Being back in the States, I already feel out-of-place and unhappy here...
There's nothing for me here, and I can't even go outside and hang-out anymore--without feeling miserable and depressed. I have nothing but negative thoughts about the country, American culture, the federal government, politicians, and especially...the American people.
It's amazing how my thoughts are so clarified now that I've lived in Asia for a year; even with the negatives and the b.s. of living in China, and the negative traits of Asian people (such as rampant materialism and collective thinking), I can't help but think of going back to Asia.
Also, when I traveled to South Korea, Thailand, Hong Kong and other Asian countries...I felt more alive over there then I ever did in the United States.
Even though I've been in Asia, I haven't had a chance to visit Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines or Indonesia yet. I also plan to visit India and Russia one day. Brazil is also on my list--especially after seeing the World Cup on TV.
I never felt as bad as this before--even when I was in Europe for several years, serving in the US military. I guess it was because I felt Western Europe was not really so different from the U.S.A (as there are so many similarities between the two). I also think my race made me feel uncomfortable in Europe as a minority. But I knew several White Americans who felt a 'closeness' and an affinity for European culture, much more so than American culture. (That's why many White Americans retired in Europe, instead of the States.)
I think one feels the most comfortable where you feel accepted, or feel as part of the majority culture and population (i.e. in this case, Asian culture); thus, in Asia, I don't feel as timid, or as uncomfortable as in 'multicultural' America or majority 'White' Europe.
I can't explain it, but I'm already withdrawn and experiencing 'reverse' culture-shock. Hahaha...
Anyone else feel like this, when they have to go back to a country where they feel absolutely no affinity of the country where they grew-up in?
I miss being in Asia already...
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Yeah I've felt that way for a whole year here. That's why I have to do something productive everyday or distract myself by watching documentaries in order to avoid feeling the emptiness and depression.
Why do you think I created this thread about the empty, depressing, meaningless vibe in America?
viewtopic.php?t=19163
Once you go abroad and experience more freedom to be yourself and authenticity, you are on a different wavelength than the people in America, so you grow apart from America. You see, a more authentic culture puts you in touch with your authentic self. So once you connect with your authentic self (which American culture suppresses and tries to pull you away from), you don't want to go back to the fake inauthentic self that is required to fit into America again. See what I mean? I think this is the real reason we experience reverse culture shock.
Why do you think I created this thread about the empty, depressing, meaningless vibe in America?
viewtopic.php?t=19163
Once you go abroad and experience more freedom to be yourself and authenticity, you are on a different wavelength than the people in America, so you grow apart from America. You see, a more authentic culture puts you in touch with your authentic self. So once you connect with your authentic self (which American culture suppresses and tries to pull you away from), you don't want to go back to the fake inauthentic self that is required to fit into America again. See what I mean? I think this is the real reason we experience reverse culture shock.
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newlifeinphilippines
- Veteran Poster
- Posts: 2419
- Joined: December 13th, 2013, 3:06 pm
Yeah im so bored in america when i go back i just sit in my room all day and do my online work and watch youtube videos. I have nothing else to do but make a huge amount of money. But its a miserable existence. The money is going to my retirment anyways i want to retire in a few years and i have to bust my ass at a huge rate to do so since my online income is risky so it may not be around in the medium term.
On the flipside i wind up feeling alone in a strange country in asia and i have to worry about drama or scammers. I also hate bars and its too expensive anyways even if i liked that route. So i either have to choose low hanging fruit who will keep me company in my hotel or the alternative is to go mass date and then i wont get my online work done, my room will be a mess and ill be running around with my head cut off. But i hate sitting in my hotel alone as the dollars are being spent and i have no one to talk to so ive wound up having a live in all 4 trips even my first trip. thats why im hesitant to come back to asia cause i want to date a bunch of random girls but its not easy to do and it gets lonely but i dont really want to be stuck with a live in out of convenience. I guess maybe ill have to try to court better women online or maybe try a better service like filipino cupid instead dateinasia. Also i may have to have a backup plan to travel to japan or hit up the bars occassionally (even if im not barfining) just so i dont wind up feeling like im spinning my wheels wasting my money and time and inconvenience to sit in my hotel frequently. cause usually only scammers show up online to actually meet and im not good at daygame.
