Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.





View Active Topics       View Your Posts       Latest 100 Topics       FAQ Topics       Mobile Friendly Theme


Why do White American families lack closeness, bonding, feeling

Discuss racial, ethnic and multicultural issues. Warning: The topics here are likely to be taboo, so if you are easily offended, you are better off not participating here.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
Posts: 27721
Joined: August 18th, 2007, 2:16 pm
Contact:

Why do White American families lack closeness, bonding, feeling

Post by Winston » December 24th, 2013, 12:08 pm

Sorry if this observation about white American families is racially insensitive or makes me sound racist. But I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

Have any of you noticed that most white American families are strange? There is no closeness between the family members. They act more like casual friends or acquaintances than a real family. They seem empty and hollow. There is no connection or camaraderie between them. They act spoiled and just goes through the motions and routines, without any real love or bonding. It's like their souls don't really bond. Their communication is very superficial, like just going through the motions. Also, when they argue and yell at each other, it's very trivial and pointless, like a drama they routinely go through without any thought.

It's as if, rather than being a true family, they are just a group of whiny selfish spoiled brats that tolerate each other for convenience. It would suck to be in a family like that, because there is no real sense of love, family or belonging. At best, they act like a group of casual friends and acquaintances, rather than a true family.

Have any of you ever visited white American families and noticed this about most of them?

In contrast, within Asian families there is far more caring, concern, conscience, duty and ethics. They seem much more like a true family. This is even true of Asian families in America. Even Mexican American families act more like true families than white American families. You know what I mean?

I used to think that my inability to feel close or connected with white American families was because white people are different from Asians, so it was a racial difference that caused me not to be able to connect with white girls or white families. Either that, or I lacked "white social skills" to connect with them because I'm Asian.

I used to think all white people in the world were like this. Now I'm glad that they are not, thank God, and that it's mostly a white American thing, because white Europeans are not like that.
Last edited by Winston on December 25th, 2013, 11:52 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne




Check out our Dating Sites and International Romance Tours!



Mr.Darcy
Freshman Poster
Posts: 491
Joined: June 3rd, 2013, 4:21 pm

Post by Mr.Darcy » December 24th, 2013, 2:54 pm

Exactly, and the children only stay connected with mommy and daddy because they get babied. It is winter break and most people went home because mommy and daddy provide them with $$$, shelter, and let them run wild. I dont get any of that shit at home, so I decided to stay and work because that's a huge waste of time. In addition, I see so many white people living at home or in their local town after high school or college.

zboy1
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 4606
Joined: October 4th, 2007, 5:33 am

Post by zboy1 » December 24th, 2013, 4:42 pm

Well...Anglo (Australian, Canadian, British, etc.) and American families are not as 'tight knit' as Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern or Eastern European families. That is something I've noticed as well...

As Mr. Darcy has stated (about Anglo cultures), once you graduate from college, you're expected to leave home and not stay near your parents. You're also supposed to be completely 'independent' from your family, which is not the case in non-Anglo countries.

Why is that?...I'm not sure, but one reason could be that those societies are much more individualistic than communal cultures such as in many non/Anglo countries, perhaps?

tre
Junior Poster
Posts: 604
Joined: September 15th, 2013, 9:08 am
Location: USA

Post by tre » December 24th, 2013, 8:44 pm

zboy1 wrote:Well...Anglo (Australian, Canadian, British, etc.) and American families are not as 'tight knit' as Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern or Eastern European families. That is something I've noticed as well...

As Mr. Darcy has stated (about Anglo cultures), once you graduate from college, you're expected to leave home and not stay near your parents. You're also supposed to be completely 'independent' from your family, which is not the case in non-Anglo countries.

Why is that?...I'm not sure, but one reason could be that those societies are much more individualistic than communal cultures such as in many non/Anglo countries, perhaps?

