Why has the universe and my mind been BLOCKING me and PARALYZING me since 2012?!

Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.
momopi
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Post by momopi »

Winston wrote: 1 and 2. Yes true. I know. But if I were in China now, I'd be traveling and meeting girls. I would have no time to write. I'd also have to settle in different hotels or hostels everyday too. And I'd be paying everyday for accommodations. I cannot relax and write something under those conditions. Same in the Philippines. Here I can relax and do that though.
3. I'm not into shooting like you are. I like hiking, swimming and martial arts. But it feels lonely doing those things alone. I was going to do them long ago, but everything got f***ed up and mistimed again.
With a notepad or journal in hand, you can write at the airport, on the plane, in a train, in your hotel room, at a park, in a cafe, etc. If you're hiking, you can carry a recording device (or smartphone) and record your thoughts for writing later.

Image

Winston wrote: 2. When I go out here, I get emotionally drained. Not just from the toxic vibes, but from temptation as well. You see, if I go to a swimming pool and see hot girls, I will be strongly tempted to hit on them and flirt with them, because sexy girls are my prime desire.
Then I will have an internal conflict. I will have to restrain myself from hitting on girls because in America that's considered creepy and inappropriate. Here you are expected to only socialize with your clique, mind your own business, and the only talking to strangers allowed is only for business purposes. Or you can talk to old men, but not to young women.
Use the pool on weekday with fewer people (and distractions). I did not think chatting with girls at the pool in Las Vegas is inappropriate. If you hit on a girl, the difference between being flattering and creepy is how attractive the girl finds you.

Winston wrote: As you can see, I am more complicated than you can imagine. I'm not simple and practical like you are.
Momopi, try to understand and not oversimplify my situation. Keep the above in mind. Understand that REAL problems in life do not have simple solutions. If they did, they wouldn't be problems. Problems are even worse when they are internal rather than external, in other words, when they come from your own mind. The lesson for you is: Nothing is as simple as you think it is.

Book a non-refundable ticket to China. The financial loss of not using the ticket would be your incentive to pack your luggage.


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Winston
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Post by Winston »

Momopi,
Notebook and pen? Do you think this is the 80's? Writing by hand is too slow, especially for all the stuff I write. You can't edit it either.

Why didn't you suggest writing articles on a tablet instead? lol

I don't believe that you cold approach girls at the pool in Las Vegas. When I was with you in Taiwan, you refused to approach any girls there and were afraid to. I saw the fear on your face. You knew it was inappropriate. You also know it's inappropriate in Vegas too. Girls in the US, even in Vegas, don't like to be cold approached. We all know that, and so do you. That's why no guy dares to do it. Not even a local like MarkLambo will do it.

So why are you pretending that you can approach girls in LV with no problem? I know you can't. I'd bet money on it.

Plus, what would you have in common with super materialistic girls who most likely are taken anyway? Vegas attracts people from the lowest spiritual level, unless they are tourists coming for the first time.

What about the invisible wall phenomenon I described above?
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Rock
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Post by Rock »

Rock wrote:
Mr S wrote:Modafinil
This is supposed to be a good drug to take for super concentration and brain focus boosting. Maybe you should give it a try, I would if I was in the states.

Info:

http://www.bulletproofexec.com/where-to ... -chime-in/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armodafinil
It's super expensive in the States if you go through usual channel. U get a doc to give u prescription for narolepsy. It's like $2,000 a 30x200 mg tablet bottle or $230-600 for generic equivalent (Costco pharmacy has the best deal).

But, with some willpower, you can still find ways to order from companies in India online and get it for like $120 including shipping for 120x200 mg tablets.

Does it work? It affects different people differently. It can have side effects on some. And tolerance can be developed. But the guy you linked (Dave Asprey) claimed that it did him well for several years in school though he's not taking it now. But he may be just a gifted human.
One more good thing about Modafinil. It can stimulate your production of endophins which will make you feel better and provide some sense of well-being. But again, you can develop tolerance to this. So some advise just taking half dose every 2 or 3 days and on the off days perhaps just relying on caffeine or something else.
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Mr S
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Post by Mr S »

Rock wrote:
Rock wrote:
Mr S wrote:Modafinil
This is supposed to be a good drug to take for super concentration and brain focus boosting. Maybe you should give it a try, I would if I was in the states.

Info:

http://www.bulletproofexec.com/where-to ... -chime-in/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armodafinil
It's super expensive in the States if you go through usual channel. U get a doc to give u prescription for narolepsy. It's like $2,000 a 30x200 mg tablet bottle or $230-600 for generic equivalent (Costco pharmacy has the best deal).

