Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

[re85with]

Possible reasons why you do not have many or any American friends:

1. You are different.

2. You are not rich or wealthy.

3. You lack social skills.

4. You are negative or in disagreement with others.

5. You are not charming and or attractive.

Does anyone else have more reasons?

I do not really have that many American friends. I really do not care. I have a full-time job. I am busy with that and other things at home. Plus, I need time to relax. If I have close friend(s), I would have less or no time for myself. The thought of your friend(s) calling or showing up to my home everyday...why wouldn't I go nuts?

[CB8]

Another reason it's hard to make friends is that Americans don't know how to have a conversation. A real conversation includes talking AND listening to another person, but it's extremely rare to find an American who will do both. Americans will talk about themselves ad nauseam and when it's your turn to talk they'll pretend to listen and then go right back to talking about themselves. It's like they aren't really talking to you, but rather, they just want an audience for their ramblings.

It wasn't until I started meeting people from different countries that I realized how fun and valuable a real conversation can be. The give and take. The sharing of ideas. Listening to each other's hopes, dreams, and problems and actually caring about them, even though it's not always about YOU. That's what creates a real friendship.

[Eric]

I'm extremely miserable. I'm in China but I'm not happy. I'd probably need to be out of America for 2 years to acclimate outside to a different culture; that's how long it took when I was in Turkey. I loved it, after that it was the best place I'd ever lived and I was never happier.
In America I think they traumatize you and program you with racism, programming to dislike each other, focus on eachother's differences *tension, slights .... political correctness - things to divide people and cause abrasion. How anyone could not see this, and think the talk on equality and constant racism discussion is helpful...is completely beyond me. I know the ZOG are doing this; funneling people into dialectics, you must be this or that, right or left..bla blah. Until you choose something, so you think you'll be fine and accepted, but then others will attack you. It's by design. As in, there's no way to win. Everyone's in the same boat and going crazy, whether you're white, black, latino, yellow, male, female...whatever. It doesn't matter. I used to feel crazy for the longest time, in thinking this and feeling this way, you can never be sure what you're saying is accurate, or it's actually happening -that's the maddening part, and that's why it's easy to discredit. "Subversion" is very effective like this, because it's deniable - and they'll just laugh at you and ridicule your sanity as a number one attack.
As many Asian posters have pointed out, and posters in general... everyone thinks about race, social status, gender, what your beliefs are, etc. It's like the opposite of social cohesion. And the worst part is that the people are doing it to themselves now, and each other, via too much exposure to media.

I'm having a really terribly hard time managing my dislike of America, it's not like I want these feelings, for gods sake. I don't want them..I wish there was any way around them. I'm sick of feeling like being called 'crazy'. I know these things are real.
I had a few things going for me. First, I got to experience Turkey at a young age, and I'm very astute and fairly intelligent.
My parents are already brainwashed and raised in America, that's why they didn't effect them when they lived there...and when we came back to the U.S. they were happier as clams... and didn't seem to know what I was talking about when I talked.
They understood it, they got it, but they didn't understand how it affected me so much. Which I didn't understand.
I literally couldn't move on...I was stuck. It was like a really sad person who couldn't move on after a trauma or a loss.
Nothing would ever be the same... I just couldn't, get over it. I failed to adapt. I did as best and much as I could, but I didn't really. I was never ever really happy inside when I was in America.
The worst thing, was that you got ridiculed for feeling that way, as if it were your fault, or you should just change. It became a liability - and, that to be honest, contributed even more to the hate feelings and dislike I had.
The only thing I have now is my writing. It saves me. If it were not for writing, I'll be dead.
I was told to get over it. I was told get over it. Get over it. Got over it. It was like a lover I left and couldn't get over, couldn't forget and couldn't move on...I could function but; nothing would ever add up, I was forever bitter.

It was in America I developed all sorts of ludicrous mental dysfunction and phobias... I never had this until I came here. It came from here, it started here. When I was overseas, it was alleviated much and greatly...almost gone. I was happiest and I felt sane, calm and balanced. When I came back to America, inevitably the creeping slow anxiety, would come back to infest all areas of my social, personal and work mind. This is the truth. I never could pin it on anything, so I naturally just, blamed myself. ...

