How men and women look at marriage

[jamesbond]

Here is a great video that explains how men and women view marriage.

[cheryblk]

When a man and women falls in love. Then they feels that they can not live without each other. And that feeling pressures them to get married. But marriage is very important in life from my point of view.

[ijohn]

Marriage asks us to put aside some of our instincts while honoring some others. Men must put aside their instinct to be polygamous (and for some nomadic). Women must put aside their instinct to be hypergamous.

To see how these instincts work we can take a look at another mammal species, the hippos. Hippo males have harems. Every now and then a new male will apear to challenge the alpha bull. They will have a fearsome battle. Eventually the alpha bull will lose to someone who will take over the harem. The winner will then have sex with the females when they are in heat. In some mammal species like the lions he will kill the cubs so as to allow his bloodline to take over.

The female hippos simply sit placidly in the river while the males are battling. To them it makes no difference who wins. The losing male goes off to lick his wounds and will in all likelihood die quickly after that. None of the females seem to care; they offer him no consolation.

But we humans have other capacities in addition to these mamallian instincts. We have the ability to speak language, think logically, have personality and feelings, including the feelings of attachment, of missing someone we know, to create culture, art, music, we have consciousness etc. The old institution of marriage acknowledges these instincts while asking us to suppress some of our base mamallian instincts and ensures that everyone finds a partner.

When the institution is broken and no other insititution is created to replace it what do we have left? These harsh mamallian instincts dominate. They are harsh to almost everyone.

Firstly forget and ignore the alpha women they have no relevance to the situation except when you have to reject their calls for political correctness.

Then even for the alpha bull life can be pretty harsh. There is a period of flowering where he has plenty of females but he has to constantly fight to keep them. When his reign is over he is finished. The beta males don't ever get a look in. For the females? They have to share the alpha with many others. And their shelf life is very short, their use by date comes very quickly after which they are left out to pasture.

The institution of marriage and family isn't perfect, and it is often said that there is no such thing as an un-dysfuctional family. Before many would live in joint families where having many people around took some of the burden of expectation off the couple. Some spiritual thinkers have suggested ending the family because of its problems but they have also suggested replacing it with communes where again having many people around relieves some of the burden off the couple and gives the children many different role models to grow up with.

But no one has suggested a setup where the harsh mamallian instincts dominate because that would be nuts.

[djfourmoney]

There's nothing I can really add but to agree with the video 100% and especially with American women, they are no asked to anything but look good. Some advanced relationships have flipped rolls where the woman works and the man is at home. But correctly stated our culture is ready to throw those men under the bus for being at home with the children and taking care of the home.

In fact the cartoon Johnny Test is just that. Mom works, Father is full time homemaker. The children don't think its strange. In fact the kids and most kids DON'T CARE. Its Neanderthal types that say its unacceptable, along with women searching for Alpha Male types. Personally I rather work, but that's my choice and I should be free to make it without pressure from society.

Men are in-fact restricted in several ways from being a male. While we accept some things, its obviously typical American Females insecurities that surface first. Many women can't handle other women in the same area with their husbands. They automatically assume he'll stray and when proven correct, they are often surprised. That makes no sense. How about innocent until proven guilty. How about backing away from overeating so you don't gain 50lbs. How many wives have let themselves go?

All you have to do is look in a supermarket.

Seldom do women hold up their end of the bargain 100%, its more like 30%...