But, with some willpower, you can still find ways to order from companies in India online and get it for like $120 including shipping for 120x200 mg tablets.

Does it work? It affects different people differently. It can have side effects on some. And tolerance can be developed. But the guy you linked (Dave Asprey) claimed that it did him well for several years in school though he's not taking it now. But he may be just a gifted human.
One more good thing about Modafinil. It can stimulate your production of endophins which will make you feel better and provide some sense of well-being. But again, you can develop tolerance to this. So some advise just taking half dose every 2 or 3 days and on the off days perhaps just relying on caffeine or something else.
Why, have you actually tried it before? I've read numerous articles about it and it doesn't seem to have too many negatives attached to it in comparison to the positives. Of course it would be best to find cheap foreign sources where you can just get it shipped to you and avoid the overpriced distributors in America.

I don't think you can get it in the Philippines and if you tried to order over the internet and get it shipped the customs would intercept it probably or make you pay a huge tax before you can retrieve it. That's what I hate about the Philippines Postal they open practically every package you get at the post office to see what money they can scam off of you. The only thing they don't care about it seems are books, probably cause the majority of the population doesn't read much in this country so books are useless to the government workers.

India is cheap location, China may make it too but I wouldn't trust the quality. I wonder how much it would be in Thailand? You can just walk into any pharmacy there without a prescription and get whatever you want.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.
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Post by rudder »

Winston wrote: As you can see, I am more complicated than you can imagine. I'm not simple and practical like you are.
Momopi, try to understand and not oversimplify my situation. Keep the above in mind. Understand that REAL problems in life do not have simple solutions. If they did, they wouldn't be problems. Problems are even worse when they are internal rather than external, in other words, when they come from your own mind. The lesson for you is: Nothing is as simple as you think it is.
Oh man, I totally am in the same spot in my life right now. That internal conflict has been eating away at my soul lately. It seems I can only keep the feelings at bay and just persevere through them. At other times I succumb to them and feel profound sadness. It's really hard to fix something when I can't put my finger on exactly what's wrong.
Rock
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Post by Rock »

Mr S wrote:
Rock wrote:
Rock wrote:
Mr S wrote:Modafinil
This is supposed to be a good drug to take for super concentration and brain focus boosting. Maybe you should give it a try, I would if I was in the states.

Info:

http://www.bulletproofexec.com/where-to ... -chime-in/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armodafinil
It's super expensive in the States if you go through usual channel. U get a doc to give u prescription for narolepsy. It's like $2,000 a 30x200 mg tablet bottle or $230-600 for generic equivalent (Costco pharmacy has the best deal).

But, with some willpower, you can still find ways to order from companies in India online and get it for like $120 including shipping for 120x200 mg tablets.

Does it work? It affects different people differently. It can have side effects on some. And tolerance can be developed. But the guy you linked (Dave Asprey) claimed that it did him well for several years in school though he's not taking it now. But he may be just a gifted human.
One more good thing about Modafinil. It can stimulate your production of endophins which will make you feel better and provide some sense of well-being. But again, you can develop tolerance to this. So some advise just taking half dose every 2 or 3 days and on the off days perhaps just relying on caffeine or something else.
Why, have you actually tried it before? I've read numerous articles about it and it doesn't seem to have too many negatives attached to it in comparison to the positives. Of course it would be best to find cheap foreign sources where you can just get it shipped to you and avoid the overpriced distributors in America.

I don't think you can get it in the Philippines and if you tried to order over the internet and get it shipped the customs would intercept it probably or make you pay a huge tax before you can retrieve it. That's what I hate about the Philippines Postal they open practically every package you get at the post office to see what money they can scam off of you. The only thing they don't care about it seems are books, probably cause the majority of the population doesn't read much in this country so books are useless to the government workers.

India is cheap location, China may make it too but I wouldn't trust the quality. I wonder how much it would be in Thailand? You can just walk into any pharmacy there without a prescription and get whatever you want.
I've tried it and given it to some people I know to try. I felt the effects and liked it. But some others who tried it did not feel it at all.

You should order a good supply when u r in States from India (forget about China, nobody buys it from there). There is at least one big company which manufactures it in India. Order from 2 or 3 online sellers cus sometimes your shipment might not make it through customs. Some suppliers offer money back if it fails to reach you by a certain time.

Then before you go back to Philippines, get a doctor to give you a prescription for it (as much as possible quantity wise). You don't fill the prescription in the States but rather match it to your supply from India for taking it with you overseas. Then in unlikely event that customs in Philippines checks your luggage and finds it, you can show them it's a prescribed medicine for you. Having a prescription would lower your risk.