I was raised the old-fashioned, American way. I didn't get an allowance and I worked for everything I received. I got paid extremely little and would work all summer to make $50-$100. I was taught to make loaves of bread and got paid 5 cents per loaf...to give you an idea. We also had daily chores that were simply our responsibility...unpaid work. My mother made my clothes from scratch and when I decided I wanted store bought clothes, I got to pay for them through work $$. This was to teach me that nothing was free in life...besides love. We did eat dinner together every night and spent time with each other when we could. My parents didn't pay for my college, I was expected to get straight A's in High School so that I could get a scholarship. That is what I did and was able to get my Associates Degree with that scholarship. Once I graduated from High School, I was expected to go to college and get a job. I did both at the same time as the Scholarship only covered college tuition. My parents love me and wanted me to be successful and happy in life. They did exactly the right things IMO to teach me responsibility. I am not spoiled as I was never used to having a lot and NOTHING was ever free. I had issues with my mother (a bit feminist) and my sisters growing up. However, my mother has completely backed off these days and only shows me love. You could say that the success of a family could be judged by how the children turn out. All of my siblings (I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers) are functional members of society. They all work jobs that pay well and most of them have families (with husband AND wife). Not one is divorced, not one has alcohol/drug problems, etc.. We meet up regularly at my parents house for family gatherings. We help each other with projects, etc.. I'd say my parents were quite successful in raising a family overall. I think if more families were raised this way, we wouldn't have nearly the problems in our society as we do today...

I don't understand the cradle to grave family welfare system. My parents provided me with what I needed to survive, a work ethic, etc.. Since they didn't pay for ANY of their kids college, etc. after 18 years of age, they'll have enough $$ to retire within a few years. They both currently work jobs to save up now that all the kids are out of the house. They were never rich and were actually quite poor when I was growing up. They have done quite well with the life they were given, despite all the hardships and challenges. They won't need our money in the future as their parents didn't need their money before them. Everyone is self-reliant, but I don' t think that takes away from love within a family...quite the opposite actually.

User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
Posts: 27721
Joined: August 18th, 2007, 2:16 pm
Contact:

Post by Winston » December 24th, 2013, 11:26 pm

Have you also noticed that the family members in white American families seem more like casual friends and acquaintances rather than a real family? There is no closeness between them. Why are they like that? Don't they need love and closeness?

White anglo people in general just seem to lack closeness for some reason, even with their friends and partners. That's why it may not be good to be in a relationship with them. They seem to lack the closeness you get from other ethnicities. Could it be in their genes too, not just culture? After all, culture is only surface deep.

Don't Asian American girls who date white American men sense this? Do they ever talk about it?

What's funny is that white American families on TV and in movies act a lot more close, lovey dovey and expressive than they do in real life. lol

What about black American families? Are they more close knit than white American families?
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne

User avatar
Ghost
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 5945
Joined: April 17th, 2011, 2:23 am
Contact:

Post by Ghost » December 25th, 2013, 6:06 am

I think it is the corporate culture, to which whites have been consumed by the most, at least as the working cogs of it. I remember reading articles before about how to better "manage" your family.....like a corporation. I recall feeling disgusted at the notion. It's a family, not a f***ing business. The corporate culture wants everything to be consumed and having anything remain sacred is simply unacceptable to it.
Expatriation Ragnarok
Make the most of going abroad while you still can.
Expatriation Ragnarok - Paperback
PM me to become a member of the Happier Abroad Support Network.

OutWest
Veteran Poster
Posts: 2396
Joined: March 19th, 2011, 8:09 am
Location: Asia/USA

Re: Why do White American families lack any real closeness?

Post by OutWest » December 25th, 2013, 8:54 am

Winston wrote:Sorry if this observation about white American families is racially insensitive or makes me sound racist. But I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

Have any of you noticed that most white American families are strange? There is no closeness between the family members. They act more like casual friends or acquaintances than a real family. They seem empty and hollow. There is no connection or camaraderie between them. They act spoiled and just goes through the motions and routines, without any real love or bonding. It's like their souls don't really bond. Their communication is very superficial, like just going through the motions. Also, when they argue and yell at each other, it's very trivial and pointless, like a drama they routinely go through without any thought.

It's as if, rather than being a true family, they are just a group of whiny selfish spoiled brats that tolerate each other for convenience. It would suck to be in a family like that, because there is no real sense of love, family or belonging. At best, they act like a group of casual friends and acquaintances, rather than a true family.

Have any of you ever visited white American families and noticed this about most of them?

In contrast, within Asian families there is far more caring, concern, conscience, duty and ethics. They seem much more like a true family. This is even true of Asian families in America. Even Mexican American families act more like true families than white American families. You know what I mean?

I used to think that my inability to feel close or connected with white American families was because white people are different from Asians, so it was a racial difference that caused me not to be able to connect with white girls or white families. Either that, or I lacked "white social skills" to connect with them because I'm Asian.

