REALLY wanted to go to the USA!)

4. Smokers/drinkers are usually prostitutes, or thought to be such. Same as USA/England in the 1950's.

5. Many husbands gamble away all the household income. Have you been to HK during race day? The bookmakers are crammed with men pissing their incomes up the wall!

[Rock]

Questions:

1. Why are almost all Chinese women so desperate to get married? They don't even want to try to find a boyfriend first. All that matters is finding a husband. Why?

2. If you show that you are frugal in front of a Chinese woman, will she think that you are smart and a good saver and admire that, or be disappointed? Do they prefer a guy who will drop $100 casually without batting an eye? Which one impresses them more?

3. Do most Chinese women prefer that you stay in their country or would they rather live abroad?

4. Almost all the Chinese women I've talked to said they don't drink alcohol, not even wine. Why? Is it cause they are innocent or think it is unhealthy?

5. Why do Chinese women seem to look down upon the game of mahjong and say they don't like it? Isn't that game part of their culture? Is it because the game is associated with bad people or bad habits?

1. Depends on age. For the 18-23 year old set, esp. in larger cities, I don't think its necessarily the case. For mid-late 20s, that's a golden time and window for finding the best man. At 30 and beyond, their marriage market value for locals plummets so some may give-up and take what they can get. So don't be surprised if 24-28 year old girls seem in hurry to get married. That's their best opportunity if they weren't serious at younger age.

2. Depends on girl. A quality girl (keeper) will respect you for being somewhat frugal and accept it. A gold digger will probably drop u like a hot potato unless she senses that u are loaded. But if u go too far and act like a real cheap tightwad, a lot of normal and reasonable girls will probably see you as very stingy and not generous.

3. A lot would be happy to stay in China. But as an ABC, u are going to attract a disproportionate amount of girls who are keen to go to States or other foreign country.

4. Drinking and/or smoking are considered vices in women by many local men so these girls probably believe they are more attractive if they don't have these habits (and I agree). Some may be lying or exaggerating the truth so as not to scare u off. Others will be total non-drinkers / non-smokers.

5. Game is associated with addictive behavior, gambling, and wasting time. I've noticed that some heavy Ma-jong players in Taiwan do not like the fact to be revealed to people they don't know well.

[The_Adventurer]

1. These days you can find plenty that aren't, at least in the big cities. You won't have much luck in smaller venues. Of course, this is if they are students or generally under 25. After that, time is running out and pressure from parents can be a huge factor. I have a friend who just turned 31 and she is so desperate she is making some of the stupidest mistakes and getting used by guys. I actually stopped talking to her because I got sick of hearing foible after foible on her road to relationship bliss.

2. From what I have seen, most Chinese girls will be far more frugal than any American guy. They know how to save and make every jiao count. They will likely consider even the little things you spend money on a waste if it's just for fun. If she is not like this, don't waste your time. You can find another girl too easily.

3. I have only met the very young who want to go to the US. I mean high school students and those who are probably more exposed to western music and movies. Even girls in their twenties can be very nationalistic. If they are 30 and above, don't say anything negative about China.

4. Many girls will drink and even smoke behind closed doors. Even middle school and high school age. This does not at all mean they are bad. If they are comfortable to do it on the street in public, that's another matter.

5. I know of someone who lost their house to Mahjong. Actually it was a woman, but still the game is clearly bad. Most girls will probably hate gambling of any kind, and why not? That's her potential fancy new boots your gambling with!

I agree with what was written above. If you want to play, China is still not the place. The girls and their families are much more serious about relationships and the bad girls are too few and far between. If the city is smaller, too many people already know who they are and even being seen with them will destroy your rep.

