Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

[onethousandknives]

With Krad dude or whatever, strangely enough, me being white, I've had my best and longest lasting friendships with non-whites for the most part. Best friend is half black, and I make friends with Indians and Pakistanis quite easily, they're genuinely usually the most hospitable and open people around, inviting you to eat, etc. I just don't seem to fit into WASP culture much at all. Obviously hood nigga black culture is trash, I do agree there obviously. When I lived at my apartment, I had Indian neighbors, and I made a little small talk about cleaning or whatever, and they invited me to eat at their house. They were well put together people, good jobs, clean apartment, newer cars, etc, they told me they had no friends in my whole state, and only knew other Indians in another state for their only friends. So these people without any mental disorders, lack of employment, etc, still couldn't make friends here. So I do think it says something about the openness of people here towards people the least bit different from themselves.

That said, in USA I actually find it easy enough with my hobbies, to make acquaintances, and acquaintances that may help me out a bit from time to time if it's not too big. I do lots of car repairs, bike repairs, house repairs, whatever. Other people in the neighborhood see me, we bullshit around a bit about each other's repairs, sometimes lend a tool, help out a bit, etc. I find a lot of my friends and/or acquaintances, it's about shared hobbies or interests. So with working on cars, etc, I obviously do it because I need to, because I'm not a millionaire. But on some level, maybe I do it because I want some shared commonality with other people? Same with lifting weights, whatever. They're things I still enjoy, but that others enjoy, too. With regards to Winston specifically, I feel one of his problems is actually lack of any sort of real hobbies that take place in the physical world. Without those, you can't really relate to other people in the physical world very well.

[Adama]

I think it comes down to "confidence". Confidence is the core of a human, whether you are male or female. Confidence is the core of a healthy self-esteem, a healthy self. There are some things which get in the way or erode confidence:

lack of emotional expression. (this is a major one)
perfectionism
not talking about things - keeping things stuffed: not talking about what truly matters, if you're keeping your stuff buried deep inside, instead of talking about it with someone; no matter how uncomfortable it is. Most of time, writing and admitting to yourself is sufficient; catharsis is important

I agree with you, Eric. You definitely need confidence. It is number one. Many of the people who think they are confident actually are not.

But that's what evil people are trying to destroy, with their words and actions which are meant to tear down your self esteem. That is, they are aiming at your heart, to destroy courage, to disable you, which takes away opportunities from you, and therefore takes away life itself. You'll forever be in doubt of yourself, unable to make decisions or think you're even worthy of anyone. That's what rejection does to men. That's why women use it as fuel for their egos. Murder of the heart is spiritual murder.

If you hate someone in your heart, that is murder, and no murderer has eternal life. Slander is murder. Rejection is murder. It destroys the heart. These people play with your affections, then hurt you even with betrayal, and then slander your name and ruin your reputation. All for their good pleasure, because they're spiritually wicked and reprobate, and they enjoy murder.

And what's more, they can laugh, because you don't know what's going on, and if you wanted to talk to someone about it, most people are incapable of grasping the concept of spiritual murder, and none will hear you if the offender is female.

If you want comfort, read the Psalms aloud to yourself. Every second or third chapter is literally all about these spiritual murderers. Read it. Now that I have pointed it out to you, you should see it clearly. Those that seek my soul to destroy it shall go into the lower parts of the earth. The abjects rejoiced together against me. They did tear me and ceased not. For they devise deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the land.

[onethousandknives]

One thing as well in USA, I'd like to bring up regarding the social atmosphere compared to... basically any other country, is just a simple matter of math and population density, and intra-US migration. A big difference between Taiwan, or China, for example, and USA, is this population density. Taiwan is the size of Maryland, and has 23 million people, whereas Maryland has 6 million. So 3 times more people, and almost all those people live on the coast, and in a few cities. Taipei Metro has 7 million people of that amount. So let's say you go to high school, start working, etc. You generally have spent almost all your life in Taipei, along with all your friends from high school, grade school, etc, same city, same place, forever.

