Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

Because most Americans are shallow dishonest jerks. Why would you want such people as friends? If you want friends, either leave America or join a good religion.

What you just said. +∞

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

I actually feel the complete opposite. Americans like to talk more than any people I've ever met. I think the trouble with a lot of individuals is that they simply don't know what to say or know how to have a legitimate conversation. They come off socially awkward or to forward in their beliefs and opinions. I meet people on planes, trains, buses, bars, stores etc. that just randomly strike up conversations with. Some have become good friends. But I do have the occasional "crazy guy" or depressed person whom thinks they can meet people by sharing their conspiracy theories or like to share how bad their past ten relationships have been. I could give two shits about your 5 cats or that you seem to beable to one up me in everything!!! It's about finding people who are interested in the same stuff you are. It's like that anywhere in the world.

If you are having a hard time finding friends try joining fraternal clubs like The Moose, American Legion, Lions Clubs, Ruritan groups. Or go online. You can meet friends in this forum. Or find people on Facebook whom you went to college or highschool with. Just attempt and attempt.

I know a guy that gets on facebook everyday and bitches about never having anyone to hang out with or being bored. Then he gets invited to a social event and is socially awkward and an a** to everyone their. Instead of looking at himself he blames everyone else for never wanting to hangout with him. Maybe if you are having a hard time meeting friends and even women, look at yourself before trying to blame the world.

You sound like an Americanized, "yes"-man because America gave you an opportunity when you are considered a peon in your own country of origin. You are probably one of those philistine a.ssholes whom are always smiling due to the first sentence I've have written you within this paragraph. But if and when one of the people who you were potty-trained to be odious towards (i.e. Blacks regardless of socioeconomic status) tries to court your daughter and/or your son, you'll be up in arms reminding them of the abominating caste system you are from.

So let's keep it 100, and just say the conspiracy nuts were Black Americans whom were disenfranchised from the system that you will never experience because you have a H1B visa.

[hammanta]

I actually feel the complete opposite. Americans like to talk more than any people I've ever met. I think the trouble with a lot of individuals is that they simply don't know what to say or know how to have a legitimate conversation. They come off socially awkward or to forward in their beliefs and opinions. I meet people on planes, trains, buses, bars, stores etc. that just randomly strike up conversations with. Some have become good friends. But I do have the occasional "crazy guy" or depressed person whom thinks they can meet people by sharing their conspiracy theories or like to share how bad their past ten relationships have been. I could give two shits about your 5 cats or that you seem to beable to one up me in everything!!! It's about finding people who are interested in the same stuff you are. It's like that anywhere in the world.

If you are having a hard time finding friends try joining fraternal clubs like The Moose, American Legion, Lions Clubs, Ruritan groups. Or go online. You can meet friends in this forum. Or find people on Facebook whom you went to college or highschool with. Just attempt and attempt.

I know a guy that gets on facebook everyday and bitches about never having anyone to hang out with or being bored. Then he gets invited to a social event and is socially awkward and an a** to everyone their. Instead of looking at himself he blames everyone else for never wanting to hangout with him. Maybe if you are having a hard time meeting friends and even women, look at yourself before trying to blame the world.

You sound like an Americanized, "yes"-man because America gave you an opportunity when you are considered a peon in your own country of origin. You are probably one of those philistine a.ssholes whom are always smiling due to the first sentence I've have written you within this paragraph. But if and when one of the people who you were potty-trained to be odious towards (i.e. Blacks regardless of socioeconomic status) tries to court your daughter and/or your son, you'll be up in arms reminding them of the abominating caste system you are from.

So let's keep it 100, and just say the conspiracy nuts were Black Americans whom were disenfranchised from the system that you will never experience because you have a H1B visa.

