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Why is it so d*mn impossible for me to make friends (long)

Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.

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miss_conduct
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Why is it so d*mn impossible for me to make friends (long)

Post by miss_conduct » October 31st, 2013, 1:13 am

I have been feeling depressed all day. I suffer from clinical depression. Its been on and off going since I was a teenager, but by 2008 and the start of the recession it got so severe I went back on antidepressants. I am a married white female who has no social life whatsoever and no job. I lost a job a few months ago as a call center rep working from home and that blew up in my face this past summer because the hours were so few and not good I just stopped caring and logging in. I feel like it is impossible to make friends anymore and most friends I did have move on quickly. I don't know if they are tired of me or whatever, but it seems like everyone nowadays is only a fair-weatrher friend if anything.
I am not mainstream and conformist which is how I found this board and I loved the heck out of Winston's eBook. Everything he says is spot on.
I feel like I am stuck in some kind of prison. Life is sh*tty when you feel like you cannot even get a part time mcjob in this sh*t evconomy to support your side projects. It is hard to believe society has just gotten this bad. I think people can endure lonliness but how can one endure for a long time, being without $$$/a job??
I've had various career failures ovcer the years. I could not be a cosmetologist because I got fired from two beauty salons. I pursues graphic arts which is a much more suited field for me but no one is hiring and everyone there does their own work with their family operation or whatever.
I have no friends anymore (same sex) because I am tired of never meeting any like minded women who share my values. Most frindships I have had over the years crap out and that is it. I haven't got contact with anybody from my past.
I cannot believe life has to be this hard and miserable. I wish I could move for job-related reasons, but no money means not much traveling if any.
I wish I could commit a small crime and go to jail sometimes, I think it must be no better than life in America post 2007.
I have thought of doing other things but then I think how bad it would be to desert poor husband, who has some health problems. He is about my only social life.
Whoever reads this please do not judge me for having these feelings I am just calling it like I see it and this rant turned out to be a little long. thanks for letting me vent.
Be good, or be good at it.

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Winston
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Post by Winston » October 31st, 2013, 1:42 am

That's so sad and depressing.

What do you think went wrong in your life to cause this in the first place? Was it just plain bad luck? I sometimes feel like the universe is against me too, as if some force was making things go wrong against my wishes.

Have you tried listening to self-help gurus like Tony Robbins or Wayne Dyer? Have they helped?

Is your depression due to neurochemical reasons or to circumstances?

Try these whole foods vitamins I recommended in another thread. They will help you feel a lot better.

viewtopic.php?t=20774
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jtest28
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Post by jtest28 » October 31st, 2013, 2:12 am

I really think alot of it is the times we're in. I been feeling down, basically, since 2007! Before that I was actually very happy in life. So hell, its probably not even you thats the problem. When I was in Europe, it was sooo much better.Thats all I know. . . No way I know of to be as happy as I once was in the states. Just batton down the hatches and try to make some life of it, is the only advice I can give. That's how I been doing it, so far.

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Post by jtest28 » October 31st, 2013, 2:15 am

And same for friends too. Prior to, say about 2007, I could make friends really easily, got along with everyone at work, everyone thought the world of me, etc. Now? Total opposite. . . :evil:

miss_conduct
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Post by miss_conduct » October 31st, 2013, 2:39 am

In 2008, I had a long term relationship end and that same year a close same sex friend decided to end the friendship altogether.

I spent over a year looking to nail down a job. I had to move back home and I was like 30. I thought it would be the prime of my life.

It has been a joke so far.

I have tried kanna and 5-htp for mood improvement as well as the Wellbutrin that was preescibed to me.

You know the world is in trouble when landing a 7.50 an hour mcjob seems impossible. (I have a college degree by the way.)
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Jester
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Post by Jester » October 31st, 2013, 8:13 am

miss_conduct wrote:In 2008, I had a long term relationship end and that same year a close same sex friend decided to end the friendship altogether.

I spent over a year looking to nail down a job. I had to move back home and I was like 30. I thought it would be the prime of my life.

It has been a joke so far.

I have tried kanna and 5-htp for mood improvement as well as the Wellbutrin that was preescibed to me.

You know the world is in trouble when landing a 7.50 an hour mcjob seems impossible. (I have a college degree by the way.)
I use liquid herbs in dropper bottles when I need them. St. Johnswort for depression Valerian Root for edginess/panic, also Hops for concentration. These are sold at Whole Foods.

Doesn't last forever but good for a lift that gives you a chance to get rolling on something.

If I am around positive calm people i don't need these things.

That's short-term stuff.

For the big picture, I need that something to be a vision that actually excites me.

