Do girls stay with bad boys because of stockholm syndrome?

[mattyman]

Hello people, I thought I would ask for some opinions on something. I know this girl you see who's been going out with this alcoholic, unemployable loser for the past 4 years and I really don't understand why. This bum has done the most horrendous things to her, including putting staples in her head, leaving her stranded, smashing up her stuff just to name a few. All the time I've known her it just goes round in cycles. She splits, they make up, have honeymoon-period, go down-hill and break up again, roughly every month without fail. She often comes crying to me saying how she wishes she'd never met him, gives me a lot of compliments and flirts with me. She said to me openly, many times during one of her breakup periods that she can't understand why she loves him. It f***ing pisses me off a treat. I try to better myself, I go to dance classes, I learned the piano, taught myself the guitar and I am kind and considerate of others, have my own set of values and principles. This girls boyfriend yeah, has never worked a day in his life, drinks all the time, f***ing scrounges taxpayers money, has rotten teeth and is in 100% denial about his own faults and shortfalls and wouldn't face things like a man if his life depended on it. Talk about being a real man! f***ing hell! What the f***ing hell is wrong with these women? Have any of you guys witnessed anything like this?

My theory is that that this girl has no self worth whatsoever and she is with him for a combination of factors. One theory I did read about why 'bad boys' etc many to lure women is because they exude a rough and tough exterior that seems threatening and challenging yet show a soft spot. That is said to be irresistable. There is also a theory that women feel subconsciously that they can 'change' a dysfunctional guy for the better. Also, there's possibly a fear of loneliness plus the fact that a lot has been invested into their relationship. It is also very possible that this is her first experience of love. What are your opinions on this matter?

Should I also mention that this girl's parents split up and she left home at 16. She openly told me she fancied her boyfriend for a year prior to their relationship, despite him being a little shit, and said even then, she couldn't understand why. She also said to me that their first date was making out under a bus shelter drunk. If that's the case then I think I can definitely say she has zero self-worth, sorry to sound judgemental, but I'm sick to bloody death of being shit on like this.

I know this sounds like a bit of an extreme example of 'jerk' getting the girl. Anyway, have any of you guys witnessed similar scenarios to this one? I should mention, that I don't really 'like' this girl that much anymore, since I know that there's heaps better out there, and trying to win her heart would be a total waste of time.

[momopi]

http://articles.sfgate.com/2005-03-27/n ... -peterson/

[keius]

Women are emotional and irrational when they want to be. My wife gets like that every time she has her period and sometimes when she's not having her period. She even admits it.
Alot of them come with some messed up baggage, from their childhood or from previous relationships(same could be said for guys actually). And yeah, it's common knowledge ALOT of women like bad boys.

And wtf would you want a girl like that? Unless it's just for a short bang.

I will say that, in the past, my preferred method of breaking up involved acting like an ahole so the gf can initiate the breakup. In most cases, it ends up with the girl feeling better about it because she chose to break up and wasn't the one getting dumped. Funny method i know. Not sure i'd use that method today...sorta manipulative but better than dumping her outright?

BUT, in a couple cases, treating them like s**t actually made them cling even tighter...and want me more...and better sex....even kinkier sex one girl had previously refused(of which she initiated even). I think it's a turn on to be with bad boys for some of them, exciting and all.

In the case of Laci Peterson, i think some women just want the danger and excitement, while staying perfectly safe since the guys behind bars. I'm not sure i would consider that real commitment since you know it's temporary and he's going to get executed anyway. A safe relationship with a convicted murderer who you know is never going to get out. She stays in control since she's the one who chooses when to see him. Some women are just messed up.

[Repatriate]

More than likely she's kind of an idiot if she stays with a guy like that. It's not all biological, women aren't totally unreasonable unless they are in fact just kind of individually dumb to begin with.

[ssjparris]

i would honestly stay away from her. like winston said these girls are very very dysfunctional.

they would always give the light of day to a man that treats them like shit. go through the cycle just like you described then break up and repeat.

when your are genuinely sweet, kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, and understanding they never give you the light of day.

Like attractss like after all. there must not be anything positive about her. positive women can not be attracted to negative men. two magnets that are opposite repel themmselves.

trust me bro, foreign women are better. MILLIONS of them like nice guys because they are nice girls. they will even have sex with you because of your niceness. its your choice bro.