In my opinion, this is psych warfare, it is actually what's going on. I can't believe people still don't understand this. The happiest place I ever was was in Mediterranean, in Turkey. ....I told my family I wanted to go back, was ridiculed endlessly about it, into the ground. Now, I tell them again.. it's the only place I ever was happy "You are too young, you didn't remember right"
now it's..... "there are bombs there, you want to go there?" It's always something to people who live in fear. I was told its you, "if I would just change my attitude, I'd be happier in America" it was basically like saying... ok, just swallow it and pretend, and then you'll be happier... but you have to get used to the bullshit, fake, racism stuff, this artificial forced, fake culture..to be happy you have to "swallow the dose" and it just never felt right to me. No matter how much I convinced myself it was right, or that I should. It came to one conclusion. These things are unhealthy...I knew it I just felt it in my bones no one had to tell me.

I can't stand this. I just want to get out of it. Just wish kikery would take what it wants from the world and just stop doing this. Just stop dragging this out. Just get on with it already, if you're going to get on with it.

[Kradmelder]

As an outsider, i have made my own observations about america. Yes race features, but as a white man it never seriously affected my relations with white americans. Can't say i ever met non-white americans on a personal. Just the behaviour of most niggers is truly obnoxious and I far prefer african blacks, whom you can be civil with and be amongst them. Not so with niggers. Even the fat negresses at customs and immigration are rude and hostile. The jews are the most arrogant, loud, race you can meet anywhere and look down their noses at everyone. They are absolutely vile people. Even nigerians are more pleasant than american jews. Those oven dodgers seem to have perfected taking the worst aspects of human behaviour and molded them into a way of life.

Besides the obesity, which strikes you immediately, everyone is very friendly. But it is a shallow friendly. It is not false as they genuinely greet you and smile and take you to their homes etc. But it never goes beyond that superficial level. You never get to truly bond with people on a deeper level. It is like everyone has walls up and prevents the kameraderie and fellowship you feel elsewhere. No friendship lasts and everything is disposable. I don't know if it is because I was an outsider or if they are like that with each other. I found after a few weeks you feel incredibly lonely as you can't really connect with anyone beyond this level. Canada and western europe the people are cold and you do not get the friendliness of americans. In fact people don't talk to you at all. But you don't get that sad feeling that everything seems false. In the USA they will say 'hi, howya doin?' as if they are a long term mate. but you sense they don't give a fark if i drop dead the next minute.

[Eric]

It is because America is a plastic, throw -away culture. Ready to go, pack up, American exceptionalism and optimism", these are the tools used to make Americans easily amenable by corporations and industry. Americans have always been told to believe in our government - that it will protect us, kind of like a Father. When I look at it, from the very beginning...there is this plastic-ness, disposable cheery smile-ness, optimism that says "you are a tool to be used and that is your main option and service" about the whole entire country America. That's why the people in America never truly have "souls"...they've sold them out to something. I think the entire country America was founded to make industry -corporate slaves of it's people, use them, and toss them out in the end... this is the essence of it.
It's sad, but it's true. I had to reconcile this, moving around many countries and when I actually got to experience real "depth", coming back to the shallowness of America wasn't satisfying in any comparable way. Like a drug withdrawal -I suffered from this...Americans are mobile, we are ready, we are "optimistic".
We are ready to sacrifice all and our service and duty to our country . ... I wonder sometimes if it ever was real, if it ever meant anything or if it was just ZOG the whole time.


That thought makes me real sad to have.

[Kradmelder]

Perhaps the title is misleading. It is easy to make friends in america as people are very friendly. They are very approachable and easy to talk to at first. It is just hard to make deep lasting friendships. I do not know if I would think the same if I were not white. Maybe it would be friendly. Certainly in SA your reception as a white or non-white would be very different. White circles would be more or less closed.

I exclude american women as they are just not people you want to talk to for any meaningful conversation or friendships. That feeling of plasticness is something unique to america. At first it is attractive as everything works, everyone in the service sector smiles and is friendly and helpful, service is rapid. After nothing works and bad service in africa, rude service in europe, it is a breath of fresh air. But after 2 weeks it fades and you are left with an empty feeling that it is all fake and plastic. I certainly would not want to live there and am relieved to get on a plane and hear the last of that fake 'come back now ya hear!' I have no desire to ever set foot there again.