There is a nightlife and P4P scene, but it is still too few and far between meaning the girls have way too much mileage on them. They see many customers per day. It is not like Philippines where a bar has 60 girls for 7 guys and many girls can go weeks without a customer. This is also why the Philippines girls attitudes are better. Of course, you can go to an expensive place where you pay $500 for a night and get a much fresher girl, but then why not go to Hong Kong, Thailand or Phils with that money? Real guys with money go to smaller towns, hit the University and get them a student, often a virgin even, and make a "relationship" with them. Usually costs a room and a $300 per month. This has its downside too, though, as the girls often fall in love with the guy and you can see plenty of internet posts of these girls stalking the guy and even attacking the guy's real wife.

If you want to find a real wife, now China is the place to be. You may not find more loyal, giving and caring women anywhere. It may take longer to get there, unlike in the Philippines for example, but once you are there, you will experience much greater love, warmth and passion than even what Filipinas have to offer. You better be serious though. They are also more jealous, protective and possessive.

[Winston]

Thanks Adventurer. That was very informative.

Another question. Someone told me that women in China will not usually have sex unless you marry them. Is that true? The guy who said this is a credible source who is successful in business.

But then why are there so many trip reports about horny Chinese women who jump into bed when the guy they click with arrives to visit them?

What's going on?

[xiongmao]

Sex is easy to come by when visiting Chinese ladies, in fact if you don't get sex then you've really screwed up!

Sadly I seemed to have attracted an unusual number of the women who don't want sex (mainly because of my academic background), but the last girl I visited was truly insatiable. I'm visiting her again at the weekend!

I agree with Adventurer that Chinese wives are the new Thai wives - pretty much EVERY younger guy I see in London with an Asian girl has gone for a Chinese girl (or sometimes Japanese).

Anyway, I'm living the dream and going to Shanghai at the weekend . It takes time and money to find the right Chinese woman for you, but I'm sure it's worthwhile.

[Taco]

But then why are there so many trip reports about horny Chinese women who jump into bed when the guy they click with arrives to visit them?

What's going on?

If a Chinese woman has sex with you outside of marriage, the act is ment to be a binding deal maker, meaning she expects to marry you soon. The only exception would be Chinese women that frequent night clubs, they know that their not marriage material and therefore will take any relationship they can get.

[Winston]

Thanks for all the answers. Some more observations and questions:

I asked the Chinese women I'm corresponding with whether they want to get married because of pressure from their parents or because it's what they really want. They said it's what they really want too, not just their families.

One girl told me something interesting. She said that marriage should come first, and romantic love can grow later after the marriage. I told her that that is the reverse of how Westerners think, that romantic love should come first, then marriage later. She said that such a concept is strange to her.

Why is that? Do Chinese women commonly think like that - that you don't need love first before marriage, and that love is something that grows later after the marriage? That's strange.

The phone conversations with Chinese women are definitely very sincere and natural, like a normal healthy two way exchange.

The thing is, I find that explaining to foreign women why they are different than American women is difficult, even if you are the most articulate person in the world, because they simply have no frame of reference to compare.

In Russia, I noticed the same thing. I could explain for an hour to a Russian woman why American women are not as approachable or friendly with men, and not as feminine, etc. with the most logical reasons and arguments. But they would still look skeptical and have a hard time believing that American women are different from them. You could show them a ton of evidence, but something in their head doesn't click for some reason. They just can't fathom it no matter how much explanation you give them.

This happened with some Russian men I met too, who believed that American men ought to date women in their own country and that even I ought to try to date American women. No matter how much I explained it to them, they were never convinced that women were any better or different in Russia than in America. It's like all the arguments, advantages and explanations I gave passed right through them and had no effect on them. It was very weird. How can intelligent educated Russian men not get something so simple? It's like they were deaf or something. Why is it so hard for them to get that women in other countries are different, or that dating in America is harder than they can imagine? Why are they so stubborn and resistant to this kind of information? It's very weird, like they are unable to conceptualize it for some reason. If I had this site at the time, I could have referred it to them, given them a 3 point comparison pamphlet, and referred them to havetofly on the forum. lol

However, Chinese women seem smarter and more open minded about this. They already see the negative effects of American culture on their own and can understand my explanations better than the Russians did.