I used to think all white people in the world were like this. Now I'm glad that they are not, thank God, and that it's mostly a white American thing, because white Europeans are not like that.
I think the type of family you are talking about are primarily those in the suburbs of larger cities, though not exclusively. There are still a great many families who are much different, especially in rural areas. If the kids call their mother "mama" it might be headed in the right direction. Sad to say though, those like you describe seem to be the growing majority, although there are millions who are still different. My wife and I spent the summer mostly in rural Oregon, and it is a far different experience than what you would see in most of California or Las Vegas for example.

I know it might be hard for some to imagine, but there are still small towns where 4-H is a big deal and teenage girls ride their horses down to the general store to trade gossip and get a soda.
Outwest

User avatar
Teal Lantern
Veteran Poster
Posts: 2784
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 12:48 am
Location: Briar Patch, Universe 25

Post by Teal Lantern » December 26th, 2013, 4:00 am

Winston wrote:What about black American families? Are they more close knit than white American families?
Can't answer how it is relative to white families, but ...
Aside from the dysfunctional people you see hyped up in the news, where you see black guys with their act together (or in progress), even if you can't find bio-daddy proper, you can most certainly find a slew of grandparents, uncles, and maybe even a step dad figure in there who provided guidance & help. Stone soup.

I think it was Shaquille O'Neal (sp?) who made a rap song praising his step-dad.
не поглеждай назад. 8)

"Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children." - FredOnEverything

??????
Freshman Poster
Posts: 76
Joined: December 7th, 2013, 3:29 am

Post by ?????? » December 27th, 2013, 11:39 pm

"I know it might be hard for some to imagine, but there are still small towns where 4-H is a big deal and teenage girls ride their horses down to the general store to trade gossip and get a soda. "

Definitely agree, that is why I moved back to a small town to be closer to family. Plus there are more friendly people here that actually care about you. Whereas, when I lived in a larger city, I felt alone even in a crowded room and that nobody cares what happens to you at all. Plus another one of our family members from Chicago built a new house where an old barn used to be so we can have family gatherings there occasionally. I still miss having our gatherings at the Wisconsin lakehouse, though.

Inter2002
Freshman Poster
Posts: 118
Joined: August 22nd, 2013, 7:07 pm
Location: Tx, US

Post by Inter2002 » December 28th, 2013, 5:20 am

zboy1 wrote:Well...Anglo (Australian, Canadian, British, etc.) and American families are not as 'tight knit' as Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern or Eastern European families. That is something I've noticed as well...

As Mr. Darcy has stated (about Anglo cultures), once you graduate from college, you're expected to leave home and not stay near your parents. You're also supposed to be completely 'independent' from your family, which is not the case in non-Anglo countries.

Why is that?...I'm not sure, but one reason could be that those societies are much more individualistic than communal cultures such as in many non/Anglo countries, perhaps?
I see that this is more evident amongst the Germanic people, in which Anglos happens to belong to the Germanic culture. It's just not the Anglosphere that you would see this, but as well as Scandinavian countries(including Iceland) to an extent, as well as parts of France, Poland(to a lesser extent), Finland, Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia. Its just the way that Germanic people happen to have this individualistic cultural lifestyle.

On the other hand when you take a look at southern Europe including the Latin countries, also the southern Slavic countries, and Greece they all are family oriented culture.

This leaves me wondering what about countries like Russia, and Ukraine? I have recently started to think that probably one of the reasons to why they're family oriented is because in part of the effects of communism that has left an impact in terms of the former USSR countries expecting the govt to be their care taker.

User avatar
Winston
Site Admin
Posts: 27721
Joined: August 18th, 2007, 2:16 pm
Contact:

Re: Why do White American families lack any real closeness?

Post by Winston » December 30th, 2013, 5:32 pm

OutWest wrote: I think the type of family you are talking about are primarily those in the suburbs of larger cities, though not exclusively. There are still a great many families who are much different, especially in rural areas. If the kids call their mother "mama" it might be headed in the right direction. Sad to say though, those like you describe seem to be the growing majority, although there are millions who are still different. My wife and I spent the summer mostly in rural Oregon, and it is a far different experience than what you would see in most of California or Las Vegas for example.

I know it might be hard for some to imagine, but there are still small towns where 4-H is a big deal and teenage girls ride their horses down to the general store to trade gossip and get a soda.
Outwest
True. The kind of white families I'm talking about are the kind I experienced in California. I guess the white families in good small towns would be more close, wholesome and have better values (kind of like the Waltons or Little House on the Prairie), but even they aren't as tight knit as Asian or Mexican families.