This is much different than USA, in USA, after high school, you generally leave the state for college, and leave the state for work. But the problem is, many people just never make more friends after high school and college. But because of geography from their high school and hometown, they can't see their old friends, who probably moved as well. And it being a common trend that anyone who "stays behind back home" is a "loser" in USA, bad for making friends. This is more what I see, even in my own family, of why my mother for example, didn't make a lot of new friends. Her best friend is still in her hometown from high school, but it's a 2+ hour drive away, so they meet maybe once a year. She has one other friend from church she sees once or twice a year. So she doesn't put forth really any effort to make anymore friends, so they all dwindled away due to geography.

To be fair, my father on the other hand, with what I talked about in the previous post, has a fairly rich social life, all things considered, for a 60 year old dude. Multiple girlfriends, lots of random male friends to drink with or help him sometimes, etc. He's like me, does physical work, fixes cars and stuff, has his own business in an industrial office complex with other physical working dudes, and in general is pretty outgoing. He literally goes around and tells people the Earth is flat, moon landing was a hoax, and has Infowars bumper stickers on his car and stuff like that. I'm sure his girlfriends (both foreign) don't like him talking about Obama being the anti-Christ, but hey, they like that he helps them out when shit breaks and in general is supportive. The difference, too, is he kept his friends from when he was young to a large degree, too, because he stayed behind in his hometown.

But the geography and migration within USA and it causing social disconnection isn't something to be ignored, either. Plus the big difference in this regard, compared to even the 1970s or 1960s is the difference in ideas of mortgages, too. People used to buy houses, with the intention of staying in them forever and paying them off in a relatively short time. Now people buy houses with the intention of basically renting them from the bank instead of a landlord. Other countries with property ownership generally are still more in the mode of buying a house, or keeping a house that they already own, for "the family house" like used to be done in USA. So this is why even people knew their neighbors better, at least partially, as people just wouldn't move every 2-3 years either.

Obviously, again, there is a lot bad, even straight out demonic, about the US social atmosphere, but just something to consider.

[Adama]

You ever notice sometimes when you talk to people, it seems like you just can't win? While you're talking, they're waiting for you to say something wrong, so they can twist it and use it against you. Or they are constantly looking for another reason to bash you.

Now it seems to me that any time you open up to anyone, the chances are that they will bash whatever it is that you said. Whatever your opinion, hopes, dreams, or whatever deep thing is that comes from your heart, if you openly talk about it with anyone, chances are, they are going to tear it down as unacceptable, regardless of how acceptable it truly is.

It isn't about right and wrong. It is about finding a reason to put you down, so they can delight in destroying you which itself is an unrighteous form of pleasure, but also so they can feel better about being superior to you. They are constantly searching for any reason, from your speech, the way you speak, your clothing style, even down to your pimples. All this in complete hypocrisy because they wouldnt want anyone to do that to them, and also because they themselves aren't perfect.

[Kradmelder]

One thing as well in USA, I'd like to bring up regarding the social atmosphere compared to... basically any other country, is just a simple matter of math and population density, and intra-US migration. A big difference between Taiwan, or China, for example, and USA, is this population density. Taiwan is the size of Maryland, and has 23 million people, whereas Maryland has 6 million. So 3 times more people, and almost all those people live on the coast, and in a few cities. Taipei Metro has 7 million people of that amount. So let's say you go to high school, start working, etc. You generally have spent almost all your life in Taipei, along with all your friends from high school, grade school, etc, same city, same place, forever.

This is much different than USA, in USA, after high school, you generally leave the state for college, and leave the state for work. But the problem is, many people just never make more friends after high school and college. But because of geography from their high school and hometown, they can't see their old friends, who probably moved as well. And it being a common trend that anyone who "stays behind back home" is a "loser" in USA, bad for making friends. This is more what I see, even in my own family, of why my mother for example, didn't make a lot of new friends. Her best friend is still in her hometown from high school, but it's a 2+ hour drive away, so they meet maybe once a year. She has one other friend from church she sees once or twice a year. So she doesn't put forth really any effort to make anymore friends, so they all dwindled away due to geography.