By the way, I think I even saw someone selling it in Phils. on Suelit.
momopi
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Post by momopi »

Winston wrote:Momopi,
Notebook and pen? Do you think this is the 80's? Writing by hand is too slow, especially for all the stuff I write. You can't edit it either.
Why didn't you suggest writing articles on a tablet instead? lol
Writing by hand will train you to be concise with your words.

Winston wrote: I don't believe that you cold approach girls at the pool in Las Vegas. When I was with you in Taiwan, you refused to approach any girls there and were afraid to. I saw the fear on your face. You knew it was inappropriate. You also know it's inappropriate in Vegas too. Girls in the US, even in Vegas, don't like to be cold approached. We all know that, and so do you. That's why no guy dares to do it. Not even a local like MarkLambo will do it.
So why are you pretending that you can approach girls in LV with no problem? I know you can't. I'd bet money on it.
Hey, I suck at cold approaches, and I still chat up girls at resort pools in LV and Starbucks in TW. So how did you meet this girl at Bellagio?

Image

viewtopic.php?t=19639&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=45

To be clear, you're the one who suggested "Why not talk to them and see if any chemistry develops?". Also, I don't see what this have to do with using resort pools at LV for exercise. If you don't want the distraction of bikini girls, go swim on a slow weekday. Stop making excuses for not exercising.


Winston wrote: What about the invisible wall phenomenon I described above?
There is no wall. You've already stated that you got yourself into a comfort zone, and got lazy. It's no different from someone in a cubical and got into a lazy routine, then is surprised to receive a bad year-end review.


Winston wrote: After many failed attempts to leave Las Vegas in August, September, and October, I finally left in November. But again, as in Russia, it was too late. The weather was TOO COLD to do anything I wanted. National parks and campgrounds were closed. There was a "Closed for Winter" sign everywhere. I could not do what I wanted. It was snowing outside in Utah too. All I could do was stay in hotels, away from the cold, but that was not what I wanted. Everything was f***ed up again!!!!!!!!!!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Snowing outside? Go snow boarding, or rent a snowmobile. If you've never ride one, try it at least once so you can say that you did it.

Image


Again, is there some reason why you can't book a non-refundable ticket to China?
Last edited by momopi on April 17th, 2014, 2:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
momopi
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Post by momopi »

rudder wrote: Oh man, I totally am in the same spot in my life right now. That internal conflict has been eating away at my soul lately. It seems I can only keep the feelings at bay and just persevere through them. At other times I succumb to them and feel profound sadness. It's really hard to fix something when I can't put my finger on exactly what's wrong.
There were 2 activities that helped me build patience and concentration ("unified mind", as Winston puts it). The first is being taught how to fish by my father, and the second is learning how to shoot from my cousin. Marksmanship is a great sport to help you empty your mind of distracting thoughts and feelings, so you can put your cross hair on target and focus on a single goal/objective.

If you have no prior experience (skip this post if you're experienced with air guns or firearms), I'd suggest visiting your local Walmart (assuming there is one nearby) and buy a Daisy Powerline 880 pump BB gun. If you'd prefer a more realistic feel, the Crossman 2100 ($60) might be better, but the Daisy is cheap at $40 and comes with a free 4x15 scope. Do not buy air guns that resemble assault rifles.

This is an inexpensive BB/pellet gun with rifled barrel and will shoot straight. I recommend flat-head wadcutter pellets instead of BB's for accuracy, though if you have concerns about lead, buy lead-free pellets instead. Setup a target cardboard box and stuff it with heavy cardboard or layers of carpet. Do not treat the BB gun as a toy, with just 3 pumps the pellet can penetrate 8 layers of heavy cardboard. Wear safety glasses. The good thing about pump BB/pellet guns is that you can control how hard and how loud the shot will be. With break-barrel or CO2/PCP pellet guns you do not have the choice.

Check with your local city, county, and State laws. It may be illegal to discharge air rifles in your backyard. Despite the cheap price, this BB/pellet gun is capable of 7-8 foot-pound energy (fpe), so do be careful with it. There are tons of information on the internet about how to sight in your scope, how to properly hold the rifle (artillery hold), safe handling, and so on.

Image


P.S. I no longer recommend .22LR's to folks due to ammo shortage from panic buying.
Last edited by momopi on April 18th, 2014, 11:59 am, edited 2 times in total.
droid
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Post by droid »

Winston wrote:This is why I have to shelter myself in countries like USA or Taiwan where I'm not allowed to approach girls.
Ouch!! that's really messed up.