Kind of hard to advise a woman about this, but the first thing I would tell my sister is, "have you tried focusing on supporting your husband's career?"

Something I try sometimes is the "What If" game. I imagine what the absolute best outcome could be for the immediate situation. Then I let go of the outcome, just treat it as a possibility. Then I go out and act like I'm going to get that great outcome.

If you make some of those changes, so you are vibrating on the "What If" channel, people will be drawn to you.

tre
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Post by tre » October 31st, 2013, 8:34 am

miss_conduct wrote: You know the world is in trouble when landing a 7.50 an hour mcjob seems impossible. (I have a college degree by the way.)
If that is the case then you need to plan to move immediately. This is NOT the case in every city in the USA. You must be in an incredibly bad area to not be able to land a job of some sort. There are many on unemployment that won't go off it in order to take a job because unemployment pays them more than the job would (this is messed up, but whatever). Due to this fact, there are MANY jobs available in many places that pay minimum wage or more. I've lived in Nevada and Arizona (neither have good unemployment rates) and I've seen plenty of entry level jobs available and open. The cost of living is lower in small towns in those states as well. I hear that Texas has a better economy than most...might try there as well.

Sometimes a change of scenery and environment can help get your head straight. Up until the time I got a job that paid well (which I no longer have), I moved constantly and consistently....I LIKE starting over in new places. If all goes well, I'll be moving again within a few months. The main goal is to move abroad, but if there is a move to be taken with something new to experience....I'll take it.

Robert77
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Post by Robert77 » October 31st, 2013, 11:21 am

its not you, its the US.... I used to be alone and wonder how come i couldnt meet people, where could i meet friends, why no one wanted to be my friend, then i went to colombia and suddenly i had friends??? and then i moved to europe and i had even more friends???

i am still i ntouch with the colombian and european friends i met.... and when i am back in america i start feeling lonely, but i am able to see it from an outside perspective, and NOW i realize most people in america feel the same like i used to feel, they are not just as fortunate as i am to be able to get outta there.
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BlueEverglades
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Post by BlueEverglades » October 31st, 2013, 6:35 pm

I know this scenario so well! I'm female and I'm struggling like you to focus and adapt to this country! There has to be a way out and soon!

miss_conduct
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Post by miss_conduct » November 1st, 2013, 5:30 am

I've heard about TX being not so dismal economically.

I have a cousin about my age who lives there. He however is single and without a mortgage...

I've also heard that the Twin Cities in MN is not too bad either! I don't think I would object to the cold too much these days :idea:
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Winston
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Post by Winston » November 3rd, 2013, 9:21 am

Miss Conduct,
Here is some advice for you from a wise woman that I know:
Hi Winston-
Feel free to copy and paste this for miss_conduct-

I hear ya baby! Another non-conformist here, who never seemed to fit into the so called social mold.

First off may I suggest finding some free counseling? It's usually available if you look hard enough but of course, the trick is finding a good one. That would be someone that you feel comfortable with and enjoy the sessions. If not, then keep looking.

Next would be accepting yourself. You've obviously got talent and creativity (graphic arts) which can also be why you have been told that you don't conform or mainstream. Most of the people that I meet are sort of afraid of me and don't want to stick around long enough to get to know me before poofing. I tend to find the art and beauty in some of the strangest things and the most of the mainstream people just don't get it. Hence, "I'm strange". Hell, I think the rest of the world is strange and I'm one of the few "normal" people (well, me and Winston) on this planet.

If you can get any possible medical imbalances out of the way, you can start a wonderful journey of self discovery. The depression needs to be dealt with as it can keep you from being the best that you can be. It's hard to be yourself when you're not feeling 100%.

It may take a while to get some of the past out of your head. I mean commentary that may have been said to you in the past that can stick in your brain like glue but if you keep thinking about the whole situation, you'll find that things that the average person thinks isn't exactly something that seems normal to you. That's what makes you exceptional and we need more exceptional people in this world. I tend to think out of the box and it's not always the social norm. I don't approve or even like what is considered mostly social normal as I find some of it down right stupid. I gotta be me. Of course that will come with a small circle of friends...ok, a very small circle but unless you let someone else tell you that it's not good, you can be very happy with one or two close people to talk to.

When I'm feeling a bit cut off from the world, I do volunteer work. It gets me out and reminds me very quickly as to why I don't want to have to deal with a bunch of people. I don't know what to do about the job or $$$ issue but I have been reading Walt Goodridge's books. I'm sure you can find a link here somewhere as he's been suggested by Winston for years. Walt also has a special air about him and he has great books on business.

I hope some of this helps.
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Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!

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