To be fair, my father on the other hand, with what I talked about in the previous post, has a fairly rich social life, all things considered, for a 60 year old dude. Multiple girlfriends, lots of random male friends to drink with or help him sometimes, etc. He's like me, does physical work, fixes cars and stuff, has his own business in an industrial office complex with other physical working dudes, and in general is pretty outgoing. He literally goes around and tells people the Earth is flat, moon landing was a hoax, and has Infowars bumper stickers on his car and stuff like that. I'm sure his girlfriends (both foreign) don't like him talking about Obama being the anti-Christ, but hey, they like that he helps them out when shit breaks and in general is supportive. The difference, too, is he kept his friends from when he was young to a large degree, too, because he stayed behind in his hometown.

But the geography and migration within USA and it causing social disconnection isn't something to be ignored, either. Plus the big difference in this regard, compared to even the 1970s or 1960s is the difference in ideas of mortgages, too. People used to buy houses, with the intention of staying in them forever and paying them off in a relatively short time. Now people buy houses with the intention of basically renting them from the bank instead of a landlord. Other countries with property ownership generally are still more in the mode of buying a house, or keeping a house that they already own, for "the family house" like used to be done in USA. So this is why even people knew their neighbors better, at least partially, as people just wouldn't move every 2-3 years either.

Obviously, again, there is a lot bad, even straight out demonic, about the US social atmosphere, but just something to consider.

I moved from my hometown and made many new friends. Most of my friends from the hometown, we are friends from the days of serving in the security forces then we all dispersed, married etc. I don't see or chat to them regular but there is a long history and when we see each other the bond is still there.

I made very few friends during the years with my ex as she didn't even want my friends around. Her whole life was her family and those are the only people we saw. Many women are like that.

Most of my local friends now I made through biking. There is always a camaraderie amongst bikers. The only thing I avoid are biker chicks. They are mostly bad news and trashy, except those that ride themselves and have their own bikes.

I bought a house in my home town that I sold as my ex hated the town. House I'm in now I paid off in 10 years and have lived in it 19 years. My kids were born here. I know all my neighbours and all here at least 15 years. Why should I Move? granted there is far more space than I need with big gardens, 3 lounges etc. Lots for a single man. I got used to the space and privacy. With one kid now off to varsity and the other not long to go the house is never full now. The gf also has her own house so we usually sleeping here or there.

One thing I noticed is that people never invite others over anymore and have dinners or braais. They go out instead. There are never cars of people visiting at houses. It seems like more and more people keep homes just as a retreat and socialise outside. Braais now are just family.

It has become like the west. I recall in europe and Canada no one ever invites you to their homes. It was odd as in sa you bring guests home. Even foreigners. In the usa on business people often brought me to their homes snd i met their families and had dinner with them. In some cases even offered to take me to their church. It felt normal. What is totally farked up is that now there are cafes and restaurants everywhere full of people. And they are sitting in there on there phones texting. I never do that in company. Even a man and a woman and both are texting. Wtf is up with that.

[MattHanson1990]

The social scene being isolating is one of several reasons why I left America a long time ago and never want to go back again.

[Eric]

Vomit Illuminati shit out. They want to divide us based on race/gender/status/ethnicity, dick size... meal preference, etc. Spit it all out.
Don't let them divide you and ruin your life. I just realized that I let feminism get inside and operate (in me) like a lot of guys, here on the forum. ....It's made me see women badly, ALL women...which is very bad.


Leave this place if you can. It's the devils den.

[jamesbond]

The social scene being isolating is one of several reasons why I left America a long time ago and never want to go back again.

Exactly, in america everyone hides in their houses and people tend to be anti social. You do feel isolated and alone living in the US.

