Are loners more sane and authentic than popular people?

[odbo]

Among my relatives and family friends are girls who used to like and played with me when they were little. They were so friendly, like people are on TV, and wanted me to play toys with them.

But when they reached around 13, all of a sudden they thought they were too cool for me and ignored me and never spoke a word to me when they saw me. It was so sad and I feel hurt when I think about how cold they suddenly became just cause they grew up.

I remember noticing this phenomenon when I entered junior high school. Girls started gossiping and acting like bitches because they figured that was part of being an adult and what they were supposed to be doing. Like a virus all the girls were consumed. Because those that stay natural and happy are perceived as immature. It's truly evil how they decide what's 'cool' and use peer-pressure to consume the souls of these poor kids. Being kind, being smart is never cool. Being cool is having not having any empathy. Following trends (being a conformist) is also cool. Later in life things like getting drunk (killing your braincells with booze) is cool. Caring, being spiritual, or especially thinking is very uncool.

TV shows like 90210 have a huge affect on girls. Monkey see, monkey do. I know for a fact that these shows are what convinced the girls I went to elementary school with to turn into bitches the moment they entered junior high. Women are much more easily manipulated than men, and they are barely capable of logic (lack of testosterone).

I'm not saying girls are the only idiots, they just share a bigger portion of the blame. Of course males are easily manipulated as well while they are children, but perhaps they are more grounded and don't let outside mentalities impede their quality of life as much. Boys start acting like the thugs they see on tv, and other nonsense, but past the tough guy act they're still the same. They know how to have fun. They don't lose their soul because someone sold them the idea that turning into a bitch is better. Being unhappy is certainly not better.

This is all enabled largely because western/Anglo society views anything that comes from a child as basically worthless. It's like a non-age, preparation for when life really starts.. children are incomplete and until they are complete, they are irrelevant. Until you're grown up, your opinions don't count, sort of thing. So the youths are always trying to pretend they're grown up, and their innocence is needlessly cut short. When children reach middle school/junior high, they often start acting like big shots because they're insecure of being young in a society that doesn't respect their intellect (but at the same time spends tons of money entertaining and educating them)..

How do the elites mold society? One of the social norms they engineered is that for a man to have success with women, he had to serve in the army. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? 12 year old girls should love boys, and naturally 12 year old boys will love getting close to girls. But people only enjoy that sort of adolescence in a natural environment. That would make people too happy, and not give them any motivation to get laid when they're older (18-20). In previous decades people were overly conservative and that kept boys from getting some action in bed. Imagine if a girl is not allowed to hang around boys until she's 18, and by that time she would probably prefer a 'manly' guy who served in the army, or works full-time. Conservative girls who are shy and care about preserving themselves are simply non-existent now. Thankfully media brainwash (written overwhelmingly by homosexual jews) came in to save the day. They tell girls how to be dysfunctional and annoy the f**k out of boys.

I will never accept that what I saw when I was 12 was a natural order. This is what user "theyoungagegroup" was talking about when he mentioned missing out by not growing up in 1990s Ukraine. Something tells me girls didn't get their views of boys and how to act around them from television shows there (and hopefully still don't).

[Twobrains]

This is one of the most interesting threads on the site, with some great insights, personal accounts, and links. I'm not sure what I can add, except my take on my status as a loner:

For me, it's primarily about control - avoiding being controlled by others and having the freedom to think and act for myself. I dislike the 'hive mind' nature of groups, big or small. In terms of intelligence, the sum is certainly not greater than the constituent parts when we consider the stupid, illogical, unwise and often savage things that groups can do. (It's not all negative - groups can create things of beauty, too, like a choir.) I can handle group activities, and given time I'm often seen as something of a leader figure, in fact, but I always come away feeling that I somehow compromised myself, wasn't authentic, let myself down. But I must also confess that I often feel superior to others - more intelligent, perceptive, honest or trustworthy. There are very few people out there who can genuinely hold my rapt attention and respect. Even with most of my good friends, who I've known for decades, I get a bit bored after a few hours in their company (and they with me, probably). Then I feel bad about being uncharitable and judgemental - how can I call someone else boring if I haven't given them my full attention, tried to hear the subtext of what they were saying, made a strong effort to really experience them? Am I not just as bad as the shallow attention-junkies, dismissing people because they don't press all their pleasure buttons within the first few minutes of meeting?

