Discuss dating, relationships and foreign women.
In an earlier thread, jamesbond amplified on the topic of getting involved with single mothers, warning of the dangers of getting involved with them. Read my story if you feel you need more proof that single mothers should be avoided at all costs.
I made the mistake of marrying a single mother who had one child, a boy of 14 at the time. I went for the marriage thinking that the boy would probably be out of the house by eighteen anyway, or at least a lot less dependent on his mother.
By the time the boy was 17, he had managed to impregnate his then 15 year-old girlfriend, and this happened as a result of wifey letting the girl sleep over at our house one night. When the impending arrival of the baby was confirmed, the boy and the girl insisted on keeping the baby, no matter that neither one had jobs, weren't even finished with high school, and were failing to boot. This was all fine with ex-wifey, who approached me one day and calmly stated that the girl and the baby were going to be moving into our house if she deemed it necessary.
The girl in question came from an abusive household, and at one point my wife even seemed to think it was necessary that we look after her (and this was before news of the pregnancy hit). My thinking was that if she was living in abusive household, and her mother was regularly leaving the girl alone for entire weekends, the situation should have been a matter for the local child protection authority. It wasn't our duty, legally or otherwise, to handle such a situation, and could have exposed us to potentially serious problems and legal liabilities.
I dug my heels in and told my wife that the girl and the baby were not staying with us, that Junior and the girl needed to either put the baby up for adoption, abort it, or move out to a place of their own and start collecting welfare. Wifey countered with an ultimatum - if I wanted to be part of her family, I would either capitulate to her demands, or hit the highway. I was gobsmacked by her response and thought, 'So, after all this time, I'm merely an invitee, and not her husband, with equal power in the household.'
I opted to hit the highway. I could easily predict what would happen if the girl and baby were allowed to move in. Wifey was working odd hours in a retail store and was never home half the time. Junior, being quite immature and irresponsible, would be out and about with his friends. The girl would probably be doing the same, if not lounging around and not really looking after the baby, leaving yours truly to pick up the slack. Countless fights would be erupting between the girl and the boy over child-rearing duties, and along the way, another baby would get produced. More distressing was the possibility that all the equity in our house would get used up trying take care of children raising children, and wifey would quit her job because the kids weren't up to the task of being parents.
I wish I'd listened to what my gut was trying to tell me when wifey the day she told me that she thought children between age two and three were absolutely adorable, and that she wanted to open up a day-care business in our basement.
I can't see foreign single mothers being much better in this regard. As a general rule, single mothers are after only one thing when they bring a man into the picture: money. If the old adage, 'don't listen to what women say, watch what they do' holds any water, then never believe any single mother who tells you she is looking for a partner for herself. Yeah, she wants a partner alright - your bank account!
Thank you for sharing your story. Why shoulder the responsibilities of being a father when in reality you are not. I'm young and i fully understand that being with single mothers is a risk that i rather not take.
It is only good if the single mother is very educated and religious and something really out of her control happened. Like the husband died or something. And then, if you also have a kid so you can have your own Brady Bunch. If you date in "Third World" countries, this is really unnecessary because there are so many virgin girls with no kids. I am not planning on getting married any time soon if ever, but if I ever do, I would only marry a virgin. I have a vivid imagination and the picture in my mind of someone else humping the girl I love be in the past, present or the future is something I loathe to see.
It makes no sense really to work as hard as we do to save money and go abroad to take care of someone else's kid while the sperm-injector is on the lam somewhere laughing at her and me, the sucker who will now be supporting his child. No thanks!
Last edited by ladislav on Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Tom Leykis warns men to not get involved with single mothers! Women who have kids will always put their kids ahead of her husband. The kids are number one in her life, you will be number 2 (or even number 3 behind her career).
In the US, the UK and Canda there is a shit load of single mothers. So, it's hard not to run into women who have kids. Just say NO to single mothers!
Avoid single mothers like the plague!
Last edited by jamesbond on Thu Feb 24, 2011 11:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
It doesn't really need to be said, most men would prefer not to marry a single mother anyway (myself included). There are rare exceptions, such as my HS buddy who married a single mother with a college-age son who has already moved out and attending university out of state. Or one of my old clients who is a single father marrying a single mother.
If you look at lions, when an alpha lion is defeated, the new alpha lion would kill off all of the old alpha's young offspring. That is an extreme example, but know that men prefer to raise their own genetic offspring and not someone else's offpsring. Marriage, concubinage, or some other male-female bond arrangement was set up so that the man has exclusive sexual access to his women and guarantee that he'd be raising his own generic heirs.
Exceptions exist for adopted children, since it's a decision made and agreed by both partners to begin with.
Hey Ladislav clue me in on something that's been kinda bothering me.