But of course, if you are white, you might not notice this lack of closeness as much because you're used to it. It's Asians that notice this about white families the most because their families are not like that. So obviously Asians will notice this especially.

What is a 4-H?

I'm not just talking about white American families though. White Americans in general seem to lack any closeness at all.

White American couples seem the same way. Have you observed white American couples and noticed that they rely on using tact and diplomacy to get along, like ambassadors from two different countries? lol. I mean you'd think as a couple they'd be close and not have to use lots of tact in talking to each other. lol. It's like they aren't carefree around each other and can't just say whatever they want freely. lol. Sad huh?

If you've ever dated a white AW, you might have noticed this too. Not just about her family, but about her too.

Also, have you noticed that a team of white people working in corporate America could work together for years yet lack any closeness or warmth at all? Everyday, their conversation is so routine and fake, and goes like this:

- How are ya doing today?
- Great! How about you?
- Not bad! Nice weather we're having today.
- Yeah, it seems to be getting warmer. It's nice and sunny out now.

That's about as warm as it gets in American work environments. So sad, meaningless and soulless isn't it? lol. Did any of you ever have to go through that kind of greeting everyday? lol.
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne

MarkDY
Freshman Poster
Posts: 180
Joined: February 15th, 2011, 3:22 am
Location: Annapolis
Contact:

Post by MarkDY » December 31st, 2013, 3:37 am

Winston, nothing racist about this post. I was born into a Dutch American Christian Reform Calvinist environment in Northern New Jersey. The only time people hugged each other was when grandparents hugged their kids. Once I became a teen, my parents rarely hugged me. When my family moved to Maryland I was forced into Baptist Christian Fundamentalism. Hard core Bible Thumpers who seem to believe that being happy was a sin.
Many early Protestants leaders like John Calvin and Jonathan Edwards seem to believe life of earth was not to be enjoyed. My church hymnbook were full of hymns that stated how terrible life on earth was
Yet when I hung out with my Italian American friends, the environment was joyous, people hugged, kissed, dances and tired to enjoy life.

In2dadark
Freshman Poster
Posts: 242
Joined: July 26th, 2010, 6:21 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.

Post by In2dadark » January 1st, 2014, 10:48 pm

Teal Lantern wrote:
Winston wrote:What about black American families? Are they more close knit than white American families?

I think it was Shaquille O'Neal (sp?) who made a rap song praising his step-dad.
Can't imagine a S.O. song conjuring up anything but hope he takes up a new hobby. Hope is good.

In2dadark
Freshman Poster
Posts: 242
Joined: July 26th, 2010, 6:21 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.

Post by In2dadark » January 1st, 2014, 11:00 pm

Can't (of course) speak for Italian families in general; but what my extended family has turned into is nothing short of 'back to the future', distopia version. The huge gatherings, laughter, love of the culture & plain old love (period) has been replaced with back stabbing, social climbing, sniping & ppl who when they bump into you in public (the only way I'll see them now), you see the materialism calculator running behind their eyes.

Everything you're wearing, what you're driving & how you're living is being tabulated. Their hearing has been replaced by them thinking what they're going to say when you stop talking; & it's likely to be about something you have that they covet or they have that they think they can manipulate you into coveting....

jtest28
Freshman Poster
Posts: 333
Joined: January 4th, 2008, 9:49 pm
Contact:

Post by jtest28 » January 2nd, 2014, 1:01 am

You're right on, Winston. I'm always talking about this too, usually to white people, but its as if they don't want to admit to it. LOL When did it happen? Maybe theres not a stark line, (or is) but if I had to put a date on it, I would say the beginning of the 90s was the fastest part of the downfall. You know, back in the early to mid 80s (and 70s too, from what I can remember) most of my family lived 450 miles away from the rest of them, yet that didn't stop them from visiting multiple times a year, sometimes even without there being a holiday. Even the city dwelling family members would all pile up in a coupe of cars and drive up to small town Arkansas and stay a few days to a week in my grandparents little country shack. Not enough room? Nonsense! They would sleep on the floor if need be. It just seems all that ended starting close to the 90s. :( With the late 80s being the "beginning of the end".

Post Reply
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Racial, Ethnic and Multicultural Issues”