[Adama]

Another reason it's hard to make friends is that Americans don't know how to have a conversation. A real conversation includes talking AND listening to another person, but it's extremely rare to find an American who will do both. Americans will talk about themselves ad nauseam and when it's your turn to talk they'll pretend to listen and then go right back to talking about themselves. It's like they aren't really talking to you, but rather, they just want an audience for their ramblings.

It wasn't until I started meeting people from different countries that I realized how fun and valuable a real conversation can be. The give and take. The sharing of ideas. Listening to each other's hopes, dreams, and problems and actually caring about them, even though it's not always about YOU. That's what creates a real friendship.

Yes, it's all about them. And when you're talking, they're just waiting for their turn to talk. They never even hear what you say, except for as a transitional statement for them to come up with something to tell you about themselves. This is unconscious narcissism.

Then there are the ones which you alluded to in your previous post. That is, if you say anything genuine from your heart that isn't 100% common and accepted, the other person will use that as a reason to socially isolate you and to malign your character and name to others. Just a minor difference in beliefs or opinions can bring out the inner wolf in the other person who wants to murder you.

So basically if you engage with people, you must do so very lightly, knowing that at any moment they can literally be waiting there for your blood. Most people have already decided they hate your guts from the moment they become envious of you. Then they just need an appropriate excuse to let loose their rage, but in the form of malignity, slander, social isolation, gossip, and sometimes they'll even do it to your face, by outright ridiculing everything you said.

All the while you might have even thought you had an ally, who was just like you. Then you say one word they disagree with, and then you become their enemy, and they're attacking your preference and then you.

Then you come to realize that many people really are pigs and dogs in human form. They are beasts, waiting to raven their prey, just lurking, seeking an occasion. And you'll never even realize it, until you've revealed your human nature, and then they've betrayed you, to slander and defame you.

Remember, don't give that which is holy to the dogs, and don't cast your pearls before swine. Because they will trample your pearls beneath their feet, and then they'll turn again to tear you apart.

[Adama]

Perhaps the title is misleading. It is easy to make friends in america as people are very friendly. They are very approachable and easy to talk to at first. It is just hard to make deep lasting friendships. I do not know if I would think the same if I were not white. Maybe it would be friendly. Certainly in SA your reception as a white or non-white would be very different. White circles would be more or less closed.

I exclude american women as they are just not people you want to talk to for any meaningful conversation or friendships. That feeling of plasticness is something unique to america. At first it is attractive as everything works, everyone in the service sector smiles and is friendly and helpful, service is rapid. After nothing works and bad service in africa, rude service in europe, it is a breath of fresh air. But after 2 weeks it fades and you are left with an empty feeling that it is all fake and plastic. I certainly would not want to live there and am relieved to get on a plane and hear the last of that fake 'come back now ya hear!' I have no desire to ever set foot there again.

I don't even think most people form real friendships anyway. If you notice, most men just talk about football or WWE wrestling, or UFC. They get together but it must be with alcohol, and they talk about sports. The perverts will tell you all about their sexual perversions, if there are no women within range. But that's about all you're ever going to get out of a "friendship" with the average man. It is just going to bars and boozing it, telling stupid stories about previous exploits, and sports.

Most people will not want to converse over anything deep. The exception to this may be if you are both (it has to be both of you because the other person probably lacks empathy) are having an issue at work together, or whatever activity you're doing together.

I do think some women have a chance for genuine friendship with one another, ironically. If they aren't too insane they can be friends with many people (other women and effet men). Women can get together and just talk, and there are women who are inseparable from their friends and live like sisters almost. They don't need the end goal of hanging out to be the opposite gender, sports or alcohol. They enjoy each others' company without that.

Maybe this is because men have to worry about being considered queer because of the rise of homosexuals in society. So it is harder to connect. Ladislav used to say that. And chances are in the USA, your buddy probably is an undercover homosexual with a double life (even if he is married to a woman), and you may be the straight friend he's trying to turn into a fellow pervert.