[Kradmelder]

Vomit Illuminati shit out. They want to divide us based on race/gender/status/ethnicity, dick size... meal preference, etc. Spit it all out.
Don't let them divide you and ruin your life. I just realized that I let feminism get inside and operate (in me) like a lot of guys, here on the forum. ....It's made me see women badly, ALL women...which is very bad.


Leave this place if you can. It's the devils den.

Or see it as an extreme of what can happen if you swallow mano faggo whinosphere stuff too whole heartedly and start to believe such thinking some coloured pill that makes you more clever. It is BS. It just makes you depressed and alone. Reality is somewhere in between. Plenty f people have happy joyful lives, yes with women and sex in them. Many such people are on here. Quite a few happily married men. Aspire to such a group and try and figure out what it takes for you to be there. You are intelligent. Surely no one can be happy sitting alone in a hovel or living with mama, with little income, no male friends,no hobbies or interests complaining about the lack of women. Half the world are women. Only a small subset is for you long term but a much larger subset are pompable. I dont for a minute believe only 20% of men get sex. In reality 90% eventually get married. Maybe less but the exact number is not relevant as it is the large majority.Those that do not, many have had sex and choose not t marry.

Some men just need to sort out what part of the problem is how they come across themselves, what part is going for the wrong type of women for you,what part is socio pathetic unstable women issues, and what part is inherent problems in how women are made up. The first three parts you can rectify by sorting yourself out and by making proper choices of what women will suit you, the last part well they are different from us. You have to compromise somewhere.

[Cornfed]

^ Why do you keep giving advice on this topic, when your circumstances are completely different to the people you are giving advice to?

[Winston]

NY Post says the average American hasn't made a friend in 5 years.

https://nypost.com/2019/05/09/why-the-a ... n-5-years/

[djeanp7898]

People here in America generally won't have anything to do with you unless you are helping them advance in some way. It's not enough to like someone. It's a socially closed, cliquish society.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

Why an Earth anyone wants to be friends with shallow, psychopathic, backstabbing, lying, spineless, disloyal, close minded, willfully ignorant, anxiety ridden, anti depressant pill popping, status whoring, two faced, cold blooded, anti intellectual, anti spiritual, anti social, prudish, cliquish, MR Ice wall, egomaniacal, materialistic, lawsuit happy, philistine, conformist, reptilian bunch such as the Americans?

I don't know about you, but not being friends with americans can be a blessing in disguise.

Trying to even converse with americans are like swallowing a dead rat. Be happier abroad.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

Besides
American friends are unreliable anyway and has an awful auto friendship expiration date of two to three years.
Foreign, non Americanized friends are more reliable and tends to last longer than American fake plastic friendship which only last two to three years maximum. Just sayin... I been friends with couple of americans in the past, but friendship tends to fade automatically when you don't put whole lot of effort. I would rather go abroad to make friends. America is only good for making that "illuminati monopoly fiat" money and nothing else.

[mattyman]

I'm from England and what's being described is pretty much my situation RE the big social catch 22. After school/college/uni it's nigh impossible to make new friends. If you're in a shitty small town. There is a lack of places and events you can go to alone when you don't have anyone to meet with or visit (which would be the solution to the loneliness epidemic).

By 'friends', I would like people to meet with, go for walks with, go swimming with, go bike-riding with, just to mess about with. People who'd be reliable, won't disappear for weeks being uncontactable not returning calls and texts and contact me out of the blue. I hate being forced to be on my own all the time.

RE why is it so hard to make friends; the answer is simple; there's a lack of quality informal, drop-inable meets and events you can go to on your own (which would be the solution to the loneliness epidemic). We've all heard the advice 'go and join clubs, take up a hobby'. If more such things were provided that people could turn up to alone and not feel out of place, that would make a world of difference. Anglos are just so inept at connecting people, too narrowly-focused on work, busy-ness and suppression.