This is a perfect example how ignorant and stupid it is to assume shit. I'm a born and bred white rural American (wrong with first assertion). I may have a "yes" man attitude simply because I don't believe getting on discussion forums pissing and moaning about ones social skills or ethnic background, really equates to a quality life. Sure Americans can be pricks overall and the dating scene here is harsh, but to blame everything on American society is down right stupid. Just look at your irrational and judgmental opinions on this forum. It's pricks like you who have trouble meeting people, yet of course it has to be America's fault because some average joe doesn't want to listen to your opinions on underlying gov't discrimination.

Oh I'm potty trained to discriminate against blacks... horseshit. My niece and nephew are bi racial and so was my last girlfriend. 50% of my friends are of a another ethnic group than my own and I enjoy traveling the world, interacting with other cultures. I had a 3.7 GPA in HS and decent SAT scores but I didn't get into the college of my choice. Oh but wait, my black friend did with a 3.3 GPA and similar SAT scores simply because he was black. GTF out of here with your "gov't hates black man" argument. We've heard it and not listening anymore.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

I actually feel the complete opposite. Americans like to talk more than any people I've ever met. I think the trouble with a lot of individuals is that they simply don't know what to say or know how to have a legitimate conversation. They come off socially awkward or to forward in their beliefs and opinions. I meet people on planes, trains, buses, bars, stores etc. that just randomly strike up conversations with. Some have become good friends. But I do have the occasional "crazy guy" or depressed person whom thinks they can meet people by sharing their conspiracy theories or like to share how bad their past ten relationships have been. I could give two shits about your 5 cats or that you seem to beable to one up me in everything!!! It's about finding people who are interested in the same stuff you are. It's like that anywhere in the world.

If you are having a hard time finding friends try joining fraternal clubs like The Moose, American Legion, Lions Clubs, Ruritan groups. Or go online. You can meet friends in this forum. Or find people on Facebook whom you went to college or highschool with. Just attempt and attempt.

I know a guy that gets on facebook everyday and bitches about never having anyone to hang out with or being bored. Then he gets invited to a social event and is socially awkward and an a** to everyone their. Instead of looking at himself he blames everyone else for never wanting to hangout with him. Maybe if you are having a hard time meeting friends and even women, look at yourself before trying to blame the world.

You sound like an Americanized, "yes"-man because America gave you an opportunity when you are considered a peon in your own country of origin. You are probably one of those philistine a.ssholes whom are always smiling due to the first sentence I've have written you within this paragraph. But if and when one of the people who you were potty-trained to be odious towards (i.e. Blacks regardless of socioeconomic status) tries to court your daughter and/or your son, you'll be up in arms reminding them of the abominating caste system you are from.

So let's keep it 100, and just say the conspiracy nuts were Black Americans whom were disenfranchised from the system that you will never experience because you have a H1B visa.

This is a perfect example how ignorant and stupid it is to assume shit. I'm a born and bred white rural American (wrong with first assertion). I may have a "yes" man attitude simply because I don't believe getting on discussion forums pissing and moaning about ones social skills or ethnic background, really equates to a quality life. Sure Americans can be pricks overall and the dating scene here is harsh, but to blame everything on American society is down right stupid. Just look at your irrational and judgmental opinions on this forum. It's pricks like you who have trouble meeting people, yet of course it has to be America's fault because some average joe doesn't want to listen to your opinions on underlying gov't discrimination.

Oh I'm potty trained to discriminate against blacks... horseshit. My niece and nephew are bi racial and so was my last girlfriend. 50% of my friends are of a another ethnic group than my own and I enjoy traveling the world, interacting with other cultures. I had a 3.7 GPA in HS and decent SAT scores but I didn't get into the college of my choice. Oh but wait, my black friend did with a 3.3 GPA and similar SAT scores simply because he was black. GTF out of here with your "gov't hates black man" argument. We've heard it and not listening anymore.

I thought you were South Asian. I had you all wrong. #Foot #Met #My #Mouth

[Winston]

I got an interesting question.

How is it that someone like me, Ladislav, Rock, and Monkro, can be very outgoing and social, more so than the average American, yet we have a hard time making friends in America, or finding a good social circle?