On the flipside i wind up feeling alone in a strange country in asia and i have to worry about drama or scammers. I also hate bars and its too expensive anyways even if i liked that route. So i either have to choose low hanging fruit who will keep me company in my hotel or the alternative is to go mass date and then i wont get my online work done, my room will be a mess and ill be running around with my head cut off. But i hate sitting in my hotel alone as the dollars are being spent and i have no one to talk to so ive wound up having a live in all 4 trips even my first trip. thats why im hesitant to come back to asia cause i want to date a bunch of random girls but its not easy to do and it gets lonely but i dont really want to be stuck with a live in out of convenience. I guess maybe ill have to try to court better women online or maybe try a better service like filipino cupid instead dateinasia. Also i may have to have a backup plan to travel to japan or hit up the bars occassionally (even if im not barfining) just so i dont wind up feeling like im spinning my wheels wasting my money and time and inconvenience to sit in my hotel frequently. cause usually only scammers show up online to actually meet and im not good at daygame.
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abcdavid01
- Experienced Poster
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starchild5
- Veteran Poster
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- Joined: December 20th, 2013, 2:32 am
Zboy,
Doesn't the social vibe and atmosphere in the US totally suck? It feels so inauthentic, fake, toxic and insane. It's like a bizarro world where the insane are sane, and the sane are insane. Is that the most f***ed up thing or what? lol
It's so unreal. You can't even be yourself, at least not your authentic self, unless you become a fake inauthentic toxic person to fit in. It's sickening and totally upside down. You know what I mean?
Doesn't the social vibe and atmosphere in the US totally suck? It feels so inauthentic, fake, toxic and insane. It's like a bizarro world where the insane are sane, and the sane are insane. Is that the most f***ed up thing or what? lol
It's so unreal. You can't even be yourself, at least not your authentic self, unless you become a fake inauthentic toxic person to fit in. It's sickening and totally upside down. You know what I mean?
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!
Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
Here's my theory on reverse culture shock. I think it makes a lot of sense. It's kind of deep but I'll try to put it as simply as I can.
The reason you feel withdrawn and disconnected when you come back to America after being abroad for so long is this:
You see, when you grow up in America, you develop a fake artificial pseudo-self in order to fit in socially and culturally. This pseudo-self takes you away from your real authentic self, which must be suppressed or subdued in order for your artificial "Americanized self" to win out. Even if this happens, and you become fully Americanized, you will still be unhappy because deep down you are fragmented and disconnected from your authentic true self. This, I believe, is why Americans look so angry, unhappy and dissatisfied on their faces, though they don't know why. It is also, I believe, the primary cause of the unusually high rate of mental illness in America.
However, if you don't conform and remain close to your true self, you will also be unhappy in another way, because you will feel lonely, alienated and out of place in America. The social culture will intimidate you and you will feel withdrawn because you can't be your true self. This is the reason why people who are really down-to-earth and authentic feel withdrawn in America and intimidated by its fake social culture. Have you noticed that? So either way, whether you conform or not, you feel unhappy in America in one form or another. This, I believe, is why America does not FEEL like a free country, even though it's supposed to be.
Now, when you go abroad, you are liberated from this dilemma. You see, foreign cultures in general are more authentic, down-to-earth and genuine. This applies to the people and social vibe as well. In such foreign cultures, you are able to reconnect with your authentic true self which you suppressed in America. In other words, you are "free to be yourself" again. Your "true self" is allowed to come out. This is why when you are overseas it feels so LIBERATING and FREE. It's because you are reconnecting with your true self again, which was lost in the crazy madness of assimilating to American social culture. It's like you discovered a part of yourself that lost in America.
As Grunt said: "If anyone feels they "come out of their shell" when overseas, try to keep something in mind. That person you are overseas is the real you. The person you are in America is a prisoner, nothing more." - Grunt, from viewtopic.php?t=6692
Now, when you return back to America again, here's what happens: You are faced again with a culture that expects you to become fake and artificial again, and disconnect with your true self. At that point your authentic true self cries out, "No way! Don't! You just reconnected with me again finally. Don't go back to your fake self again. Reject American culture!" And you know its right. So you listen to it, and as a result, you withdraw from American social culture and feel intimidated by it, because it's trying to get you to be something you're not.
You see what I mean? That's what's really going on with reverse culture shock. Now I can't speak for everyone of course. But I think if you are a deep, authentic, sensitive person like me, the above will definitely apply to you.