I used to be in a long-term relationship, for over a decade, but I found my ex's natural, female inclination towards sociability and conformity was strongly at odds with my severe individualism. I can't see how I'll ever square that circle, and I imagine my remaining love life will be a series of short, conflictual trysts. All women try to confine and tame their man (understandable - he's their security), but I won't be tamed!

Well ... all of this tends to go round in loops in my mind. At least I no longer feel bad about being a loner - I used to beat myself up about that as a kid. I'm much more at peace, now, but I still get the nagging feeling sometimes that there's a big party going on that I wasn't invited to. Then I remember that most of the parties that I have been to were crap.

There are precious few independent thinkers out there, and I'm glad to have found some on this site. Keep ploughing that lonely furrow, guys.

[jamesbond]

Question: I've lived in Russia and the Philippines for a long time. How come there aren't any real loners there? Have you all noticed that? It's mostly the US, Canada, and maybe the UK where you find loners.

It seems that the more fake a society is, the more loners there are who withdraw from others. But the more genuine a social culture is, the less loners there are.

If you go to passionate open inclusive cultures, you will not find loners. Examples - Russia, Ukraine, Latin America, Philippines, Holland, Spain, etc.

People act more authentic without fake smiles and act the way they feel.

Take a look at this comparison chart I created. If you were in a social culture with the features of the right column, would you need to be a loner?

http://www.happierabroad.com/comparison.htm

I have heard other guys who have lived in eastern Europe, South America and the Philippines say the same thing. The loneliness epidemic seems to be in english speaking countries. People in non-english speaking countries tend to be more down to earth and real.

In countries where people are authentic and genuine are the easiest countries to make friends in. Countries that have a fake and anti-social culture are the most difficult countries to try and fit in and make friends with people.

[Empyrian]

I don't think I would have been a loner most of my life if I was born into a healthier culture. I couldn't do what others did, and I was burned and not rewarded for my sincerity and gentleness. My natural preference to dream and think and contemplate- and be quiet to listen and learn- was laughed at and undervalued. The people who just "yelled" things over and over again, shamelessly promoting themselves and listening only to the sound of their own voice- got the rewards.

Now, I've become very cynical, but I know it isn't like this everywhere. I would never think about raising children in this country.

[Twobrains]

I don't think I would have been a loner most of my life if I was born into a healthier culture. I couldn't do what others did, and I was burned and not rewarded for my sincerity and gentleness. My natural preference to dream and think and contemplate- and be quiet to listen and learn- was laughed at and undervalued. The people who just "yelled" things over and over again, shamelessly promoting themselves and listening only to the sound of their own voice- got the rewards.

So true!

[chaste_filipina]

Did any of you find high school to be a bizarro world? I mean, I think I must have been the friendliest, most open person in high school, yet I could not make any real friends or be accepted by any clique. It was weird cause you'd think that logic and common sense would say that if you were friendly and open, then you'd have friends right?

But high school was nothing like that. Instead, everyone seemed so fake, hostile and dumb, and if I wasn't fake, hostile and dumb too, then I was spat upon. I had no idea how to handle that. It all seemed illogical. No formula was given to me for coping with it either. So I kept wondering what was wrong with me to no avail.

Any of you experience that in high school too?

Plus the cliques were closed, pretentious and exclusive, so being friendly had no value in getting accepted by any of the cliques. What's the point of being friendly if the cliques are stuck up and closed and don't accept you?

I had no idea what to do. Isn't it weird how you can be very friendly and open, yet have no friends? In America it's definitely possible.

But then again, I grew up in California, the shallow fake capital of the world.

I still resent that I never felt accepted in high school or had any fun or dates, even to this day, even though the 1980's are long gone. TV was my only escape from that bizarro world. Everyday I felt so insecure, lonely and miserable, and I had no idea what to do about it. My great logic could never find any solution either.

Oddly, I felt no freedom in high school, even though American culture said that I was free. Go figure.

I am all for happiness, but most people in the US have this "fake happiness" that is more like denial and shallowness than anything else. True happiness comes from liberating your mind and enduring suffering. All great religions teach this.

I try to be optimistic, but not so optimistic that I become fake either.

It's funny that no one considers themselves fake, just as no one considers themselves to be the bad guy either. lol. Not even the fakest person thinks they are fake. That's how deluded they are. lol

Another question: On TV people seem so friendly, open, communicative and expressive. So how come the general population isn't like that, even though many people watch a lot of TV? Why don't average people emulate how friendly people are on TV, whom they are exposed to everyday?