Logic would tell you that the more outgoing and social you are, the more friends you should have right?

So why is that not the case with many of us here? Why doesn't the logic apply to us in America? Isn't that strange?

What's the logical explanation?

Could it be that our wavelength is just way too different from that of normal Americans? That's the only explanation I can think of.

Any others?

[zboy1]

I got an interesting question.

How is it that someone like me, Ladislav, Rock, and Monkro, can be very outgoing and social, more so than the average American, yet we have a hard time making friends in America, or finding a good social circle?

Logic would tell you that the more outgoing and social you are, the more friends you should have right?

So why is that not the case with many of us here? Why doesn't the logic apply to us in America? Isn't that strange?

What's the logical explanation?

Could it be that our wavelength is just way too different from that of normal Americans? That's the only explanation I can think of.

Any others?

You know, it's funny...In China, I've been on many dates with Chinese females, made friends with both Western and Chinese people, and enjoyed the company of other people, whereas in America, for some strange reason, I feel lonely and depressed...I also feel 'out-of-place' and unusually quiet and reserved back in the States. I also don't have many friends or acquaintances back home...

Why is that? Is it just that people are friendlier overseas or is it that the real 'd*ckhead types, usually don't go overseas very often? Or is the social situation much more looser and friendlier in different countries? It's an interesting phenomenon, tbh...

[starchild5]

America was NOT created for Americans or Humans for that matter...America is all about Deep Underground Military bases, UFOs, Aliens...

The outer covering of good roads, infrastructure , Hollywood, silicon valley, dollar, wall street, immigration etc etc is just a distraction to what is really really going inside America...

99% of America was created to protect 1% of America....You will never ever make friends or have social life in over 100- years in America.. guaranteed...'cos its not the purpose of why America was created...

America was created to be the center of pure EVIL..where EVIL manages the world.....sorry, but most Americans are deluded in thinking they have some worth in America....99% of Americans are USED for the purpose to protect & serve EVIL...

DO NOT look for sanity, friendship, social life in America....'cos it was never the purpose of America...Majority of Americans have no clue whatsoever, what is really really going on in America...They are still debating if Aliens exist or not...LOL....

Just think about it...If Americans wake up...The EVIL will be exposed...They want Americans to be confused with their life for ever....yet not die..just confused

....America has nothing whatsoever to do with HUMANITY.....which is why you feel that why people don't socialize etc etc....EXACTLY.,.....WAKE UP

[Winston]

One important point i want to make is that i think you guys overblow the smart phones and social media factor as the cause of the social disconnection of america and taiwan. I think these things are a factor and a distraction, but not the primary cause of social disconnection. After all, i have a smart phone but it doesnt make me antisocial or any less social or open.

The primary cause has got to be something deeper. I theorize that something in the upbringing of people is at work. The way you are raised in taiwan and america is to suppress your true self, be fake and live in fear so you can be a workaholic and good consumer. Somewhere along the line this causes an inner split in your mind and soul and psyche. In other words, there is a psychological disconnect within themselves. This inner disconnect is in turn reflected into an outer disconnect with others. This makes sense since our inner world manifests into our outer world.

Take someone who is wholesome with a healthy mind and rich soul. This person will be at ease with strangers and will be kind and comfortable talking with others usually. A highly spiritual person for instance, is at ease when talking to strangers. You might have noticed that.

I think another deep factor is that those who live inauthentic lives and have inauthentic personalities are afraid of authentic wholesome people, because they act as MIRRORS that show them what they really are. In a sense they are blinded by the light, the same way dracula is blinded by the sunlight and fearful of it. Their souls and spirits are dead, just as dracula and vampires are dead. Thus they fear the light of someone who is very authentic and genuine and real and alive in soul.

Thats why closed minded people fear open minded people and are uncomfortable around them and find reasons to dislike them and see them as weird.