[ladislav]

Well, I guess the reason is cognitive dissonance- the movies in which Americans act so wild and free and are so open. The Russians imitate those movies and want to be like Americans- liberated, sexually open people from a very free country where everything is in abundance. Russians think of themselves as very similar to Americans or wanting to be like them. When you show up with your outlandish news about Americans being sexually repressive puritans, it creates a dissonance with what they have been seeing for decades on TV- wild swaggering guys, girls in bikinis on roller skates, sex parties in Hollywood with coke and sex in great plenty.
And then YOU come and tell them that Americans are a bunch of Taliban nuns? Are you nuts? Of course they won't believe it! Especially when it comes from a man with Chinese facial features. How would HE know, he does not LOOK like an American, anyway.
And then you have Chinese people, higher IQ as a rule, not very much hung up on being like the USA, movies being censored ( in Russia sex and violence is piped into homes all the time) and you look like them, too.
Those are possibly the reasons.

[Winston]

I have a dilemma.

It seems that Chinese women want marriage so badly in fact, that they prefer to skip the boyfriend/girlfriend part. This is true of the ones I'm corresponding with. They all say that they are not into "fun and games" but only into serious commitments.

So this makes it difficult to visit multiple women in China. How can you visit more than one woman, if each one expects you to make a commitment and not just "take off" without her? I mean, even if she allows it, she will not take you seriously after that.

Should a guy lie and tell them that he wants marriage? Or should he tell the truth and lose them all? All Chinese women will say "I don't want fun and games. If you want fun and games, then I'm not for you." I'm not opposed to marriage, but I don't want to make an early commitment that I will regret later either.

What can you do about that? In Russia, this problem was easy to deal with, because the women there were flaky and just "went along for the ride" and didn't take me seriously as a partner anyway. But Chinese women seem much more commitment oriented. They don't meet you just for fun or to go along for the ride.

Brett, Rock, Momopi, how did you deal with this dilemma?

[Twobrains]

Winston, I have no experience with Chinese women, but it seems to me that it's an issue of frame control. Her frame is that she has something valuable (her p***y) and you must immediately give up your freedom and eschew all other women to get it. You need to assert a more powerful frame: p***y is plentiful, especially Chinese p***y. You're relaxed about getting it - you know it will happen, if not with her then with her equally hot next door neighbour. She has to compete for you. You will be interviewing several candidates for access to your wallet. The process will be long and due diligence will be thorough, including sex before commitment. If she doesn't like it, next! Obviously this needs to be communicated with a great degree of subtlety.

[momopi]

I have a dilemma.
It seems that Chinese women want marriage so badly in fact, that they prefer to skip the boyfriend/girlfriend part. This is true of the ones I'm corresponding with. They all say that they are not into "fun and games" but only into serious commitments.
So this makes it difficult to visit multiple women in China. How can you visit more than one woman, if each one expects you to make a commitment and not just "take off" without her? I mean, even if she allows it, she will not take you seriously after that.
Should a guy lie and tell them that he wants marriage? Or should he tell the truth and lose them all? All Chinese women will say "I don't want fun and games. If you want fun and games, then I'm not for you." I'm not opposed to marriage, but I don't want to make an early commitment that I will regret later either.
What can you do about that? In Russia, this problem was easy to deal with, because the women there were flaky and just "went along for the ride" and didn't take me seriously as a partner anyway. But Chinese women seem much more commitment oriented. They don't meet you just for fun or to go along for the ride.
Brett, Rock, Momopi, how did you deal with this dilemma?

1. If you're not looking to get married and settle down to raise a family, stop wasting the girl's time.

2. I don't recall reading anything from you recently that suggests you're "not opposed to marriage". Maybe my memory is fuzzy, so feel free to correct me.

3. A great number of Taiwanese men are currently residing in China and banging their local GF's without getting married. Go ask them where they meet their GF's.