At this point, the solution only lies within you.
Apparently, the only advise/rationale you wanna hear is "take Fixavitanol three times a week, and everything will magically take care of itself".

You think you are especial because you have this -imaginary- OCD condition. But truth is, you're not especial in that sense. Do you think the rest of us don't beat ourselves mercilessly after failing to approach in this dating-wasteland? Apart from some of the other things you mention?
Besides, an OCD would neatly take care of stuff IMO. It's something else.

We all look forward to see some progress, though.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
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Post by Winston »

Momopi,
I don't know why you are so fixated on shooting. I would not consider that as a stress relieving activity. It would probably increase my stress. lol

I prefer meeting you in an arena so we can do this. lol



I outgrew BB guns when I was in junior high.

That Chinese girl was a fluke. Normally you can't meet girls like that. The vibe is too toxic and unfriendly anyway. It's very draining.

How do you know there is no wall? Reality is multi-layered and multi-dimensional. Don't make the Atheist mistake that just because something is outside your understanding, then it must not exist. Plenty of real things are unseen. Even ancient people knew this, and quantum physicists today are discovering this to be true and real. I could give many examples, but I don't have time for that now.

I'm not lazy. I work very hard and concentrate very hard. I can get a ticket right now. But errands keep getting in my way. Now I have to set up the migration of this site to Bluehost, and try to re-enable Adsense to this site. There are always tedious details to monitor. I am only working on the most important things right now.

With so many errands, adding exercise or swimming will only increase my to do list. My mind can only hold so many tasks.
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Post by Jackal »

Winston wrote:Can anyone answer the big questions here:
How do you stop your mind from making excuses to block you and delay you?
How do you stop your mind from countermanding your will?
This is difficult, but one first step is to learn to ignore your internal dialogue in your mind by meditating (such as by focusing on your breathing and ignoring all other thoughts and sensations which arise). If you believe that thoughts are extremely real and powerful, then they will forever hold you in their grasp. If you see that they are really illusory, then they lose some of their power and then you have a bit more of a chance of succeeding.
Winston wrote: So WTF is this "invisible wall"? Is it something from my mind? From God? From Satan? From the forces of destiny and karma? And what can you do about it?
It sounds like the ripening of bad karma to me. The nature of life is impermanence: When things are going well, they can always then start to go badly, and when things are going badly, things can always get better later. There isn't any way to stop impermanence; your only option is to get used to it.

There isn't any magic which will protect you forever, but you can lessen the effects of bad karma by performing good deeds: help people or animals (especially save their lives!), meditate for positive reasons, give money to charity, avoid insulting others, etc.

One's own mind is always the most difficult thing to deal with. Even Buddhist monks wrestle with their own minds sometimes. Good luck to you.
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Post by jamesbond »

This doctor is trying to figure out what is going on in Winston's mind. :P

Image
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Post by Winston »

Momopi,
Look what kind of bad luck I had today. I could not even find my homeowners association even though I went through a lot of hoops. I am wasting time even writing this.

I looked through many papers and folders today but could not find any info on the homeowners association for this neighborhood.

So I called the maintenance guy who works for the developer. He did not know so he said he'd get back to me. I called the developer's office. They didn't answer their phone all day until 4:30pm. The girl didn't know either so she said she'd get back to me on it.

So I went to Google and tried to find it. They gave me a website to locate it. But the website kept going into a Yahoo DNS error. f**k. After trying many times, I finally got it to work, but it doesn't tell me who my HOA is. It just lists a lot of them in the state.

See what I mean?

http://www.hoamanagementdirectory.com/search.pl

So you see, I went through a lot of trouble just find one thing! And I wasted time to post this too!

How the f**k am I supposed to buy my plane ticket out of here? I was gonna do it last night. But stuff to do got in the way. Murphy's Law piles stuff in front of me which takes time to do. And my mind finds stuff to do too. And the calendar days keep ticking by. f**k!

Everyday I yell and groan "OHHHHHH NOOOO!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! SHEESH!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!"

I told you before, life is not 100 percent controllable.

Right now on my to do list are:

1. Lots of stuff I'm downloading.
2. Migration management of HA to Bluehost.
3. Trying to get Adsense back to this site.
4. Dealing with big credit card disputes and robotic support staff.
5. Taking care of home warranty coverage of leaking water heater.
6. Responding to Dianne's messages of "why aren't you answering my messages?" with "Leave me alone! I have so many f***ing problems from bad luck!"
7. Trying to avoid Bitch_Slapper's (aka Swincor) annoying PM's asking me to list all the things on my To Do List for him, which I told him would require lots of time and effort for nothing. What a f***ing psycho and weirdo!
8. Trying to convince Momopi that bad luck and stuff that keeps getting in my way, is real and true.
9. Dealing with Obamacare.
10. Dealing with filing taxes.