What do you think? Does my theory make sense? I think it does and it explains a lot. Every time I've gone to Russia and returned to America, I've always gone through that, and became depressed and withdrawn. I could not understand why or put it into words before. But now I think I can.
PS - Check out these revealing quotes from students in reverse culture shock after returning from abroad: viewtopic.php?t=4163
The reason you feel withdrawn and disconnected when you come back to America after being abroad for so long is this:
You see, when you grow up in America, you develop a fake artificial pseudo-self in order to fit in socially and culturally. This pseudo-self takes you away from your real authentic self, which must be suppressed or subdued in order for your artificial "Americanized self" to win out. Even if this happens, and you become fully Americanized, you will still be unhappy because deep down you are fragmented and disconnected from your authentic true self. This, I believe, is why Americans look so angry, unhappy and dissatisfied on their faces, though they don't know why. It is also, I believe, the primary cause of the unusually high rate of mental illness in America.
However, if you don't conform and remain close to your true self, you will also be unhappy in another way, because you will feel lonely, alienated and out of place in America. The social culture will intimidate you and you will feel withdrawn because you can't be your true self. This is the reason why people who are really down-to-earth and authentic feel withdrawn in America and intimidated by its fake social culture. Have you noticed that? So either way, whether you conform or not, you feel unhappy in America in one form or another. This, I believe, is why America does not FEEL like a free country, even though it's supposed to be.
Now, when you go abroad, you are liberated from this dilemma. You see, foreign cultures in general are more authentic, down-to-earth and genuine. This applies to the people and social vibe as well. In such foreign cultures, you are able to reconnect with your authentic true self which you suppressed in America. In other words, you are "free to be yourself" again. Your "true self" is allowed to come out. This is why when you are overseas it feels so LIBERATING and FREE. It's because you are reconnecting with your true self again, which was lost in the crazy madness of assimilating to American social culture. It's like you discovered a part of yourself that lost in America.
As Grunt said: "If anyone feels they "come out of their shell" when overseas, try to keep something in mind. That person you are overseas is the real you. The person you are in America is a prisoner, nothing more." - Grunt, from viewtopic.php?t=6692
Now, when you return back to America again, here's what happens: You are faced again with a culture that expects you to become fake and artificial again, and disconnect with your true self. At that point your authentic true self cries out, "No way! Don't! You just reconnected with me again finally. Don't go back to your fake self again. Reject American culture!" And you know its right. So you listen to it, and as a result, you withdraw from American social culture and feel intimidated by it, because it's trying to get you to be something you're not.
You see what I mean? That's what's really going on with reverse culture shock. Now I can't speak for everyone of course. But I think if you are a deep, authentic, sensitive person like me, the above will definitely apply to you.
What do you think? Does my theory make sense? I think it does and it explains a lot. Every time I've gone to Russia and returned to America, I've always gone through that, and became depressed and withdrawn. I could not understand why or put it into words before. But now I think I can.
PS - Check out these revealing quotes from students in reverse culture shock after returning from abroad: viewtopic.php?t=4163
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!
Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
Join my Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
No doubt to me that places like China and Thailand are great places to be happier abroad.
But to be clear, not all of Asia is a paradise.
For instance if you guys come to Singapore now you will see that it is the most westernized, Americanized country in Asia and that the social atmosphere here is fake, pretentious and very materialistic. Strangers don't talk to each other and neighbors don't know each other. Marriage and birth rates are at all time lows. The situation is similar in Japan.
So like with Zboy1 and ABC David, I feel a big difference in the social atmosphere whenever I go to China (which I will be moving to permanently within the next few months). However, to really make the best of the improved social atmosphere in China, I strongly recommend that you guys start learning Chinese. It will open so many doors for you socially, and also significantly widen your dating pool as 90% of girls in China don't speak that much English.
Not only are girls in China so much more authentic and open to meeting new people, while some of them are getting more materialistic, I don't think that generally speaking it's anywhere near as bad as what you see in places like Singapore or Japan. There is a difference between wanting a decent middle class lifestyle and craving for opulent luxury in every aspect of your life - and I think for the majority of girls in China, it is the former that applies. But to really understand the average girl in China I really recommend you guys start learning Chinese, because the average girl over there doesn't speak much English. If you confine yourself only to the ones who speak good English, you will be confining yourselves to very small subset of the population which may not be representative of the whole. Not saying there are aren't any good Chinese girls who also speak good English of course.