[wuxi]

Narcissism and psychopathy has an evolutionary basis in humans. The women that chose assholes as partners had a greater chance of rearing there children to adulthood. These guys are typically fearless and will put themselves in danger to provide for there family. They usually have more assets than guys that are meek(Donald Trump).

In a similar way, men have an unhealthy attraction to 16 yr. old girls with big boobs. Men that marry young women have a greater chance of successfully raising a family.

[The_Adventurer]

I don't think he was talking about assholes like Donald Trump. I think he was talking about assholes who don't work at all and beat their women, do drugs and generally go nowhere in life.

[mattyman]

I Guess many of you guys are right. Dysfunctional girls like this really aren't worth the time of day. I suppose every girl has their own perception of what's attractive. The challenging aspect of the architypal 'bad boy' persona I suppose can manifest itself in other ways. I suppose every guy has got some element of sponteneity in their personality that will appeal to the right type woman. So yes, like does attract like. Oh, meekness by the way, in my opinion that's a very relative thing. What may come across as meek to some people may not be seen by others. If girls went after guys as extreme as this because of instinct as a matter of course, then I think that the human race would be in dire trouble. This guy clearly doesn't have any assets, he's hardly worth mentioning. As I said he's in complete denial about his problems, he's also afraid, jealous, insecure and a cowardly, laughable excuse for musculinity. He's the very definition of a loser. Who would consider woman-beating to be strong and masculine?

Anyway, I should mention that she is dysfunctional, as you probably gathered from the post. She also drinks a lot too. Everytime she breaks up, she always goes out drinking vast quantities of alcohol. I guess that explains a lot. As for me, I definitely need to gain access to a better grade of girl. The problem is though that this girl is in fact nice and approachable, those qualities in attractive girls being near-non-existant where I live. Anyway, for the time being, my only plan is to get the f**k out of this area.

[E_Irizarry]

Narcissism and psychopathy has an evolutionary basis in humans. The women that chose assholes as partners had a greater chance of rearing there children to adulthood. These guys are typically fearless and will put themselves in danger to provide for there family. They usually have more assets than guys that are meek(Donald Trump).

In a similar way, men have an unhealthy attraction to 16 yr. old girls with big boobs. Men that marry young women have a greater chance of successfully raising a family.

What's "unhealthy" about being attracted to 16 year old girls with big boobs? They wouldnt' have those big boobs if mother nature and the chemicals and hormones in our food weren't the cause of it.

The moment a girl has her 1st period, that's mother's natures way of saying that "she's ready to bear child [regardless of her mentality and life's experiences]."

But since America was founded on Calvinistic stoic-ass puritanic ideologies, Americans are the most gung-ho people on the planet when it comes to the age of consent (even though US law officials try to coerce the girl into saying things to incriminate the men that courted these girls just to throw them in jail in order to uphold their multi-million dollar industry of incarcerations/false accusations/et.al).

....even though over 85% of these young underage girls know what the f**k they are doing when they are acostandose laying down with these men hence CON-SENTING AND SUBMITTING TO THE MAN!

[ssjparris]

yeah big boobs not to mention heavy duty booty on a 16 year old girl is okay. crazy ass US of A wants to control men remember. make things sexually frustrating for the male. stimulate him with sexual images in movies and music. tell him he is only allowed to date at least 18 year olds.

All the while brainwashing the women to tease him on the streets with their half naked selves. actually the girls will keep teasing the man with the idea of sex and then pulling it away from him. and ofcourse have the women in the US refuse to date him. and you have a recipe for a man that is going crazy.

this is why there are alot of killers and rapists here in the states (although alot of them are actually women ). it is said that 95% of the worlds killers exist in america alone yet usa consists of 5% of earth's population. yikes.

yes i want to high tail it out of here myself. never look back when the time comes.

[NorthAmericanguy]

yeah big boobs not to mention heavy duty booty on a 16 year old girl is okay. crazy ass US of A wants to control men remember. make things sexually frustrating for the male. stimulate him with sexual images in movies and music. tell him he is only allowed to date at least 18 year olds.

All the while brainwashing the women to tease him on the streets with their half naked selves. actually the girls will keep teasing the man with the idea of sex and then pulling it away from him. and ofcourse have the women in the US refuse to date him. and you have a recipe for a man that is going crazy.





Yea, well, what keeps me sane is knowing that MANY of these North American girls have STD's. So it's not like you can have sex with all of them anyway.