Hahaha! In high school, me and my bestfriend were considered to be an "outcast." I danced with exultation!
But did I cry when my classmates ostracized me and my bestfriend?
No! I stood up and defended myself fiercely! I always assert myself when I know that I am "right".
Most of the times, you need to accept that people are not understanding.
It has to be you who understands them.
In high school, my classmates were masters in orchestrated bullying. One of my free-thinker classmate has been brutally murdered by my classmates through public humiliation.
I chose to shut up and just give them this sincere smile. Of course, I was not smiling because I was happy by what they're doing to my poor classmate. I was smiling because their foolishness will end up in Guidance where all of my classmates' parents were called for such an uncouth behavior.

When someone is making fun of you or humiliating you, give them a sincere smile.
Pray for their desolate souls. You smile because you pity their shallow existence.

"To be great is to be misunderstood."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Winston]

People Who Like To Be Alone Have These 12 Special Personality Traits

[MrPeabody]

In my opinion, most loneliness is forced. You learn to be alone because you have no other choice. The only solution is to move to a country, society, or culture where you are accepted. If you are introverted, your style may be appreciated in a country like China or Japan. In America, you have to put on a phony extrovert mask and pretense which is just too fatiguing. Get the fuuck out of america.

[jamesbond]

In my opinion, most loneliness is forced. You learn to be alone because you have no other choice. The only solution is to move to a country, society, or culture where you are accepted. If you are introverted, your style may be appreciated in a country like China or Japan. In America, you have to put on a phony extrovert mask and pretense which is just too fatiguing. Get the fuuck out of america.

Excellent points MrPeadbody, you are forced to be alone because in countries like the US you have no other choice. From what posters on here who live in the Philippines have said, you never feel lonely there because the people are genuinely caring and are easy to become friends with. In the US, extroversion is seen as the trait that is most sought after, so introverts naturally have a harder time making friends in America.

[WilliamSmith]

In my opinion, most loneliness is forced. You learn to be alone because you have no other choice. The only solution is to move to a country, society, or culture where you are accepted. If you are introverted, your style may be appreciated in a country like China or Japan. In America, you have to put on a phony extrovert mask and pretense which is just too fatiguing. Get the fuuck out of america.

Excellent points MrPeadbody, you are forced to be alone because in countries like the US you have no other choice. From what posters on here who live in the Philippines have said, you never feel lonely there because the people are genuinely caring and are easy to become friends with. In the US, extroversion is seen as the trait that is most sought after, so introverts naturally have a harder time making friends in America.

Interesting thoughts: I am not exactly an introvert but went the loner route voluntarily because I was utterly sick of the constant slovenly pot and white hiphop bullshit in the surrounding scene in my mid-late teens, and didn't really see any other groups or scenes I wanted to be part of. Plus I thought it was cooler to be a loner because of reading Robert E Howard Conan stories and stuff, LOL. James Bond (the Fleming one, not our good moderator here by the same name) is also pretty much a loner even though he works for the fusspots at MI6. (Was OK in the old days I guess, but I'd have quit once that big carpet-munching bulldog Judy Dench hijacked the role in the Brosnan Bonds that the producers were sliding heavily toward going woke...)

But anyway, I think you two are right: Comparatively introverted or reserved behavior is normal in some of those Asian countries so might be a nicer environment for some of you, but then others sound way more friendly and outgoing, especially Philippines which gets so many rave reviews from expats there's got to be something to that.
@Lucas88 said white guys are appreciated by the ladies of Peru as well (backed up on that by @E Irizarry R&B Singer, and I've heard that's the case in some parts of Latin America. I'm not sure where that is on the "introversion" scale but Lucas88 wrote interesting stuff about feeling invisible in his native UK but popular with the ladies down there...

But anyway, more on the topline subject of the thread: Being a loner who sets your own goals and develops some confidence in yourself as a real independent (rather than being a "normy" dependent on his social circle) can be quite empowering for the long run, and may be great after getting over the initial lonely parts, though finding a nicer place to move to is also good.

[kangarunner]

In my opinion, most loneliness is forced. You learn to be alone because you have no other choice. The only solution is to move to a country, society, or culture where you are accepted. If you are introverted, your style may be appreciated in a country like China or Japan. In America, you have to put on a phony extrovert mask and pretense which is just too fatiguing. Get the fuuck out of america.