But to be clear, not all of Asia is a paradise.
For instance if you guys come to Singapore now you will see that it is the most westernized, Americanized country in Asia and that the social atmosphere here is fake, pretentious and very materialistic. Strangers don't talk to each other and neighbors don't know each other. Marriage and birth rates are at all time lows. The situation is similar in Japan.
So like with Zboy1 and ABC David, I feel a big difference in the social atmosphere whenever I go to China (which I will be moving to permanently within the next few months). However, to really make the best of the improved social atmosphere in China, I strongly recommend that you guys start learning Chinese. It will open so many doors for you socially, and also significantly widen your dating pool as 90% of girls in China don't speak that much English.
Not only are girls in China so much more authentic and open to meeting new people, while some of them are getting more materialistic, I don't think that generally speaking it's anywhere near as bad as what you see in places like Singapore or Japan. There is a difference between wanting a decent middle class lifestyle and craving for opulent luxury in every aspect of your life - and I think for the majority of girls in China, it is the former that applies. But to really understand the average girl in China I really recommend you guys start learning Chinese, because the average girl over there doesn't speak much English. If you confine yourself only to the ones who speak good English, you will be confining yourselves to very small subset of the population which may not be representative of the whole. Not saying there are aren't any good Chinese girls who also speak good English of course.
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Jester
- Elite Upper Class Poster
- Posts: 7870
- Joined: January 20th, 2009, 1:10 am
- Location: Chiang Mai Thailand
Congratulations, ABCDavid.abcdavid01 wrote:I've only been in Shanghai three weeks and I know exactly what you mean. I just feel like I belong here more. People come up to me and get confused when they realize I can't speak Chinese. It's bad in the short term, but in the long term that means I can be accepted.
My mom came to visit me in Italy, the rest haven't really wanted to see me so screw them. I wouldn't fly in to see them unless they were calling me a lot.zboy1 wrote:I'm just back to see my parents and relatives again, for a short time. I'll be back again to China soon. ...eurobrat wrote:Why did you move back?
You're not alone. This has happened to me every time I've arrived back in the States. It happened to me years ago, after my very first trip abroad. What happens is you feel more alive and have the time of your life than you ever would back home. It's like a drug in that it's very addictive, but in a good way. You get hooked on it really fast and want more. It is saddening to leave the city, country or continent you fell in love with, so it's not unusual to get a bit choked up as your flight is departing. The flight back home is kind of a double-edged sword. Yes, you have to go back to the feminist hell and dysfunctionland, but you come back with more knowledge, a different perspective and if your flight back home is long enough, you can not only get a nap in, but reminisce on the great memories from your trip and build on that for not only planning the next trip, but making a better version of yourself. The withdrawals happen after you land, and you're on your way home, looking at familiar scenery that now seems bland and "different." You have to now get used to the fact that you're back home, but in reality, your heart and your mind are somewhere else.
In all my trips, and this still happens to me, I've found that, in the simplest sense, I'm happier abroad. The photos from my trips are proof. When I compare those photos to those taken in the States, something seems off. I find that my smiles appear inauthentic in that something is weighing me down, that I'm hiding something wrong. Even my friends notice this and tell me the same thing. What also gets me every time is that American culture is so screwed up, that it's always a challenge to get adjusted to life abroad regardless of whether it's a week, two weeks or a month. I keep having to tell myself that when I travel abroad, I can not only be myself, but I can be a man and not get bashed or punished for it. Also, I don't have to play games or resort to PUA, and most importantly, there is a surplus of women who look like models who will actually give me the time of day and are single.
Basically, I keep having to remind myself, every time I travel, that societies abroad are different from America in a good way. Generally, it's not like America where good is bad, fat is beautiful, and 2+2=5. I think American culture screws us all up to a certain extent so that when we travel abroad, it puts us at a disadvantage in that we have to take some sort of crash course or receive a baptism by fire upon arriving in a foreign country. I think those in America who have traveled abroad have to worry about culture shock and reverse culture shock.