[Kradmelder]

Perhaps the title is misleading. It is easy to make friends in america as people are very friendly. They are very approachable and easy to talk to at first. It is just hard to make deep lasting friendships. I do not know if I would think the same if I were not white. Maybe it would be friendly. Certainly in SA your reception as a white or non-white would be very different. White circles would be more or less closed.

I exclude american women as they are just not people you want to talk to for any meaningful conversation or friendships. That feeling of plasticness is something unique to america. At first it is attractive as everything works, everyone in the service sector smiles and is friendly and helpful, service is rapid. After nothing works and bad service in africa, rude service in europe, it is a breath of fresh air. But after 2 weeks it fades and you are left with an empty feeling that it is all fake and plastic. I certainly would not want to live there and am relieved to get on a plane and hear the last of that fake 'come back now ya hear!' I have no desire to ever set foot there again.

I don't even think most people form real friendships anyway. If you notice, most men just talk about football or WWE wrestling, or UFC. They get together but it must be with alcohol, and they talk about sports. The perverts will tell you all about their sexual perversions, if there are no women within range. But that's about all you're ever going to get out of a "friendship" with the average man. It is just going to bars and boozing it, telling stupid stories about previous exploits, and sports.

Most people will not want to converse over anything deep. The exception to this may be if you are both (it has to be both of you because the other person probably lacks empathy) are having an issue at work together, or whatever activity you're doing together.

I do think some women have a chance for genuine friendship with one another, ironically. If they aren't too insane they can be friends with many people (other women and effet men). Women can get together and just talk, and there are women who are inseparable from their friends and live like sisters almost. They don't need the end goal of hanging out to be the opposite gender, sports or alcohol. They enjoy each others' company without that.

Maybe this is because men have to worry about being considered queer because of the rise of homosexuals in society. So it is harder to connect. Ladislav used to say that. And chances are in the USA, your buddy probably is an undercover homosexual with a double life (even if he is married to a woman), and you may be the straight friend he's trying to turn into a fellow pervert.

No I havent noticed that. With my male friends we almost never talk sport. Bikes, women, politics, religion, work issues, race or just good natured banter. If an oke has a problem at home sometimes relationship issues.

Women generally don't make friends. One gets a bf and and all gf are forgotten.

I've had men friends for over 20 years. Hardly any woman I've known had long term friends. They are too catty to each other.

Women themselves say they prefer men friends.

[Eric]

I agree with Adama on a lot of what he says, about queer friends making you queer...there's a lot of that going on. It's communicable, that's just how it is, it's subversive and it's infesting society. This is not a religious standpoint, either. And I'm not a "homophobe".

When I came to America I noticed instantly that there was something or things I didn't like about it, felt uncomfortable with. No one even had to tell me about those things, neither did I "learn" about them. This was coming just from an innocent child's perspective unjaded by life. I'm stating this bluntly: America, especially America's Education system and the media are very sick institutions that any sane or healthy human would naturally avoid. Why? because it's sick...I can't explain exactly why. It seems to be everywhere all the time. I don't know what's it coming from or where it is. It's more a vibe that says caution. It just didn't feel "right to me", like a child feels instinctively when they're in a bad environment.
Either this, or I'm completely "crazy", which is it? It sounds like I'm not. Yet, it seems also that to be a 'good American', one must swallow these ideas and these things.
I don't like always living in fear, and in caution. It's not life, and it's not a fun way to live. It's not free, it's not natural. But I can't see any way around it. I'm afraid, I'm afraid because I see things as pretty subversive. I also feel very lonely in U.S. Everyone has their likes, dislikes...it's impossible to meet someone and just get along - because we all have developed our own tastes in music, tv, etc. I've always felt they created this 'individualism' to make this happen, so that people can't get along. I've always secretly, privately thought individualism was bullshit, and preferred a collective community. Like there as in Turkey, a shared culture..(no bullshit communism), though.
How would I do that, though? I'd just be a teaching job over there as I am here. It's not high pay...but it's high pay on the market. I'd have to get a real good job, there are jobs over there...but it seems I can't have everything. It's a risk. Have a real good job and stay in America, or be a teacher and live in mediterranean. I'd also have to just bring my suitcases and what I have...
I'm not saving up a lot of stuff. This is a hard decision. I won't have a house, etc. I'm afraid.

I want to go back to the mediterranean. This was the only place where I was truly happy.