[Mercury]

The extreme vast majority of American women stay with bad boys because; 1, the women themselves are spoiled, selfish, and hateful, and 2, they love being under the shelter of their bodyguards. You see it all the time, you approach near a dating couple, the woman buries her face into her boyfriend's shoulder using him as a "human shield," and the boyfriend tells you to go away.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

There is something called "trauma bonding" that unhealthy people do. They become addicted to the intermittent pleasures of the relationship and spend most of their time wading thru the abusiveness in pursuit of them. Healthy people see abuse for what it is worth, but unhealthy people see abuse as temporary setbacks.

[Yohan]

... I know this girl you see who's been going out with this alcoholic, unemployable loser for the past 4 years and I really don't understand why. This bum has done the most horrendous things to her
-----
She often comes crying to me saying how she wishes she'd never met him, gives me a lot of compliments and flirts with me. She said to me openly, many times during one of her breakup periods that she can't understand why she loves him.
-----
This girls boyfriend yeah, has never worked a day in his life, drinks all the time...
-----

My theory is that that this girl has no self worth whatsoever
-----
What are your opinions on this matter?

Should I also mention that this girl's parents split up and she left home at 16.
-----
I know this sounds like a bit of an extreme example of 'jerk' getting the girl. Anyway, have any of you guys witnessed similar scenarios to this one? I should mention, that I don't really 'like' this girl that much anymore, since I know that there's heaps better out there, and trying to win her heart would be a total waste of time.

My experience so far in Western countries is that women choose their boyfriends using wrong criteria - it's not about how to leave such a useless guy, but it is more about not even willing to try to accept such a man and to reject him from the very beginning on when he shows up the first time.

Nowadays Western women choose men solely out of criteria, which are meaningless, like he should be tall, talk a lot and listen a lot, should protect her (from what? from other boys like him?), has to be sexually very experienced and 'know how to treat a woman' - should be a good entertainer to make her laugh by doing stupid things like drugs and alcohol...break her heart showing up with an expensive car and she will not ask who paid for it or if it is stolen from somewhere etc.

If you look closer, there is nothing mentioned which might be an important criteria for a long-term relationship - a man showing up with something like a long-term contract with a fairly good and stable income, serious about saving up monthly a certain sum of money, willing to continue to learn some useful certificates which might be supportive to his future job, no criminal record etc. etc.

I met many girls who were just acting silly and after being kicked out for another girl they were crying around (often together with their babies) and tearfully asking about 'where are all these good men' 'he should not do this to me' - and such BS-talk - but not even one girl was willing to think it over and to say something like:

'It is not about him, it is I who is the problem, I will think it over and learn about my own mistakes. Why did I really accept this terrible guy?'

As long as the girl does not want to change herself - and continues again and again with the same thug or is looking out for replacement like the boy before she loved so much etc... then any talk with her is going to nowhere, hopeless, time waste....

The very few women I met who sadly said to me something like 'Yes, true, it was I who made a mistake in my life' were pretty down...I remember a woman, when I met her last time many years ago, she was 35, totally out of money, living with 3 children from her 2 boyfriends who disappeared, immigrants from Turkey and Greece I think ....

Sorry, lady, your deeper insight about yourself is a little bit too late, about 15 years too late and now you a divorced mom with 3 kids approaching 40s.... no way...time to play is over...

This is what I answered to her, and up to today, I don't know what else I could have said to her....Anyway, why should I care? Her problem, not my problem....

[MrMan]

If he beat her up and held her against her will until she liked him, that might be Stockholm syndrome. Maybe the 'bad boys' keep girls based on some sort of appeal similar to Stockholm syndrome.

Your story reminds me of the 'Treat You Better' song I heard on the radio. I looked it up here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY2yjAdbvdQ

I wonder why a guy would pine after a girl who wanted to be with a bad boy. It shows a lack in judgment. Why would a decent man want a 'bad boys' left over girlfriend like that? If he's not mean to her, that kind of girl might not stick around unless she gets wise fast. The idea of finding a broken girl and fixing her never appealed to me, not for finding a partner at least. When I was single, I had different categories in my mind. 'Messed up girl who needs help' was not in the same category as 'girl I might date' in my mind.

I remember a conversation with a group of folks and a really pretty girl. My brother was there. I remember thinking as she told about some 'messed up' aspects of her life that this was not a girl to date, but a girl who needed some help. My brother was one of the people in the group. Then my brother started a relationship with her. He ended up as emotional hamburger meat because of that.