+ 100 more items!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the f**k am I supposed to have time to buy an airplane ticket? So much f***ing shit keeps getting in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! f**k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the f**k am I supposed to do my taxes? I can't even do other shit that I was gonna do long ago! f**k MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! f**k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear to you, curses and bad luck are REAL! I don't care what Momopi and his left brain Richard Dawkins atheist mentality says. I KNOW THEY ARE REAL! They f**k me up every single day! Just because left brained atheists like Momopi disbelieves in it doesn't make it untrue.

Chinese people have believed in curses and bad luck for thousands of years. They still do. Why is Momopi wiser than millions of Chinese people? He isn't. Why is he right and millions of Chinese people wrong? Why doesn't Momopi humble himself and consider that maybe he's wrong? Shrewd Chinese people don't believe in something for no reason. There is truth in everything. Nothing is 100 percent false, as atheists like Momopi think.

There are many examples of real curses and bad luck. Bruce Lee's family was definitely cursed, for example. They knew it and they had LOTS OF EVIDENCE of it. LOTS! Momopi can't debunk that. I'll get into that sometime, because it's something that Momopi, Left Brainers, New Agers and Atheists can't explain away.

Some people and some families are truly cursed. There are many historical examples.

Americans, New Agers, and Atheists can't accept the reality of curses and bad luck because it's too negative and deals with things out of our control. Americans don't like believing in things out of their control, such as the forces of fate. New Agers don't either. And Atheists do not believe anything exists outside of left brain materialistic science. But that doesn't mean they're not true.

If you look at the evidence for curses, they are compelling and inexplicable. Denying it, like Momopi does, does not change that. He thinks that his Richard Dawkins atheism is the highest level of truth. But it definitely is NOT. No way!

BAD LUCK IS REAL! There is LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of evidence in my life that proves it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Denying it doesn't change that. Momopi's mind may deny all this, but I KNOW he's wrong!

Thanks for letting me release my extreme anger. It was either that, or I punch holes in the wall.
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Post by Winston »

It would seem that I may either have an entropy curse or a binding curse.

http://thepuck.hubpages.com/hub/Simple- ... e-beginner
1. The entropy or chaos curse: This spell causes probabilities to vastly tend to do the target harm, ranging from bad luck to death. The trademark of this curse is that there is no rhyme or reason to the harm caused, it just results from things generally "going wrong". If a whole string of things keep going spectacularly and improbably wrong, there is a good chance there is an entropy curse at work.

2. The binding: This spell causes an inability to act in the target. It may manifest psychologically as depression or anxiety, or it may operate by simply making none of your plans come to anything. If you find yourself drastically unable to act upon your choices in the world, then you might be under a binding.
Momopi, if you don't believe in curses, then see these compelling famous examples I posted for you here that will make you reconsider.
viewtopic.php?p=176505#176505
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Post by Devil Dog »

Winston wrote:After doing some meditation, I think I've realized something. Two of my major problems are:

1. An overactive mind that keeps looking for something undone or something to do.

In my case, with my creative mind, I can think of many things undone, from little things to big things, as well as ideas for new articles I wanted to write but didn't get to yet. When it comes to ideas, the list is neverending. A creative deep mind can always come up with new ideas. Sometimes they pop up out of nowhere because our subconscious mind is always at work, even if we aren't aware of it.

And since my mind is very overactive and busy, the above applies especially to me.

2. Feeling of anxiety when there are undone things on the do to list. If I have things to do on my list, I feel a sense of anxiety and restlessness. I can't let it go. I can't practice non-attachment as Buddhism teaches. I've always had a problem letting go in life, especially of the past.

People like me can be trusted to return things I borrow. Because if I don't, I feel anxiety until I return them. But most people borrow things and never return them and feel no anxiety from it. So you should remember to only lend things to people with either good morals and conscience, or people who feel anxiety, like me, when something is undone. There's a free lesson for you. :)


What do you think?
Here are two possibilities for you:

1. Go to a 10 day Vipassana retreat. Learn how to meditate. I don't mean sit still for a little while once every few days like most people do when they "meditate". I mean learn to meditate from S N Goenke. Then mediate for 2 hours every day like they instruct you to do.

2. Do nothing to improve your lot, or try to dabble in chemicals or exercise for a bit and then quit. Continue to complain.
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