[Eric]

Perhaps the title is misleading. It is easy to make friends in america as people are very friendly. They are very approachable and easy to talk to at first. It is just hard to make deep lasting friendships. I do not know if I would think the same if I were not white. Maybe it would be friendly. Certainly in SA your reception as a white or non-white would be very different. White circles would be more or less closed.

I exclude american women as they are just not people you want to talk to for any meaningful conversation or friendships. That feeling of plasticness is something unique to america. At first it is attractive as everything works, everyone in the service sector smiles and is friendly and helpful, service is rapid. After nothing works and bad service in africa, rude service in europe, it is a breath of fresh air. But after 2 weeks it fades and you are left with an empty feeling that it is all fake and plastic. I certainly would not want to live there and am relieved to get on a plane and hear the last of that fake 'come back now ya hear!' I have no desire to ever set foot there again.

I don't even think most people form real friendships anyway. If you notice, most men just talk about football or WWE wrestling, or UFC. They get together but it must be with alcohol, and they talk about sports. The perverts will tell you all about their sexual perversions, if there are no women within range. But that's about all you're ever going to get out of a "friendship" with the average man. It is just going to bars and boozing it, telling stupid stories about previous exploits, and sports.

Most people will not want to converse over anything deep. The exception to this may be if you are both (it has to be both of you because the other person probably lacks empathy) are having an issue at work together, or whatever activity you're doing together.

I do think some women have a chance for genuine friendship with one another, ironically. If they aren't too insane they can be friends with many people (other women and effet men). Women can get together and just talk, and there are women who are inseparable from their friends and live like sisters almost. They don't need the end goal of hanging out to be the opposite gender, sports or alcohol. They enjoy each others' company without that.

Maybe this is because men have to worry about being considered queer because of the rise of homosexuals in society. So it is harder to connect. Ladislav used to say that. And chances are in the USA, your buddy probably is an undercover homosexual with a double life (even if he is married to a woman), and you may be the straight friend he's trying to turn into a fellow pervert.

I think it comes down to "confidence". Confidence is the core of a human, whether you are male or female. Confidence is the core of a healthy self-esteem, a healthy self. There are some things which get in the way or erode confidence:

lack of emotional expression. (this is a major one)
perfectionism
not talking about things - keeping things stuffed: not talking about what truly matters, if you're keeping your stuff buried deep inside, instead of talking about it with someone; no matter how uncomfortable it is. Most of time, writing and admitting to yourself is sufficient; catharsis is important
pornography - this is a majorly perverting degrading influence, influences many men and makes them feel guilty. Pornography leads to brokenness, and shame. It is a majorly destroying influence, I don't care how many people I offend saying this. At least, it did for me. ...certain kinds of pornography act like a splinter in your soul. I don't know how many people are affected by pornography, but I know a lot. Most just ignore it and go on...but they are still broken. Confidence is important.
lack of boundaries - this is caused by the others, when you are degraded.
shame or guilt, bad feelings one holds against ones self (this is a major one and a building block for others)

So it goes to say these can be buffered by certain good things. Emotional expression, writing or exploring your shame and guilt, boundaries, talking with others, learning to be kind to yourself, ditching perfectionism or tamping it back. Getting rid of pornography, or talking about the limits you've reached and how its affected you. Shame, etc. is so important. Nothing will erode or eat at a person like acid, than shame. It has the power to completely destroy you, if they don't explore it and process it; It is so incredibly 'powerful'. So is being kind to yourself and loving yourself.

I realize this topic is about friends around you. But if you take care of yourself, you'll be better off.
When you have confidence, friendships multiply. When you know who you are, you are happier. Of course. An empty vessel can't give anything back.

[Nailer]

2. You are not rich or wealthy.

Where are you from, that this matters at all? I have NEVER seen this in my life. A bartender always has more popularity than a lawyer. A guy who makes good money is a dork. I have literally never seen a situation where a guy with a good job was suddenly more popular. If anything, it makes people resent you. What planet are you from???

The idea that AW's would be able to think more than 6-7 days out into the future, even when they are 32, is absolutely ludicrous to me.