@MrPeabody This is very well said and thoughtful. Thank you.

The truth of the matter is that no one in this world wants to be alone. When I lived in America, I appeared to be a total introvert. The truth is that I was just deprived of authentic social connection with others. The truth is that in America, people live in their own bubbles. It's the land of bubbles. I'm in my bubble and you stay in your bubble.

The truth is that when I went to Southeast Asia and lived there for 5 years ('17 - '22), I loved going out and talking to many different strangers every single day. I made tons more friends because it's a more positive social environment out there.

In conclusion, no one is an introvert. I think we all cherish our alone time and cherish our time with people we love to be around (and who love being around us).

[Lucas88]

@Lucas88 said white guys are appreciated by the ladies of Peru as well (backed up on that by @E Irizarry R&B Singer, and I've heard that's the case in some parts of Latin America. I'm not sure where that is on the "introversion" scale but Lucas88 wrote interesting stuff about feeling invisible in his native UK but popular with the ladies down there...

I'm definitely an introvert. I've always kept to myself for the most part and preferred to focus on my own erudition, martial arts training and creative projects. I've never been one for the crowd. I honestly find dealing with most people a chore if they are not part of my trusted inner circle of friends and family members.

In addition to my natural introversion I also adopted a lonewolf lifestyle shortly after graduating from high school. Similar to your case, WilliamSmith, at that time most of my old friends (I use the term loosely) and acquaintances from my school days had gotten into booze, pot and other inconsequential activities and, realizing that such a lifestyle is empty and leads to nowhere, I decided to go my own way and focus on my own productive activities. I became obsessed with my martial arts training, got serious about my language studies and concentrated on academic pursuits. I wanted to make something of myself and my old friends' wild house parties, which never appealed to me anyway, just seemed like a meaningless distraction. Pixel--Dude was the only friend with whom I kept in contact.

Moreover, I became increasingly avoidant in light of my hatred of the UK. I had never been a fan of the UK to begin with but leaving my little humble town and travelling to the city for college put me in contact with the worst aspects of British society and the epicenter of its low-vibrational energy and I simply shut myself off from others as a way to deal with this. Utterly depressed, I avoided almost all social interaction. I didn't want to interact with British society at all. I hated having to talk to British people and hearing their ugly language. I couldn't stand dealing with British women and their repulsive feminist attitudes. Back then I was studying Spanish like crazy and just counting down the days until I could leave the UK and move to Spain. That was a very dark period of my life.

The first time I went to Spain as an independent adult was for immersive language school and a homestay program. Even though I'm a natural introvert my new environment was stimulating enough to bring me out of my shell and make me want to interact with people around me. I was now extremely enthusiastic about going to school and studying with others, making friends, getting involved in social activities, and exploring the culture. I was totally infatuated with the beautiful Mediterranean city I was in, eager to learn about its cultural traditions, enthralled by the stunning women who I would see everywhere, and so happy to be speaking and hearing a supremely pleasant, musical Romance language which is infinitely superior to the hideous, repugnant, revolting and inferior language of British people. I even started to attend beach parties with the teachers and other students from my immersive language school. I was completely reinvigorated by my experience of studying Spanish in Spain!

Being born and raised in the UK was a mistake for which I am still extremely resentful. In retrospect I know that it messed me up psychologically for the longest time.

@jamesbond and @kangarunner, give me a thumbs up! You know I'm speaking truth! Preach!!!

[kangarunner]

Even though I'm a natural introvert my new environment was stimulating enough to bring me out of my shell and make me want to interact with people around me. I was now extremely enthusiastic about going to school and studying with others, making friends, getting involved in social activities, and exploring the culture.

Just like @MrPeabody said, the environment in the UK may have forced you to be alone, therefore causing you to believe you're a natural introvert. As you said above, you went to Spain and were more social.

And I've read articles saying that highly intelligent people have fewer friends.

As for me, I'm much more social in SE Asia. If I never found SE Asia, I'd be some zombie in America right now.....

[jamesbond]

I believe all the Anglo countries have an anti social vibe to them and this forces people to be introverts. Since people don't talk to strangers or even talk to their neighbors in Anglo countries, you more or less are forced to become a hermit. Like Winston has said, when he is in eastern Europe or the Philippines, his true personality came out. When you are in the US, your true personality remains hidden due to the environment you are in.