Not one to want to marry a Single Mother, at least not one from the North America. In FSU/Russia is it understood that much of the time women that get knocked up young, the man because there so many women without children to date will often toss the child's mother to the side and not even make an effort to see his child.
So that would be filed under "Something Really Out Of Her Control" folder right? The reason I ask because there some seriously attractive Single Mothers in Eastern Europe.
Then again there so many Single Women without children, I would be taking that tiny risk that she can't have any children, which is not likely but you never know.
Getting involved with single mothers is a big mistake under any and every circumstance i can think of. Why?
Her kid will ALWAYS be numero uno. #3 would be you...if you're lucky. #2 is herself, of course.
North America or FSU/Russia or anywhere...bad idea if she's already got a kid.
She will never allow you the same authority over her kid even if you legally adopted him/her. It will always be HER kid and you will just be a support mechanism for her and the kid.
The only circumstance where it may be advantageous for you and her is IF both of you had young kids. That ensures at least a tiny bit of equality and a fair playing field.
Even my wife is of the same opinion as me. It goes both ways actually. She says that if something ever happened to me, she'd never get remarried. We have a son. He is
her number one priority, even over me....
Anyone she remarried would not put the same priority on our kid as she would and she couldn't stand the thought of our kid being treated as a 'second class citizen'.
She has the advantages of my parents for support as well as a hefty life insurance policy if something happened to me.
A filipina i know her sister is marrying an american guy. Her sister has a 2 year old from a filipino. This guy is traveling 8 thousand miles to marry a not even attractive broke uneducated baby mama! You have got to be kidding me.
Exactly! That's what Thai and Filipino Go-Go bars exist for! (Almost half of the girls are single mothers) If these types of bars were allowed to exist in the states there would be far less problems with American women because men wouldn't put up with their shit for the p***y. I moved to the source so basically I can spend as much or less on a getting a girl for sex in PI then I would having to go through the motions of dating an American chick and hoping I will be able to get laid.
If I go out on the town in PI and WANT to get laid, I will almost 90% of the time. The other 10% is random incidents that f***s up your chances that you were not anticipating happening.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
I am the same way. Who wants to marry a girl who has been with other guys?
And who wants to be laughed at by some guy who's kids you are raising while he is out stalking a fresh and moist virgin?
Thanks to this site, I just started listening to Tom Leykis and he is certainly doing a service by warning men to avoid single mothers.
I have a different view on it than you, jamesbond, though. Many times the new man will be number 2 behind her kids but that implies that women here are good or loyal mothers. I strongly believe that American Women are horrible mothers in many cases, poor mothers very often and rarely good mothers. So the odds of the kids being put before the man are not as high in my opinion.
However, the most important person is HERSELF.
And she will screw the man over, not to benefit her kids, but to make life easier or better for HERSELF!
In my own case, I find that sometimes I can be drawn more to single mothers because of the fact that unlike other AWs, they seem to REALLY WANT AND NEED you. It's something one has to remain very wary of. Romantic feelings are like alcohol or other drugs, they kill your reasoning.
True, I have found them unacceptable in most cases. Especially White Women that had been knocked up by Black Men. They seem to find the most irresponsible men to have children with or get caught up in the pursuit of thug life like a recent Sky John video where his assistant Gina has had a run-in with the law up in her home town of Santa Barbara, basically guilty of association.
While she is not a single mother (yet) it just galls me that I have constantly struggled to find acceptable women, been very selective and being rejected. Fine I understand years later that my selectiveness won't work with such a small sampling, but basically the problem is still the same. Once past age 30 it seems like all the woman have at least one child.
You would think after a few years of raising a child on your own which is not simple nor easy, they would be looking to be saved. But what you end up with other Gen X women that think its a source of strength to raise a child on your own and you still believe you're entitled to the perfect mate.
They are a secondary choice for me and I have very tight restrictions -
1) You must be under 30
2) You must have one child under age 5
3) You must be willing to have another child
My feeling is there is no point to getting married unless you want to have children and a family. I find a majority of single mothers to be quite humble, but that's because the ones I have met generally come from humble economic situations, which generally happens when you have children while in high school or shortly after high school.
I'm not totally sure about what happens in FSU, but I do know you get I think 50% of your income while in maternity leave. The woman I know in Ukraine Larisa is able to travel a bit while on maternity leave, so she has some income. As far as I know she has not returned to work at a teacher yet. If she was at the time 5-6 years younger and a bit better looking I might have been one and done. Overall a nice person, just too old and not pretty enough, shallow perhaps but you only live once, why be unhappy or disappointed...
Dating Single Mothers in America does allow you to chase much younger women, which is a bonus but my experience overall is quite negative.
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