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Gentlemen, and ladies,
Someone here said that Craig's list is for bottom feeders. They are absolutely right! BUT I find Craig's List to be the electronic equivalent of a bathroom stall in a public restroom. Fun to read and fun to respond to. I've penned some real good stuff on CL and this piece is one of my favorites. I am responding to a poster who tried to explain to single mothers that the men whom date them REALLY don't and probably won't love their children as much as they do. In fact, he adds, men would rather they not be present when they are around. Another post told him that he wasnâ€™t a REAL man for stating his views.
I have nothing against single mothers per se, HOWEVER I do feel that this "putting on a pedestal" mentality that America does to single mothers is self-serving, self-defeating and just plain dishonest.
If some of you men, and woman, want to date single parents go for it, all I tried to do was give my reasons why I donâ€™t and to try to negate the â€œA real man would date single mothersâ€ propaganda.
Here is my first post:
Re:dating single moms - (reality check) (Truthville)
I'm not the OP BUT agree with everything he said.
He speaks for me and every MAN I know.
To the person who replied and said "You have a LONG way to go."
Are you seriously telling me that raising another man' children makes you more of a man?
I would say that doesn't make you a man, that makes you a cuckold.
The following DOES NOT apply to widows.
Do single mothers REALLY think that it isn't a reflection on them that they chose to mate with someone whom ran away?
Do single mothers REALLY think that any self-respecting man would insert himself into such a lose-lose situation?
Do single mothers REALLY think that any self-respecting man would enter a relationship where they come in second from the beginning?
Do single mothers REALLY think that any self-respecting man doesn't know that the ex, once hears someone else is in the picture, will magically reappear?
Do single mothers REALLY think that any self-respecting man doesn't know that he will be just a permanent outsider within your "family" and easily replaced?
Do single mothers REALLY think that any self-respecting man wouldn't cringe at the thought of having to interact with your "in-laws?"
And on and on and on.
It's YOUR body, right? There are quite a few birth control methods available to women, right? Carrying a child to term is a choice, right?
Please! Please! Please spare me your self-deluding tales of woe and cries of "victim!" Please spare me your tales of "accidents" and "I thought he would change" etc...
You knew what he was all about BEFORE you had his children!
You knew BUT you didn't care for whatever selfish, childish, arrogant, naive reasons only you know and will never admit, even to yourself.
You made a mistake in your choice of partner and now you have little "reminders" of the fact for the rest of your life.
And now you want someone to HELP you raise them? To help support them and you? To try to rectify the bad choices you have made for yourself and your children?
Why would anyone want to deal with that? Would you date a single father IF you didn't have kids of your own? Would you love these children as if they were your own?
Would you deal with the in-laws? Would you deal with being second in the relationship from the beginning? Would you deal with the "ex" and all the unresolved issues?
I doubt it!
Single mothers? You have what you obviously wanted. Children with the man you wanted them from. What else do you need?
After I posted this, some â€œthingâ€ tried to take me down a notch. Notice how there is no logic and no arguments in her post. Just insults and name-calling. Also notice the major grammar and spelling errors; she must have gotten knocked up while still in Junior High School.
This is her response and my response to her:
RE:Single Mothers (Truthville)
"Then obviously there are no men in Truthville. Only losers who make sweeping assertions and stereotypes about people and situations of which they no zero. Relace 'self-respecting' with 'self-absorbed' and you start to make sense. Your 'women should stay with their scumbag hubbies, no matter what' bullshit either explains your past, or your future. Not sure,but you sound like the bitter ex who, rightly so, got dumped and can blame everybody but himself. A man wouldn't assume any of your 'points' to even be true, let alone face them if they were. Never mind. I'd explain it to you, but since you're not a man, you just won"t get it. Let's just say it's a GOOD thing for single mothers that you write them all off as a group. Chances are they've already had one asshole in their life, they don't need another one."
"BTW, a cuckold is a husband whos wife is unfaithful, dumbass."
I must of hit a little close to home sweetheart? So a REAL man will pick up the shattered, pus dripping pieces of your "boo-hoo I didn't think through my choices" life? Sorry honey, it's easy to make sweeping generalizations and stereotypes when people like YOU fulfill these "stereotypes" on a daily basis. I mean like "Real men will raise help me raise my children by a scumbag because real men, as defined by myself and woman like me, should rescue us because, well just because single mothers ARE THE BESTEST!" Too bad you didn't know what a REAL man was BEFORE you procreated, right? Quit feeling sorry for yourself and be an adult.
