True Forced Loneliness 2.0

[noog]

Okay it's my turn to whine. There is a lot of whining in this forum and a lot of it is indeed merited and good to express. But it's my turn now as I find myself in stressful circumstances that I think would be good for people on this forum to understand. So pardon the length of this post but I'm gonna put it all out on the table.

As many of you may be aware, I am currently engaged and in the process of bringing my lovely fiancee to America, but waiting for the immigration procedures to commence. While I am immensely grateful that I found her and we chat on the internet every day, I am loathing the purgatory that life in midwestern America is becoming until she arrives.

I'm tired of looking at my fiancee's presents in my closet and wondering when I will be reunited with her and able to give them to her. I'm awaiting the NOA2 in the immigration process now and I could get the notice next week. Or three months from now. It's a crapshoot and the process has me by the balls right now. People ask me all the time when my fiancee is coming. I usually say May but really I don't know what the eff to tell them.

My oldest daughter is on Facebook now and doesn't want to friend my fiancee there, because she wants to be FB friends with only people she has met (my kids haven't been able to leave the country and meet my fiancee for legal and financial reasons). It's hard to argue with that FB logic because I follow it myself. So in the meantime, my daughter is friends and chatting with my ex-girlfriend - and I can only wonder what is being said by my ex to my daughter to work against me at this vulnerable time. How comforting.

It's winter, cold and depressing and I've gained about 20+ pounds since my trip to the Philippines last September. I haven't had a drink since 2009 and it's getting more challenging to keep away from the thirst while the misery sets in. I'm loading up on food and video games to stay away from the booze. It's the lesser of evils, because when I drink I binge and all the inhibitions go out the window and I don't make the best of decisions. And I don't want to do something to sever the best love and trust I've ever found.

My ex-wife is starting to relish my current misery and being a little more demanding and unreasonable about swapping time with the kids. She can't resist kicking me while I'm down I suppose. Some things never change.

I gotta save money for two plane tickets to get my fiancee and also the other immigration processing fees along the way. But it's hard to get ahead when I'm paying two rents right now - hers and mine. She is trying to find a temp job to help out while she's in the Philippines, but jobs are not real easy to come by there. If worst comes to worst I can always get another credit card and charge the tickets, but I don't want to if I can help it.

Lately I've been dreaming at night of my fiance and I together again, which is kind of nice. But then I wake up and the nightmare of my next day begins.

I try to use this time to bond with my kids but it's not as much as I'd like as they're older and their friends and activities have them pretty occupied these days. Going to the athletic and school activities and supporting them, my appearance has now slightly changed from the down-and-out single dad to the down-and-out fiancee whose other half is over 7000 miles away. I wonder which one looks slightly better. Maybe a survey is in order.

I try to bury myself in my work, but work is sporadic these days ... sometimes there is plenty to keep me busy and other times there isn't as much. In the idle times, the negative thoughts increase. And it's a downer leaving work each day and going home to ... no one. Well, at least until my fiance wakes up and comes online about 8pm my time, then we can chat for a while. Then later it's time for sleep and the next day in paradise, where the woman I love is asleep while I face the challenges of my day and my co-workers are texting and emailing their loved ones.

My step-mom is going into the hospital after the next week for surgery and will be there for awhile. My dad and I are hoping she can recover over the coming weeks and that her prognosis after surgery is good. It would be nice to not have to make those lonely treks alone through the hospital corridors when I go to visit, the way I used to when my mom was dying of cancer. But I guess the government is going to have it their way, at least for a while longer.

I am a realist and I do understand that when my fiancee arrives things will not a yellow brick road. My new pinay wife is not a miracle cure. I expect us to have our challenges and struggles to go with the love and companionship we provide one another. But the fact of the matter is that I am committed to her and this is the life we both want to share and experience together. Not the half lives were stuck in now.

I would ask you to pray for me if I believed in a higher power. Instead, I'm hoping someone reads this and I find a kindred spirit out there in similar circumstances, people I can help support until this crisis has ended. Because I've learned that helping others can sometimes help get you through the difficult times. My mental sanctuary from all of this, about one hour a week, is when I go to coach a 4th grade basketball boys team and I see them racing up and down the court and stealing and passing the ball. Then when the game is over, my life's asylum is back in session.

[Jester]

Good post, and this is a good place to do it, as many here understand the feelings too well.

I have nothing to add except prayer.

The coaching thing, things like that are a great idea.

Bowling, maybe?

[lavezzi]

Suffering is caused by destructive emotions in response to culturally induced abstract hallucinations produced by the mind. Romantic relationships are the most overbearing of these hallucinations we're likely to experience. They will arise in us a deep dependency or addiction, with a strong tendency to make us miserable. When you are in love, you have zero potential for clarity, and without clarity there cannot be peace.

It's very important to be in touch with the most vital and essential dimension of unchanging awareness within - through meditation - which will allow you to get really objective about this dream-like world we are experiencing, and therefore become and remain unattached. Without this life will be a series of ups and downs, and there will never be any sustainable satisfaction or peace.

[noog]

Thanks guys. Incidentally, I have been giving some thought to trying out meditation lately. Might be a good way to cope.