This may also explain why taiwanese people seem to naturally dislike mainland chinese people for no reason, and claim that they are too rude or blunt, which is exaggerated to the point of being irrational. This theory above would be a deeper explanation for why taiwanese dislike mainland chinese, rather than the superficial reasons they cite which make no sense.

Does my theory make sense? It would seem so. I definitely see that people are like dead souls in both Taiwan and America, way too repressed and living in fear and psychologically controlled. They are not natural people at all, furthest from it.

The great Noam Chomsky said that when a country offers political freedoms, its elite must control the masses through increased psychological control, often through deception. But with fewer political freedoms, this becomes less necessary, as in the case of china, so people are allowed to be more human and less repressed and less psychologically controlled. This explains why in most countries, people are more genuine and down to earth and real than in taiwan and america -- similar to how americans were in the 1960s and 1970s, very human and genuine and real. (See the movies and TV shows back then and you will see this difference compared to now.)

So basically, a government has two choices: either it gives people high political freedoms along with high psychological control, or low political freedoms and low psychological control. Or moderate degrees of both. This is why in russia and china, you feel a lot more free, because there is no political correctness, liberalism and you can be yourself. You are free to be real and genuine, to have real emotions and feelings and free to be honest too. But you certainly dont feel that in america or taiwan.

What do you all think? Does my theory make sense?

[Adama]

It's because Americans are fake. I've learned from interacting with people at school. You may think someone is your friend. That doesn't mean that they consider you to be their friend.

I've interacted with men and been that man friend, only to get my back bitten by other men. I've looked out for other men, only to find out that not only are they actively betraying me by giving me a one sided friendship (in which they are taking everything they know about me and telling it to the women they are friends with so they can mock), but they often take great pleasure in destroying other men.

This is especially true when there are people (cliques) who hate you but you're unaware of it. Your "friend" just feeds the people who hate you all your information. It's really a shame that in any organization, the people break up into cliques or factions, which psychologically war against one another (because that's how pathetic some people are).

The men of MGTOW are no better than the average man you'll find on the street.

And yes, it will take you a long time to realize this is why small talk is so important. Small talk is the bull you feed to people to be friendly and make yourself seem social. Go any deeper than that, then you'll find that there are a great many losers who will get upset that your lifestyle, opinions or whatever are just slightly different. Then they will go on a mission to either ridicule your lifestyle, opinions or beliefs, or they will destroy your reputation among your peers by repeating what you said, but twisting it in the most sinister way, to make you seem evil, simply because they disagree.

You'll find this even among the manosphere regarding older men and younger women, American women vs foreign women, living at home with parents vs living independently, finances and careers, and the list goes on. It is even worse in person.

And the problem is evenly distributed among both men and women. I used to think that it was just angry, overweight women who were the primary ones who back stab others. After years of being mocked, it is men and women equally. Men are worse skanks than women are when it comes to gossip.

I think if you are going to be friends with people, it has to be a very superficial friendship, and that's what most of them are. There is no deep discussion, advice or knowledge being imparted between men in modern friendship. The conversation can't get too deep, because then opinions will become exposed. Then if your friend is a reprobate (which you will not always know until it is too late), they may not "agree to disagree" like civilized people do.

[Adama]

Social disconnect. I remember when I was a kid, if I just went to the mall there would be hot girls there literally all day long. Going to the mall by far beat going to clubs. That was the best place to see and meet new girls.

Not anymore. Some people still go to the malls, but you hardly see anyone anymore. They must be doing all of their shopping online.

Also I notice now that I don't see any white girls working as cashiers in the malls, or at fast food restaurants, or even working at Best Buy. I used to like that too. At least when you went inside a store, you got to talk to a pretty girl for a minute or two. Now I don't even see white girls working those jobs anymore. Now it is just immigrants from the Caribbean. I don't even know where all the girls have gone. It's like they've all evaporated or moved to Oregon or something. And even when I go to the city, it is all tourists and very few young pretty girls are even out.