ADMIT THE TRUTH! You made a bad decision and know you are angry because everyone doesn't feel sorry for you? " "Self-absorbed?" Of course I'm self-absorbed you twit! It's my life, right? You honestly think that a man or woman should give up THEIR lives for the oh so magical chance to raise the children of another person? That they should put their own wants and needs into the background just to be with YOU? Talk about arrogance!
You married and procreated with the "scumbag"YET you're angry with me? Try being angry with yourself and QUIT blaming other people for their opinions. Sorry, not a bitter "ex", just someone whom thinks that SINGLE parents should maybe concentrate on raising the children YOU brought into the world and perhaps, just perhaps wait until they, the children, can support themselves before concentrating on your OWN needs. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do, even single ones?
I can't imagine WHY someone wouldn't stick around and raise a family with you? Must have been them, right?
Sorry, single mothers don't and never did appeal to me. There a PLENTY of single woman without children for me to date. Women whom actually are waiting to be REALLY REALLY sure about someone before procreating. Crazy, I know!
BTW A cuckold is a man whose wife cheats on him WITH his knowledge BUT the cuckoo bird lays its eggs into another bird's nest tricking the other bird into raising it's young. That is where the phrase comes from and what I meant, DUMB ASS!
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Studies show single mothers are more likely to raise kids who wind up in prison, use drugs, become alcoholics, become single parents themselves, are more likely to attempt suicide and more likely to be on welfare when they become adults. You want to avoid single mothers like the plague!
The reason American single moms would even be given the time of day to begin with is because the dating pool is so small here for men. In the 25-34 demographic, there are 8 million male singles, but only 6 million single women. Of those 6 million, 34% have children, so if you want to limit yourself to only never married women with no kids, the number is now only 4 million. That means, quite literally for every single girl with no kids there are two guys. The numbers start to get worse as you winnow the list based on additional factors (physical beauty, personality, politics, religion, etc)
For women it's a buyer's market and explains why even the most obnoxious, uggo single mom can afford to be picky, and why we see guys desperate enough to date them despite the huge risks.
Holy elephant shit! Those statistics are pretty damn scary! I had no idea in the 25 to 34 age group there are 8 million single men in the US and only 6 million single women! And if you eliminate the single mothers, there are only 4 milliion single women with no kids and 8 million single men! So there are 2 single guys for every single women (without kids) in the USA!
Where did you find these statistics Lin4Love? Please let us know, I am curious about this. I know the western states have the most lopsided single male to single female ratio. The east coast still has more single men then women but it's not as pronounced as it is anywhere else in the USA. In other words it's supposed to be easier to meet women on the east coast than it is on the west coast.
They say New York City is supposed to be one of the easiest places in America for men to meet women. I wonder if guys who live in NYC would agree with that statement.
I crunched the numbers based on the stats I read off the 2004 U.S. Census: http://www.census.gov/population/www/so ... ables.html
Considering the data is already 6 years old, it's probably even worse now.
I live in NYC by the way. Meeting women here is about as easy as performing a hernia operation on yourself using a wooden spoon.
Wow, things my Prof. never mentioned in sociology class. It does explain why the quality of western women is lower than it should be. No guy in his right mind is going to date american women armed with that knowledge.
I guess theres a lot of people that don't want these statistics mentioned in the media. Dating sites, marriage counselors, divorce lawyers make a huge profits when the quality of western women is low.
I agree that dating single moms from western countries is a bad career move. However, is dating single moms from asian countries just as bad? I've seen some smokin hot single moms from Philippines on the net, I will admit they are very tempting.
Regardless of culture, children complicate things. When people have children, their kids become the central focus of their life (which should be expected and it's only natural), BUT you have to accept that you'll be competing with them for attention. For the clingy among us that's an unacceptable proposition, but for those of us who really love kids, you might be fine with that.
Personally, I'm undecided about kids for a lot of reasons, one being that I don't think I'd make a very good father, and even if I did, I don't want to raise my child in this awful world. I also don't make enough money to offer my children an acceptable quality of living. I'd have enough for a wife, but for a family, haha, um no. This of course is a huge check agaisnt me since women want guys who can provide for them and for the CHillLlLlLlllldreeeenn, and I clearly don't make this cut. The only option left is dating a woman who is undecided/or doesn't want kids either.
HAHA! So I guess it's difficult meeting women in NYC. There are more single men than single women in NYC but it's not as pronounced as it is in the western states (like California, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Arizona and Nevada).
They say you have a better chance of being abducted by aliens in Denver, LA, San Diego and Seattle, than you do of meeting a good looking woman who is single, doesn't have a boyfriend, is good looking, physically fit and has no kids!
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