[Zambales]

2. You are not rich or wealthy.

Where are you from, that this matters at all? I have NEVER seen this in my life. A bartender always has more popularity than a lawyer. A guy who makes good money is a dork. I have literally never seen a situation where a guy with a good job was suddenly more popular. If anything, it makes people resent you. What planet are you from???

The idea that AW's would be able to think more than 6-7 days out into the future, even when they are 32, is absolutely ludicrous to me.

He does make a very valid point, Nailer!

Imagine if you won the lottery, stayed in the same town and everyone knew about it, do you think you'd be treated exactly the same? No sir! Those people you know but aren't classed as friends will suddenly come out of the woodwork pretending to be your best buddy and your popularity will skyrocket. No prizes for guessing why!

Also, if you're unfortunate to come across hard times financially at some point, the ones who you thought were friends can turn out to be anything but. They can deem you to be surplus to requirements in terms of friendship because you're no longer worthy of their company due to your circumstances

Money and "favours" can dictate friendships!

[CB8]

Zambales is very right. Americans are in constant competition and always trying to claw their way to the top. When you're wealthy or famous they're constantly assessing what you can offer them, so yes, wealthy people will find it easier to make "friends."

Of course, some wealthy people want to be liked for their actual personality, so I'm sure there's plenty of jaded loner types in that group as well. It's no wonder that many celebrities hate their fans and many executives are standoffish a-holes to their employees. They have so many snakes trying to take advantage of them that they don't know who they can trust anymore.

[starchild5]

It is because America is a plastic, throw -away culture. Ready to go, pack up, American exceptionalism and optimism", these are the tools used to make Americans easily amenable by corporations and industry. Americans have always been told to believe in our government - that it will protect us, kind of like a Father. When I look at it, from the very beginning...there is this plastic-ness, disposable cheery smile-ness, optimism that says "you are a tool to be used and that is your main option and service" about the whole entire country America. That's why the people in America never truly have "souls"...they've sold them out to something. I think the entire country America was founded to make industry -corporate slaves of it's people, use them, and toss them out in the end... this is the essence of it.
It's sad, but it's true. I had to reconcile this, moving around many countries and when I actually got to experience real "depth", coming back to the shallowness of America wasn't satisfying in any comparable way. Like a drug withdrawal -I suffered from this...Americans are mobile, we are ready, we are "optimistic".
We are ready to sacrifice all and our service and duty to our country . ... I wonder sometimes if it ever was real, if it ever meant anything or if it was just ZOG the whole time.


That thought makes me real sad to have.

Its not your Fault Eric as you mentioned its the ZOG empire. Your observations are always spot on.

It is interesting to me that, you said America has become a Plastic Culture...at Least, you had that Vibe.

This is what the shadow elite government structure knows already. They are way way ahead of the game.

An Alien Abductee when interviewed by the government agents said exactly what you refered like 20 years ago...which means we are fast approaching end times.

http://chani.invisionzone.com/forums/to ... ment-89811

“Because, before long it’s going to be hard to tell a real human from a plastic doll that’s what I’m on about. Why do you think your buddies are in such a hurry to sample genuine human DNA. You’re a dying race my friend, in spite of the overpopulation bullshit, to find someone with a real immune system that is still intact is something as rare as those, what is it, Hen’s teeth? House was on a roll, and for the first time I felt I was getting my monies worth from him.

“We know your medical history, we know everything about you, why do you think they didn’t want you cut open when you were a kid?

Still got your tonsils haven’t you, your appendix, in spite of some lesser beings who wanted you gone, your still here in total. You have been lucky my friend. Even we nearly lost our patience with you, you’re lucky we are after bigger game. The human race was not constructed to be turned into a plastic horror show, if you really care about all that, I mean this planet and its inhabitants as is, then you should listen to what I’m going to tell you.”

------------------------------

I know Aliens are irrelevant to fake friends in our day to day life but we know the ZOG empire plans it all.

People will literally turn into plastic or be like them in coming years hence all fake friends vibe for those who are genuine ..

I was waiting for someone in America to feel this way...aka Plastic to confirm what these government agents know already.

Our DNA itself is changing, we are becoming fake....Even Aliens are finding it hard to get hold of real human beings now

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My point is do not look for friends anymore in America or anywhere really...In India also I can feel the fakeness..All my friends care is If I like their Pictures on Facebook or not.