[IraqVet2003]

Being a suburban society means you need a car to go anywhere, so everytime you go out, you're not in a bus, tram, metro interacting with other members of your community, you're inside a car, that alone reduces your interaction with other humans by 95%

Americans are fear mongers, theyre scared of their neighbors, they're scared of strangers, of foreign looking people, of imaginary terrorists that hate America's imaginary freedom, they're scared of everything because that is what keeps the masses in check, FEAR... that alone makes the average person avoid any one who looks different from them

American culture is very clique.... you hang out with people ur own race, ur own income, who lives in the same part of town as u, who goes to the same school as u and so on.....

America is not a place to make friends, is not a society to live life, go on picnics, meet all kinds of people and socialize...

that only happens in movies.... America is a society for workaholics and social climbers who want to have tons of money and are ready to sell their lives in the process.

Wow, that was well said and it was all very true. Americans are very cliquish and do not like meeting new people. They are also paranoid of strangers and don't talk to their neighbors. A great deal of people in the US don't even know who their next door neighbors are!

America is a great place to live if you are a workaholic and don't want to have a social life. The United States is a really great place to live if you are a man and don't want to meet any women, get laid or make any friends! In other words, if you want to be a hermit and have no life, then America is a great country for you to live in.

Guys great points!!!!

[Winston]

Great points adama. What part of america do you live in or grew up in? Were you around in the 80s? It was far easier making friends back then. And even easier before that.

Yes americans are the fakest people in the world. But why do fake people not like to make friends? Dont fake people feel lonely and disconnected too? God did not make mankind to be alone. Even in Genesis chapter 1 or 2 it says that its not good for man to be alone. So why do we suffer from loneliness but fake people dont? Why dont fake people need social connection too? I dont understand the logic of it.

[Adama]

Great points adama. What part of america do you live in or grew up in? Were you around in the 80s? It was far easier making friends back then. And even easier before that.

Yes americans are the fakest people in the world. But why do fake people not like to make friends? Dont fake people feel lonely and disconnected too? God did not make mankind to be alone. Even in Genesis chapter 1 or 2 it says that its not good for man to be alone. So why do we suffer from loneliness but fake people dont? Why dont fake people need social connection too? I dont understand the logic of it.

I've been around for quite some time, but I wasn't really aware of life until just recently. I was asleep my whole life until just last year, although I remember everything.

Fake people do make friends. Their friendships just aren't deep. They don't have real discussions. Their friendships are based on beer, chasing women, watching or participating in sports, going to restaurants, or other similar activities. Friendship is more about action, not so much about a deep connection.

Even then, there are many people who are "frenemies." They constantly fight with one another. They just don't end their relationship with each other.

[jamesbond]

Social disconnect. I remember when I was a kid, if I just went to the mall there would be hot girls there literally all day long. Going to the mall by far beat going to clubs. That was the best place to see and meet new girls.

Not anymore. Some people still go to the malls, but you hardly see anyone anymore. They must be doing all of their shopping online.

Also I notice now that I don't see any white girls working as cashiers in the malls, or at fast food restaurants, or even working at Best Buy. I used to like that too. At least when you went inside a store, you got to talk to a pretty girl for a minute or two. Now I don't even see white girls working those jobs anymore. Now it is just immigrants from the Caribbean. I don't even know where all the girls have gone. It's like they've all evaporated or moved to Oregon or something. And even when I go to the city, it is all tourists and very few young pretty girls are even out.

I also hardly see any single women in the suburbs. All I see are middle aged married women and senior citizens. I do see some young single women when I go into the city but not as many as you would think there would be.

Where in God's name are all the young single women in America?

[Hero]

Another obstacle to making friends in America is that Americans expect you to be cheerful, smiling and laughing all the time. If you're the quiet and serious type, or you dare to say that the world is an imperfect place, then they'll tell you that you have an attitude problem and shun you. I never could manage to get that fake smile glued to my face 24/7 like almost every other American does.