In all my trips, and this still happens to me, I've found that, in the simplest sense, I'm happier abroad. The photos from my trips are proof. When I compare those photos to those taken in the States, something seems off. I find that my smiles appear inauthentic in that something is weighing me down, that I'm hiding something wrong. Even my friends notice this and tell me the same thing. What also gets me every time is that American culture is so screwed up, that it's always a challenge to get adjusted to life abroad regardless of whether it's a week, two weeks or a month. I keep having to tell myself that when I travel abroad, I can not only be myself, but I can be a man and not get bashed or punished for it. Also, I don't have to play games or resort to PUA, and most importantly, there is a surplus of women who look like models who will actually give me the time of day and are single.
Basically, I keep having to remind myself, every time I travel, that societies abroad are different from America in a good way. Generally, it's not like America where good is bad, fat is beautiful, and 2+2=5. I think American culture screws us all up to a certain extent so that when we travel abroad, it puts us at a disadvantage in that we have to take some sort of crash course or receive a baptism by fire upon arriving in a foreign country. I think those in America who have traveled abroad have to worry about culture shock and reverse culture shock.
Re: I miss being in Asia already...
I know how you feel. America is both "bad and depressing" while "good and interesting" at the same time. It depends on your paradigm.
I don't think of myself as I "belong to" Boston/America, nor to "Shanghai/other cities in China" or anywhere. I am simply someone who happens to stay in the place for a few months. If you look at things this way, a lot become tolerable or even interesting. For example, I was just in the mountain west, visiting places such as Sedona and Monument Valley. It was great and I very much enjoyed it. I am hoping to do yellowstone national park this summer.
The point is: there are always going to be things/people that are annoying/unpleasant, where ever you are. But at the same time, there are also going to things/people that are great/interesting. So I can learn to enjoy things where ever I go. It is the Budhist/Taoist approach to life.
I don't think of myself as I "belong to" Boston/America, nor to "Shanghai/other cities in China" or anywhere. I am simply someone who happens to stay in the place for a few months. If you look at things this way, a lot become tolerable or even interesting. For example, I was just in the mountain west, visiting places such as Sedona and Monument Valley. It was great and I very much enjoyed it. I am hoping to do yellowstone national park this summer.
The point is: there are always going to be things/people that are annoying/unpleasant, where ever you are. But at the same time, there are also going to things/people that are great/interesting. So I can learn to enjoy things where ever I go. It is the Budhist/Taoist approach to life.
zboy1 wrote:Being back in the States, I already feel out-of-place and unhappy here...
There's nothing for me here, and I can't even go outside and hang-out anymore--without feeling miserable and depressed. I have nothing but negative thoughts about the country, American culture, the federal government, politicians, and especially...the American people.
It's amazing how my thoughts are so clarified now that I've lived in Asia for a year; even with the negatives and the b.s. of living in China, and the negative traits of Asian people (such as rampant materialism and collective thinking), I can't help but think of going back to Asia.
Also, when I traveled to South Korea, Thailand, Hong Kong and other Asian countries...I felt more alive over there then I ever did in the United States.
Even though I've been in Asia, I haven't had a chance to visit Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines or Indonesia yet. I also plan to visit India and Russia one day. Brazil is also on my list--especially after seeing the World Cup on TV.
I never felt as bad as this before--even when I was in Europe for several years, serving in the US military. I guess it was because I felt Western Europe was not really so different from the U.S.A (as there are so many similarities between the two). I also think my race made me feel uncomfortable in Europe as a minority. But I knew several White Americans who felt a 'closeness' and an affinity for European culture, much more so than American culture. (That's why many White Americans retired in Europe, instead of the States.)
I think one feels the most comfortable where you feel accepted, or feel as part of the majority culture and population (i.e. in this case, Asian culture); thus, in Asia, I don't feel as timid, or as uncomfortable as in 'multicultural' America or majority 'White' Europe.
I can't explain it, but I'm already withdrawn and experiencing 'reverse' culture-shock. Hahaha...
Anyone else feel like this, when they have to go back to a country where they feel absolutely no affinity of the country where they grew-up in?
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abcdavid01
- Experienced Poster
- Posts: 1579
- Joined: November 17th, 2012, 10:52 pm
- Location: On the run
Thanks.Jester wrote:Congratulations, ABCDavid.abcdavid01 wrote:I've only been in Shanghai three weeks and I know exactly what you mean. I just feel like I belong here more. People come up to me and get confused when they realize I can't speak Chinese. It's bad in the short term, but in the long term that means I can be accepted.
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